


Honorbound

by Raiven_Raine



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Adult Content, Body insecurity, Character Development, Cultural Differences, Drug Use, Enemies to Lovers, Graphic Sex, Humor, M/M, Self-Discovery, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, bigotry toward raiders, character of indeterminate age, raider cultural headcanons, this is possibly a rom-com
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2020-06-29 04:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 94,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19822306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raiven_Raine/pseuds/Raiven_Raine
Summary: “Scars mean you lived.”“Guess I haven’t really lived then.”“Never too late to start.”A dangerous wild raider hits a young trader’s caravan and gets in over his head. Way over his head. The two completely opposite people, natural enemies, end up together traveling back to the trader’s home… Days away. Along the way, Brennen learns much about raiders and their culture, gets to spend a night at different raider camps, then returns the culture shock favor to Raze when he takes the raider into a large town for the night.As they travel, the two become close and Brennen learns a lot about, not only raiders and their culture, but about himself.Preconceived notions will be shattered and a tight bond will be formed between the two as they journey together through the wasteland.- - - - - - -- -





	1. Preconcieved Notions

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is the same raider, Raze, from [The Bird and the Stag.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7390669/chapters/16787806) This is his backstory, occurring roughly eight years prior to BnS. Raze is very young and slightly less experienced in this story, but this is still the awesome crazy raider we know and love!
> 
> ** it may be important to some readers to note that Raze is a young man, but his age is not determined. he doesn't know how old he is.
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - - 
> 
> Art by the awesome Bill Bushman at [Cheezy Studios](https://www.facebook.com/pg/CheezyStudios/about/?ref=page_internal)
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Brennen scrambled through the bloody dirt and snatched up the dropped pistol, then rolled to the side to avoid the raider’s grasp. Even hurt, the guy was quick. He crawled after Bren and grabbed at him again, getting ahold of his boot this time. Bren tried to kick him off as he continued to clumsily crawl backward through the brush. He struggled and ended up sliding out of his boot, then awkwardly got to his feet and hopped further away.

He pointed the weapon at the young raider, feeling like he had the upper hand, but the kid threw his boot at him instead of giving up like he should have done. Brennen deflected the boot clumsily, nearly fell backward as he tripped over a rock, and held the gun up again.

“Stop!” Bren yelled at him. 

He had the gun, the raider should have given up… But the kid continued to try and stand himself up on his hurt and bleeding leg and go after Bren relentlessly. 

Tripping himself up over another large rock as he moved backward, Brennen held the gun out further and waved it a little, “I’m fucking warning you! Better stop!”

The raider collapsed on his injured leg and tried to stand himself up once more, “you _been_ fuckin warning me… Gimme my gun and I’ll show you how to use it…”

Brennen had no idea how to deal with that. “I don’t want to hurt you, just give up and walk away--”

“Fuckin kidding me?” The raider motioned to his bloody thigh.

“I mean…” Brennen lowered the weapon a little and the kid chucked a handful of dirt and rocks at his face then came at him again.

Brennen stumbled backward, fired a blind shot, and heard the raider yell. He spat dirt from his mouth and managed to get enough out of one eye to see. The kid was sitting in the dirt cradling his upper arm.

“You fuckin shot me, you little shit!”

“I told you,” Brennen raised the gun once more.

“Don’t act like you meant to, you’re a fuckin hazard. You’re gunna hurt yourself with that thing.” The raider attempted to pick himself up once more but didn’t go after Bren this time.

“Just stay down, I’ll walk away.” Brennen waved the pistol. 

The raider ignored him and got to his feet after a moment of struggle, then he just stood there tightly cradling his bleeding arm and glaring icy blue-eyed daggers at Brennen.

As things started to calm down, Bren could think more. He wanted his boot, but it was behind the raider kid. Or, rather, he was probably a teenager. An older teen. Maybe young twenties like him -- Bren couldn’t tell. It didn’t seem to matter, though, the guy had killed his two caravan guards just as well as an adult would have. 

He circled slowly around the raider in a very wide arc to try and get his boot and the kid stepped back, closer to it.

Okay… Fine then. Maybe he could come back for it later. As well as the rest of his things in the cart. Brennen sighed to himself and backed away from the raider a few more steps, still holding the weapon up. His arm was getting tired, he had a deep bleeding cut on his brow, scrapes on his chin and knees, and his foot already hurt from stepping on several rocks, but he tried his best to play like he was perfectly fine. _Show an animal weakness and it’ll strike._ The raider had lost quite a bit of blood and the wounds had to hurt, yet he was standing there looking like he was mostly fine. Maybe his parents had taught him the same thing about animals and weakness. Do raiders even _have_ parents?

Brennen wiped more dirt from his eye and smeared blood across his face from the head wound. He needed to fix it, but he also needed to get the hell away from the raider. As soon as he turned his back on the kid, he’d probably come after him once more. 

There was nothing out here other than a busted up cabin, a shed, and too many damn rocks.

And a huge yao guai. 

Bren watched the thing snuffling around in the distance behind his cart and the raider. It must have heard the commotion and smelled all the blood. Well… Maybe the bear would kill the raider and he wouldn’t have to worry about the kid anymore. 

Kind of a crappy way to think about it, but that was the way of the world. Besides, that little asshole raider just killed Bren’s caravan guards and would have killed him, too. Let the shithead get eaten by a bear - Brennen didn’t care. 

Except… He kind of _did_ care. A little. 

“There’s a… uh…” He motioned with the gun and waited for the raider to turn around and notice before he hop-limped to the cabin to bar himself in. 

“Gimme a fuckin weapon!” The raider called to him. 

“Fuck you!” Bren yelled just before closing the door.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Raze watched the bear sniff the air a few times and come closer. It was moving slowly, lazily, probably not starving. He limped to the cart and started rummaging. The dumbass trader had to have something useful. They always had a first aid kit somewhere. Except for when they didn’t. He tossed things he could reach over his shoulder as he kept an eye on the bear.

Scrap, pots and pans, empty bottles, a fucking typewriter for some reason - all useless junk. Why didn’t he have good chems, at least? 

He did manage to find a bottle of rum, though -- That was useful. Raze immediately guzzled down a quarter of the alcohol. He had to do something for the fucking pain. He’d killed the first guard easy, but the second was a handful and ended up using Raze’s own damn knife against him, jamming the blade into his thigh, then the thing busted off against the bone. Still in his leg. What a shitty knife. Fuck, it hurt. 

Raze had been overly cocky and now he was paying for it so he had no right to complain. He shouldn’t have taken on two guards on his own… And for what? A bottle of rum? Stupid fucking trader. 

The bear came closer and let out a few warning grunts, postured a little, then stood over one of the dead guards off to the side. The brahmin attached to the cart started freaking out and lurched forward, pulling the cart out from under Raze and he fell when he tried to hang on. Stupid fucking cow. 

Then the bear grunted some more and moved a little closer. It hopped up on two legs and dropped back down.

Raze waved a hand at it and struggled to his feet, “relax, Fluffy, I ain’t interested in your meal… You can have it all.”

It grunted and did a short charge when Raze moved and he took that as his cue to get the fuck out of the bear’s dining hall before the thing decided to add raider brisket to its plate. He grabbed the trader’s boot and scrambled away as best he could on the wounded leg. 

He pounded on the door, “lemme in.”

“Find another house,” came the reply from inside. 

Wow… The balls on this guy. 

“I got your boot,” Raze held it up as he peered in the window.

The trader was pointing the gun again, “leave it on the porch and go.”

Raze blinked stupidly at the man. When he got in there, he was going to have to get the gun away then beat that asshole to death with this boot. 

He turned and looked at the bear. The animal grunted at him and swiped some dirt in his direction. Then the dumb cow pulled the cart into the front yard for safety, which interested the bear even more.

“Let me in,” Raze softened his voice, “I’ll play nice.”

“Go away.”

“I ain't sure if you’re aware or not,” Raze clenched his teeth, “but there’s a goddamn bear out here now let me the fuck in you little shitstain! I will burn this fucking place to the ground if you don’t open the damn door!”

Okay, so maybe he’d lost his head a bit. He took a few breaths to calm himself, dropped the boot upright on the porch, then had a few more swigs of the rum.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

The raider outside had stopped pounding on the door and yelling… Maybe he really would burn the house down. That’d be stupid - this was the only shelter around and if he burned it, then neither of them would have a place. But who knows how raiders think, they’re all batshit insane and do things for no reason. Was he starting a fire? Brennen carefully peered out the window and couldn’t find him. Maybe he left.

Bren moved to get a better view of the front yard, leaning carefully to the side to try and stay hidden. 

Then the window exploded in a shower of glass as a large object was thrown through it into the cabin. 

Brennen jumped back and fell over the sofa, dropping the weapon and nearly pissing himself. He scrambled to his feet, found the gun under the coffee table, then turned to see the raider crawling in through the busted window. 

“What the hell?!” Brennen yelled as he pointed the gun at the kid once more. 

He clumsily made it halfway through then fell onto the floor inside. 

“Told you let me in.” The raider remained sprawled out on the floor among the glass shards and typewriter he’d thrown. 

Brennen motioned to the window, “now the bear’s going to get in! Good job, dumbass.”

“Bear’s eating your cow,” he said quietly and closed his eyes like he was going to just take a nice comfy nap there on all that glass. 

“No!” Brennen moved to be able to see the front yard again and stepped on a shard of glass. “Fucking… Shit! Where’s my boot?”

The raider chuckled, “you told me to leave it outside.”

“Yeah, well I also told you to go away and yet here you fucking are!” He stepped wrong and the glass shard jammed further into his foot. 

Brennen sucked air between his teeth and hopped to the couch to try and pull the glass out while still working to point the gun at the damn raider.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen carefully moved around the cabin, looking through dressers and cabinets to find something to deal with his wounds. He found a cloth and wearily made his way to the bathroom, still trying to keep an eye on the raider.

The kid was still sitting there in the glass trying to deal with his own problems. He used a shard of glass to cut his pants away from his leg and poured rum over the wound, making Bren flinch sympathetically. He could see metal sticking out of his thigh. Not good. The raider wrapped the cut leather of his pants around the bit of metal sticking out and steeled himself to pull it out.

“Don’t do that!” Bren said from the bathroom doorway.

“Don’t do what?” He glanced down at the metal, “I can’t leave it in there…”

“But if you yank it out, you’ll do more damage and it’ll bleed more.”

The kid stared at him. “You a fuckin doctor?”

“No… But my dad is.”

He grumbled and, again, made to pull the metal out. Whatever. It wasn’t Bren’s problem. He told him. If the dumbass raider did it anyway and bled to death, oh well. He watched him and went about cleaning his head wound and face up. The first aid kit on the bathroom wall had a roll of gauze and tape, but not much else. 

As Brennen fumbled trying to unroll the gauze with one hand while still trying to hold the pistol in the other, he heard the raider yell loud. It startled him and his stomach knotted. The kid had pulled the metal out, just like Bren told him not to do. And now he was bleeding even more because of all the alcohol he’d drank. Good. He’d probably die soon at that rate. 

The kid began wrapping the top of his thigh in material he’d cut from his pants. He should have done that first. Now he was starting to look pale as he worked through the blood and pain to try and tie a tight tourniquet. 

Bren sighed and tossed the rolls of gauze and tape at him. The raider ignored it. 

“Use it, stupid!” Brennen got irritated. 

Why was he even irritated? He wanted the damn raider dead or gone. But he was so young… When the guy wasn’t trying to kill him, he looked even younger. His dark tan face was round, his short black hair was uneven and messy, and he was lanky like a younger teen and he was sitting there bleeding to death looking like a pathetic child. 

The raider finally took the gauze and wrapped it tightly over the bleeding hole and taped it. At least he knew how to do that much. He fumbled with the gunshot wound on his arm and made a decent wrap, then he half-crawled across the cabin to the bed. 

Bren watched him struggle to get up on the mattress and lay himself down after finishing off the remainder of the rum. Okay, maybe he’ll just pass out. And probably still die. That’s a peaceful way to go…

Brennen carefully hop-limped around the house and found a skirt he could tear up to use as wrapping on his foot, and some adhesive to close the cut over his brow, then he rummaged around some more. 

The bottom dresser drawer had some weird things in it that Bren suspected were more for adult bedroom activities. Some skimpy clothing, a pair of handcuffs, big phallic-shaped objects, a bottle of cooking oil… He almost blushed at the stuff. He took a strip of cloth that was probably a blindfold and tucked it into his pocket. Strips of cloth were always useful - one could never have too many. Then he thought for a moment and grabbed the handcuffs - those seemed to trade pretty well because of the little mechanical parts. 

He sat in an armchair in the center of the living area that faced the bed and waited a while, unsure of what he should do. Maybe the bear wasn’t out there anymore. How long had it been? Felt like hours… Probably only been ten minutes. That’s how time always seemed to work. Brennen found a broom and struggled to sweep the glass away while still holding the gun, then he carefully peered out the window again. 

His brahmin was definitely dead. He’d just got her and she’d cost a ton of caps… Damn bear. 

Speaking of which, Bren couldn’t find the bear. Maybe it left. Good. He went to the door, took a deep breath, and slowly opened it a crack. No bear. He opened the door a little wider and found his boot right outside where the raider had left it. 

He smiled to himself then carefully stepped out onto the porch and bent down to grab his boot - and the bear lifted its head up from behind the cart then charged at the door. 

Bren grabbed the boot and fell back into the house, kicking the door shut. He scrambled to his feet and shoved a wooden chair under the knob as if that’d keep a bear out, then went to work pushing a bookshelf in front of the broken window. 

The raider chuckled quietly, “bear’s still out there, huh?”

“It’s not even eating anymore!” Bren grunted as he moved the heavy shelf, “why won’t it go away?” 

“Cuz after eating half a cow, what would _you_ do?” The raider waved a hand around, “take a fuckin nap.” 

Perfect. How long do bear naps last? Maybe he could sneak out a back window or something…

He sat down with his boot and paused. Then sniffed it.

“What the--” He took another tentative sniff and the raider started laughing loudly.

Bren scowled at him, “did you piss in my boot?!”

The kid laughed more until he started coughing. 

Brennen angrily threw the boot at the raider, then immediately regretted it. He _did_ need the footwear. What an asshole. 

The raider shoved the boot off the bed and Brennen stood to go get it, then thought better when he saw the kid looking at him with one eye - pretending not to. Bren was too smart to fall for that. So he liked to think, anyway. 

So, for now, he just sat back down in the chair… With one boot on.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Raze felt weak, but he figured he must be fine - he was still alive, after all. And his leg stopped bleeding. Mostly. Maybe there was some good dope in the house. He eyed the trader, who had been staring at him the entire time. Raze sat up and the guy flinched and raised the gun again. Persistent little shit. The only real danger was that idiot freaking out and pulling the trigger on accident. He didn’t seem to have the balls to actually kill anyone or anything on purpose.

“Stay there,” the trader held the gun out and pointed it to the bed then back to Raze. 

“Or you’ll what? Wound me some more?”

“No, I’ll kill you.” 

Raze laughed. He couldn’t help it - that was one of the best jokes he’d heard in a long time. He awkwardly pushed himself to his feet and the trader stood, too. The room spun violently and he nearly fell back onto the bed but just barely managed to stay upright. Maybe he had one drink too many. Or not enough - his leg still hurt and he was still conscious. The only good thing about the searing pain in his entire leg was that it kept his mind off the pain in his arm. It was just a graze, but the thing stung and hurt. May as well have just been shot through. 

He started laughing at the whole scenario going on, which made the trader even more jumpy. 

“I’m just…” Raze pointed to the shitter room, “gunna go take a piss.”

“Like hell you are!” He attempted to hold the gun higher and out more as if that would make it more threatening. 

“Guess I could just…” He motioned to the trader’s boot next to the bed.

“No!”

“Well then…” Raze shrugged then stumbled forward toward the shitter.

“No,” the guy repeated and held the weapon out as far as he could reach. 

Dumbass. 

Now close enough, Raze lunged clumsily at the man and tried to pin his outstretched gun arm and they struggled. The pistol was dropped and the trader kicked it under the sofa as they fought. Raze tried to pull the glass shank from his belt he’d made while on the floor, but it was immediately knocked from his hand and smashed. The two of them wrestled, nearly falling a few times as they knocked the TV over, an end table with a lamp, and then an entire shelf full of crap. 

Then they ended up falling together on the bed, Raze underneath the bigger man, as they fought to hurt each other. 

The trader got one of Raze’s arms up over his head somehow and hit his wrist with something. His head spun as he continued to struggle. He tried to grab at the asshole once more and his arm was stuck. Metal on metal clinked and the trader scrambled clumsily away from the bed to get the dropped gun. 

“What the piss?!” Raze tugged frantically on the binding then blinked stupidly up at his wrist and the bedframe. The fucking asshole had managed to handcuff him to the bed. And not in any fun kind of way. 

He jerked and tugged on it some more, as if that’d open the cuffs up somehow, and yelled out a string of cusswords that may as well have just been one very long word. 

“Stop struggling, you’re going to hurt yourself,” the trader warned. 

“I just wanted the gun… But now… You fucking fuck… Imma gut you and strangle you to death with your own intestines when I get this off!”

He backed further away, “you were going to kill me.”

“Can you fuckin blame me?!” Raze yelled and his voice cracked as he panicked in the cuffs.

“I haven’t done anything to you. You’re the one who attacked my caravan. I tried to get away.”

Raze stopped struggling so much - the metal around his wrist was starting to painfully cut and bruise. 

He eyed the trader and calmed down a little, “if you guys saw me first, you woulda killed me. If you knew how to work a fuckin gun, I’d be dead.”

“I know how to work a gun.”

Raze snorted, “prove it.”

“Don’t make me.”

“I bet you never killed a damn thing in your entire sheltered life,” the raider taunted, “you wanna know how many traders I killed?”

He frowned, “no… That’s messed up… And I’ve killed things.”

“Maybe on accident, you fuckin hazard.”

The trader glared. 

Raze glared right back. 

Then the guy sat back down in the chair. 

“Let me outta here!” Raze struggled against the cuffs again.

“Fuck you.”

“I’m going to shove these up your ass and yank out your--”

“Seriously?” The man motioned to him, “you need to calm the fuck down. Your big talk isn’t going to intimidate me.”

Raze huffed, “don’t tell me what I need to do, you little pissant. You need to learn how to use a gun and kill me cuz seriously… When I get outta here…”

His head spun more and his stomach lurched. Struggling was a bad idea for several reasons. He leaned as far over as he could and managed to aim the vomit off the side of the bed.

“Gross!” The trader winced.

“What… You expect…” Raze hung half off the side of the bed miserably. 

He felt like utter shit. If he wasn’t injured and weak, he woulda kicked that guy’s ass. And maybe being completely wasted didn’t help much.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen watched the kid struggle like an animal caught in a trap. He had a momentary pang of remorse for cuffing him up, but it was short lived. That guy tried to kill him. Again. He needed to stop thinking this was some innocent teenager and remember the raider was dangerous. He’d let his guard down. The only thing that saved him, probably, was that the guy was so hurt and drunk.

How was he even still alive and able to fight like that? It was almost admirable. Bren remembered a time when an injured mongrel got stuck in Bunker Hill. It didn’t mean to and probably didn’t want to be there at all, but it was lost, confused, and injured. The thing looked like it was about to die, but as soon as it was cornered to kill - that mongrel tore into several folks and nearly killed a couple of them. 

This raider was just like that hurt mongrel dog. 

The kid rolled back over on the bed and closed his eyes, then opened them again and stared at the ceiling. Probably too drunk to close his eyes. What a stupid idiot -- His life was in danger and he got drunk. Raiders made no sense. 

Bren stayed in the chair watching him for a while. He wanted to just leave, but that bear was out there and now he’d cuffed this kid to the bed. He couldn’t just leave him there like that… Could he? Maybe if he left the key on a table across the room it’d give him enough time to get far away. Though, that raider was pissed the hell off and might hunt him down just because he was angry. Maybe if he left the key outside somewhere… 

Hours passed and Bren continuously checked the yard. The bear was still out there lazing about. Why wouldn’t the damn thing just leave?! 

He plopped down in the chair again and started to get sleepy as the sun set. 

_Can’t sleep. Can’t take eyes off raider._

The kid had dozed off then woke up after some time. “Bear still out there?”

“Yeah…”

The raider nodded in acknowledgment.

“When’s it going to go?” Bren asked quietly, mostly talking to himself. 

“The thing about bears…” The kid rolled to his side as much as the handcuffs would allow, “they’ll stick around so long as there’s food. Your cow was a fatass.”

Brennen rolled his eyes, “great… So… Days?”

The kid snorted, “probably.” He pointed, “gimme my gun and turn me loose… I’ll go kill it.”

“Funny.”

“Fine, go kill it yourself then,” the raider shrugged. 

After a couple minutes, Bren asked, “is there any other way to get the bear to go away?”

The kid shrugged again, “take all your clothes off and run out there wavin your dick at him.”

“Anything that won’t get me killed?”

He laughed, “oh, well you didn’t specify.” The kid pretended to think. “Nope.”

“Great…”

“Hey…” The raider propped himself up on one elbow, “I really do gotta piss…”

“No you don’t.”

“Yeah, I do…” He persisted. 

“I’m not uncuffing you,” Bren pointed at him. 

“Fine… But for real this time…”

Brennen looked around the room. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t want the damn kid peeing all over the cabin - it already smelled like blood and vomit and kinda like pee from his boot… He got up and went to the kitchen and found a pot. Bren moved toward the bed and held it out as far as he could without getting too close and the raider stared at him. 

“Take it,” Brennen tossed the pot onto the bed. 

The kid rolled his eyes and didn’t even hesitate before fumbling with his belt and pants with his one free hand. 

Brennen turned away to give him privacy but clenched his teeth with anxiety until he heard the kid pissing into the pot. At least he wasn’t peeing in his boot. Again. 

He heard the pot get set on the floor so he turned around and sat back down in the chair. He was so tired. 

To stave off sleep, Bren started talking more. 

“Why are you a raider?”

The kid stared stupidly at him. 

Bren rephrased his question, “why not be a trader or farmer or something respectable?”

“Why are you a trader?” 

“It makes good money,” Brennen shrugged emphatically. 

“Why do you need money?” The raider wrinkled his nose as if he’d said some sort of dirty word. 

“To get food and clothes and stuff.”

“You’re a fucking moron.” 

“No, you’re a moron,” Bren shot back childishly. 

The raider glared, “no… _you_ are. Why work so hard just to have your shit taken by raiders? Dumbass.”

“Why are you guys assholes and take our stuff?”

He rolled over onto his back. “Because it’s easy. _You’re_ easy. You dumb fucks work hard to get all this stuff, and we take it. Easy. You’re stupid for working so hard.”

Bren snorted, “yeah well if someone didn’t work for it, what would there be for you to take?” And then he shut his mouth quickly as the raider laughed. 

“That’s the world for you, huh?”

“You’re an asshole,” Bren growled. He had nothing else to say about it. 

Until about ten minutes later when he started nodding off again. 

“We work hard to provide for our future and families. We have family,” Bren pointed. 

“So do we.” 

“I can’t even imagine what your childhoods must be like… Raised by feral ghouls would be better.”

He opened his eyes, turned his head, and stared at Bren. “Ouch… Dickwagon.”

“You have kids?”

“Me specifically? No… But you’re an asshole and I don’t wanna talk to you no more.”

Brennen suddenly felt bad. “Okay, fine… So you have kids. Raiders have kids. How does that even work?”

“How the fuck do _your_ kids work?” 

“You know,” Bren made a hand motion, “like normal…”

The raider stared at him. 

“Like how kids… Work… Like… Parents teach them things and they grow up and do… Stuff… I don’t know. We have normal families.”

“We got normal families, too,” he shrugged, “people teach kids shit and they grow up and do stuff,” he echoed back. 

“You teach your kids how to raid, though,” Bren said quietly, “why not teach them how to do honest work?”

“You teach yours how to be stupid tools, why not teach them how to be free?” The raider waved a hand in the air then rolled on his side facing away from Brennen as best he could with the handcuffs. 

How could the raider just roll over facing the wall like that? Wasn’t he worried? He didn’t seem to show Brennen any respect, even though he had a weapon. He didn’t even seem to care much about the bear outside busting in through the door at any moment. Was he just crazy? Maybe he had a deathwish. Were all raiders like that? Did they have no respect for anyone or anything? 

Bren sank down in the chair. It was a comfy chair and he started to doze off again, then snorted himself awake and sat upright. _Can’t sleep._

The raider was trying to adjust himself on the bed to allow for the awkward restricting angle from the cuffs. Bren stood up to pace around the house once more, then sighed to himself and grabbed one of the couch pillows and tossed it at him. 

The kid glanced at him over his shoulder then took the pillow and stuffed it under his head. That looked much more comfortable. 

Again, why did Brennen even care? He shouldn’t. Though, seeing the kid’s torn up bleeding wrist from the cuffs made him feel a little bad. He’d hurt him. No - the dumbass hurt himself from struggling so much -- It wasn’t Bren’s fault. 

“How can you sleep?!” Bren finally blurted out in utter frustration. 

“I’m stuck to a bed,” the raider mumbled, “what else am I gunna do? You ain’t gunna kill me and if something else kills me then I guess I die... Might as well get some sleep and be well rested for my death.”  
  


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### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	2. Drink the Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now Brennen was trapped on the roof of a shed with one bullet.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Raze slept for a little while. Lightly. He woke up at the slightest sound of anything, then tried to drift off again. He heard the trader doing something in the kitchen area at one point. He glanced over his shoulder and saw the man at the stove. Cooking, maybe?

His stomach grumbled quietly and Raze sighed to himself then rolled back over toward the wall to ignore the guy. 

He woke a little later to the scraping sound of a pot being shoved across the wood floor to the bed. He looked over his shoulder again and laughed at the trader - the guy was using a broom to push the pot next to Raze like he was some sort of rabid dog. Probably smart.

“Here…” 

Raze rolled all the way over as best he could and peered over the side of the bed. It was water. The guy had been boiling water. 

“Drink it,” the trader pointed to the small pot.

He was really thirsty but ignored it defiantly. 

The man sighed, “fine then, don’t drink it. I don’t care.” Then he added, “but you’ll feel better if you do.”

“I feel fine.”

“No you don’t,” he snorted. 

“Like bein a kid all over again. All spry and chipper and shit.” Raze flashed a grin then pointed to the cuffs, “speaking of which?” 

The trader hesitated then shook his head.

“C’mon! I learned my lesson, I’ll be a good boy.”

“Drink the water.” 

Raze grumbled and half-heartedly struggled at the cuffs again. After a few minutes of annoying the trader with the noise the cuffs made against the bed frame, he finally gave in and took the pot off the floor. 

He sniffed it carefully, “you didn’t piss in it, did you?” Then he took a sip before getting an answer.

“I should have,” the trader snorted.

“Missed your chance…” Raze drank the remainder of the water then dropped the pot back on the floor with a loud clatter. 

“Maybe next time.” 

After a little while, the trader moved close and tried to use the broom to get his boot. Raze watched him struggle - it was funny. When he almost had the broom hooked perfectly around it, Raze reached down and smacked the broom away. He laughed and the trader sighed loud. That was even more funny. 

The man gave up and sat back down in the chair.

“Awe,” Raze gave a mock pout, “don’t quit, you almost got it that time.”

“You’re a jerk. I gave you water, give me my boot back.”

Raze blinked at him, “I didn’t realize this was a trade. You can come get it.”

The man _did_ give him water, and that was actually a pretty big deal. Sharing water went a long way with his kin -- He didn’t have to. The guy could have his stupid boot back if he wanted it. 

A little more time passed and the trader spoke up again, “how’s your leg?”

“Perfectly fine.” 

“Okay, if you say so… You need to take that tourniquet off.”

Raze glanced down at his wrapped thigh. “No, I wanna keep the blood _inside_ my body.”

“You can take it off. You’re done bleeding unless you do something stupid like struggle some more. But if you keep it on, you’re going to cut off all the blood flow to your foot.”

“Foot’s fine,” Raze waved a hand at the guy. 

Actually, his foot had fallen asleep a couple hours ago. He thought it was maybe because the blood in his leg all bled out, but there was probably something to what the trader said. He waited a while just to be defiant, then tried to work the knot loose with his one free hand. 

The trader watched him struggle for a couple minutes then picked up a shard of glass.

“I’ll give you this to use so long as you give it back when you’re done… Deal?”

Raze held his hand out toward the man. He hesitated before stepping a little closer and holding the glass out as far as he could reach. They fumbled a little and it nearly fell before Raze got it. Nice of the guy to not throw it at him like he’d done everything else. 

He cut the tight wrap off the top of his thigh and felt the blood rush into his leg immediately in a sharp tingling wave. Fresh blood blossomed on the white part of the gauze wrap and he pointed the glass at it, “you said I wouldn’t bleed no more.”

“Well, it’ll bleed a little, it’s a large wound. You should be okay though…” He didn’t look too sure. 

Raze glared, “if I bleed to death, I'll kill you.” 

The trader blinked stupidly at him, “yeah… Okay…” He pointed, “can I get that glass back now?”

He threw it toward the guy and the man stepped back to let it hit the floor and shatter rather than trying to catch the sharp object. Maybe he was a little smarter than he looked. 

The trader sat back down so Raze tried to make himself comfortable on the bed and sleep again. 

But the guy insisted on talking, “if I let you go… Will you just leave?”

“Bear still out there?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. 

“You know, you coulda just left when it was eating your cow…”

The trader snorted, “yeah right.”

“Yeah… Right… It was busy with the cow, why would it go after tough food when it’s got an easy meal?” Raze shrugged, “the only thing you gotta worry about is the bear thinkin you’re gunna take his food away.”

He stared for a moment. “You know a lot about animals.”

Raze laughed, “cuz we’re all animals.”

“No, we’re people.”

He rolled his eyes, “we’re _all_ animals. Guess some of us just don’t know it, huh?”

After a silence, Raze pointed at the cuffs, “look, take these off me… I won’t hurt you.”

He hesitated and didn’t move from the chair. 

“Promise,” Raze gave his best, actually real, smile. 

“I don’t believe you…”

“I get that, but a raider promise is for real. I mean it.” 

“You guys lie all the time,” the man pointed, “I’ve seen you people trying to trick folks. You tried to trick me just a few hours ago.”

Raze narrowed his eyes, “trickin folks ain’t lying. And for the future, if you think a raider’s tryna trick you, ask them to promise you they ain’t gunna hurt you… They won’t be able to promise.” 

The trader stared at him. “Is that really true?”

“Yeah, but you’re gunna have to believe _me_ if you’re gunna believe _that_ … Callin me a liar and shit…” Raze grumbled and rolled back over to face the wall again. He was done talking to that asshole. He was a lot of things, but a liar was not one of them.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Raze had been dead-ass asleep this time when he was woken up by two gunshots and the front door slamming closed. He jerked and turned in the bed to see the trader limping stupidly across the cabin toward him. He had both boots. Good for him.

The guy gimped up close to the bed and nearly collapsed on the floor as he caught his breath.

“The fuck happened?” Raze sat himself up as best he could in the bed. 

The guy motioned to the door, “bear’s gone. Kind of.”

Raze laughed, “you didn’t try and kill it with that pistol, did you? I wasn’t serious when I said--”

“No…” He rubbed his knee, “there’s mongrel dogs.”

“Did you kill them?”

“I got one, the bear’s busy… With the other two…”

He tugged on the cuffs, “good, let’s get outta here.” 

The trader didn’t reply. Instead, he pulled his torn pant leg up to see to his wound. 

Raze sighed when he figured the guy wasn’t going to let him go. He pointed, “what’d you shoot yourself in the leg? Told you… Hazard.” 

“No,” the trader glared, “fell through the fucking rotted wood on the porch…” 

“House kicked your ass? I ain't surprised.” 

“I went out there to get you this,” the man held up a stimpack, “but if you’re going to be an ass…” He sucked air between his teeth and cradled the bleeding wound tightly. 

Raze stared at him. Why would the man risk the bear and whatever else just to get medicine for him? Why not just leave? 

He held a hand out nicely, “give it here.”

“I could use it on myself instead,” the man said while handing it over anyway. 

Raze ignored that and used it immediately. “Where’d you have this? Up your cow’s ass? I looked through your cart and--”

“Smart traders hide their personal items…” The man spoke quietly while attempting to pull a couple large slivers of wood from his calf and shin, “if we don’t, people try to steal them or buy them…” 

“Lemme out…” Raze tugged on the cuffs, rattling them against the bed frame. 

The trader continued to pull wood from his leg and Raze frowned at him. What a dick.

He was sitting too close to the bed… The raider suddenly lunged out at him and grabbed his pants at the hip. He struggled to kick him off and Raze pulled the guy closer as best he could. It ended up being awkward and the guy’s pants tore. He pulled on the trader more to get him closer and the guy scrambled out of his torn pants to get away. 

The man stood there in his underwear covering himself with one hand and fumbling to pick up the gun he’d dropped in the struggle. 

“What the fuck?!” The guy yelled.

Raze ignored him and rifled through the pockets to find the damn handcuff key. As soon as he did, he threw the man’s pants back at him. Good faith and all that shit. As the guy worked his pants on clumsily while trying to threaten him with the weapon, Raze uncuffed himself and stood up. 

Then the two of them stood there staring at one another for a long, heavy, minute. Raze put his hands out to the sides and slowly edged around the cabin toward the door while the trader backed away - still pointing the gun at him.

As soon as his hand felt the doorknob, Raze was fucking gone.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen poured water over the wound on his leg to clean it out then used the strip of cloth he’d found earlier to wrap it up. He knew it’d come in handy, but he didn’t think it’d be this soon. He was glad the raider was gone, but he was still a little jumpy sometimes. Would the kid come back and kill him? He shouldn’t, Bren helped him. Did that matter to raiders? Why did he help the guy get better? That’d been stupid. But he felt bad leaving the dumb raider there stuck to the bed with a messed up leg.

“Stupid, Bren... Stupid,” he mumbled to himself as he rummaged through the dresser to find some new pants. 

All he could find were a pair of bright white and black plaid pants that were too large on him. He made another long strip of cloth from the leg of his torn pants and turned it into a belt, then he cut the bottoms off the legs so he wouldn’t be tripping up over them. Not too bad - He only _halfway_ looked like a homeless street performer.

And then he carefully stuck his head out the door to check out the local wildlife situation. 

The bear had chased the mongrels out into the distance where the three of them were currently having a standoff. Brennen wondered if he had time to go take the guns off his dead guards. They were empty, but they could be useful if he ever found ammo for them or maybe bought more later. 

He got close and found that the weapons were gone… The raider must have had the same idea. And now that pissed off raider was out there, completely healed, with two rifles and all he needed to do was find ammo… Great. 

“Stupid, Bren!” 

At least he still had the pistol… With one bullet remaining. 

He limped quickly away from the cabin back toward the main roadway. There weren’t any towns nearby, but maybe he could find another stimpack or something for his leg in some ruins along the way back home. The _long_ way back home. He’d been returning from a trade and was about a week out from his own town. Crap. This was going to be a long walk out on his own. Perhaps he could hire a new guard in the next larger town - the raider never took his caps stash. Now, it was only a matter of making it to the next town and there being any available mercenaries to hire. 

As he walked, Bren glanced over his shoulder every few minutes or he’d stop and strain his ears as he scanned the landscape. Where did the raider go? The kid would probably pop up from behind a tree and shoot him any minute. Why’d he have to be so nice to the jerk? 

He came up on the ruins of a little farm and immediately headed toward it. Maybe there’d be a first aid kit. Maybe something for the pain. Alcohol. No, that’d be stupid - he was out in the middle of nowhere on his own. That was where the raider kid was dumb - Drinking while in danger. Stupid kid. _Where was he?_

Bren was limping forward, looking over his shoulder and behind himself, when he suddenly heard growling. 

He stopped dead and held the gun out toward the group of mongrel dogs in front of him that he’d almost gotten too close to. The four dogs were eating something that was almost gone. They stood and growled some more, one of them snarled, and Bren backed away. 

The raider told him not to worry if the animal was busy with food, but did he trust the kid? Seemed like it was correct. Made sense anyway. But the mongrels lunged a bit and Bren nearly shot at them. That would have been really stupid. What was he even doing? He had one bullet left for cripes sake! He put his free hand out toward them, as if that’d stop the dogs from eating his face, and continued to back away. The dogs followed him. Maybe they didn’t have a big enough meal? 

He moved until he was close enough to the open door of a barn then he ran to get inside and the dogs ran after him. He just barely managed to get the door closed before they caught up. 

The mongrels growled and scratched at the door for a few minutes then it got quiet. Maybe they left. Bren waved some floating dust away from his face as he turned toward the large space of the old musty barn to look around. There could be a first aid kit in here somewhere - sometimes farmers left them in these places. Except for the times they didn’t, he supposed. He walked around the walls of the place and rummaged through cabinets and shelves, finding a couple useful items to stuff in his big pockets, like half a roll of duct tape, fuses, and wonderglue - these things sold like hotcakes. 

Then he heard a noise from behind a rusted vehicle and he paused to listen. Scuffling. Then a raspy groan. 

“Shit!” Bren limp-ran to the opposite door to get away from the ferals that stood and were now ambling toward him. 

He closed the door behind him and tried to be quiet as he got away from the barn as quickly as possible. The dogs didn’t see him on this side… Maybe it’d be okay. 

But the ferals were making all kinds of noise against the closed door and the mongrels heard it and came to investigate. Bren wasn’t far enough away yet and they saw him because of course they did. 

“Give me a damn break!” He yelled as he started running. He climbed up onto some barrels and crates piled by a shed, then knocked them over as he got on the roof of the little building. 

And now Brennen was trapped on the roof of a shed with one bullet.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	3. Guardian Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then the ground shifted a bit and a large molerat popped up out of the soft dirt and junk in front of him. Shit. He ran off to the side as best as he could and pointed the gun at it - if there was only one he’d be okay. Seemed like only one. 
> 
> It sniffed the air for a moment then turned and ran right at Bren. He backed up quickly and tripped over some bricks and the thing was almost on him. He said a quick prayer to any benevolent being listening and fired a shot.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Raze crept to the barn, peered around the corner, then laughed at the dumbass trader stuck on the shack roof. What an idiot. It hadn’t even been three hours and he was already getting treed by dogs. He carefully opened the barn door to let the ferals out then snuck back around the corner so they wouldn’t see him.

The bloated, rotting, things stumbled out, making all kinds of noise like they always do, and the dogs heard. The four mongrels immediately attacked the threat, but they were careful about it so it took them a while to deal with the group of stumblers. 

He moved quickly around the backside of the barn and all the way around to see the trader take the opportunity to climb down off the shed and run away. Good. 

Raze nodded to himself and trotted off the other way, stopping to grab a chunk of the dogs’ mostly eaten meal before he left. 

“Nice of you to share,” he laughed as he waved the hunk of meat at the sounds of mongrels ripping stumblers apart on the opposite side of the barn.

Then he trotted back into the trees and scrub brush to continue following the dumbass trader. 

The guy walked along the big open road, sometimes crouching down as if he was hidden there in the middle of fucking nowhere. His bright fire-red hair and bad white pants only made him stand out even more. Who the hell did he think he was hiding from? Blind molerats could probably spot him from a million paces away. That idiot was going to die. Probably within the next couple hours. Raze wished he had someone to bet with.

He sighed and touched his fingertips to the newest scar on his face as he remembered the entire reason he was left out on his own in the first place. Being all alone wasn’t fun or easy and he really missed his companion.

Oh well, he could make bets with himself. Give it two hours and another bear. Or maybe mongrels. Yeah, probably dogs. 

As he walked, he held the chunk of meat out by the bone and eyed it. He was really hungry, but not enough to eat raw meat. He spotted the trader again in the distance and it looked like the guy was stopping by a brick wall to rest. Maybe Raze could build a quick fire and cook his meat. 

He crept around in a very wide arc to another shell of a building and hunkered down inside. He found some newspaper and wood then set to work building a small fire base in the corner of the building where it wouldn’t be seen.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen leaned against a brick wall standing off the side of the road and slid down onto his butt. His wounded leg was throbbing. Nothing major, but it made walking long distances a pain. Literally. He was hungry and thirsty and had to berate himself constantly for not bringing some of the boiled water with him, but he didn’t have time to make more of it before he had to leave.

Maybe he could start a fire and find some more to boil. Only problem - Bren didn’t know anything about starting fires. Not really. Not a campfire, anyway. Perhaps he could find another working stove somewhere or a propane grill.

He just needed to make it to the next town. Maybe he could stop at someone’s farm, there were a few around that he knew. 

His eyes flit around nervously. Now he was afraid of the raider _and_ mongrel dogs hunting him down. The kid was probably long gone by now… If he was going to kill him, he’d have done it by now… Wouldn’t he? Maybe Bren got far enough away and the kid couldn’t find him. That was probably it. 

Bren saw a rabbit across the road eating grass and he eyed the pistol. One bullet. He could try and get the rabbit, but if he missed he’d have no defense for emergencies and still no food. He sighed and tucked the weapon back into his belt. He wished he knew how to build traps. He wished he knew how to do _anything_ out here. Usually, his caravan guards did all this stuff. He swore to himself that next time he’d watch them and learn how to do the things for himself. 

Just get to the next town. 

After a good twenty or so minute break.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Raze peered around the wall and saw the trader off in the distance, still resting. Was he going to take a nap right there? Dumb.

He rummaged the wreckage of the house and found a ball peen hammer. Cool. He swung it around a bit then tucked the handle into the back of his belt. He found a flip lighter and tested it out. Worked! Nice. Raze used the lighter to start his little cookfire and set the chunk of meat right on top then went to rummage some more while it cooked. 

He found some sharp pointed metal and decided to make a pick weapon out of the hammer and some leather from his pants, which were now completely missing one leg. 

It wasn’t bad. Not good, but not bad. Cool weapon. He thought about making a holster for it, but the trader got up and moved on so Raze tucked the pick hammer weapon back into his belt, grabbed his food, and crept after him. 

He looked up at the sky. The sun would set soon. Was the trader going to try and make a camp or keep walking in the dark? Probably make a camp somewhere stupid like in the middle of the road or something.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen poked around some more ruined buildings near the road. He had maybe three hours of daylight left. This was about the time his guards would make camp, so he figured he best find a spot. There was a great looking, mostly intact, two-story house a ways off. That seemed like a good spot. Up high. Can mongrels climb stairs? That was silly, of course they could - they were just dogs. Maybe he could wall himself in somehow.

He carefully stepped over piles of bricks and other debris as he made his way over.

Then the ground shifted a bit and a large molerat popped up out of the soft dirt and junk in front of him. Shit. He ran off to the side as best as he could and pointed the gun at it - if there was only one he’d be okay. Seemed like only one. 

It sniffed the air for a moment then turned and ran right at Bren. He backed up quickly and tripped over some bricks and the thing was almost on him. He said a quick prayer to any benevolent being listening and fired a shot. 

The rat squealed, lumbered forward a few more steps, then fell down and squirmed around on the dirt. He hit it… But it wasn’t dead. Almost though. Maybe it’d just bleed to death. 

Or maybe it’d be like the raider and not die and get pissed off and kill him and--

No, it’s okay. Just let it die. 

Brennen started back toward the house and another molerat climbed out of the hole. 

Perfect. 

He limp-ran to the house and the thing ran after him… Much faster. It knocked him down from behind and Bren managed to push it off and kick it a few times as he tried to get back on his feet. Then the little bastard bit down on the sole of his boot. Bren tried to let it slide off, but it was tied tight this time and he struggled on the ground with the rat gnawing and pulling on his boot. 

“Shit… Let go… You stupid… Thing!” 

Bren kicked at it with his other foot and it let go, then made to jump on him as he tried to get up. He rolled over and scrambled toward the house, hoping he could just kick and wrestle the thing until he made it to the safe place. 

He heard a sick wet thud and the molerat behind him squealed loud. Then another crunching thwack and Bren turned to look over his shoulder. Then he stopped, stood carefully, and turned. The raider kid was beating it in the head with some weapon. Blood was everywhere and the raider looked delighted as he stopped beating the dead thing and grinned at Brennen. 

The two of them stared at one another for a moment then Bren smiled in a supplicating manner at the raider, hoping the kid wouldn’t beat him next.

“You’re shit at this,” he waved his hand around at nothing. 

“At… What?” He stammered and backed away closer to the house. 

The raider laughed, “at surviving.”

“Well… I’m still alive,” he said as he climbed the stairs of the porch.

“Cuz of me,” the raider snorted and followed right behind. 

Bren opened the front door and turned his back away from the raider. “Please don’t kill me…”

The kid looked at the bloody weapon in his hand then tucked it into his belt behind his back. He shrugged, “if I was gunna kill you, then you’d be dead already.” He chuckled and added, “like twenty times over.”

“You were following me?” He asked stupidly -- It was pretty obvious.

“Yeah, lucky for you…” He motioned to the house, “we goin in or what?”

Brennen blinked at him. “... We?”

“Yeah, dumbass,” the kid stepped up to go inside and Bren flinched away from him. 

He watched the raider walk into the house, then Brennen glanced around the landscape behind him and went inside, also. 

The raider was sniffing the air like a dog while looking around every corner and in every room.

“What… Are you doing?” Bren stayed close to the door away from the kid.

As he started up the stairs he pointed, “clearing the fuckin house, what’s it look like? You gunna stand there like a lump or help out?”

“I… Uh…” Bren pushed himself away from the door and slowly followed the raider upstairs. He had no clue how to clear a house. Just look for animals and ferals, probably. There didn’t seem to be anything other than a radroach the kid found in the bathroom and killed quickly. Where did he get a weapon like that? He had both rifles slung over his back - must not have found any ammo for them. Good. 

The raider stopped in the upstairs bedroom and grinned, “clear. You make a fire and I’ll--”

“You make the fire.”

The kid glared, “don’t tell me what to do.”

“I mean…” Bren corrected, “please, how about you make it?”

They stared at one another again then the kid shrugged, “fine, I’ll make a fire and you see about water.”

The two of them went downstairs, both trying to get the other to go first and finally Bren went, watching the kid over his shoulder the entire time. He went to the kitchen and the kid followed. Then he moved to the sink to check the faucets and the raider trailed right behind. 

The water worked! Sort of. It was more like a little trickle. As Bren searched for a good pot, the raider started rummaging for fire stuff.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Raze pulled dry wood from the broken parts of the house and found some newspaper. Then he went to the sink and dumped all the stuff in the dry side and started piling it up the right way.

“What are you doing?” The trader asked quietly.

“Makin a fire, what’s it look like?”

“No… I mean… Why are you following me? Why are you here?” He paused, “and, yeah, why are you making a fire in the damn sink of all places?!”

“Cuz you’re an idiot and will die out here alone… Pretty sure that’s clear.” He lit the kindling paper under his little tent of wood and it went up real good. He turned to the guy and motioned to the sink, “this is a great spot for a water fire. Or cook fire. Metal sink… Or whatever it’s made of.”

“I think it’s ceramic…”

“Whatever.”

“Are you going to keep following me?”

Raze shrugged, “are you gunna keep trying to die out here?” 

“I’m doing just fine… Now…” 

“Yeah cuz I’m here.” He took the metal rack thing out of the oven and placed it over the sink on one side then put the pot of water on top over the fire. 

“Hey,” the trader pointed, “that’s clever!”

Raze blinked at him. “Yeah. I know. That’s why I did it.”

The guy must think he’s real dumb or something. Raze walked past him and he flinched away, so he paused near the trader and bit the air near his face. He flinched further until he hit the wall behind and Raze laughed.

“Mine,” he pointed to the couch and glared at the trader then dropped his weapons on the table and plopped down to lay.

“Oh… Kay… You can have it.” The man sat carefully in an armchair and stared at him. 

Raze got comfortable on the couch, readjusted a couple times, fluffed the little pillow up and sighed to himself. Felt good to lay down.

The trader kept staring at him stupidly so Raze spoke up, “your guards sucked… I’ll be a lot better than they were.”

“Um…” the guy made a face, “you want to be my guard?”

“Sure, why not?”

He blinked, “I thought you wanted to kill me?”

Raze shrugged, “I’m over it.” 

After a long moment of silence the trader shook his head, “I don’t get it… Why?”

He sighed, “you wouldn’t understand. Just accept it, alright?”

“Try and explain it.”

Raze looked down at the floor for a while then shrugged again, “it ain’t hard… You helped me. Now I’m gunna help you.”

“Is that… A raider thing?” He asked carefully. 

“Yeah… You gave me water and meds when you didn’t have to. You’re fuckin strange, you know that? I never seen anyone do that before… Not for us.”

“Well… You were hurt.” 

Raze laughed, “yeah, cuz I hit your caravan!”

The trader frowned, “why’d you do that, anyway?” 

“I was hungry,” he shrugged, “caravans sometimes got food and shit… If you didn’t, my next plan was to eat your cow but the bear beat me to it.”

He sighed and continued to frown. “I had two guards though. It was a little foolish of you to try and attack me alone… Don’t you guys travel in groups?”

Raze glared at the guy. “How bout you go check the water?”

“It’s not done yet.”

“Go anyway.” Raze was done talking to him for now. He rolled over on the couch to face away from him to make the point clear.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Bren had no idea what he’d said to the raider to piss him off, but he figured it was best to just stay away from the kid for now just in case he changed his mind about the not killing him thing. He took some of the water upstairs and closed himself in the bedroom to rest. The bed mattress was dirty and sliding off the broken frame, so he flipped it over onto the floor and made himself a nice little spot to lay.

It wasn’t too bad, but he couldn’t sleep with the raider in the house downstairs doing… Whatever he was doing. Probably dead asleep somehow. Some guard he’d be. There was no way a raider could be a better guard than a trained and armed Gunner, but the kid was better than nothing. He seemed to know a lot about animals and fires at least. 

He was so tired that he started to get a headache, but now he was overtired and definitely couldn’t sleep, so Brennen busied himself tearing clothing into more strips and making a backpack from a shirt he’d found. Unfortunately he didn’t find any better pants. Then he got bored and started braiding some of the cloth together to make some crappy ropes. One of them made a better belt for his ridiculous hobo pants. Then, after several hours, he started to nod off, but woke up every ten or fifteen minutes for a while whenever he heard a sound until he finally fell asleep just before dawn.

Bren woke to the late morning sun shining directly onto his face. He grumbled at it then sat up and stretched sore muscles, popping his back and neck. Not very restful sleep, but better than nothing he supposed. He stretched his arms, torso, and legs, then his mouth painfully watered as the delicious smell of something cooking hit him and his stomach grumbled loudly to remind him how hungry he was. When was the last time he ate? Bren was not used to this at all.

He carefully made his way downstairs, checking to see where the raider was and what he was up to. The kid was sitting on the floor with his back against the couch and he heard Brennen immediately.

“There’s food,” the raider thumbed toward the kitchen then went back to work reinforcing his pick weapon. 

The kid made food… And was sharing it with him. This was something completely unexpected. Bren kept an eye on him as his grumbling stomach pushed him onward. Four fist-sized chunks of something were roasting over the sink fire. It looked very overcooked and he had no idea what it was, but he took a hunk of it anyway without hesitating. He put it on a plate, found a fork, then timidly went back to the living room and sat in the armchair. 

He poked at the mystery meat and found the inside was still somehow almost raw underneath the charred black outside. Using some terrible super ability, the raider had managed to simultaneously undercook and also burn the… Whatever it was. Hopefully it was one of the molerats from outside - that wouldn’t be too bad. 

The kid was staring at him expectantly, so Bren worked out how to eat a bite of the crispy bleeding thing on his plate and he forced a smile of appreciation. The stuff was also somehow dry and greasy at the same time. And definitely not molerat. 

He managed to swallow after a bit of chewing and tried very hard not to make a face. “What is this?”

“Food.”

“Yeah, but--”

“It’s food,” the raider pointed sternly as an end to any more discussion of the fine cuisine.

Bren nodded and smiled more genuinely, “thank you for the food.”

He shrugged, “I was making it for me anyway and there’s too much to eat alone.”

“It _is_ very filling,” Bren said around another crunchy-chewy bite and silently hoped there would be something else to eat soon.

He finished the chunk of whatever in an awkward silence, unsure of what to say or do, then carefully set the empty plate down on the coffee table and watched the kid working on his weapon. The raider had smudged wetted down black ash char from the fire around his bright blue eyes, up over his brows, and halfway down his cheeks. Did raiders just enjoy being dirty all the time? One thing was for sure - it made every look and glare the kid gave him doubly unsettling.

After some time, Brennen cleared his throat, “so… How long are you going to be my guard?”

The kid shrugged, “get you home, I guess.”

He chewed his lip. It was a long way back to where he lived. “How about the next place I can find different guards?”

“Whatever.” The raider paused, “where’s that?”

“Maybe the next town. A day or so… Is that too long?”

The kid shrugged in reply. 

“Okay… So… How much is your rate?”

“What?” He wrinkled his nose.

Bren made a hand gesture, “you know. How much do you charge? How much would you like to be paid?”

“Do you get what the word ‘help’ means?” The raider snorted. 

“Well, I can’t just let you do dangerous work for free…”

He laughed, “what’s dangerous? Walking around my own homeland?”

“Well--”

“Guess I get paid by getting to spend time with your delightful ass.”

Bren frowned and sank into the chair, “sorry… I don’t know how it works with you.”

“Told ya you wouldn’t understand.” The kid pointed to the empty plate, “you done? Can we go?”

“Oh, uh… Yeah.” He got to his feet and patted his bulging pockets to be sure he had everything he’d been scrounging so far. 

The raider stood, slung the rifles back over his shoulders, and pointed to the kitchen, “go get the food and water. I ain’t carrying that shit.” Then he paused and spoke more amicably, “name’s Raze, by the way.”

“Brennen,” he smiled and stuck out a hand to shake. The kid stared at it stupidly, unsure of what to do, then turned and left the house.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	4. The Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He snorted himself awake and blinked stupidly. Shit, how long was he asleep? The raider was gone. Brennen carefully stood and peered through the darkness around the soft glow of the fire. 
> 
> “Raze?” He whispered. 
> 
> What if he was kidnapped by… Wait… By _raiders?!_ Stupid Bren, really stupid. Maybe he left without him. Then the thought that he had fallen asleep out here on his own made him panic a little. How could he have done such a foolish thing?  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Bren caught up to Raze and quietly followed him alongside the road through the trees for a while, then tried to walk out in front of the kid down the main roadway. The raider stayed in the trees and made no motion to actually follow where Brennen was leading.

“My guards follow me,” Bren spoke up toward him. Raze didn’t reply or change where he was walking, so he spoke louder, “you don’t know the way.”

The raider suddenly stopped right where he was in the trees and crossed his arms so Bren had to leave the safety of the road to go talk to him. He was already proving to be stubborn - the sooner they could get to the next town where Brennen could find proper guards, the better. 

As soon as Bren got close and opened his mouth to speak, Raze dropped his arms and continued on. 

He trotted to catch up, making a ruckus of clinking noises while carrying three milk bottles full of water, as well as the remainder of the delightful ‘raider surprise’ breakfast in a small pot, slung over his shoulder in the wrapped up shirt-pack. 

He repeated quietly, “you don’t know the way…”

Raze motioned, “down the road. If it splits, I’ll ask… But your towns are all the same, so it don’t really matter.”

“They’re not all the same,” Brennen frowned, “not all of them have proper merchants or guards for hire. And the one I live in is pretty far off in that direction,” he pointed a little further South than the way they were headed along the road.

The kid sighed heavily and slowed to a stop. “Fine, lead on… But you better stop walkin down the middle of the road like an idiot or I ain’t followin you.”

Brennen looked around apprehensively at the dense trees and brush. “I always walk down the road…”

“Exactly!” Raze snorted and motioned with his hand again to be on their way.

Walking through the brush was more difficult than even the most busted up roads, but he supposed he could see the kid’s point. Unfortunately, this would bring them to the town later than he originally planned. It was a day and a half walking over the nicer roads, but at this rate he had no idea how long it’d take. 

He was used to walking in silence, he always had two Gunner guards and they usually preferred to speak with each other rather than to Bren, so as he and the raider went on quietly it felt almost normal. Except for the walking through tall scratchy grass and bushes and the whole carrying his own stuff parts. 

Whenever Brennen wandered away from Raze to more clear ground to walk on, the kid would stop, cross his arms, and wait for him to come back. After about the fourth time, it became annoying.

“Oh, come on!” Bren motioned to the nice clear field of dirt off to the side, “can’t we at least--”

“Yeah, sure,” the kid shrugged, “if you wanna get shot in the face, spotted by everyone around, or exploded…”

He stared hesitantly at the open space then sighed and continued walking through the brush. 

“You don’t gotta walk directly through the shit,” Raze slapped a bush branch out of the way, “just not out in the fuckin open, alright?” Then he snorted, “specially not lookin like you do.”

Bren frowned and glanced down at himself, “what’s wrong with the way I look?”

Raze motioned pointedly to his pants, then to his hair. 

“These were all I could find after you tore my good pair…” He tugged on the leg of the baggy white pants.

“Don’t mean they gotta be white… Like your blinding pasty skin and your bright-ass red hair--”

“What’s wrong with my hair…?” He ran a hand through it.

The raider snorted a laugh, “you look like someone set a fresh stumbler on fire.”

Bren rolled his eyes, “okay fine. I get it.”

Now he understood why the kid painted his face up, but he wasn’t about to go roll in some mud just to blend in for a day and a half of walking. 

“Like someone got blood all over their bedsheets and wore them…” He continued.

“I get it!” Brennen repeated. Then he mumbled, “I’m not _that_ pale...”

Raze shook his head, “not at all. If you’re comparing to your stupid bad pants.”

“Yeah? Well… Your hair is stupid. Did you let a molerat cut it for you?” Brennen childishly replied then snapped his mouth closed and backed away a step. 

The kid blinked at him for a moment then laughed as he ruffled up his already messy, unevenly cut, black hair and continued walking.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

Raze spotted some ruins off in the distance then squinted at the sky. Still a little early, but a good place to stop. He was fine with traveling places he knew well in the dark, but it’d be tough while also watching the wandering baby beside him. He started off toward the ruins and waited for the guy to notice he’d stopped following him, which didn’t take long at all this time.

Good, he was learning to pay attention. Maybe there was hope for him yet. 

None of the buildings were in one piece, so he found the best spot he could with four standing walls and immediately poked around for firewood. 

Brennen took the hint right away and set his bundle down, then watched what Raze was doing for a moment before gathering up the same types of things. 

He wondered if the guy knew how to do any of this shit. Whenever Raze pulled a chunk of dry wood from the house, the trader would follow right behind and pull from the same spot instead of finding some other place to gather from. Raze allowed him to follow right behind and waited for him to collect his own -- It was like teaching a child how to do a thing. 

The trader stood in the space looking around with an armful of wood, “how do you want it?”

Raze dropped his firewood in a pile and motioned around to all the rubble, “bricks.”

He started gathering a few then let the trader get the rest. At least the guy was willing to learn and caught on quick. He stacked the bricks in a circle and did it slow enough that the guy could watch, then he built up the little fire tent, using some of the clean parts of gauze from around his leg for starter. 

Then Raze sat back and fully unwrapped the rest of the dressing from his leg then the bit around his arm. He poked at the large scar on his thigh. It itched and was a bit tender, but looked pretty cool. 

“Does it hurt?” Brennen asked quietly as he handed him one of the milk bottles of water.

He shrugged, “naw. Another cool story to tell.”

The trader made a face, “you almost died. You should be dead. I have no idea how you lived… That’s not much of a cool story…”

“It ain't?” He cocked his head to the side.

The guy snorted at himself, “okay, maybe it is.”

Raze made himself more comfortable against one of the standing walls and nodded to him, “you got scars?”

“Um…” He looked down at himself for some dumb reason as if he wouldn’t know, “not really.”

“Scars mean you lived.”

The guy stared down at his feet, “guess I haven’t really lived then.”

Raze grinned, “never too late to start.”

“I guess…” Brennen wrinkled his nose, “how old are you?”

He shrugged, “dunno… Does it matter?”

“I can’t tell if you’re a teenager or an adult…”

“Does it matter?” He repeated. 

The trader stared at him then shook his head, “guess not.” He shifted his weight a bit and tried to get more comfortable then motioned, “how’d you get those other scars?”

Raze touched his fingertips to the newest one that ran down near the side of his nose, over his bottom lip, and across his chin. He’d got that one days ago, but the stim healed it up and made it look a few months old now. He wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not with this guy, anyway. 

Then his fingers went to the older one on his cheek next to it, “got this one in a knife fight with a ghoul a while back. Almost took out my eye.” He lifted his shirt and chest plate a little and ran his hand over a stab scar on his abdomen under his ribs, “this one, too.”

The trader pointed, “that’s your liver…”

Raze glanced down at it, “well he musta missed cuz here I am and he ain’t.”

“Livers are pretty big and heal really well. You can lose a chunk of it before you have real problems…” The guy rambled for no reason.

“I know what they look like…” Raze snorted, “I seen a few cuz--”

“Okay… Sorry I mentioned it.”

They sat in silence for a while after that until Raze pointed to the bundle, “food.”

The guy dug it out and gave him a chunk, but didn’t get his own. 

“You ain’t hungry?” He asked as he peeled off some of the black char and set it in a little pile on a flat chunk of cement.

“I um... “ He hesitated then slowly got himself some food then copied what Raze was doing with his. 

He set his food on one of the bricks around the fire to cook and watched the trader do the same like he didn’t know how to warm up his own meal or something. 

Then he used a rock to grind up the char, spitting a bit of water on it a few times to get the right thickness, and darkened his face paint. 

“Oh…” Brennen pointed, “you used… That.”

He shrugged, “and ashes. You gunna paint your white-ass face?”

“Um,” he glanced down at his own pile of char, “maybe later.”

“You busy? Do it now.”

He glanced at the char again then shrugged and flashed a smile, “I don’t want it to get messed up when I sleep.” 

“Don’t be stupid, it ain’t to look pretty… Better if it gets smudged.” Raze shook his head at the guy. Was he afraid of getting dirty? Dumb.

“I don’t know how…” He shrugged and poked a finger at his char pile.

Raze blinked at him. 

“I mean, it’s dark and--”

“You can’t find your own damn face in the dark?” 

The guy wrinkled his nose and huffed then started smashing his char up with water like he had watched Raze do. He timidly dipped one fingertip in it and dotted it along his cheeks carefully, making little finger wide lines under his eyes.

“There. Happy?”

“Wow… I never seen such good paint. It’s perfect. I wish I had your skill--”

“Fine!” The trader huffed again and made the lines a little wider.

Raze growled and lunged at him so fast the guy probably nearly pissed himself. He backed himself up until he was trapped against the wall and Raze grabbed him by the shoulder to pin him as he wiped his still blackened fingers all across the guy’s perfect cream-colored face. It was satisfying to mess up that clean pretty-boy skin. 

As Brennen stopped struggling, Raze straddled his thighs more comfortably and scooped up some more of the trader’s char to finish the paint. Not bad. He used his thumb to carefully smudge around the guy’s greyish-green eyes and over his light red eyebrows. Then he rubbed his hands together and ran them through the man’s hair, but there wasn’t much to be done about how bright it was without a lot more paint. That part wasn’t as satisfying - the red hair was a good color and Raze liked it a lot. He started playing with the guy’s soft fine hair, trying to spike it up a bit, but it was a little too long and fell right back down into the annoyingly perfect style it had been before. 

Brennen shoved him off, “okay, shit… You’re done now…”

Raze laughed as he sat back down and watched the trader poke at his painted cheeks.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen, once again, was staring at the sleeping raider. He was laying right there on the dirt next to the fire as if he wasn’t out in the middle of the wasteland surrounded by danger. And, again, he wasn’t a very good guard. The main reason Bren had more than one Gunner with him at all times was so they could take turns sleeping and being awake. Raze said they could take turns, but there was no way he was going to go to sleep with that kid around. Who knows what the crazy raider would do to him - embed his pick into Bren’s skull, or fucking style his hair with piss and mud. Or worse.

So instead, he tried to busy himself with anything he could. He changed the dressing on his leg, used some cloth strips to turn the shirt into a better backpack, paced around near the fire, did some stretches, and ate half of the remaining piece of mystery meat. Now that he knew to take the black part off and recook the more raw portion, it wasn’t as bad -- But still not good by any means. He saved the bits of char for the raider and decided he’d hand them over later so long as the kid promised not to attack him with it again. 

And all of that only took maybe three hours to accomplish. Now Bren sat leaning up against the wall trying desperately not to fall asleep. Propping himself up in the corner, he figured he’d stay awake better. _Just don’t get comfortable. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t..._

He snorted himself awake and blinked stupidly. Shit, how long was he asleep? The raider was gone. Brennen carefully stood and peered through the darkness around the soft glow of the fire. 

“Raze?” He whispered. 

What if he was kidnapped by… Wait… By _raiders?!_ Stupid Bren, really stupid. Maybe he left without him. Then the thought that he had fallen asleep out here on his own made him panic a little. How could he have done such a foolish thing? 

He timidly looked out the door frame into the moonlit night and every single shadow grabbed his attention. Black forms of bushes and rocks looked like animals until he focused. _He’d spent nights out in the wasteland before, this was no different. It’s fine. Just like any other time._

Then something heavy dropped down from the wall above him. Bren yelped and jumped back, nearly falling into the fire pit as he tripped over rubble. 

Raze straightened himself up and laughed as he strolled back into the camp while Brennen clutched his chest to keep his heart from beating right the hell out of his ribcage. 

“You can go back to sleep. My turn anyway.” He nonchalantly picked up the firestick and poked at the fire to get it burning brighter.

“What were you doing?!” He nearly yelled. 

The kid pointed the firestick up at the broken wall, “guarding… That’s my job, ain’t it? Better than you.”

“I wasn’t asleep,” Brennen defended himself, “I was just resting my eyes.”

Raze laughed, “bullshit… You snore.”

“I do not!”

“Like a pack of bloodbugs.”

“No I don’t,” Bren crossed his arms defiantly over his chest. 

The kid shrugged, “if you say so…” He pointed the firestick at Bren’s bundle, “and we’re out of food. I’ll get more.”

Brennen opened the shirt-pack and found the rest of the mystery meat gone. Apparently he was in a coma or something because the damn raider managed to snatch the rest of the food right out of the pack next to him while he slept. _Didn’t sleep._ He wasn’t asleep! Not for very long anyway. 

He sighed and closed the pack up. “I don’t think there’s any food out here.”

“Food’s everywhere. It’ll turn up.” Raze dropped the firestick and nodded to the pack, “probably find some more roaches. I’ll get extra next time… You’re a good pack cow.”

“I’m not a pack cow,” Bren frowned. Then he made a face, “roaches?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged, “easy food.”

“You fed me a roach?!” Brennen’s eyes went wide. 

“I didn’t feed you shit, you ate it yourself.”

He wrinkled his nose and plopped back down in the corner. He was probably going to get sick from eating raw insects. Or any level of cooked or uncooked bugs. Gross. 

“I’ll get food,” Bren said quietly. 

The raider laughed, “I’d love to see that.”

“I can,” He sat up straight as he defended himself, “I’m not completely stupid. I can scavenge pretty well.”

Raze cocked his head to the side like an inquisitive dog. “Okay, you hunt canned food and I’ll hunt moving food and we’ll see who gets somethin.” Then he walked out the door. 

Bren glanced up at the night sky. How long until morning? A few hours maybe. 

“Tomorrow,” he called after the kid. There was no way he was going to be able to find food in the dark. 

“It _is_ tomorrow,” he called back from the other side of the wall. 

Whatever. Let the dumb kid try and find something in the middle of the night. Brennen would find something better. Snack cakes or a can of beans or something. Food really was everywhere. Real food, not bugs. 

He curled up in a ball against the wall in the corner - still sitting up to avoid falling asleep again, and huddled into himself against the cold. Bren listened to the night sounds and heard the kid out there quietly climbing up the wall again. He caught his form walking carefully along the broken parts of the wall. Slowly. Crouched like an animal. The raider was fast and agile and Brennen wished he could do some of the stuff Raze did. Hunting, making fires, knowing about things… Staying awake.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Bren woke again, this time to the raider moving around the campfire in front of him. He yawned and wiped his tired eyes, smudging black paint all over his hands. Bren sighed as he looked at the messy char smeared across his hands. What did his face look like? Probably more like a hobo. Perfect. Now all he needed was holey shoes and a tattered shirt to complete the look.

Raze glanced over at him and pointed to the chunk of meat he had on a stick over the fire, “I won.”

“It wasn’t an actual competition,” Brennen wrinkled his nose then slowly got to his feet to stretch out the sore muscles. 

The kid snorted and went back to cooking, “everything’s competition.”

Bren rolled his eyes at that and moved closer to the fire to do his morning stretches and also try and figure out what breakfast consisted of. He couldn’t quite tell - it was just a large hunk of red and black meat. 

“Where’d you get it?” He asked as casually as he could, putting one arm up over his head and bending to the side to stretch out rib muscles. 

“They sleep on walls at night,” Raze motioned to the meat, “real easy to kill if you find one.”

What creature sleeps on walls? It had to be another damn insect of some sort. Perfect. His stomach grumbled as the cooking food started to give off a pleasant meaty aroma and Bren silently yelled at it to stop - he wasn’t going to eat more bugs. He moved away from the fire to continue with his morning stretches, bending down to touch his toes and work the hamstrings.

“What are you doing?” Raze wrinkled his nose.

“You have to do your morning stretches. Feels good and prepares you for the day.”

The kid stood and moved closer, cocking his head to the side inquisitively as he chewed idly on the end of a stick and watched. Brennen suddenly felt a little self conscious about the stretches and stopped.

“It’s a good idea, anyway,” Bren shrugged, “especially if you need to suddenly run.”

His father was the one who’d insisted on stretching every morning, even if he wasn’t going to do anything that day. Brennen took right to it and found it even more useful when he became a trader for whenever he had to walk long distances. 

The raider continued to silently eye him, so Bren added more to fill the quiet, “plus it gets the blood flowing and wakes you up.”

“If you’re tired, sleep more until you ain’t.” 

“Well… We need to be on our way so…” Brennen made a face, “you hardly ever sleep, how are you not tired?”

“I sleep all the time,” the kid shrugged and tossed his half chewed stick over his shoulder, “that’s why I ain’t tired.” He grinned, “good wake-up dope helps, too.”

Brennen frowned, “are you high right now?”

Raze laughed and went back to the cookfire to turn the meat over. 

“Seriously?” He followed the kid, “you can’t be getting messed up if you’re going to be a guard!”

The raider looked confused, “why not?”

“Because…” Bren tried to think how to put it, “you won’t be able to react or notice things very well.”

He blinked stupidly.

“You have to stay clean!” Bren threw his hands up. It was completely obvious, why didn’t the kid understand?

Raze stuffed a hand in his little belt-pouch and dug around for a moment then pulled out two pills of some sort. He poked a finger at them, “these make you react and notice things better… It’s field-dope -- Not Jet or alcohol or anything.”

“Could you just…” Bren sighed, “not do that while I’m with you?”

He stared at Bren for a second then popped the two pills into his mouth and flashed a defiant smirk. 

Brennen threw his hands up again and turned away from him. What a little brat. The raider acted like a headstrong child. He laughed at things that weren’t funny and had a weird sense of humor. He peed on things he shouldn’t, or sometimes just made pictures in the dirt with piss. Sometimes he’d tease Bren in a very childish manner or say offhand remarks that a preteen would say. Maybe he _was_ a teenager, after all. 

He walked around the outside of the building to stretch his legs and get away from the high raider. After circling around for the sixth time, Raze called to him that the food was finished. Brennen circled a seventh time, refusing to eat more insect.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

Raze did his guard thing as the guy went to every building they came near. Brennen would go in after it was clear and gather all sorts of junk. The guy did find a roll of duct tape though, which was always useful. Some other shit was just heavy crap that made no sense - coffee cups, light bulbs, empty containers… Stupid. He even tried to take a desk fan at one point but decided to drop it after a while because it was fucking heavy.

He stood in a larger building now as the trader rummaged for more useless crap. Raze poked at some items on a counter then paused at a comic. He smiled and opened it up, looking at it to pass the time. It was the big barbarian-man comic - Raze liked this one the best. Not only was the cartoon man attractive, but he was violent and brave. Raze sat with the comic, flipping through the pages in no particular order, skipping past the parts with the stupid chick, and chuckled to himself as the barbarian fought a big gray muscled beast with sharp teeth.

“You like Grognak?” Brennen spoke up as he approached. 

Raze shrugged and closed it, “I like the pictures…” He ran a hand over the colorful cover then tossed it back on the counter.

“Can you read?” The trader picked it up and thumbed through some pages.

“You think I’m a stupid animal?” Raze folded his arms and narrowed his eyes at the man. 

“No… A lot of people can’t read. It’s okay.” 

Raze shrugged again and dropped his arms. 

Brennen smiled and held the comic up, “if you want this… I’ll carry it for you.”

He really _did_ want it. Raze had a small collection and this was one he didn’t have yet. He shrugged again and the trader tucked the comic away in his weird shirt backpack with the rest of his junk.

They moved on past the houses back into the open land and walked for a while before Raze noticed some marks on the ground. He squatted down next to them and poked at the dirt. Fresh. He glanced around and found a pile of shit near a bush. 

Raze jumped up, grabbed Brennen’s sleeve, and pulled him to a stop.

“What the--”

“We need to go around…” Raze said quietly.

“Around… What?” The trader eyed the land.

Raze tugged him back and away and he followed without any real argument. Smart. He led the trader further back the way they’d come then redirected the route off to the side completely. 

Brennen followed closely. “What are we circumventing?”

“Circle-vent?” Raze made a face at the word then shook it off, “scorpions…”

The trader’s face lost some color, which was pretty tricky since the guy was already dead white under the black paint. 

“Where?” He whispered.

Raze squinted at the land, “dunno… They’re somewhere.”

He listened carefully and looked the ground over to be sure they were now walking somewhere that maybe the scorpions were not. Fuck scorpions. 

“How far around do we need to go?” Brennen was still whispering. 

“Real fuckin far.” 

The man looked up at the sky and sighed, “we aren’t going to make it to the town today…”

That didn’t really matter to Raze - what mattered was they don’t get face-fucked by giant scorpions. 

As the late afternoon sun started to dip lower, the trader sighed again and Raze motioned up ahead, “there’s a place to stay up there.”

“How far?”

“Not far... Before night…” Raze replied. Why did that man always ask so many stupid questions? They’d be someplace whenever they got to it. 

After a while he asked more dumb questions, “is it ruins? Is it safe? Are you sure there’s a place?”

Raze stopped walking and turned to him. “No. Yes. Yes.” He flashed a smirk. 

“I just want to know, alright?” He took the opportunity of the pause to get a milk bottle out of his pack. 

He drank a bit then handed the rest over, “we need more water…”

“There’s some up there…” Raze motioned ahead again with the bottle.

Brennen eyed him skeptically, “how do you--”

“Stop askin shit… There’s a camp. They'll have food and water and a place to sleep.”

The guy made a face, “I don’t know of any settlements or anything over that way.”

“Not a settlement, a _camp.”_ Raze stared at him until he figured it out. 

“Oh!” His eyes went wide then he shook his head, “I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“Why not?”

The trader blinked stupidly. 

Raze waved a hand at the guy and started walking again, “It’ll be fine.”

“I don’t think… I should go there…” He said but followed right behind, anyway. 

The guy was jumpy and staring wide-eyed at Raze for a good few minutes so he tried to calm him, “don’t be scared of my kin, they won’t hurt you if you’re with me.”

“Are you sure? All the raiders I’ve ever encountered have been--”

“You tryna tell me how raiders work?” Raze glared at him. 

“No,” he shook his head, “it’s just… I don’t know… I don’t think we should.”

The man was against the idea, but kept following, so Raze ignored him. He apparently wasn’t too much against it.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	5. Culture Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He glared and the lamplight made it look completely terrifying. “You’re fine here. Nobody’s gunna fuck with you. Except for me if you don’t get your cock outta my ass and settle the fuck down.” He shoved the bottle at Bren and turned away.  
>   
> 
> 
>   
>    
> 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen hid behind Raze as the fairly large raider camp came into view. He could see a few inquisitive raiders peering over and around the tall jagged walls of the place, then spotted a couple more of them around in the bushes and trees. How many could he _-not-_ see? He pressed a little closer to Raze and peeled his eyes to try and spot more like a deadly game of Hide and Seek.

Raze put his hands out to the sides to show he wasn’t hostile or some form of greeting, so Bren copied the motion and the door was open for them. He hesitated before moving past the rotted spiked heads then eventually stepped into the camp, trotting to catch up to Raze and stick close. There were raiders everywhere. Some were just lounging around, a few were playing some kind of game with rocks in the dirt, some had been talking and laughing but stopped when they saw Brennen. Everyone was staring. They all looked like curious animals and it made Bren even more uneasy. 

He leaned near Raze and whispered, “this isn’t a good idea… Let’s just leave… We can sleep out in the wasteland…” Funny how he preferred to take his chances with the animals out there rather than stay trapped in these walls with these people. 

The raider completely ignored him and started poking around the camp looking for something. Nobody stopped him or seemed to care when he found some water containers on a shelf and took one. Raze drank from it then handed it to Bren.

“Um…” Brennen glanced around nervously, “I don’t think we should take their stuff…”

Raze continued to hold it out to him, “drink it.” 

He carefully took the container, looked at all the raiders, then had a little sip and handed it back to Raze quickly. He capped the water and set it back on the shelf then wandered over to a park bench, set his weapons on the hard-packed ground between his feet, and plopped down, making himself completely at home. Brennen stood next to the bench, unsure if he should sit or not. 

As he stood there, some of the raiders started getting closer. A young woman came very close, looked him up and down, and actually sniffed at him like a dog. Brennen stepped to the side and put a hand up to avoid her crowding his personal space and Raze ignored the behavior. 

She moved close again, then turned her attention. “Raze?”

He smiled, “Happy!”

 _Was that supposed to be her name?_ Raiders had very strange names…

She nudged past Brennen and sat down next to Raze and the two of them pressed their foreheads together for a moment like a strange hug. 

“Ain’t seen you in a while. Thought you died.”

He shrugged, “not yet. Tussle just got fucked by a Gunner, though.”

“Awe… I liked him.”

Raze shrugged again, “life, huh?”

“Life,” she nodded agreement.

As the two of them talked, a couple little children approached and started touching Brennen’s pants and backpack. He pulled away from them and they just moved closer and continued to touch him. He took his pack off and cradled it in front of him so they wouldn’t steal anything out of it, but then one of the kids stuck his hand right in Bren’s pocket and pulled out a roll of duct tape. He snatched it away from the kid and stuffed it in his overfull shirt-pack and told the child ‘no’ like disciplining a pet. The kid ignored him and tried to get at his other pocket so Bren sat down on the bench next to Raze to avoid getting robbed by little raider kids. 

And, still, Raze completely ignored the rude behavior. 

When the children moved to Raze and started poking at his pick weapon, he narrowed his eyes a certain way and the children immediately stopped touching his things and stepped away. Brennen was going to have to learn the ‘psycho-killer-glare’ trick.

Then adults started to approach him. One man came up behind the bench and immediately touched Brennen’s hair. He pushed the guy’s hand away and it just went right back, undeterred. The man leaned down uncomfortably close and sniffed him, grinning like he wanted to eat him, and Bren jerked away from the guy.

He pointed down at Brennen’s lap, “all your hair that color?”

Bren nearly blushed. _How was he supposed to answer that?_

Then Raze finally spoke up. He turned nearly all the way around, glared at the man, and pointed at Brennen, “mine.”

Bren was about to protest, but the guy raised his hands and stepped back and Brennen sighed relief. After Raze said that, people stopped touching him, though they did come very close and sniff at him some more until they got bored and went back to whatever they’d been doing previously. 

Happy laughed and motioned to Bren, “he’s… Weird.”

“Yeah he is,” Raze snorted, “he’s a trader.”

Brennen stared incredulously. _Why’d Raze tell them he was a trader?_ Now he’d definitely be killed.

The woman nodded as if it all made sense. “He’s cute… Is he a pet?”

“No!” Brennen couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer. 

Raze shrugged, “naw… Companion.”

“Ahh... “ She nodded again, “pity.”

Bren blinked at her then looked to Raze, “why’s that a pity? I’m not a pet!” He wanted to add that he didn’t belong to Raze, either, but that seemed to keep people from touching him so he bit his tongue on that one. 

“Can’t play with you,” Happy gave a mock pout then laughed and stood to leave. 

It was rude that Raze never even introduced them, but maybe it was for the better - Brennen wasn’t sure he wanted to associate with these people on any level. 

When they were finally left alone, Brennen leaned close and whispered, “how do I keep them from stealing my stuff?”

Raze snorted, “they ain’t gunna steal your shit.”

“That kid tried to take my tape!” 

“No he didn’t.”

Maybe Raze just didn’t see what happened. “He snatched it right out of my pocket.”

“How else he gunna see it?” 

“It’s rude! That’s _my_ stuff!” Brennen clutched his pack tighter.

He shrugged, “then tell them it’s yours.”

Bren stared at him for a moment then shook it off, “speaking of which, I do _not_ belong to you.”

“You’re my companion…” Raze blinked at him in slight confusion.

“Yeah… But you said it like you own me. Like I’m an object. Like what you did with the couch. I’m not a couch!”

Raze laughed.

“It’s not funny,” Bren protested, “I’m not a pet or an object or a thing that can be owned.”

“You _-are-_ a thing that can be owned,” he flashed a toothy grin. “But that ain’t what I meant. You’re my companion. Mine. It can mean all those things or some of them or whatever. Point is, you’re mine so nobody else can fuck with you. I claim you… Get it?”

He stared, then relaxed a little. “Oh… I guess… That makes sense.”

“Don’t it?” Raze laughed again. He nodded toward the raider that had been touching Bren’s hair, “unless you wanna be fucked with?”

“No!” He shook his head adamantly, “no… That’s okay. Thanks.”

The two little kids came back so Brennen closed his mouth and smiled at them. He still clutched his bag, however. 

The younger looking of the two pointed at the weapons on the ground, “we like your guns…”

Raze picked one of the rifles up and handed it to the youngest boy and Brennen stared. He just handed a weapon over to a little child! At least it wasn’t loaded…

“It’s loaded,” Raze pointed.

Bren’s eyes got even wider at that. “You found ammo? All this time you’ve been walking around with a loaded rifle?!”

Raze shrugged, “just a few… Both of them.”

“What the hell?!” Brennen pointed at the rifle still on the ground, “why didn’t you give me a weapon to defend myself with all this time?!”

He motioned pointedly to the gunshot scar on his arm, “cuz you’re a fuckin hazard and shot me, remember?”

Bren huffed and turned away from the jerk. He watched the little kid carefully examining the weapon. He wisely kept it aimed downward, took the magazine out, and ejected the round like an expert. That was very unsettling -- The child couldn’t have been any older than seven! 

Raze smiled as he watched the children excitedly admiring the rifle. He almost looked like a proud parent or older brother. 

He waved a hand at the little kids, “you can have it.” 

The two of them grinned happily and ran away with the thing. And the ammo. 

“Why’d you give it away?” Bren frowned.

Raze shrugged, “don’t need two.”

“You could give me one… Or you could have sold it for a nice weight of caps or traded it.”

He blinked stupidly for a moment then shrugged again, “if it makes you feel better, say you traded it to stay here.” 

That did make him feel better. Only slightly. Why couldn’t they have given away something else that wasn’t a weapon? Brennen poked through the contents of his stuffed pack thinking about better things they could have traded. Maybe the pot or empty milk bottles or something. Not a gun! 

As he sorted through his items, someone stepped up close once more, so Bren closed up the pack and clutched it tightly again. A raider was standing in front of them holding two bowls of food. Raze took one from her and Bren hesitated. It was probably bugs. Maybe raiders just liked eating insects.

Raze gave him a look and spoke quietly, “take it.”

“No thank you, I’m not hungry right now.” That was a lie - he was starving after refusing Raze’s bloatfly breakfast and subsequent lunch.

“Take it anyway,” Raze said through clenched teeth. 

Brennen sighed to himself then smiled up at the raider and took the bowl. He nodded to the woman and thanked her, then immediately poked around at the contents with his fingers since there was nothing to eat it with. It was meat stew with some sauce rather than liquid. More like just a bunch of greasy wet stuff tossed together in a bowl. There were bones in it. And cooked skin. And some animal hairs. He looked to Raze and the guy had his bowl already nearly empty. Gross. 

He picked out the hairs he found and set them on the side of the bowl, then worked to find some bits of the meat that didn’t have bones. There seemed to be more than one kind of meat and some other things mixed in. There were a few bits of tatos and corn, so he ate those… At least he knew what something was. It was bland, but not terrible. With some proper spices, it could be pretty good. Well, spices and also properly butchered. 

He ate all the stuff in the bowl that wasn’t questionable or inedible and he looked over at Raze. The raider was chewing on the end of a small bone. 

Bren pointed to it, “that’s…” He was going to say gross, but Raze seemed to enjoy it so he shut his mouth.

“The best part,” Raze grinned and used his teeth and fingers to crack the little bone open and eat the marrow. 

He looked down into his bowl at the little bones. “You can have mine if you want them…”

Raze eyed him for a moment then shrugged and traded bowls. His had been completely emptied of everything edible. Brennen sighed to himself again - he was going to starve to death at this rate.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - - -**

After eating, Raze got up and started wandering, so Bren followed close behind. The sun had just set and now the entire camp was just lit by oil lamps, a couple of barrel fires, and candles. It was eerie. The raiders moved around in shadows as they went about their business and it gave Brennen a constant flood of anxiety to be surrounded by them. He jumped every time he noticed one of them standing around in the darkness that he hadn’t noticed before until he was close.

Bren flinched away from a woman who had been sitting in a chair that he’d nearly tripped over and he ran into Raze. 

“Would you settle the fuck down!” Raze pushed him back a little way for space. 

“Sorry…” Bren clutched his pack and scooted a half-step closer to the man once more. 

Raze glanced around then grabbed a bottle off a table, “here.” 

Bren used a hand to push it back toward him, “the last thing I want to do is lose my senses in this place.”

He glared and the lamplight made it look completely terrifying. “You’re fine here. Nobody’s gunna fuck with you. Except for me if you don’t get your cock outta my ass and settle the fuck down.” He shoved the bottle at Bren and turned away. 

Brennen eyed the bottle and sighed. Maybe one drink to calm his nerves would be okay. Raze seemed to be sure nothing would happen to him, and the guy wanted to be his guard, so maybe he knew what he was talking about. After all, Bren had no idea how raiders worked, really, and Raze did. The guy was like a strange liaison. He took a sip of the alcohol, thought about it, then took a bigger swallow. It was disgusting and overly sweet. Bren was more of a beer drinker, himself, and whatever was in the bottle was potent. 

He caught up again and held the bottle to Raze, “what is this? It says it’s vodka, but this isn’t…”

The raider took the bottle, sniffed it, then had a long swallow. He smacked his lips and shrugged, “something someone made. Dunno what it is. Good though.” He took another big swallow of the stuff and handed the bottle back.

Brennen stared at it. Was it going to make him go blind? He carried the bottle around, unsure of where he would be allowed to set it down, and ended up taking another few drinks just because it was in his hand. 

“Where are we going to sleep?” He was pretty sure that raiders didn’t have rooms for rent.

Raze poked his head in a couple of little doorless shacks and found an empty one. “Here’s good.”

Bren stepped inside. There was a small dirty mattress on the floor, a torn up loveseat, a little bedside table loaded with junk, and a footlocker. 

“Um… I think this is someone’s room…” Or was it a house? He couldn’t be sure.

“They ain’t here,” he shrugged and lit a lamp then plopped down on the mattress and started taking off his armor. Or, most of it, anyway. Bren stared at him as he took his leather top off. The kid had tattoos across his upper body and one hip that Bren couldn’t quite make out in the low light, but he was interested in, nonetheless. 

“What if they come back?” Brennen tore his eyes from the guy, moved some junk from the sofa, and carefully sat, hoping he wouldn’t find some chem needle the hard way.

Even in the dim room, he could see Raze roll his eyes. 

Brennen set his pack on the floor and sighed, “it’s a legitimate question.”

“Then they’ll find some other place… Or if they really want it, _we’ll_ find some other place. Or they’ll just find a spot on the bed.”

“That’s… Weird.” Bren couldn’t even find the words to explain how strange this all was.

“How?”

He hesitated, trying to think of how to even start, and took another drink as he thought. “You… I don’t know… You can’t just go in people’s houses and do whatever you want.”

Raze stared at him for a long moment then motioned for Bren to share the bottle. The raider didn’t move, so Brennen had to get up and hand it over. When he leaned down over the mattress, he nearly fell on the man, but caught himself against the wall and decided to just sit there on the other end of the bed rather than try to move around. That drink was seriously potent. 

After a couple of minutes, Raze explained, “camps are one house. We’re all family everywhere, so this stuff is all ours.” He shrugged, “unless you say it’s yours.” He stared at Bren as he handed the bottle back, “how do you do it?”

“Not like that,” Brennen snorted and set the bottle on the crowded little table. He thought through the alcoholic buzz for a moment, “we all have our own houses and doors with locks and people aren’t allowed in them unless we say. And in the house, people can’t touch our stuff unless we say.”

Raze frowned, “you each got a big house all yours?”

“Yeah. Well, no… Some people can’t afford their own. I live with my family… But yeah.” The drink was starting to make thinking difficult. 

Raze thought about that then made a face, “the pre-war houses… They’re huge. You live in those? Just one or two people in all that space?”

He shrugged, “well, our homes aren’t that big anymore, unless it’s a farmhouse, I guess… But yeah.”

“Some entire camps can fit in one…” The raider frowned. “Why do you do that?”

“I um…” He stared down at the floor trying to think about any sort of answer to give. “A big house is a sign of success in life. A place to keep all our stuff… Somewhere we know we’ll always have to be able to sleep and live.”

“Living is a sign of success in life,” Raze snorted a laugh. 

“But your own house and stuff makes it easier. You always know you have a place to sleep, clothes, food, safety…”

He laid down, curling his legs to avoid pushing Bren out of the way or fighting over the mattress, and he stared at nothing as he contemplated the topic. 

After a short silence, Brennen carefully asked, “haven’t you… I mean… Don’t you guys raid farms?”

“The outside.” Raze thought about it and rephrased, “the food on the outside. They got a lot. More than they can eat, so we take some.”

“That food is for their family or to sell… Don’t you… Kill people, too?” Brennen tried to think straight enough to word his questions carefully - he rarely knew what would piss the guy off.

Raze got quiet and picked at the mattress threads. “They’ll kill us.”

“Because _you_ kill _them,”_ Brennen pointed, “they’re scared because--” He suddenly shut his mouth when the whole thing hit him -- Raiders are afraid, too. 

He stopped talking and closed his eyes, then almost immediately fell asleep. That had to be a superpower of some sort. 

Brennen wondered where he was supposed to sleep, exactly. He couldn’t share a bed with the raider, so maybe the loveseat. It was a little small, but it could work. Uncomfortable, though. After a time, he realized he’d been just sitting there staring at Raze while he slept, yet again, so Bren carefully got up and went to the loveseat. Sort of got up. He had to half-crawl over to it to keep from falling. 

Seriously potent drink.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	6. Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything suddenly made sense. Well, not everything, but why everyone always seemed so fascinated with his damn hair.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

He couldn’t sleep. Raiders were awake and talking all over the place outside of the little shack and sometimes they’d walk past or even peer into the room. Maybe looking for a spot to sleep? Bren wondered if any of them were the owners of the shack. Nobody came in, though. Not yet anyway. Every shadow that passed near the door made Brennen tense up waiting for some raider to come inside and be pissed off about them being in there.

He tried to get comfortable on the little loveseat, but he didn’t quite fit and the thing was hard and lumpy and it was kind of cold in the doorless shack. Raze was curled into a little ball on the corner of the mattress against the wall. Probably cold. There were no blankets or pillows and Bren felt bad for him. At least he had a mattress to sleep on… Tonight. How strange it must be to not know where you’re going to sleep at night or if you’ll have a good bed with blankets, or if it’d just be some spot on a floor. 

And then he had to pee. 

He tried to hold it as long as he could until it felt like he might explode, then he got up and peered out the door. Where were bathrooms in a raider camp? 

Bren took a couple of cautious steps out into the camp to find an outhouse, then got nervous again when the raiders who were still awake were staring at him. Didn’t these people ever sleep? He retreated back into the shack and stared at Raze wondering if he should wake the kid. 

“The fuck?” Raze mumbled. 

“Oh… You’re awake… Sorry…” 

“I am now…”

“Um… I have to piss…” He whispered. 

“So go…” Raze grumbled then opened one eye and stared at him, “you need me to hold it for you?”

“Uh, no…” He glanced out the door again then back to the raider, “where… Do I go?”

Raze snorted a laugh, “find a pot to piss in…”

Bren rolled his eyes then blinked at him, “wait… Are you serious?”

“No, I’m not fuckin serious.” He groggily sat up and scratched his ribs, then stretched a bit and stood. 

Brennen followed him through the camp, trying to keep some distance between them so he wouldn’t get mad again, but he ended up right on the kid’s heels. Raze didn’t seem to care this time, though. He led him through to the edge of the camp where they had a trench dug with metal wash tubs placed inside and boards with holes over the top. Definitely smelled like an outhouse -- But right out in the open. Mostly. Bren hoped like hell he wouldn’t need to crap any time while staying here. 

Raze nonchalantly took a piss right next to him like it wasn’t a big deal then waited impatiently for him to go. How was he supposed to pee with the raider, and entire camp, right there? 

“You forget how?” He snorted. 

“Just… turn around…” Bren tried to position himself better so the kid wasn’t looking at his dick. 

Raze didn’t turn. He shifted his weight and crossed his arms, instead. Brennen closed his eyes to try and pretend he was just out peeing against a tree or something, but then a wave of dizzy nausea hit him and he nearly fell into the trench. That made him pee. 

And hopefully he wouldn’t have to go again any time soon. 

As they were heading back toward the shack, Bren paused and blinked at two partially clothed raiders having sex on a bench right out in the open. He squinted at them -- There was no way he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. Other raiders were nearby completely ignoring the couple as the two of them went at it. Just… Right there in the middle of camp like stray dogs humping in the street. 

Raze nudged him with an elbow to snap him out of the dumbfounded stupor, “you wanna join them?”

 _Was he being serious?!_

“No… Just… Don’t they have… A room or… Something?” 

He rolled his eyes and wandered away so Bren heeled behind him once more back to the shack. 

Raze flopped back down on the mattress and Bren carefully sat on the loveseat again. 

After a couple of minutes, Raze grumbled, “stop fuckin staring at me.”

“I can’t sleep…”

“Don’t mean you gotta stare at me.”

Bren looked down to the floor between his feet, “sorry…”

Another silence and then Raze let out a loud sigh and sat up. “Come lay on the bed.”

He eyed the mattress, wondering if he meant to trade or just make room, then shook his head, “it’s just… It’s not... “ He was going to say ‘safe’, but Raze narrowed his eyes, daring him to say the word, so he shrugged, “strange place, you know?”

Brennen could still hear the raiders outside having sex. Or maybe it was just imagined, but that was all he could think about. For a few reasons. 

Raze moved some junk around the messy little table, drank the last bit of the alcohol, then stood up and left. Was Brennen supposed to follow him? He wasn’t sure so he remained on the loveseat, fidgeting with his clothes nervously until the kid returned. He plopped down next to Bren and held something out to him. 

“Oh… Um, no thank you,” Brennen pushed the kid’s hand away. 

The raider grabbed his wrist and forcefully pressed the jet into Bren’s palm, “you need to sleep. You been up for… I don’t know how long but you ain’t really been sleepin.”

“Thanks… But--”

“I’ll be here guarding.”

Bren eyed him then smiled a little. “Promise?”

Raze chuckled, “yeah… Promise. I slept… I’ll stay here if it makes you feel better, alright?” 

He stared down at the jet canister then fumbled with it a little, unsure of how it worked. “I’ve never… Um…” Then he got some of his senses back and tried to hand it back to Raze, “you know what this is made out of… Right?”

“Yeah…” The raider shrugged and pushed Bren’s hand back. 

Of course he knew what it was and it didn’t matter - Bren saw the crap that kid eats, so why would inhaling literal crap be any different? 

Bren fumbled again and Raze took it from him. He shook the canister and held a finger up to make Brennen pay attention as he took a hit of it, held his breath for a moment, then exhaled a little white-blue puff of vapor. 

He handed it back and Bren took a deep breath to steel himself to try it. People did it all the time. Jet was something he’d actually sold to folks on occasion. He understood how it was supposed to work and what it was made out of, but he’d never even thought about trying it - that would cut into his profits.

Brennen took a few more deep breaths, getting his lungs stretched out… Or whatever. 

Raze glared, “would you just--”

He put it to his lips and inhaled a small amount and immediately coughed it out. 

“Do it again,” the raider pushed it back to his mouth. “Open wider and get your fuckin tongue out of the way.”

“I don’t know how to get my tongue out of the way.” Bren eyed the jet and worked his mouth to try and press his tongue down. He pointed at the jet, “and this is gross, by the way.”

Raze narrowed his eyes so Bren put it back to his mouth and tried again. This time he got a good amount in his lungs and tried to hold it like he saw Raze do, but coughed it out after about a second. 

The kid laughed and took it from him and did another hit of it then passed it back. 

Was he supposed to do more of it? Raze stared expectantly. Guess so. Bren did another and held it longer this time. And, this time, the entire world spun then slowed down as he exhaled. When he turned his head to the raider again, everything left streaks. The lamplight was brighter and left a whole light trail in his vision as he moved. Bren held a hand up in front of his face and waved it around. He had like forty fingers! Then the trailing died down a bit and everything was just super slow. It was like one second lasted a full minute. 

“Wow…” Bren spoke but the echoing word sounded long, drawn-out, and like it came from someone else. 

Raze said something, his mouth moved, then the words slowly caught up after, “go lay down.”

Bren just nodded stupidly and moved to the bed. Felt like he floated across the room and sank into a cloud.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen rolled over and tried to drown out the sounds of people talking. Then he realized the people who were talking and laughing were right next to him. He blinked himself awake and found the room he was in bathed in bright daylight. He strained his ears and heard Raze laughing at something someone behind him said. Raze, fully dressed and wide awake, was sitting on the bed beside him. Bren felt relief - the kid had stayed.

Then he rolled back over to see who the hell the raider was talking to. 

Happy and some other raider guy sat on the loveseat and didn’t seem to even acknowledge Brennen’s presence. 

But Raze did. “Mornin, sunshine.” He laughed and the other two laughed with him. 

Bren sat up groggily and blinked himself back to coherence. His stomach hurt a bit from whatever he’d drank, but he felt rested… For once. What time was it? 

Happy pointed to the floor next to the mattress, “food.”

Great. Bren smiled thanks at her and took the bowl off the floor and bit back his sigh this time. What wonderful breakfast would it be? He was both relieved and disappointed that it looked to be whatever they’d eaten the night before. At least it wasn’t something worse - but it also wasn’t anything better. 

Raze had apparently already eaten and was still chewing on the end of a small bone like it was a strange toothpick. Three empty bowls sat on the floor next to some water. They’d all eaten in the room… Brennen must have been dead asleep. That was a very uncomfortable thought that, while he slept, they had all been surrounding him eating and talking and doing… Whatever. 

Brennen ate the parts of the food that were edible again and handed the bowl to Raze, which he took without question. 

He smiled his best at the raider beside him, “what time is it?”

Raze shrugged and spoke around a bone he was nibbling, “daytime.”

Why the hell did he ever bother asking him anything?! 

He maintained the smile, “we should be going…”

Happy cocked her head to the side, “where ya goin?”

Was that a threat? Why’d she care?

“Takin him home,” Raze said casually as he licked his fingers and set the empty bowl in the stack on the floor with the others. 

The male raider on the loveseat asked, “where’s home?”

“Dunno,” Raze laughed. 

Happy nodded to herself then motioned to Bren, “got some pants that might fit you…”

Brennen frowned and tugged at the baggy hobo-pants, “what’s wrong with my--” He glanced around and they were all staring pointedly at him. Raze even had new pants. Or, rather, maybe the pants he had before had been fixed at some point because he now had two legs again but they still had dark black-red bloodstains. How long had Bren been asleep?!

“I think these are fine,” Brennen smiled at her, “town isn’t far…”

The three of them looked a little horrified for a half-second. 

“What?” Bren turned to Raze.

He hesitated, thinking of how to word something, then motioned, “white’s bad.” 

Brennen smoothed out the pants and shrugged, “I know, they’re kind of bright and ugly, but--”

“No,” Raze looked serious and repeated, “white’s _bad.”_

He blinked at the kid then looked to the others. They nodded agreement. 

Happy smiled sympathetically and moved to the bed to sit beside Bren, “it’s okay, you didn’t know. But we got pants for you.” She set a hand on his thigh and Raze eyed her, so she withdrew. 

“What’s bad about it?” Brennen frowned, “lots of things are white.” He touched his fingertips to his face.

Raze snorted, “your face don’t count. White’s a bad color but skin is fine…”

He looked down at his faded orange button-up shirt. “What colors are bad?”

Happy glanced up in thought, “blue, green… Yellow.”

“Bright yellow, not unbright,” the other raider on the couch pointed.

She nodded, “sun yellow.”

The guy on the couch added, “blue’s good but not in here. Not on your body.”

Brennen was even more confused. “Those are all great colors. Joyful lively colors…”

“Not for wearing or having at camps,” Raze shrugged. 

“I’ve seen some raiders wear those colors,” Bren pointed to the kid.

Happy wrinkled her nose in disgust, “not us… Those guys are crazy. They ain’t from around here.”

Brennen blinked stupidly at her then looked to Raze again for an explanation. 

The guy just laughed in response. 

No wonder everyone kept staring at his pants and Raze made so many comments about them. 

His hand went through his hair and he paused. “What about red?”

Raze grinned, “red’s the best color.”

“Red’s life,” Happy agreed. She pointed at Bren’s hair and smiled brightly, “your hair is the color of fresh blood and warm fire. Of life. It’s a good color.”

Everything suddenly made sense. Well, not everything, but why everyone always seemed so fascinated with his damn hair. 

As they stopped talking, Brennen stood and did some quick trunk twists, then bent down to touch his toes and the three raiders stared at him. He smiled a little sheepishly, grabbed his pack, and edged toward the door to go and the three of them left. Bren didn’t walk on Raze’s heels this time as he was led through the camp to a little area under a tent that had some large trunks, storage shelves full of random junk, and several crates piled in a corner. 

There was a chem station and a weapon bench set up and a couple of raiders were modifying a weapon. They seemed to be having a good time with it. As Happy dug through one of the trunks, Brennen watched the young raiders working on their… Swatter? The thing had so much metal sticking out of it that Bren felt like he needed a tetanus shot just from looking at it. 

He turned to Raze, “so… Colors… Why is it bad to wear blue?”

He shrugged, “blue’s water color. Animals like water. It’ll get you killed.”

Brennen frowned, “that’s not how it works.”

“Seems to be.” 

“Okay… And white?”

Raze looked around the camp as he thought about it. “Deathclaws are attracted to bright white. Plus it looks like eggs. Eggs are bad. Lookin like a fuckin egg clutch is bad.”

“Eggs are bad?” Bren snorted at that. “But they’re delicious.”

“Yeah, eggs are fuckin bad!” Raze laughed, “they ain’t allowed in camps cuz they hatch into terrible shit that’ll eat your face.”

“Okay, that makes sense. So white’s bad because it looks like eggs.”

“And white’s clean. Clean’s bad. People want clean things, right?”

Brennen noticed the trash left in piles moved out of the way. He looked up at the dirty tents above. That… Kinda made sense - if a place looked nice and clean, other people would probably want to take it. Hearing about their color superstitions was really starting to pique Bren’s interest in their culture, overall - it was a lot more intricate than he'd initially given them credit for.

“Is that why you guys have dead bodies around?” Bren motioned to nothing in particular, though he meant the heads on spikes outside the gates. “That’s very unhygienic, by the way.”

Raze laughed. “They’re red! It’s a warning to dumbasses, but marks territory and keeps some animals away. It’s for a lotta reasons. They’re important and say a lot about the camp and kin that live there.”

“Can you explain it to me?” Brennen was now very curious. He thought raiders just did it as a very gross warning to trespassers and because they liked to dismember and torture people.

He shrugged and fell silent. Maybe it was a touchy subject or he just couldn’t explain it all. Seemed like it must be a lot of information. 

Happy turned around with some pants and held them up to Bren to see if they’d fit. She figured they would and tossed them into his arms. 

“The bodies in cages are different than the heads. Camps with cages got more…” She tried to think about the wording, “rules, I guess.” She motioned around, “we don’t got cages. We don’t punish like that. And camps with big cages keep pets. We don't really keep pets here.”

Brennen nodded in understanding. He’d definitely have to avoid raider camps that had the little cages outside. And when she said _'pets',_ did she mean people or dogs? Or both? He probably didn't want to know the answer to that particular question.

The other raider guy motioned, “you want a shirt, too?”

He held his shirt out with one hand and looked down at himself, “is this bad?”

They laughed. 

“I don’t think I need a shirt… Thanks though.” Bren smiled and watched their reactions. The guy just shrugged again and went through the trunk some more.

Brennen stood clutching the leather pants, wondering where he could go change. 

“Put them on,” Happy urged.

Raze stared at him expectantly and didn’t move. 

He inched closer to Raze and lowered his voice, “right now? Here?”

Raze blinked stupidly at him. “Yeah… See if they fit. They should.”

He held the pants out to look them over. They had a few old bloodstains near the bottom of one leg and a couple of little rips that had been patched up. He sniffed them tentatively. They smelled like dirt and animal, but not really dirty or disgusting, so Bren decided to set his pack down and back himself into a corner to be as modest as he could while changing. 

Raze followed. Brennen was about to protest - he didn’t need help or anything… But the raider blocked the view for him, unintentionally, so that was kind of nice. Kept everyone from staring at him, anyway. Everyone except Raze who stared at him unabashedly.

As he removed his boots and slipped on the leather pants, which did fit surprisingly well, Bren spoke quietly, “are you ever going to introduce me to your… Friends? Um… your kin?”

He grinned at the word Brennen chose to use then cocked his head to the side, “introduce?”

“Yeah… You know, so I properly know what the hell their names are and they can know mine.”

“Tell them your name, ask them for theirs…” Raze furrowed his brow in confusion as he contemplated this thing.

Brennen smiled as he tied his boots back up, “it’s polite for someone’s companion to introduce them to others.”

The raider thought about it for a moment then turned around and thumbed to Brennen, “his name’s Hazmat.” He flashed a grin at him then motioned to the others, “Happy and Cutter.”

“No…” Bren protested the name, “that’s not my--”

“Oh,” Raze gave a mocking frown, “did I do it wrong?”

“You know that’s not my--”

“Then you shoulda done it yourself, Hazzy.” Raze cuffed him on the arm and laughed. 

Brennen rolled his eyes and turned back to his shirt-pack. He saw one of the young raiders who had been working on their weapon pulling out one of his rolls of duct tape. 

He held a hand out to reprimand the kid for it, but Raze lowered his arm and spoke quietly, “you really need a whole roll of tape?”

They were taking his stuff… But he bit his lip and watched as the raiders used as much as they needed, then put the rest back. That wasn’t bad at all. They weren’t stealing the whole roll, they were just borrowing some of it. Or… Not borrowing, but using. It wasn’t much. 

Bren smiled his best at Raze, “sorry…” 

Happy overheard the whole exchange and sidled up next to them, grinning merrily up at Bren, “I like your companion…”

“He’s alright,” Raze shrugged. 

Brennen wrinkled his nose at the kid and Raze just laughed.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	7. Raider Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He urged Raze through the gate and it was closed behind. Now he was trapped in this place full of people who hated him and he had no weapons. Raze backed himself up against the wall and stared wide-eyed at the town.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen fought the urge to go through his pack and make sure everything was accounted for. Raze had said they wouldn’t steal his stuff and he seemed pretty adamant about it, so Bren didn’t want to be rude about double-checking. He’d check later. It was all just stuff he’d scrounged anyway, he could always get more. He was still a little butt-hurt about the rifle being given away, though.

He’d followed Raze around some more as he idly wandered then sat down again.

“We really should be going…” Brennen glanced up at the sky. It was already well past afternoon. 

Raze tugged on his wrist to get him to sit. “Stay a minute…”

Bren took a breath and sat, then tried his best to smile and relax. 

“You still scared?”

“Um…” Bren glanced around. “Not really…” They were leaving him alone now and mostly seemed just like any other people he’d been around.

Raze smiled, “we don’t get willing outsiders in camps much.”

“Well… Yeah… I imagine not.”

He shrugged and got quiet. “You’re the first I ever talked to. Never been this close to a free outsider before. You guys are assholes.”

“No we aren’t--”

“Not as big of assholes as Gunners though,” he rolled his eyes. 

Bren shrugged, “they’re useful mercenaries.”

“They’re bad for us.” Raze clenched his teeth as he thought about it. “They lie.”

He shrugged again, “people lie sometimes…”

“You lie?” Raze cocked his head to the side.

“Well… I try not to. I like to think I’m pretty honest…”

Raze nodded to himself. “Gunners tell stories about us that ain’t true. Some are, but a lot ain’t. They think they’re better than us. They lie so you’ll pay.” He motioned to some raiders playing the rock game in the dirt, “they look like murder-psychos to you?”

“Well, no… But--”

“What have you heard?”

Brennen didn’t want to tell the kid all the terrible things he’d heard about raiders… From Gunners, mostly. 

Raze shrugged, “don’t matter… Point is… You ask a lotta questions like a child.”

“Sorry…”

“It’s good,” Raze smiled, “annoying, but good. Maybe you can tell people we don’t eat children,” he laughed. 

One of the raiders playing the rock game noticed Bren staring at them, “wanna play?”

“Oh… I don’t know how…” Brennen put a hand out to them and shook his head. 

Raze snorted and nudged Bren out of his seat to go sit on the ground with the other two. 

He crossed his legs and smiled his best as he tried to get comfortable on the hard-packed earth next to Raze where he’d been directed.

Raze seemed very comfortable... And like he knew all about how to play the game. 

One of the raiders counted out some little rocks and separated them into groups then handed some to Bren. He had no clue what to do with them, so he just watched what Raze did and tried his best to copy what was going on. 

As they were setting the game up, Raze grinned mischievously, “oh… Almost forgot…” He pointed to Bren, “his name’s Hazmat, I’m Raze.” 

Bren glared at him and he smirked in reply. 

The two raiders said their names respectively, Fuse and Hopper - more very strange names. 

Fuse pointed out the rocks and things, “you two are partners, so work together to get all the rocks.”

Brennen nodded at that then frowned, “okay, but how?”

Raze shrugged, “it’s real easy. Learn as you go.”

He needed instructions to learn a thing. Of course, he’d never tried the ‘learn as you go’ method of life. It was just a game, not like it was life or death, so Bren nodded again and tried to pay close attention to how it went. 

And it really _was_ easy. It was a fun game that any level of player could enjoy from kids to clever adults. There were layers to it and seemed like a lot more fun with a partner. For the most part, it was just counting out small rocks and moving them around in a circle, getting to keep any rocks across from a spot you ended in, but there were a few caveats to it. Brennen found himself enjoying the game a lot - simple as it was. This was something he’d have to teach everyone back home how to play.

At one point, he asked what the game was called, but they didn’t really have a name for it other than ‘rocks’, which was wildly unimaginative. Bren mused to himself that it could also be a great gambling game played with caps instead of rocks. He knew a lot of people who would love that. 

At another point, the two raiders passed around some chems. Little chewable pills like Raze had before which he’d called ‘field-dope’. Bren glanced to Raze, hoping it wouldn’t be impolite to refuse them, but the kid stared at him expectantly, so he ate one. And then Brennen started feeling itchy. Not physically, but itching to move around and do things. 

The world seemed brighter and more colorful. Everything moving caught his attention. His mind raced, but not all over the place. He ended up hyper-focused on the game while his eyes continued to dart around at anything that moved. 

And Brennen was great at math to begin with, but now he was sitting in the dirt overcomplicating every single thing as he calculated rock counts and moving them and how different the game would be with four hundred more rocks and more rule caveats. And what if you could add ‘bad’ rocks to the game? White ones. Bad color. The game wasn’t going fast enough and it wasn’t hard enough.

After a while, Bren stared at Raze, “what were those pills?”

He smiled, “want more?”

“No, I want to know what they are…”

Hopper pulled more from his jacket pocket and shrugged, “Mentats. Or… just like ‘em, anyway. I made these.” He popped two more into his mouth like they were candy and grinned proudly, “mine are better.”

Brennen stared for a moment then shook it off. Of course they made them. What was in them?! His mouth felt really dry.

“Is there… I mean,” Bren glanced around, “may I please have some water?”

Fuse and Hopper looked at each other and shrugged as they reset the game to start a new one.

“Go get some,” Raze pointed to the place they had first got water from. 

Brennen carefully sidled up to the shelf and looked around at all the raiders, then picked up one of the containers and took a drink, set it back down, then decided to take another drink after the first didn’t do anything for the dryness in his mouth. 

He sat back down, fidgeting with everything he could get his hands on, and eyed the water shelf. He wanted more, but he felt like he’d drink all their entire water supply right now. 

Raze snorted a laugh at him, “suck on something.”

Hopper wiped off one of the smooth rocks from the game and handed it over, “suck on this.”

“Oh… No… That’s okay I’ll just… Um…” Bren glanced down at the smooth clean rocks he was given for the game. Had they all been sucked on? Gross. 

Raze motioned to the cookpot, “bones are good.”

Fuse nodded agreement, “bones, rocks, grassroots, sticks, bits of plastic…” He held up the plastic straw he’d been chewing on, “I like these best.”

No wonder Raze always had weird things in his mouth. Brennen found himself at the cookpot contemplating the stuff inside, then scooped himself up a little bone to chew on. Sucking on the bone did help a bit. 

He continued to glance at the water shelf as he played rocks and Raze noticed.

“You can have more.”

Bren chewed his lip, eyed the three raiders, then asked quietly, “am I expected to… Pay for it?” They looked confused so he elaborated, “how do you ensure that the water gets replaced and people don’t just take it all without giving back?”

Hopper and Fuse looked more confused. 

“Honor,” Raze shrugged. 

And then it was Brennen’s turn to try on the confused expression. Though, that had really been his constant state of being since meeting Raze. 

He tried to think of how to explain, “honor. And respect. We’re welcome to these things, but give when we can because we feel…” He couldn’t think of how to explain further so he shrugged, “honorbound.” 

“Morals…” Bren nodded to himself. He pointed at Raze, “wait… Is that why you’re helping me?”

The kid laughed, “yeah. Told you that.”

“Oh…” 

Wow. Obligation of a different sort. That was… Amazing. In a world full of people only looking out for their own wellbeing, raiders _did_ have honor and respect - it just needed to be worked for and earned. He’d always assumed, because of the stories he’d heard, that raiders were ruthless chaotic killers who only worked to take care of themselves. In a sense they did, but it was only because nobody else had been able to get close to them before. If the people in a town tried doing things based on the honor system they’d run out of food and water pretty quickly. 

Bren wondered if he could trade with them somehow. He glanced down at the bone he’d been chewing on. Something better that they’d like. Hard candy or bubblegum, perhaps? Raze seemed to hold no value in the items Bren scavenged, so maybe they could work out a trade agreement for the items raiders thought were useless in exchange for some simple items like better food, candy, and maybe weapons. Okay, maybe not weapons, but other things. Trading with raiders was an insane idea, but maybe if they traded, they would raid less. 

He played rocks and thought about the possibilities and his mind started to eventually slow down. How long had he been sitting here with them talking and playing? Felt like about ten minutes. Probably been several hours. Again, that’s how time always seemed to work. 

He liked Hopper and Fuse okay. They all had the same strange sense of humor Raze had. They laughed at childish things and sometimes joked about death. At first, Bren thought they were just laughing about killing people, but they’d also made some jokes about raider kin who had died. That made no sense to him -- The dead should always be respected and honored, not joked about. But Raze seemed to have some respect, after his talk of honor, so there must be something more to the joking that Brennen just didn’t understand.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen did end up trading with them, but he felt like he was getting a far better deal in the end and it almost made him feel bad. They’d given him a couple cans of actual food and a container of water, so he had to make room for it in his pack. He traded them the pot, milk bottles, and, after some hesitation, the full roll of duct tape. They’d also given him the pants, of course. They were a little tighter than he was used to, but pretty comfortable. No big pockets, though.

And they never got any new weapons, other than a small knife, so now Raze had the one rifle with about five bullets, his pick weapon, and a knife and Bren still went unarmed -- Other than the empty pistol in his pack. Good to throw at a threat, he supposed. He wondered if he’d asked for a weapon if they would have given him one. Seemed like all they had to do was point at something and say ‘I like this’ and it was given away most times. He should have tried asking.

Raze redid his own face paint and turned on Bren with the ash-char once more, but Brennen managed to tell him no and keep the kid from coloring his face black again -- It was still pretty dirty from the char before. He tried his best to clean it off, but the stuff just smudged and got everywhere. He was going to have to take a nice long shower first thing when he got to town. 

They’d left the camp a little late, and Brennen had no idea where they were without roads to tell him, so he trusted Raze to lead them to the town. Hopefully they’d get there before dark. 

For some reason, Brennen felt like filling some of the silence, “your kin are pretty welcoming… Sorry I had the misconceptions.”

“They ain’t all like that.”

Bren nodded to himself as he remembered what Happy had said about the cages in some camps. 

“So… There’s different rules for different groups?”

He shrugged, “yeah. Most things are the same everywhere, but there’s some groups that do different shit.” Raze pointed, “but we don’t eat children. That’s just stupid - kids got no meat on ‘em.”

Brennen stared. “Do you… Eat people?” He hoped like hell that the shit he’d eaten in the camp was not a person. Where did the pants come from?

“Fuck no!” Raze snorted, then paused and looked up to think, “some do though. Not these ones out here… I never met the ones that eat people, but I’m sure they got some rules about it all.”

“Happy said something about raiders who wear bad colors?”

“I never really met them either,” Raze waved a hand. “They come from the west, not out here. I heard about them though and they wander out this way sometimes. They’re called Pack.”

Brennen thought about that. He’d only seen a couple of the dead Pack raiders, but he’d always assumed all raiders were that way and just had a wide array of dress. 

“Are there a large variety of different types of raiders?”

He shrugged, “probably. I just know what’s in my homeland and hear some shit about others. Some of the ones I live with came from other places.”

“Are they all kin or do you fight with some other groups?”

“All kin. Some groups fight a bit if they don’t got the same goals and methods and live too close to each other, but we’re all kin and understand that.” Raze smiled almost proudly as he thought about what he’d said. Then he sighed, "everyone hates us so it'd be stupid to kill each other when everyone else is already doin it to us."

Bren fell silent for a while as he took all that in. After some time he spoke up again, “the colorful raiders are called Pack, do you have a name for your group?”

Raze shrugged, “not really. But we don’t even call ourselves raiders - you people call us that and think we’re all the same.”

“Sorry…” 

He laughed, “don’t be. The word don’t hurt us any so most of us just run with it. Guess people just like to group shit together and give it a name to be able to talk about it. _‘Oooh! Watch out for the scary raiders! The raiders will steal all your shit and torture your babies!’”_

Bren snorted a quiet chuckle at that - he actually understood the humor this time. 

They’d come to the road again and Brennen knew where he was. The town could be seen in the far distance and he sighed relief. The kid had managed to get him there, just as he said he would. As they got closer, Raze stopped walking. 

Bren hesitated then motioned to the town, “you want to come with? I’m not sure I can actually find a merc for hire… Sometimes there aren’t any.”

He shook his head, “I can’t go closer… They’ll kill me.”

“Nonsense. I’m a trader and you’re my guard. I’m more than welcome in any town and you would be, too, if you’re with me.”

“No… They’ll kill me,” Raze repeated and took a step back. 

Brennen eyed the town then Raze. “Okay, well how about if you didn’t look so much like a raider at first glance? Clean your face off or something.”

He touched his fingertips to his cheek, “won’t matter.” 

“It’ll be okay. I didn’t want to go into the camp but I did anyway and it turned out fine. I trusted you… So you trust me, okay?”

Raze hesitated for a long moment then slowly stepped forward again to follow Bren to the town.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

Raze watched Brennen casually stroll up closer to the town walls that towered and jutted up out of the land, stretching far to each side with big buildings peeking up over the tops. This was the closest he’d ever been to a town and was almost in awe at how much larger it looked up close. It was like an unnatural growth - a thick forest of wooden slats and massive metal caged in by their wall. It seemed like if the wall broke, the entire town would flood out over the wasteland.

He saw some guards out front near the large gate door and the armed men took a few cautious steps toward them. Raze stopped, touched his rifle, then forced himself to let it rest on his back again and spread his arms to the sides. He flinched when they moved and he had to fight to stay standing defenseless out before them. They were going to kill him. He should just turn and run. 

Raze stepped back and Brennen set a hand on his arm, “it’s okay… Stop acting shady.”

“I ain’t acting any way,” Raze spoke quietly as the guards came closer. 

The two armed men were staring at him and it made him even more uncomfortable so he moved to the side to hide behind Brennen. But even so, Raze stared them down defiantly, daring them to touch him or his companion. 

One of the guards motioned to Bren with his weapon, “you’re a strange looking raider.”

“Oh…” Bren chuckled and shook his head, “I’m not a raider.” He thumbed over his shoulder to his pack, “I’m a trader, but I lost my stuff when my brahmin was killed by a bear…” 

The other man squinted, “you look familiar. I remember the hair.”

“Yes!” He nodded, “I’ve been here a couple times. I’m Brennen and this is my guard,” he swept a hand out to Raze behind him. 

They both laughed as the first motioned his weapon at Raze, “that’s not a guard, that’s an _actual_ raider.”

The other snorted, “he’s hardly even a person, you’d do just as well with a mongrel dog. At least the dog won’t steal your shit and slit your throat.”

“That’s rude,” Brennen frowned, “he’s actually the best guard I’ve ever had.” He turned and set a hand on Raze’s arm again, “sorry about them.”

He shrugged. He knew what people thought of them and none of it hurt any. So long as they weren’t calling him a dishonorable liar...

The guards eyed them both skeptically for a moment, looked to one another, then one spoke up, “you can come in, but the raider needs to leave his weapons.”

Raze scowled at them then spoke quietly to Brennen, “how bout I just stay out here?”

The two guards smiled sick grins that clearly said they were probably hoping for that to happen. Maybe he could get away from them before they killed him. They were both pretty heavy and one was older - he could probably outrun them easy.

Brennen pulled Raze closer, “no. This is my guard and he’s coming in with me.”

Maybe Brennen knew what the assholes had been thinking, too. 

The first shrugged and stepped out of the way, “suit yourself. But if you’re going to associate with raiders and play dress up like them, be prepared to be treated like one. You’re lucky we didn’t shoot you.”

He made a face then glanced down at himself. “Oh… No, I’m not a raider at all, I just needed some pants and…” Brennen trailed off and sighed. 

One guard took Brennen by the arm and Raze flinched and reached for his pick weapon, then carefully spread his arms out again when the trader put a calm hand out toward him. The second guard cautiously stepped close to Raze and he glared at the man. 

He reached for the rifle slung over his back and Raze moved away. “Mine.”

“Do you want in?” The guard returned the glare. 

“No,” Raze snorted. 

Brennen was pulled a little ways away. “Let them have your weapons, you can get them back when we leave.”

As he reluctantly handed the rifle and small knife over, Raze overheard the guard with Brennen ask if he was there against his will or kidnapped. 

“You fuckin serious?” Raze snorted at him, “why would I kidnap someone then bring them to your dumb town?”

The guy shot back, “because you’re an idiot?”

 _“You’re_ an idiot,” Raze managed to glare even harder. 

The second guy tried to turn Raze around to check him for more weapons and he set his feet - no way he was going to turn his back on this asshole. He kept his hands out as best he could, but they ended up struggling a bit until the guard got irritated, reached around to feel him up, then jerked his hand back.

“What the fuck?! Turn the fuck around!” The guard dropped his rifle on the strap so he could cradle his bleeding hand. 

Raze laughed and slowly pulled the pick from the back of his belt to hand it over. The man was pissed off and snatched it away, which made Raze laugh even harder. Dumbass. 

“You got anything else?” The guard pointed the pick.

“Why, wanna cut your other hand?” Raze was still laughing. The guard just glared so he shook his head, “that’s it.” These guys had no humor.

The guards stepped back and the one who took the rifle was looking it over. “Nice weapon… You steal it?”

Raze shrugged, “it was just layin in the dirt. Crazy, huh?”

Brennen set a hand on his shoulder to nudge him toward the gate and smiled at the guard, “he didn’t steal it. Thanks for holding these for us, we’ll be back for them.”

He urged Raze through the gate and it was closed behind. Now he was trapped in this place full of people who hated him and he had no weapons. Raze backed himself up against the wall and stared wide-eyed at the town. 

It was huge. Well, biggest living thing he’d ever seen, anyway. The center part of it had a bunch of little tents and wood or metal stalls overflowing with different items all grouped together for what they were. Loud people were everywhere. They all wore colorful clothes and hurried around like they had places to go, but they weren’t going anywhere. Everything they did was fast. Even the people sitting on stools or benches looked like they were somehow sitting fast. 

Brennen touched his shoulder again and urged him forward. He smiled and Raze relaxed only a slight bit. He pressed close and walked down the wood planks of the walkway somewhat behind the trader toward the middle of town. There was a big stall with food and drinks that people were sitting at while they ate. The shelves were packed full of all kinds of food things and some fresh meat hung on hooks from the tin roof. Whatever was cooking smelled good, but there were so many overwhelming smells all around that he couldn’t place any of them. Raze nervously edged around the counter, found some water, and took it off the shelf to drink. 

“Hey! You gotta pay for that!” The one man behind the counter rushed over and snatched the water from him before he could get any. 

Raze blinked at the man then glanced to Brennen. 

“It’s okay, we’ll buy it.” Brennen put a hand out toward the man and smiled.

“Get out from back here,” the man pointed angrily.

He took Raze to the other side of the counter and started counting out some caps for the water. “You can’t just take food and water here,” he said quietly. 

Raze stared at him. “How do you tell them you need shelter if you can’t drink the water?”

Brennen wrinkled his nose, “what?”

“That’s how we let everyone know our intentions. When we come into a camp, we drink some water to let everyone know we need shelter…” 

“Oh!” Brennen blinked in surprise, “that’s why you made me drink-- Oh!” He laughed quietly, “that makes a lot of sense!”

“I know… So how the fuck do you do it here?”

“Not like that…” He paused to think about it. “We harbor folks in the town walls who need to be safe, but you still need to pay for the food and water and a place to sleep. We just go find a room to rent if we don’t live here.”

Raze glanced around at all the people. The ones eating -- They paid for that food. Would they starve to death if they couldn’t pay? Seemed stupid to starve to death right in front of a place full of food. He had so many questions, but he didn’t even know where to start with them or what to ask. Except for the most immediate thing…

“Room to rent? Is that like claiming?”

“Yeah… I mean no… You pay some caps to borrow a private room to stay in for the night. It’s yours for the night. So kind of. The way to do it is to use caps instead of saying ‘mine’.” He motioned down one of the walkways, “let’s go get one.”  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no, this isn't Diamond City - this is an unnamed town that doesn't exist in the game. well, not YOUR game, probably, but it's something i made, myself. i took some liberties with the map and this town (and the raider camp they stayed at), in general, but it's nothing that isn't doable with mods in the game. (i actually build myself a lot of raider camps whenever i play my game as a raider!)
> 
> i actually have their route mapped out, as well as where Raze comes from (it's a real place that raiders possibly live depending on how you do a quest), and some of the farms and such along the way. so it is an actual route and does fit onto the map. (if anyone wants to try and suss out where Raze's home is from clues within the story... he doesn't know the name of it, so he's never going to give you any actual name of the place)
> 
> so if you feel like nitpicking at me with the chapters dealing with this town - too bad. they have plumbing, bathhouses, meat hanging off the roof at the food stall restaurant, a jail, etc. and just get over it. ^_^
> 
> ** another thing - if you're new to my works, i like to make up a lot of plausible names for things... so that's where 'field-dope' came from. i made that up. as well as back when Raze referred to feral ghouls as 'stumblers'. makes sense, right?


	8. Putting Hats on Bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raze waved a hand, “you can put a fancy hat on a bear, but you won’t fool anyone.”  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - -

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

As they walked, Raze stuck close, but his eyes were everywhere. There was so much to look at. And it was noisy. All the people in their little stalls were calling out loudly about what was in their tents or open-faced shacks and other people spoke loud to one another -- they had to so they could be heard over the noise of everyone else talking and shouting about their junk.

There was one dirty man in tattered clothes that didn’t look quite like the other people and he sat on the ground in a smaller walkway. As they passed, the man reached up to them and opened his hand, but he didn’t say anything. Not at first. Raze didn’t know what the man wanted so he squatted down next to him and tilted his head in question. 

The guy flinched away a little, eyed Brennen, then stared at Raze, “you… Uh… You wouldn’t have any caps, would ya?”

“They yelled at you, too?” Raze questioned. 

“Uh…” The man chuckled nervously, “yeah man, they yell… But mostly they ignore me like I’m invisible.” 

“At least they ain’t shooting at you,” he shrugged.

Brennen noticed Raze had stopped following and he came back. He saw the old man, immediately dug in his pocket, and gave him a cap. The man seemed happy about it, but Raze frowned and stood up. 

“He can’t eat that.”

Brennen shrugged, “I know, but it’s what I can give him. He can get some more from other people and buy food.”

Raze made a face and grabbed Brennen’s pack, spun him around, then dug out the two cans of food. 

He tossed them at the man then pointed sternly, “eat yourself strong and go hunt.”

The man nodded dumbly, but cradled the food and didn’t move. 

As they walked away, Brennen spoke quietly, “he’s not going to go hunt…”

Raze glanced back over his shoulder at the man who was already using a knife to open a can hungrily. He was older, but not too old to go get himself some food. He wasn’t injured and nothing seemed wrong with him.

He shrugged, “then he’ll die.”

Brennen furrowed his brow and stared.

“What?”

“That was… Really nice of you, but don’t give away our food… But then you’re just… Like oh well if he starves?”

Raze shrugged again, “if he don’t wanna get his own food, he should die.”

“Oh… Kay…” Brennen continued to eye him all the way to a large building. 

The inside was like a whole camp all on its own. There was a large, open, two-floor space that probably thirty people could live in and then there were a bunch of doors all around an upstairs area surrounded by a railed walkway. Maybe more big rooms. He’d never seen so many doors all in one building before. Was this a house? 

There were a few tables with people sitting at them drinking alcohol and eating more food. There was so much food in a town… Did people just always sit around eating it all? No wonder they all looked so soft and curvy. He stared at a man at the bar counter while he ate something from a bowl that Raze couldn’t figure out. Long skinny worms, maybe. Gross. 

He edged closer to try and see if the worms were at least dead and the man made a face and scoot his bowl closer to himself, cradling it like Raze was going to steal it or something. He didn’t want to eat the man’s strange worm-food. 

“You can’t be in here,” the man finally spoke up. 

Raze pointed to himself then looked to Brennen. Was he not allowed in the house? Did he do it wrong? 

The trader moved between the two of them and glared, “he can be here.”

“His stink is ruining my meal,” the man huffed. 

Brennen crossed his arms, “he’s not doing anything. If you don’t like it, go elsewhere.” He stood there like that until the man huffed again and grumbled as he took his food and went across the large room. 

Raze grinned at the trader as he showed some backbone. He continued to smile a little dumbly at him as he watched Brennen talk to the guy behind the counter. He was tall and confident and knew what he was doing as he quickly exchanged more useless caps to claim a room. 

When Brennen was directed to a place and turned to go, Raze stepped up to the counter and pointed, “I want one.”

The man behind the counter looked over his shoulder at the shelves of alcohol then smiled in a way as someone would with a child. 

He spoke slowly as if Raze couldn’t understand the language, “which one would you like?”

He eyed all the different bottles. “Brown.” 

The man snorted and shook his head, “that narrows it down to about half… Which brown?”

Raze shrugged, “brown. One of those big ones.”

He reached up onto a top shelf and held the bottle in both hands as if showing off a trophy, “bourbon. A nice oak after flavor with a honey--”

“Yeah, whatever,” Raze held an impatient hand out.

The guy hesitated. “Thirty caps… Do you…” He looked Raze up and down, _“have_ any caps?”

Brennen noticed, again, that Raze had not been following and came back. He tugged him away from the counter and shook his head at the guy, “no… No thank you.”

Raze frowned, “but I want it…”

“I’m sure you do… Maybe later, okay? And maybe not the most expensive thing you can find.”

“Expensive?”

Brennen snorted and urged Raze upstairs, “don’t worry about it. Explaining prices to you would be a lost cause.”

“I ain’t stupid.”

“I know… But it’s useless information to you.” He unlocked and opened one of the many doors and motioned for Raze to go in. 

The room was big like four shacks put together, but all it had was two fancy beds on legs with a lamp table between them, a little dresser, and a couple chairs next to a round table. There were no items in it other than the furniture. 

“This is the room you claimed?”

Brennen set his pack on one of the beds and chuckled, “yeah. This room is ours for one night.”

Raze shrugged and plopped down on the other bed and bounced a bit. It was springy. And comfortable and clean. There were nice blankets and two big pillows on each bed. The room was nice and warm, even though it was big and empty of personal things - there were no chems or alcohol or anything. 

“Um…” Brennen pointed at him, “how about we get washed up before laying in the nice clean beds?”

He glanced down at himself then shrugged again.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Brennen had him take off the parts of his armor that could come off and leave them in the room; Shoulder pads, bracers, extra belt and pouches, shin guards, and the upper chest padding. Now he felt even more vulnerable as they went back out into the town to get clean clothes or whatever.

He followed to a large stall that only had a bunch of clothing items on shelves and hanging on racks. All bad. Raze poked at a bright green shirt, then pushed aside some light blue shirts into a heap. The older lady behind the counter smacked his hands away and started refolding the clothes as she scowled at him. 

Raze crossed his arms, “what’s wrong with the clothes I got?”

“Well, for starters,” Brennen motioned, “you have blood all over your pants.”

He glanced down at them, “adds to the cool look.” Raze shrugged, “besides, it’s mostly my own blood… Not like it’s some trader or...”

He trailed off at the horrified look the lady gave him and he snorted a laugh. 

Brennen pressed his lips together and smiled, “your clothes are dirty. There’s no sense washing up if you put on dirty clothes after.”

Raze huffed and went back to poking around the hanging clothes, but the lady shooed him away from touching the things. 

“Do you have any brown colors?” Brennen asked her. “Or maybe red?”

Raze smiled at that. 

The woman dug around some shelves and handed over a tan button-up shirt, “this could fit.”

He unfolded it and held it up to Raze. “Hold your arms out…”

“It fits.”

Brennen laid it out over his chest and leaned back to look it over, “how do you know just at a glance?”

“We’re real good at clothing and shoe sizes,” Raze shrugged. 

“Dare I ask why?”

He opened his mouth and Brennen held a finger up, “you know what… I don’t want to know why. We’ll take this shirt.”

The lady gave a nod and pointed, “he’ll need some pants if you want him to look normal.”

“Normal?” Raze tilted his head to the side.

“Not like an animal,” she immediately replied. 

Raze snorted at her, “animals don’t wear clothes.” He looked her up and down then smirked, “except maybe some bitches.”

Her face turned bright red and she huffed while Brennen tried to hold back a laugh. 

He nudged Raze away from the counter, “pick out some pants.”

“I like these pants.” 

“Temporary pants. I’m wearing your pants, you can humor me for a day and wear mine. Maybe you won’t get harassed so much if you don’t look so much like… You know.”

Raze waved a hand, “you can put a fancy hat on a bear, but you won’t fool anyone.”

Brennen stared at him for a moment then sighed, “okay fine. How about underwear?” He paused, “do you… Wear smallclothes?”

He laughed a reply. 

“Okay… Underwear.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

After getting an armful of clean clothes, they went to another large room back in the big house that Brennen had said was a type of locker room. He said something about showers, toilets, and a place with baths - but rambled about this place not having many showers. He was excited about a lot of shit Raze didn’t understand, but he followed behind anyway.

The large room had a smaller room filled with a bunch of little stalls with gate doors. Rooms inside of rooms inside of bigger rooms. 

Brennen opened one of the gate doors and pointed to a toilet, “if you need to go…”

“So… I don’t piss in a cook pot?”

The trader laughed and shook his head, “please don’t.”

He took him around and pointed out lockers. Raze tried to open a few of them, but they were all locked.

“No, you can’t take people’s stuff out of them, but you can keep your clothes and things in here if you want while you shower. If you want one, you can borrow a key.”

“Borrow…? With more stupid caps?”

Brennen snorted a laugh, “yeah. Just one cap. Some towns let you borrow one for free.”

He eyed the lockers. “Why?”

“So people don’t steal your things while you shower,” Brennen shrugged. 

Raze blinked stupidly at him, “why would you…” He frowned and pointed, “you people say _we_ steal your shit, but you all steal each other’s shit?”

“It’s complicated.”

“No it ain’t! Don’t take people’s claimed shit.” 

Brennen held his breath then let out a sigh and shook his head, “people… Are just like that sometimes. Not all people, though. And we don’t share things like you guys do, so a lot of folks need stuff but don’t have money for it and they get desperate.”

He walked on and Raze trailed behind. There was another damn room with a couple tiny stalls in it on one side and more fucking little rooms on the other side. 

“Showers, and private baths,” Brennen smiled brightly. 

Raze moved the curtain on one of the stalls and stared at the strange faucet thing sticking out of the wall slightly above his head. He’d seen these in ruins before, but never knew what they were. He reached up and poked at it, then gave it a twist, but it didn’t move or do anything.

Brennen laughed quietly and edged into the opening of the stall next to him, “it’s a shower… Have you never used one?”

He shook his head and started poking around at the other objects sticking out from the wall. He gave one a twist and cold water suddenly sprayed from the one above and hit them both in the head. Raze jumped back out of the stall, then caught Brennen when the man tripped up over his own feet trying to get away from the water spray. They both fell onto the floor together and the trader laughed loud.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

“Maybe you should use one of the baths…” Bren said quietly as he watched Raze trying to figure out how to use a shower.

The raider, as directed, had taken a towel from the shelf and some liquid and bar soaps then tossed them on the bottom of the stall and Bren had to pick the towel up and hang it over the rod so it wouldn’t get wet. This was not something he was ever prepared to do - teach a grown man how to shower. 

Brennen nudged him out of the way and turned on the water to let it warm up and explained, “you turn it on first, then take your clothes off and step inside. Use the bar of soap for your body and the liquid for your hair and--”

He turned around to find the man standing there completely naked already, his clothes scattered around the floor everywhere. 

Bren immediately averted his gaze and pointed into the stall, “I think it’s warm… If you don’t like the temperature, fiddle with the knobs in tiny amounts until you like it…”

He stepped back out of the way then had to close the curtain behind Raze for privacy. He immediately opened it. 

“You have to keep it closed so water doesn’t--”

“I don’t like it closed. I don’t wanna be trapped in a tiny room.”

Bren sighed, “you aren’t trapped.”

Raze stood naked in the stall and crossed his arms.

“Do you want me to stay out here while you shower?” What a ridiculous thing to need to do.

He shrugged. Bren was starting to think shrugging meant ‘yes’.

“Okay… Fine. I’ll be right here, okay?”

Raze shrugged again then turned to the showerhead. He put a hand over it and water sprayed everywhere. The kid laughed as Bren put a hand up to shield himself and closed the curtain once more. 

And then, what followed, was a lot of laughter coming from the stall and Brennen had to wonder what the hell he was doing in there. Was he even washing himself? He heard the raider yelp at one point - probably because he was messing with the hot water, then he made some other noise when he most likely overcompensated with cold. Shower faucets were very touchy. 

After several minutes, Bren called out, “are you done yet?”

Raze laughed, “it’s like a rainstorm but from one tiny spot!” 

He laughed louder and somehow the water started spraying up over the top of the curtain. Brennen stepped away from the mess and sighed audibly, “okay… Turn the damn water off.”

It took him a moment to figure it out, then the curtain opened. “That was fun!”

His hair was hardly even wet, his face was still smudged, and he had soap suds on a quarter of his body. 

“I think you should try the bath… You know how those work, right?”

Raze shrugged and stepped out. 

Brennen gathered up the soaps and handed him the damp towel and he just carried it with him as he dripped water everywhere to a bath room. Someone else entered the locker room in a towel as Raze was traversing across and the guy stared for a second then averted his gaze and quickly moved to one of the stalls, trying very hard to ignore the stark-naked, soaked, loudly laughing man.

Bren showed him how to fill the bath, but he seemed to understand it now. Raze immediately climbed in and started splashing around like a goddamned toddler. It was kind of adorable, but still annoying. 

“Stop it,” he pointed sternly, “don’t get water all over the floor.” He hesitated then found a washcloth on a little shelf and tossed it to the man, “wash your face.”

Raze stared at the cloth for a moment then got it wet and started wiping his face. The char smeared around and only got half clean. 

He pointed to himself, “got it?”

“No,” Bren sighed and knelt down beside the tub. 

He tried very hard to keep his eyes off the man’s body, but now that he was close, he could see the tattoos better. He took the cloth and wiped the smudges off Raze’s face and eyed the tattoos, trying to pretend like he was focused on other things. They were very crudely done. One was a scorpion tail over one hip bone which accentuated the cut of his V-line, another was a misspelled word that read ‘hart’ under his left collarbone, and another seemed to be just a random lined design over one peck. That design was kind of neat. Raze also had a few more light scars across his chest, arms, and abdomen. Bren couldn’t place what would have caused the light lines, but he suspected maybe knives. 

He also took the time to look at the kid’s thigh. The stab wound looked bad. It was just a twisted pink scar now, but it looked painful. There was no way he would have lived without the stimpack. And if he did, he definitely would have lost the leg - which would probably mean death to a raider. Brennen was pretty sure he’d never seen a raider with missing limbs before. 

Brennen wiped his face, then told him to close his eyes and lean his head back so he could get the black paint near his eyes and over his eyelids. Raze scoot down a little in the tub and smiled as he leaned back and was tended to. Bren gently wiped the paint away, paid special attention to the stuff matting his eyebrows, then ran the cloth over the kid’s neck just for good measure. He refolded it and did his shoulders and arms then stopped himself when he realized this part was completely unnecessary. 

When he handed the cloth over, Raze gave a mock pout, “don’t stop… I’m still dirty. Probably.” 

Bren stammered, “you... Uh… I’m sure you can wash yourself… Just fine.” He stood and thumbed toward the door, “I’m going to shower… Handle yourself, alright?”

He shrugged and continued using the cloth on other parts of his body. He seemed to know how to use a bath - that must be how raiders did things. After all, Bren never thought he was smelly - just smelled mostly like dirt, leather, and animal, so he must bathe somehow.

Brennen undressed, unwrapped his leg wound, and took the fastest shower he could manage - he didn’t want to leave the kid alone too long. Who the hell knows what he’d do unsupervised. Probably walk around town naked and soaking wet trying to get more alcohol. Just what he needed. 

He made sure his face and hair were clean above all else then wrapped up in a towel to check on Raze. He was still in the bath. Good. Bren kept an eye on the bath door as he changed into his clean clothes. Somehow the raiders must have influenced his color choices because the outfit was a dark brown button-up plaid shirt and faded black jeans. That’s okay, though - it looked really good on him, he decided. 

Brennen knocked on the bath door, “you alright in there?”

After a moment Raze called back, “no… I need help…”

Bren hurriedly opened the door and stepped into the steamy room. “You okay?”

A sopping wet cloth flew through the air and splatted against Bren’s shielding arm, then dropped to the floor with a sploosy thwack sound.

“For fuck’s sake!” Brennen picked the cloth up and glared. The look melted quickly when he saw the kid comfortably splayed out with his arms and feet all propped up on the edges of the tub. He was relaxed back into the water, thoroughly enjoying it. 

“I like the hot water,” Raze pointed to the faucet. “We don’t got that…” He splashed his feet back into the overfull tub and leaned forward to add more hot water.

“Okay…” Bren stepped forward then paused and moved away again to give him privacy, “how about you drain some of the water before adding more?”

Raze glanced down at the bottom of the tub and Brennen had to move closer, roll up a sleeve, reach down between his feet and show him how to drain the water. Okay, apparently raiders bathed in actual washbasin tubs and not a bathtub. He should have known.

The floor was soaked. Brennen sighed and grabbed the towel, “okay, you’re done in here…”

“Can I come back?” He said as he stepped out of the tub.

“Well… Yeah…” Bren wrapped the towel around his waist. Raze let it fall. “Use the damn towel!”

He picked it up and wiped his arms and legs a bit then held it out again.

“No… Just…” Bren reached for the towel then stopped himself. Why the hell would he need to show him how to dry himself? 

He huffed and crossed his arms and Raze laughed as he started drying himself off properly. He’d been fucking with him… Of course. 

The raider pulled his clean underwear and old pants on, taking only a moment to decide how the underwear worked. He spoke while figuring the shirt out, “when’s someone gunna bring food?”

“Bring food?” 

“Yeah,” he fumbled with the buttons, “bring food…”

Brennen moved close and buttoned up his shirt for him, “how do you do it?”

“You saw…” Raze watched him intently, “after you drink the water, someone brings food. Or you go get it yourself. Is someone bringing food?”

“Um… No. We have to go get it. Are you hungry?”

Raze nodded.

“Okay… We’ll take our dirty clothes back to the room then go get something to eat.” Brennen finished the buttons and stepped back with a smile, “I can’t wait to show you what good food tastes like.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Before they went to eat, the trader insisted on one more stop. He said it’d be quick. Good, cuz he was really damn hungry.

“Sit in the chair,” Brennen pointed.

Raze eyed it, then the man behind. He glanced around at the little stall full of sharp objects and strange things, then slowly took a seat. He kept his eyes on the man behind the chair, turning nearly all the way around as the man moved and tied a big cloth around his neck and shoulders.

The guy smiled, “what would you like?”

Raze looked to Brennen.

“Um…” the trader thought for a moment, “how about you just fix what he already has going?”

The man started touching his hair and Raze continued to eye him warily. Then the man grabbed some scissors and Raze jumped up and backed away.

“It’s okay,” Brennen urged him back into the seat, “let him cut your hair.”

“Hair’s fine…” Raze glared at the man with the scissors.

“Not really,” The trader touched it, spiking up a bit of the long, still damp, top. “I don’t know who cut it, but it’s all uneven.”

“I cut it,” Raze made a face at him. 

“Oh… Well… Okay, no wonder. Let him fix it, alright? He won’t hurt you.”

He huffed then went back to glaring at the man. The guy took a cautious step closer then started combing his hair up with one hand, then snipped some with the scissors in his other. Then he snipped some more. The man moved around the chair and cut more and more, then took some electric buzzing thing and came at him with it. 

Raze flinched away, but Brennen touched his arm and smiled, “they’re clippers. It’s going to feel weird, but it won’t hurt you.”

He rolled his eyes and tried to relax back into the chair as the man touched the buzzing thing to his head. It kind of tickled his ears sometimes. Raze laughed and squirmed a bit, and both men told him to sit still unless he wanted to end up bald. 

After a few minutes, the man stepped back, combed his hair some more, and smiled, “there we go!”

He handed a mirror over and Raze immediately took it to see the damage. 

Brennen eyed the haircut and nodded appreciatively as he paid the man, “I like it, it looks really good. Do you like it?”

He turned his head to the side. Then the other side. He ran a hand over a shaved side, ruffled the top a bit, then smiled. It looked nice. All even. Short on the sides and back, much longer on top and slicked back in a cool way. This was how he’d always wanted to cut his own hair and never been able to quite manage. The man fussed a bit at the now messed up hair and combed it back again, then Raze ruffled it and laughed.

Brennen cleared his throat, “food?”

Raze nodded happily and shoved the mirror back at the man. He barely had time to take the long cloth back from around his neck as he stepped away.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	9. Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wondered how raiders handled flirting and courtship. Maybe they just beat a cute girl over the head with a club - caveman style. 
> 
> Well, he was probably about to find out - Raze wiped his mouth and smiled at the women and they got up and sauntered over.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen took him to the place in the center of town that had all the food, but they sat at a little table off to the side instead of at the counter.

“What do you like?” Brennen smiled over a thing he called a ‘menu’. 

Raze shrugged.

“Okay… Do you like red meat? You seem like you’d like red meat…”

He shrugged again. 

Brennen watched him scowling at the menu for a moment then gently pulled it away from him, “how about I read it to you?”

Raze frowned then nodded slowly -- There weren’t any pictures in the stupid little two-page book.

“Okay… So there’s brahmin steak and tatos, all different kinds of noodles, salisbury steak, rabbit stew, stag steaks, beans and ribs--”

“The shit that guy in the house was eating…” Raze made a face and used his hands, trying to figure out the way to explain, “long worms?”

Brennen laughed, “noodles. You want that?”

“I dunno… What’s noodles?” 

“Well, they’re not worms. It’s not even an animal, it’s a plant. Kind of. But you can get them with meat put in it. And vegetables, too!” He seemed very excited about it. 

“Okay… Get that then. Food’s food. It’s all the same.”

He frowned, “no, it’s not all the same. Some is much better than other food, but it depends on what you like. How about rabbit noodles?”

Raze shrugged. 

Brennen eyed him for a moment then went back to the menu, “okay, what to drink?”

“Brown,” Raze laughed. 

The trader laughed with him, “okay… Brown.”

Someone came by, but he didn’t have food. Instead, he asked what they wanted and Brennen told the man something noodles and some drinks he’d never heard of. Then the guy scurried away again. How long until they got food? There was a bunch of it cooking in pots and on two stovetops, Raze could smell it. Why couldn’t they just have whatever was in the pots that everyone else was eating?

“I think you’ll like this,” Brennen smiled, “it’s better than eating bugs and bland poorly butchered food.”

“Bugs are easy food.”

“Yes, well… We can get whatever we want now. We don’t have to find easy food. I mean, this is _easier_ food.”

The man came back with glasses of drink and set them down on the table. Raze sniffed what was set in front of him, then took a sip… Then a large gulp. It was sweet, but alcohol. Rum maybe? He held the glass up and peered at it. The liquid looked dark red in the bright lamplights glowing all around the evening town.

“Rum and cherry cola,” Brennen smiled. “Do you like it?”

Raze took another drink, thought about it, then finished off the whole glass. “Yes… More?” 

He laughed, “slow down a little. I think the last thing we need is for you to get drunk. Someone would probably end up dead.”

“Not me.” Raze grinned and scoot the glass closer to him, “more?” 

Brennen swapped glasses with him and pointed, “no more after that. You can have water.”

He frowned then drank half the glass and gave the rest back. 

As he sat, Raze looked at the other people sitting around them at other tables. The people were talking and staring at him, but they pretended not to. Two women sitting nearby weren’t as sneaky about staring. They leaned close to one another, whispered things, then giggled. Raze glared at them. 

”Stop it,” Brennen said quietly, “you don’t have to do that.”

“They’re plotting about me, what am I supposed to do?”

He glanced sideways at the women then chuckled quietly and leaned closer to whisper, “I think they like you.”

“Why don’t they just say that? They’re acting weird.”

Brennen chewed his lip for a moment then shrugged, “they’re probably shy.”

“Shy?”

“Yeah… Like, embarrassed or apprehensive to talk to really cute guys.”

“Embarrassed?” 

Brennen blinked at him. “You… Have no idea what those words mean, do you?”

Raze shook his head then grinned, “cute guys?”

The trader stared for a moment then fidgeted with his paper cloth, “well, yeah. I mean… Uh… You know what I mean.”

“Do I?” Raze snorted a little laugh, “I don’t understand your fancy big-town words. You sayin I’m cute?”

Brennen gulped down most of his drink then looked away and Raze laughed louder. 

“It’s just a generality. I mean… You _are_ very… good looking. Especially in the new shirt and with the haircut, but I meant it as a generality.”

Raze just sat grinning at the man until he shifted in his seat, finished off his drink, then motioned with his head to the women, “if you like them, smile and they’ll probably come over.”

“If I smile at people they’ll come to me?”

“Well... Sometimes. It’s good to be friendly. Stop glaring at people all the time.”

Raze cocked his head to the side, “if I don’t want them to get close, I glare.”

“Yeah…” He nodded, then paused, “oh… Okay, nevermind.” 

He got nervous for some reason and fidgeted again, “they’re cute though…”

Raze shrugged, “I seen cuter.”

“You don’t like them? Do you… Um… Have a type you _do_ like?”

He grinned and nodded, then made several motions with his hands as he explained, “I like big. Lots of muscles and heavy. Someone I can wrestle with but they’d probably win. Brave and smart. Violent. Someone who can take me if they want me.” He pointed, “I really like red hair, too.”

Brennen stared for the longest time. 

Then the man came back with big bowls of food and set them down on the table. He smiled, “anything else I can get for you?”

“Another drink, please,” Brennen immediately spoke up.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

The server came back with drinks and Bren immediately took a big gulp as he watched Raze use his fork to stab at the noodles and examine them. He got some meat, ate that, then tried to stab some more noodles and gave up. Then he used his fingers to just pick some up out of the bowl and try them that way.

“Watch,” Brennen pointed to his fork then stuck it in the bowl and twirled it around to get a nice forkful. “Don’t eat with your hands.”

He took his own fork and mimicked the action and chuckled quietly at what he was doing. Bren chuckled with him - the kid’s excitement about everything was somewhat contagious and Bren wanted to show him everything just to see the innocent reactions it drew out. He was so easy to amuse. It seemed like Raze had two faces, scowling and laughing. Two modes, really - extremely dangerous and highly amused with no in-between. It was tough to think of him as the same person who, just a couple days ago, tried to kill him. He looked a little different all cleaned up sitting there in his nice shirt eating noodles for the first time. 

“Do you like it?”

Raze nodded between mouthfuls then gave a big smile as he slurped up a long noodle. 

Bren laughed, “okay good. Noodles are my favorite. There’s so many different kinds of noodle bowls to get.”

He pointed to the bowl, “there’s no bones…”

“Well… No. Most people don’t like bones in their food. But next time I can get you something with bones if you want. A roasted bird or ribs or something.”

Raze grinned and nodded then went back to merrily stuffing noodles in his mouth. 

Bren glanced sideways at the two women off to the side. They were still talking and giggling about Raze. He wondered what they were saying and if they’d come over. Brennen had always been shy around women and it seemed like they never giggled about _him_ like that. The last time he flirted with a girl, he ended up spilling nearly an entire bottle of beer on her, accidentally elbowed her in the nose, then promptly tripped up over his own feet trying to help her with the blood -- He vowed never to try and approach a woman ever again after that mess.

Then he looked to Raze again. _He likes big muscular people who he can wrestle with…_ Did he mean… Men? He must. Was he interested in women at all? He wondered how raiders handled flirting and courtship. Maybe they just beat a cute girl over the head with a club - caveman style. 

Well, he was probably about to find out - Raze wiped his mouth and smiled at the women and they got up and sauntered over.

The tall blonde, who seemed to be the more confident one, spoke first… To Raze. 

“Are you really a raider?” 

He gave a cautious nod then tilted his head to the side, “what do you think a raider is?”

The girls looked at one another and the brunette giggled quietly, “I told you…”

“Raiders are dangerous wildmen,” the blonde pointed.

Raze seemed to like the reply. He smiled at that and relaxed a little. Brennen gave a mental snort at this scenario - apparently talk about Raze had spread through most of the town in the three short hours they’d been there. Of course it did - people love gossip. 

“His name is Raze, I’m Brennen,” he smiled at the women, “nice to meet you.” He wasn’t sure if it was nice to meet them or not - he didn’t know if they were going to say something offhand about his companion or if they just came over to gawk a bit at the unusual spectacle sitting at the table eating noodles like an overzealous child.

The blonde rested a hand on one hip, “I’m Cheryl and this is my friend Betsy.”

Betsy gave a little finger-wave, “nice to meet you.”

They stayed there, so Brennen pulled over two chairs for the women. They actually wanted to stay and talk! He wasn’t used to women coming to him so easily and wanting conversation. The raider might be better than a puppy for getting women to come talk. He scoot his own chair around the small table to sit next to Raze and give them room.

Raze smirked at him, “did I do it right?”

“Uh…” He smiled at the women and tried to think of a polite way to give him an answer, “yes, that was very friendly of you.”

Cheryl had taken a seat closest to Raze and pointed down at his pants, “is that… Blood?”

Bren clenched his teeth. Great. 

He nodded much too enthusiastically. “It’s mostly mine, though.”

“Oh my! What happened?” Betsy asked and the two girls leaned in a little closer with great interest.

Raze shrugged, “got stabbed in the leg when I killed these two Gunners…”

The women looked shocked but leaned in even closer. Brennen chewed his lip as he thought about it. They were just interested in him because he was dangerous - of course. 

“They were my guards… He tried to kill me, too,” Bren added for no real reason then berated himself immediately for saying it.

Their looks of shock grew exponentially. 

Raze shrugged, “glad I didn’t though. I like him.” He smiled brightly at Brennen.

He blinked in return. “I uh… I like you, too. Thank you for not killing me, I guess.”

“I woulda though… If I coulda,” Raze added. 

Betsy motioned to the two of them, “how’d it go?”

“He handcuffed me to a bed and gave me water,” Raze spoke as if that explained it all. 

Their starry-eyed looks faltered a bit and were replaced by some confusion, but the raider offered no more explanation. 

Cheryl pointed to his face, “how’d you get those scars?”

Raze touched his face and shrugged. He didn’t reply. 

Betsy motioned at nothing in particular, “you wanna hit the bar?”

“We’re still eating… But maybe later?” Brennen smiled at them. He really did want to hang out with the beautiful ladies, but he was pretty sure he already knew how it’d go -- They’d fawn over the raider and Bren would be ignored. Much better to spend time with Raze rather than trying to impress women who clearly weren’t interested.

Raze glanced down at his empty bowl, “I’m done…”

Bren frowned at him. He didn’t mean to, but he felt some bitterness for some reason. Would he rather go to the bar with these ladies? 

He cocked his chin, “it’s up to him, though. I belong to Brennen.”

The way he’d said it made Bren smile stupidly for a moment and he had to work to wipe the dumb look off his face. 

Betsy pointed, “are you a slave?”

Raze scoffed loudly at that, “I’m nobody’s _pet.”_ He nearly spat the word out.

The girl giggled and shook her head, “I didn’t think so. You look too wiley to be a pet.”

“Oh, he’s wiley, alright,” Brennen snorted. 

And, again, Raze grinned brightly at what he considered to be praise.

Cheryl leaned closer to him and touched his forearm. He allowed it. Of course, after Bren spent time in a raider camp, he had come to realize that they just really had no concept of personal space whatsoever. It didn’t mean he was interested. And, even if he _was_ interested, that was not Brennen’s business. He still felt an unreasonable pang of jealousy at it, however. 

The blonde smiled at him, “I’ll bet you have all kinds of really great stories to tell.”

Raze nodded, “yeah… Like the time I was trapped in a house with this weird-ass redhead cuz he was afraid of a bear…”

The girls giggled and Betsy set her chin in her hands, “did you kill the bear?”

He frowned, “no… Why would I? Bear was just bein a bear.” 

Brennen snorted a little chuckle. That story was his most exciting one to date - He’d have to work really hard to top it. 

“Do you have any other stories? Have you killed a lot of people?” Cheryl’s smile somehow got bigger and the stars in her eyes threatened to outshine every single one in the sky. 

“Oh yeah, I killed a lot of people.” Raze said only that and offered no more details. 

Brennen was surprised the girls didn’t lean completely out of their seats and fall on the ground at that.

Then Raze got out of his chair and Cheryl nearly did fall over. He walked away without saying anything and Betsy called after him, “wait, where are you going?”

“Gotta piss,” he called back.

Bren watched him for a moment then stood and pointed, “I uh… I have to go with him… Be right back…”

He hurriedly paid, tossing probably too many caps on the counter, then trotted off after the wayward raider.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Raze stopped on the walkway when it forked into three different ways to go. He couldn’t remember which way to the big house and the bathroom. All the buildings were in his way and looked different at night and all the lights around made seeing the stars and moon for any clues very difficult.

He suddenly felt very trapped and small in the large crowded space. Raze turned one way, then changed his mind and went another, then ended up almost running down one of the wooden walkways until he nearly bumped into someone. 

“Watch it!” The woman hissed at him, then her eyes went wide as she noticed his pants and the way he was carrying himself. She let out a little scream and turned to run.

Raze grabbed her by the arm to stop her, which made her panic even more. She struggled in his grasp on her slender upper arm and he tightened his grip.

“I just need to know where the big house is!”

She screamed louder and he covered her mouth to make her stop, pulling her back tightly to his chest. “I ain’t gunna hurt you… Unless you keep fuckin screaming in my face. Where’s the big house? The place with the baths?”

She stopped screaming and started crying. That wasn’t any less annoying. 

Brennen rounded the corner, trotting up to catch up, and stopped dead. “Raze! Let her go!”

He did and she immediately ran behind Brennen to hide. 

“What happened?” 

He spoke to Raze, but the woman replied, “he was going to rape me!”

“I’m _pretty_ sure he wasn’t…” Brennen eyed her, then Raze.

“Bitch, you ain’t even anywhere _near_ my list of fuckable people,” he huffed. “I just need to know where the big house is and she started fuckin screaming at me.”

Brennen turned to the woman and set his hands gently on her shoulders, “it was a misunderstanding. He didn’t mean to scare you. He won’t hurt you. Please don’t freak out, he’s just lost.”

“I’ll say,” the woman glared, “scum belongs on the other side of the walls.”

“He’s not scum…” Brennen spoke between clenched teeth. “He won’t hurt you,” he repeated calmly, “I’ll take him. Don’t worry.”

She huffed, “see that you do. Get him out of here.” The woman pointed angrily, “you’re lucky I don’t call the guards!” 

And, with that, the bitch turned and stalked away. Raze glared after her until Brennen came close and touched his arm.

“This way,” the trader led him in a direction.

Raze was still pissed off about the screaming asswagon, “I didn’t do anything to her.”

“I know.”

“She just started screaming.”

“I know,” Brennen pat his shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Raze repeated. 

“It’s okay, I believe you… Just… Don’t wander away anymore, alright?” 

Raze followed back to the big house, trying to pay attention to the way to go, but they’d turned down many different walkways and all the big buildings looked the same to him. They were all different, but the same. There were so many bright lights along the bigger walkways that it started giving him a headache to try and figure out how they looked different so he could find his way. Then, down thinner walkways between some of them, it was dark. He wanted to go down those little roads - they seemed more welcoming than the dizzying lights and overwhelming smells of all the people. 

He tried to turn down one of the darker pathways so he could piss and Brennen pulled him back to the main walkway.

“I’m about to piss myself,” he tried to pull away again.

“You can’t just pee in the streets like an anim--”

Raze narrowed his eyes for a second then laughed. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way,” the trader ran a hand over the back of his neck.

“S’ok,” he shrugged, “told ya we’re all animals.”

Brennen chuckled nervously, “yeah, well you also got pissed off in the clothing stall about it so…”

“I can call my kin animals… And you can call me an animal, but not her. It’s different when she says it.”

He blinked for a moment then pointed, “oh… So… Context matters?”

“What’s that?”

Brennen chuckled and shook his head, “nevermind. I get it.” 

He opened the door to the big house and Raze hurried inside ahead of him, then stopped when he realized he didn’t know which door had the little rooms in the rooms. This place was stupid - how did people not shit themselves before they could get all the way to the house to go? He laughed to himself as he thought about just tying it in a knot. 

The trader showed him through a few doors to the little toilet stalls and he immediately used one. Brennen closed the gate door behind him for some reason, but it was okay, he could see through the little cracks around the stall pieces. 

Much better. 

“Flush the toilet. They work here,” Brennen pointed. 

He stared at the thing until the trader edged past him and hit a lever on the side. It made a loud sound and Raze peered at the water swirling down the hole then it filled back up. Raze pushed on the lever and watched it go again. He snorted a laugh and reached out to do it some more, but Brennen pulled him away. 

The two of them went back out to the big front space and Raze paused. He looked up to the rooms above, then to the front door. 

“You okay?” Brennen asked quietly.

“Tired…”

“We can go to bed. I’m kinda tired, too.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Bren sat on the bed, removing his boots, and Raze watched him then did the same on the other bed. His hands went to the buttons on his shirt and he paused. He wanted to sleep in just his underwear, but it’d be weird with the raider there… Wouldn’t it? Maybe just take the shirt off. Or leave it on - he was suddenly feeling a little self-conscious about his body in the presence of the younger, much more physically fit and toned man. He’d probably comment on Brennen’s love handles and lack of big bulging muscles or make fun of the light freckles on his pale shoulders.

Raze was apparently going to take his shirt off. He stood and fumbled with the buttons and popped the top one completely off before Bren got up and moved to help him so he wouldn't just rip the whole nice shirt off. 

He stood close, undressing Raze slowly so he could see how the buttons worked. 

It’s not like he hadn’t seen the raider undressed before, but now that he was thinking about it and comparing, Bren wished he looked half as good as Raze. As more of his chest was exposed, Brennen grew a bit more uncomfortable - but couldn’t look away. His tanned skin looked soft and smooth over his hard chest and defined abs. He was so gracefully lithe and nice to look at.

Brennen tore his eyes off the man’s chest and cleared his throat, “so what do you think of the town?”

“It’s big. Too many rules. You people are weird,” he snorted. Then he smiled, “I like the hot water and noodles.”

“I’m sorry some of the people are being assholes to you,” Bren frowned. 

He shrugged out of the shirt and let it fall to the floor, “s’ok, words don’t hurt. The chicks were nice.”

“Um… Yeah,” Brennen rubbed the back of his neck then snorted a chuckle, “we just left them there.”

“I was done with them,” He spoke casually as he shed his pants.

Bren laughed quietly - he had no idea what to say to that. He turned the dim lamp on, then turned off the overhead light and crawled into the bed. It felt great to sleep in the nice clean bed after not doing so for days. He stretched out, wiggled his toes, then let out a contented sigh as he adjusted the blankets perfectly over himself just so. 

Raze left his underwear on, literally hopped into bed, then kicked the covers off after a moment. Then he pulled just the sheet up… And pushed it down again to find a nice comfortable temperature with the blankets. He fluffed one of the pillows, then put the other on top of it, decided it was too high, and just lay the second pillow next to himself. 

“You don’t like the bed?”

“I like it. There’s just a lotta shit on it. I don’t know what to do with all of it,” he snorted and readjusted once more. 

Raze ended up building a little nest around himself with the blankets and extra pillow. Brennen chuckled quietly about it then reached over to turn the lamp off. 

Then it was pitch dark in the room. 

“Turn it back on,” Raze said immediately. 

Bren turned it on and furrowed his brow at the raider.

“Too dark.”

He laughed, “there’s no way you’re afraid of the dark. You sleep out in the middle of nowhere sometimes in the dark.”

“That ain’t dark.”

“Okay… We can leave the lamp on.” 

It wasn’t too bright - Bren would be fine sleeping with it on. He squirmed back down into the bed and rolled to the side facing Raze. 

The raider was facing him, staring. 

“You’re safe here. I locked the door.”

“It’s too quiet. There’s a shitload of people all over but none of them are makin noise.”

Bren snorted, “yeah… They’re sleeping. Like we should be doing.”

“It’s stupid that everyone sleeps at the same time.”

“Well… Some people out in the town are still up… And there’s guards patrolling. Not everyone sleeps all at once, just most people.”

Raze closed his eyes for about one minute then opened them again and continued to stare. 

“Go to sleep.”

“Can’t sleep.” He sat up in bed like he was going to get up and leave. “There any dope anywhere?”

“Uh…” Bren clenched his teeth, “no. The vendors who sell it are probably closed now. There might be some at the bar, but I can’t be sure. I’m not really into buying chems.”

“Booze?” Raze smiled hopefully.

Brennen sighed, “just… Lay down and try to sleep.”

Raze plopped back down in the bed and was quiet for about five more minutes.

“Wanna fuck?”

Brennen snapped his eyes open. “What?”

He propped himself up on one elbow and repeated slowly, “do you want to fuck?”

“Me?” He blinked stupidly, “like me and you?”

“Yeah… Like me and you.”

More dumb blinking. “... Why? I mean… Uh… _What?”_

“Cuz I can’t sleep, sex is great,” Raze shrugged, “and I like you.”

“You do?”

“Said I did, didn’t I?” He snorted. 

“Well… Yeah, but… There’s different kinds of ‘like’ and…” Bren didn’t even know what to think. His head spun like he’d been hit by a rock -- Stupid little comic book dazed birds and swirly lines spinning around and all. 

“I like you and I’d like to fuck around with you,” Raze tried to explain the type of ‘like’ that he meant. 

Brennen shook himself out of the dumbfounded stupor, “I like you, too, but I hadn’t thought about… Um… Other things. With you. I mean… Sex… I didn’t think…” He trailed off and chewed his lip to hold back any more stupid words he might say about it. 

Raze pointed, “so… No?”

“I uh… I don’t know…” Bren nearly worried his lip bloody at that point. “I don’t… Um… Maybe? I need time to think about it.”

“Maybe later, huh?” Raze snorted a laugh and plopped down onto his back. 

He didn’t know how to reply to even _that_ prospect, so he remained silent as he stared stupidly at the raider. Brennen racked his brain to think of any instance where he’d ever been even remotely sexually interested in a male before. There were a few times. His parents had always pressured him into getting a wife, however, so that’s what he did - he pursued women. Half-assedly. He’d only ever been with women romantically and didn’t think too much about even having a sort of relationship with a guy before… Not really. He needed a relationship to be interested in sex and it wasn't a thing he went after... Sometimes in certain dreams or fantasies, but--

“What are you doing?” Bren’s eyes widened at Raze pulling the top of his underwear down to his thighs and touching himself. 

He paused and glanced down at his hand, “what’s it look like?”

“Do that in private!” Brennen averted his gaze and used a hand to shield his eyes… Then peeked through two fingers for a second. This was something he would never be able to unsee. 

“Private?”

“Like… In a bedroom or bathroom or somewhere else where nobody can see you.”

“Is this not a bedroom?” 

“no… Yes… Sort of… It’s not the same.” Brennen peeked at him again. He’d stopped touching himself but his dick was still out so Bren shielded his eyes again, “cover yourself at least.”

Bren peeked again and he was half covered by the sheet. That wasn’t any better. 

“There’s a private bathroom down the hall you could use…” He rolled onto his back to look at the ceiling and pointed to the door, but then dropped his hand and sighed as he realized he’d probably have to show him where to go. 

He pulled his hands out from the covers and dropped them with some irritation, “whatever - you killed it with all your dumb rules.”

“Sorry… Just… You can’t just whip out your dick and do that whenever you feel like it.”

“Why not?”

Bren wasn’t sure how to answer. “Because. I don’t know. People don’t want to see it. It makes folks uncomfortable… Or aroused at inconvenient times.”

Raze grinned, “if I wanna fuck you, ain’t it good that you’re aroused?” His eyes trailed pointedly down the lump of covers over Bren’s middle.

He quickly adjusted himself underneath the blankets to better hide it and stammered, “no... I mean… No! I’m not… That’s not how I meant it.”

Raze laughed and waved a hand at him then rolled over facing away to hopefully go the fuck to sleep. Without jerking off.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	10. Sentinels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bren wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. On one hand, he really wanted Raze to stay with him… On the other, the kid would have to walk so far all alone and he could be killed or hurt. But he _-really-_ wanted the raider to stay with him. If he had his way about it, they’d stay in the town a couple more days, but he was running out of caps quickly.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Brennen blinked himself awake and wiped the sleep from his eyes... Then noticed Raze was not in the room.

“Shit!” He threw the covers off and nearly tripped himself up in the sheet around his ankles as he scrambled out of bed. 

He was still combing his fingers through his disheveled hair as he made his way to the lobby and asked the proprietor if he’d seen the raider. 

“Kid left about an hour ago,” the man motioned to the door.

“Did he say anything?” 

“Not to me,” he shrugged.

Bren held back an irritated sigh, thanked the guy, then nearly ran out the door to find the raider. Couldn’t be that difficult - either find a screaming woman or maybe look in the jail. Hopefully nobody was hurt. 

He checked the food stall first, then did a circle around the trade district - starting at the clothing shop to be sure Raze didn’t go hurt that rude woman. Then he saw one of the guards near the park area from outside the walls the day before. Bren smiled as politely as he could and asked if the man had seen the wayward raider.

“Your strange pet?” 

Brennen clenched his fists and fought to keep smiling, “I told you, he’s my guard… He’s never been in a town before, but he won’t hurt anyone.” He hoped, anyway. 

“He tried to steal some food a while ago and I ran him off,” the guard shrugged, “I don’t know where he went, I lost him after that.”

Bren couldn’t hold the smile any longer. He narrowed his eyes a bit, “was he trying to _steal_ food, or was he trying to _buy_ it?”

“He’s an animal… They don’t know how to do civilized shit like pay for things,” the guard narrowed his eyes in turn.

“He’s learning, give him a damn break.”

The guard opened his mouth to probably say something extremely rude but was cut off by angry yelling around the corner. 

“Step away from the child!” The guard yelled at Raze and lifted his weapon as he rounded the corner.

Raze was squatting down near the wall, wearing all of his leather armor bits once again, with a very young girl sitting on one of his thighs. She was crying softly but started crying even more when the guard yelled and pointed his rifle. A townsman was off to the side yelling at Raze. 

“Don’t!” Brennen immediately stepped between them, right in front of the weapon, and held his hands out toward the guard. 

Raze stood slowly and moved the girl behind himself and, to Bren’s surprise, the little girl latched onto his leg for protection from everyone around. 

“The fuck you doing pointing a weapon at a kid, you fuckin shitstick!” Raze growled at the guard.

“Step away,” the guard repeated, “slowly. Hands where I can see them.”

He put his hands out to the sides - and in one hand was a coiled up rope. He didn’t move away from the cowering child.

The man who’d been yelling grinned smugly, “I caught him trying to kidnap that little girl, but I stopped him.”

Raze glared at the guy, “the fuck would I want a kid for?”

Brennen moved closer, “what happened?”

He motioned with the rope in his hand to the little girl clinging to his leg, “she lost her--”

“He was trying to hurt her! He was gunna steal her away! I saw him take the rope from a stall and drag her around back here,” the man interrupted loudly, which made a couple onlookers start gawking from the walkway behind.

Raze somehow managed to glare even harder at the guy and pointed, “I’m gunna hurt _you_ in a minute you don’t shut your cocktrap.” 

Bren edged closer to the raider and gently took the rope out of his hand. 

“What happened?” He asked again.

The little girl peered up at them both, “Scribbles got away. He’s gunna get her back.”

“Oh…” Bren smiled and knelt down beside her, “you lost your pet?” 

“Uh-huh,” she nodded, wiped her nose, then smiled up at Raze, “he’s gunna get her back for me. He talks to animals.”

Brennen glanced over his shoulder at the guard and flashed a smug grin. 

The guard relaxed a little and lowered his weapon and the man who’d been yelling huffed, “he’s just trying to trick her. I saved her. Get him away from--”

“Shut the fuck up,” Bren glared at the guy. He’d had about enough of this false vigilante trying to get Raze tossed out just because he was a raider.

The guy deflated a bit but persisted, “but he’s--”

The guard moved closer and cuffed the guy on the shoulder in such a way that read he needed to go away now. “Thank you for looking out, but it’s handled. Move along.” He waved the little crowd of people away, “unless any of you are this child’s parents, please move on.”

Raze was staring at Bren with a dumb little grin on his face. 

“What?”

The raider shrugged, “aroused at inconvenient times.” 

Brennen stared, then laughed. He wanted to say ‘me too’, but instead he turned away before it became any sort of apparent.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Raze squatted down and let the little girl, Felicia, climb up on his back to ride. She grabbed hold of his shoulder pads and pretended to steer him, which he indulged in for a little while before hiking her up to sit on his shoulders instead.

The raider had made a loose knotted leash in the rope that looked more like a noose, then Bren took it from him and reknotted it into an adjustable harness as they walked to the stall he’d taken it from to pay for the item. 

“I was gunna give it back…”

“I know, but you can’t borrow things without asking.” 

The guard, Andrew, was following them, “it’s called stealing. Knock it off.”

“It ain’t stealing,” Raze glared at him, “and I paid for that food, too, dickwagon.”

Bren furrowed his brow, “how’d you pay for food?”

He motioned, “your stupid caps. I was hungry so I took some… But it wasn’t enough for the noodles, so I got some dried meat to get the dog.” He pulled a small bit of meat from his belt pouch and held it up with a grin - seemingly triumphant that he’d managed to exchange caps for something. 

Brennen pat his shirt pocket where he had a small bag of half his caps, “how the--” He wrinkled his nose, “don’t take my caps!”

“They’re yours and you’re mine...” Raze shrugged as if that made sense and made it better.

Andrew pointed sternly at him, “that’s also stealing.”

Felicia shrugged, “mom uses dad’s caps.”

He pursed his lips. “Where are your parents, speaking of which.”

She pointed in the direction of the hotel, “mom’s here, dad’s back home.”

“How about I get you to your ma?” The guard reached up toward the girl.

Felicia latched onto the top of Raze’s head, “not ‘til we get Scribbles!”

Raze laughed as he plucked her hands from squeezing around his eyes and Andrew huffed.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

It didn’t take very long at all before Raze had the girl on his shoulders again and Brennen had the big black dog on the rope. Scribbles was impressive - bigger than the little girl by two. No wonder the thing got away from her, the trader could hardly keep it from pulling away. If Brennen would show that sexy backbone of his to the dog, she’d mind just fine.

She nearly ripped the guard’s stupid face off and that’d been funny. Until he threatened to shoot it. Not funny. The dog was scared and the stupid fucking guy tried to corner her. Dumbass deserved to get bit. 

Andrew kept his distance from the animal as he motioned to the big house, “do you know what room your ma’s in?”

“Um…” Felicia thought about it, “seven. No… Six. I think. Or eight.”

“Perfect,” the guard sighed. 

Brennen handed the dog over to Raze and shrugged at the guard, “well, I can check half and you can get the other half.” 

“Sounds good,” he nodded.

Raze frowned, “what about me?”

Andrew waved a hand, “what _about_ you? You can’t go knocking on people’s doors looking like that, you’ll get shot.”

“Yeah, and another thing,” Raze pointed at him, “I see other people with weapons in here. Gimme back my shit.”

“Those people aren’t raiders.”

He glared at the guard. 

The man ignored the look and held his hands out to Felicia again, “come on, let’s go find your ma.”

“Nuh-uh,” she shook her head, “I want mom to meet my new friend!” 

Raze laughed and stuck his tongue out at the asshole and the little girl on his shoulders did the same. He liked this kid. 

Brennen chuckled quietly then shook it off, “okay, fine. Let’s start knocking on doors. _I’ll_ knock.”

He followed the trader up the stairs to the doors then let the dog go. 

“What the fuck?!” Andrew ran after the dog to try and grab the rope.

Raze followed after, taking his time about it. No rush. He caught her once, he could do it again if he needed to.

Brennen motioned down the hall, “why’d you--”

“Dog knows where to go,” Raze pointed to the animal running down the hall. 

She slowed down, sniffed a few doors, pissed on one, then went to another and happily wagged her little stub-tail. Raze liked this dog, too. When he was done with the trader, he’d have to get a puppy, he decided. Train it to eat dumbass guards and asshole Gunners. Maybe name it Hazmat. 

Raze was giggling to himself about his future puppy as they came to the door and knocked. 

“She’s sleeping,” Felicia said quietly and tapped Raze on the head to get down. 

He squatted for her to climb off and she opened the door quietly. Scribbles nudged the door wider and happily ran into the dim room. 

Raze sniffed the air and wrinkled his nose - it smelled like sickness. He stayed near the door as the little girl excitedly ran to the bedside and touched the lump of covers. 

“Mommy? Are you awake?” She nudged the blankets. “I made a new friend! Scribbles got away again and he got her for me and I--”

“Fel, honey…” the woman rasped quietly, “who are these people?”

“I said!” The little girl carefully sat on the bed and motioned, “that’s my new friend over there. His name is Raze. He’s really funny and he talks to animals!”

Raze put his hands out to the sides and flashed a smile, but the sick woman probably didn’t see it so he moved forward a half-step and tried again. She still didn’t see. She wasn’t well -- Dying, maybe. The dog hopped up on the bed and laid down next to her, so maybe whatever she was dying from wasn’t catchable. 

Brennen immediately moved to the bedside. “What’s wrong?”

The woman spoke very quietly, “are you a doctor?”

“Um…” He hesitated, “no… But I know medicine. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Raze smiled at his trader as he tended to the woman and listened to whatever her complaints were. Something about a fever and stomach problems… Shit he’d heard before but didn’t know how to fix. Brennen seemed to know what to do, though, and he told her some medicine or something… That didn’t matter - what mattered was that Brennen was really smart about this shit. 

Aroused at inconvenient times.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Bren was pretty sure he knew what was wrong with the woman, Janice Dickson, and it wasn’t good. They’d come from their farm to the town to see the doctor and were about to try and head back home soon, but the guy must be a hack because what he’d prescribed wasn’t the correct thing, just an expensive moneygrab. Now the woman was getting worse and would most likely die in a few days from something that could easily be cured. That upset Brennen. So much so that he had stalked to the doctor to give him a piece of his mind and used his own caps to buy the medicine the lady required.

Almost the last of his caps. 

It’d been worth it, though - that poor little girl almost lost her mom. He was sitting on the edge of the bed explaining to her what to do to get better as Raze played with the dog and little girl. 

The raider wrestled around on the floor with the large dog in a very rough way that got him a few scratches and bites on his arms that bled a little, but he seemed to be having a great time, so whatever. Then he’d switch it up and play with Felicia in a more gentle way - letting her ride around on his back or he’d spin her in circles. They both laughed loud and childishly. Bren smiled as he watched them play… Even when they played some reflex game where they slapped each other's hands. Raze didn’t hit her too hard and allowed her to hit him as hard as she could, which actually seemed like it hurt quite a bit when she managed to catch his hand. 

After they said goodbyes and left, Brennen smiled, “do you have siblings?”

Raze shrugged, “got a lotta kin.”

“No, I mean… Other children that your mother gave birth to.”

“Yeah, I got those,” he nodded. 

Bren stared at him expectantly but he didn’t say any more about it so he prompted, “how many?”

“Three.”

He had a little grin on his lips, so it must not be a touchy subject. Bren persisted, trying to get him to talk about his family, “I have a little brother and sister back home. Are yours younger than you? Do you live with them?”

Raze nodded again, “they’re all younger. I got two little sisters and a brother.” He thumbed back over his shoulder, “one’s Felicia’s age.”

“Oh, that explains why you’re so great with her,” Brennen smiled brightly, staring kinda dumbly at the raider. He had to work to shake the stupid little stars from his eyes.

He shrugged and smiled, “I like kids. She ain’t so different than my sister.” 

“That’s what your kids are like? Like… Um… Like ours.”

Raze snorted, “told you we got normal families. Kids are all more like animals than any of us. They get into everything and can be little shitheads sometimes or fight a lot… Sometimes they even bite and piss on furniture.” His smile faded a little, “my brother’s a couple few years younger than me… I think he’s fifteen or something… That’s why I didn’t do my own rite ‘til I was a lot older.”

“Rite?” Brennen furrowed his brow as he unlocked their door and opened it for him. 

He shrugged, “yeah… Rite. What do you call it?”

“Um… We don’t. I mean, I know the word… Like a rite of passage. We don’t really have those.”

“How do you test yourself and become an adult?”

Bren shook his head, “we don’t, I guess. Not like that, anyway. Not with a trial.” He thought about it for a moment. “What do you do for your rite?”

“We go out for the first time on our own for a while around thirteen or fourteen. Usually with one or two other kids around our age. Chance didn’t go for an extra year… I told him I’d go with for mine so I had to wait, too. That little shithead got me all fucked up by almost three years.” Raze pointed sternly, “I coulda done just fine sooner. I ain’t scared. Probably coulda gone when I was twelve and been fine.”

“I’m sure you could have, you’re kind of amazing,” Brennen smiled. Going out on their own at such a young age was shocking and even if Raze had been a little older, whatever age he was, it was still very impressive. 

He slowly sat down on the bed and stared at the floor and Bren wondered if he’d said something to upset him. He carefully sat next to the raider and waited for him to talk if he wanted to. 

After a little while Raze shrugged, “I ain’t amazing.” He glanced sideways at Bren, “I fuck up a lot. I don’t know a lotta shit. I just did my rite last year… I only been out far away from home a few times and I never been all alone before... And I got Tussle killed.” 

Bren chewed his lip. What was he supposed to say to that? 

He pointed to the newer, bigger, scar on his face, “Gunners did this. I was supposed to be watching but I was fuckin off…”

“I’m sorry.”

“They’re all assholes. They like to hunt us for fun and they like to fuck with us for a while sometimes… Tuss got killed and I got fucked with until I got away…” Raze motioned at nothing, “your guards… I was hungry, yeah… But I hit your caravan cuz I was still pissed off. I just wanted to kill those assholes and I fucked up.”

“Oh…” Bren set a hand on Raze’s shoulder, “that’s kind of understandable.”

“I shouldn’t have done it. It was stupid. I was alone and goin home when I saw you.”

He had no clue how to deal with the topic, so he changed it a little, “you were on your way home? Where’s home?”

Raze shrugged, “maybe a day Northwest from where I got you.”

“In the opposite direction from we’re going?”

He nodded a reply. 

“You live in the complete opposite direction and you’re still here with me? Raze… You didn’t have to--”

“Honorbound,” he gave a little smile, then it faded, “and maybe I can make it up to Tuss by bein a better guard for someone else.”

Bren swallowed down the little lump in his throat. “Raze…” 

“I’m doin good, right?” He grinned, “told you I’d be better than your dumbass guards. I got that one asshole while he was takin a piss… How fuckin stupid--”

“Thank you,” Bren smiled and squeezed the man's shoulder. 

He wanted so badly to hug him just then.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

Brennen and Raze collected their things from the room and Bren stood out in the lobby counting his remaining caps. He didn’t have enough left to hire a good guard - and definitely not two of them… Perhaps he could find one and talk them into a discount.

Bren motioned to the gates, “are you going to be okay getting back home on your own?” 

Raze hesitated a moment then shrugged, “... I’ll be fine.”

Why did he bother asking the raider these kinds of things? He was a stubborn shit and could be on fire and if asked if he was okay he’d say he’s fine. Probably say he’s nice and warm and refuse water.

“Well… Let’s see if I can even find a guard.” Brennen motioned for Raze to go and they headed to the bar. 

And there happened to be one Gunner there sitting on a stool in the corner. He was probably for hire. Lucky find… Maybe. Brennen glanced at Raze and the raider was already glaring at the Gunner in the corner. 

“I don’t like him,” Raze narrowed his eyes more and if looks could kill - the Gunner would be dead where he sat. 

Bren hesitated. “Okay… How about you go over there away from him and I talk to the guy, alright?”

“I don’t like him,” he repeated and didn’t move. 

“I know… I understand, but he’s the only Gunner here and--”

“I’d be better.”

Brennen took a deep breath and set a hand on the man’s shoulder, “Raze… My home is days away… If you came with me, you’d have to go all this way back to your own home all alone.”

“Pft,” Raze scoffed and crossed his arms stubbornly. 

Bren wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. On one hand, he really wanted Raze to stay with him… On the other, the kid would have to walk so far all alone and he could be killed or hurt. But he _-really-_ wanted the raider to stay with him. If he had his way about it, they’d stay in the town a couple more days, but he was running out of caps quickly. 

He looked to the Gunner, then back to Raze. 

_Choose one._

“I’m going to go talk to him, you stay back,” Bren pointed a finger sternly and stepped away.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	11. I Choose You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raze dropped the rifle and pulled his pick from the back of his belt then held it out to the side and shoved Brennen again with his free hand. 
> 
> “Stop it,” he glared and Raze smiled. 
> 
> “I’ll cut you…” He held the pick up a bit.
> 
> Brennen glanced at it then back to his face, “please don’t.”
> 
> Raze tilted his head and frowned… Then lunged at him.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

It wasn’t even five minutes before Raze moved over to Brennen and the Gunner.

“They let dogs in the bar now?” The asshole said immediately. 

Raze shrugged, “you’re here, so I guess so.”

The man stood up from the stool and glared, “watch it, fodder…”

Brennen moved between the two of them and set a hand on Raze’s chest to move him back a step.

“The fuck are you even doing here?” The Gunner didn’t move or sit back down.

“He can be here just like you can.” His trader tried to break their stare-down, but they just leaned and peered around him. 

Raze pointed to the bottle and glass the shithead had been drinking from, “he’s drunk… Bad guard.” He spoke to Brennen but he kept his eyes on the asshole behind.

“I’m not drunk. You must be high.” 

“I fuckin wish,” Raze rolled his eyes then went back to staring holes through the guy’s skull. 

“Raze,” Brennen stood up tall and raised an eyebrow at him, “go.” He pointed sternly. 

He took a small step back, then another slow step. 

The Gunner snorted a laugh, “good dog.”

Then Raze stepped right back up close to the fucker. “I ain’t a dog, you shitstain. Fuckin’ baby-dick braindead ass--”

“I could kill you right here right now and nobody would give two shits,” he touched his rifle. 

“I could kill you right here right now and I don’t give two shits.” Raze moved closer until they were almost touching, despite Brennen trying to move him away.

His trader managed to wedge in between the two of them and pushed Raze away a half step, “please don’t. You’ll get arrested.”

“He’ll get a bullet in the head is what he’ll get,” the Gunner stayed where he was. 

The fucker was a big man, but that didn’t matter. Raze could take him. Probably. If he still had his weapons the dickwagon would be dead already. He wouldn’t be a good guard. Raze didn’t want this asshole with his trader. Brennen was going to leave him and go with the Gunner and… No. Raze refused to let this fuck-rat take his trader away.

He grabbed the bottle off the bar and smashed it against the wood. The thing shattered, spilling alcohol everywhere, and the Gunner lifted his rifle. Brennen grabbed the top of the weapon and shoved it to the side then shouldered the man into the wall behind. A shot was fired and Raze tried to cut the fucker’s face, but Brennen was in the way. 

And then hands were on him. He spun around to get at whoeverthefuck and was tackled to the ground wrestling with someone. Brennen took the broken bottle out of his hand and Raze blinked at him - the trader was supposed to be on _his_ side… 

In that moment of hesitation, Raze was flipped over onto his chest and his arm was jerked up behind his back painfully as some large asshole pushed him into the floor. He struggled and nearly got himself squirmed up out from under him, but the guy pressed a knee against his spine and pinned him down until he could hardly breathe.

Brennen stood over them trying to push the guy off, “you’re hurting him, ease up…”

The man did not ease up. He wedged his arm further up his back until Raze couldn’t struggle anymore.  
  


**\- - - - - - - -**

They put him in a fuckin cage. It was bigger than most cages, but still a fuckin cage. Raze paced around it, kicked the little bucket against the bars, then picked it up and started hitting the bars with it until an armed man pointed a rifle and told him to knock it the fuck off.

The stupid Gunner wasn’t in a cage -- He got to sit outside of it. Why didn’t he have to be in the cage? That asshole tried to kill him. He should be caged and beat.

Raze suddenly wondered if they were going to beat him. He moved over to the little metal bench and climbed up onto it in the corner to perch. If they came into the cage, he wouldn’t make it easy. He’d beat the fuckers to death with the metal piss-bucket if he had to.

Then he saw his trader. Raze smiled when he came into the room, then wiped the look off his face - that ass didn’t help him kill the stupid Gunner. Bad companion. Stop smiling at him. 

He came up to the cage and held the bars gently, “Raze… Are you okay?”

“Just fine… Time of my fuckin life.”

“Sorry…”

“Let me out.”

Brennen looked to the Gunner then back to Raze and lowered his voice, “you have to wait a few minutes, okay?”

“Let me out _now.”_ He glared at the Gunner. “Now,” he repeated and hopped off the bench.

“Wait,” Brennen said sternly. 

He moved to the bars next to his trader, “I can be your guard. Lemme do it. Fuck that guy.”

Brennen snorted quietly, “sure… I used all the rest of my caps to get you released. Can’t hire anyone even if I wanted to…” He smiled, “and I don’t want to.”

Raze couldn’t stop the smile that time. He rattled the bars then pointed a finger at the asshole then to Brennen, “fuck off, shitbrain. Mine.”

Brennen lowered Raze’s arm and spoke quietly, “yes, yours… Calm down.”

Andrew came into the big room with his weapons and the Gunner was allowed to leave. 

“I was going to give these back to you,” Andrew held the rifle, knife, and pick weapon up, “but now… I’m glad I took them.”

“Give them back!” Raze rattled the bars again.

Another guard cautiously unlocked and opened the cage door and Raze glared hard at the fucker as he walked past. The man looked away and stepped back. Good. 

Andrew held the weapons tight, “I’ll give them back, but you need to leave, deal?”

“Yeah, fuck this place,” Raze held his hands out to the guy.

Brennen held his own hands out and smiled at Andrew, “we were on our way out, anyway. I’m sorry there was some trouble. It won’t happen again.” 

The guard handed Raze’s weapons over to Brennen then pointed a finger, “see that it doesn’t.”

“I’m working with him. That Gunner started it, not Raze. Don’t hold it against him.” Brennen continued to smile and slung the rifle over his shoulder with his dumb shirt-pack. It looked almost empty…

Andrew gave a small shrug, “he’s not as bad as I initially thought and I apologize for the misconception… But he’s still too wild to be left alone in a town.”

Brennen nodded, “I know. I’m sorry.”

Raze crossed his arms - Brennen wasn’t going to give him his weapons. “Stop fuckin apologizing for everything.”

“Sorry I--”

He raised an eyebrow at Brennen and the man laughed, “okay… I’ll work on it.”  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - -**

As they left the stupid town, Raze held a hand out toward his trader.

“Not yet,” Brennen ignored his hand.

“Now,” Raze narrowed his eyes and pointed to his pick, “mine.”

“I know it’s yours.”

He held his hand out again and Brennen sighed and handed it over, as well as the small knife. Then he pointed to the rifle.

“Seriously? Let me have something to defend myself with.”

“I’m your guard, I need weapons.”

He hesitated then finally handed the rifle over. 

Raze checked it then slung it over a shoulder. “You can have my pistol.”

“I um…” Brennen ran a hand over the back of his neck, “I sold it.” He thumbed toward his pack, “I sold almost everything.”

He reached out and grabbed Brennen by his pack and spun him around to look through it. There were only a few things in the pack - water, the brown button-shirt and leather pants… And the comic book. 

“I needed more caps to get you out,” Brennen smiled over his shoulder. “Besides, that’s what the junk was for, anyway. I can get more.”

Raze slowly closed the pack and nodded at him and they started walking again. 

“What shit do you need? I’ll get you more.” 

Brennen laughed, “okay… Duct tape and glue is always good. Handcuffs and things with little springs and metal bits--”

Raze laughed about the handcuffs. 

“I’ll show you, if you want.”

He shrugged.

“Okay… Next ruins.” 

Brennen smiled at Raze for a while as they walked through the trees. 

“What?” 

His trader shrugged, “it’d be kind of neat if I could set up trade with you.” He motioned to nothing, “I mean… Not _you_ specifically but… All your kin. Can that be done?”

Raze thought about it then shrugged again. “Some, maybe. But they ain’t got caps and they don’t want junk.”

“Trading is a little different than just selling items… Maybe you could show me what your kin would be interested in and you could tell them to get useless junk for me. Then we trade the items and I go sell the junk.” He paused, “and maybe tell them not to kill me… That’d be nice, too.”

He laughed at that. 

“What? I’m serious…”

“Everyone’s different,” Raze swept a hand out toward the open land, “I can’t tell everyone what to do. And some of them are… Real different than what you saw.”

“Maybe you could teach me the differences?” Brennen smiled hopefully. “What’s your home like? Do you have the cages Happy mentioned?”

Raze hesitated. 

“Is it bad?”

He shrugged, “we got cages.” 

“What are they for?” Brennen asked carefully.

“To put people in,” he snorted. Brennen stared at him, waiting for more. “If you fuck up, you go in a cage. Sometimes other people go in the cages for shits and giggles. It ain’t fun. Sometimes fuckheads are left in them to die.”

“You’ve been in one?”

“It ain’t fun,” he repeated then stopped talking about it. 

The little cages were fucked up. Kinda funny when it’s not him in the cage, not funny when it’s him. People did shitty things to the ones in cages and he’d rather not think about those times. 

“Sorry.”

“Stop bein sorry all the time,” Raze pointed sternly.

“Well… It’s kinda messed up you got locked in a cage so I feel bad and I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“You didn’t do it to me and I’m fine.”

Brennen hesitated for a moment then asked quietly, “who put you in a cage? Why were you there?”

“Nobody… No reason.” He clenched his teeth and looked away. 

Brennen shut up for a while after that. 

“Ain’t you ever been in a cage?” Raze motioned back to the town in the distance, “one of those big ones?”

“Um… No. They put us there when we get in trouble.” Raze stared at him so he added, “I’ve never been in trouble.”

“I wasn’t in the cage cuz I fucked up…” He felt the need to say… For some reason. Raze shrugged, “I just wasn’t able to get them off me and they put me there cuz it was funny. A couple times.” He pointed, “but I didn’t let them do it no more when I got bigger. I got _them_ in the cages,” he grinned.

“... Wow…” Brennen stared. “You lock each other in cages because it’s funny?”

He shrugged again, “we get bored.”

“Understandable, I suppose. So long as nobody was hurt.”

Raze glanced up in thought, “longest I been in a cage was probably four days…”

“Okay, that’s fucked up,” Brennen stopped and turned to face him. “You could have died.”

He shrugged, “but I didn’t.”

“Raze… That’s not right or good. This is why towns have so many rules - so people don’t hurt each other.”

“It’s good training. If you’re too weak to survive play and games, then you should die.”

Brennen started walking again. “You guys play rough.”

“I like rough,” Raze grinned.

“Yeah, I’m sure you do.” 

“You like rough,” he pointed.

Brennen glanced sideways at him, “no I don’t.”

“You fight good. You stuck me to a bed,” his grin grew bigger.

Brennen snorted a chuckle, “you were trying to kill me…”

He shrugged, “so? You fight good. We should do it again.”

“You want to try and kill me again?” 

“If it shows your backbone… Sure. I like that.”

He paused, “are you serious right now?”

“Sometimes you do things or talk big and it’s... “ He tried to think of a word his trader would know and like, “attractive.” 

Brennen blinked at him then smiled, “you just like confidence and assertiveness. That makes sense… I’m not though. I don’t have a lot of confidence.”

“I seen it. Do it more.”

“I don’t… I don’t really know how. Those times were because people were being assholes to you and that’s not right.”

Raze suddenly stepped in front of him and glared. He came close enough to touch his chest, then shoved him back. He followed as the man stumbled and dropped his pack, moved close again, and put his face right up next to his trader’s to stare into his bright green-gray eyes.

Brennen moved back, but didn’t look away. Raze followed and shoved him again, then crowded his space once more. 

“Knock it off,” Brennen moved away again.

“Make me.”

His trader stopped moving away, but he slouched. His shoulders rolled forward.

Raze dropped the rifle and pulled his pick from the back of his belt then held it out to the side and shoved Brennen again with his free hand. 

“Stop it,” he glared and Raze smiled. 

“I’ll cut you…” He held the pick up a bit.

Brennen glanced at it then back to his face, “please don’t.”

Raze tilted his head and frowned… Then lunged at him.  
  


**\- - - - - - - -**

The raider sat straddling Bren in the dirt.

Brennen looked at the blood on his forearm, “you cut me!”

He laughed, “told you.”

“Get off me,” Bren squirmed a bit and tried to shove him off.

“This was a good second round,” Raze nodded to himself, “I knew I could take you.”

“No shit!”

He glanced around the barren landscape, “too bad I ain’t got nuthin to cuff you to…” 

Brennen’s angry scowl turned into a light chuckle, “okay… You proved your point. Get off.” 

“Make me,” Raze tucked his feet tightly against the sides of Brennen’s thighs, latching on.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You couldn’t hurt me, you’re too soft.” 

“Raze… I’m serious.”

He snorted, “me too.”

Bren glared up at the kid then wedged his feet up against his own ass and jerked his hips up and over. They both rolled to the side and Bren immediately grabbed Raze’s weapon arm by the wrist, hitting it against the ground hard to force him to drop the pick. He got his legs on the outsides of the kid and moved his own hips up high enough on the raider’s chest that he wouldn’t be able to buck him off, but he sat back and pinned him hard enough so he couldn’t squirm away - the raider was very agile and wirey. 

But he tried. Like a cat in a bathtub - Raze worked to flip around and squirm out from under him. Brennen adjusted himself and pressed more weight against the smaller man. He’d ended up somehow half on his side and Bren had to grab one of his long arms and bring it across his upper chest. He pressed more when Raze continued to struggle.

“You’re going to… fuckin… Pass out if you don’t stop,” Bren tried to tell him between the useless struggling. 

And, still, the kid tried until Brennen had to press harder against his arm across his neck and the raider eventually fell unconscious. 

“Shit!” Bren scrambled to his feet off Raze as the kid was coming to.

He immediately laughed and wobbled as he tried to stand and slurred out, “tha’ wuz fun!”

“Oh my God!” Bren threw his hands up… Then started laughing with him. It actually _was_ fun. 

He held a hand out to Raze and helped him to his feet.

“You fight good!” Raze repeated after he got his senses about him and dusted himself off. “They teach you that in your town?”

Brennen smiled as he rubbed a hand over his neck, “I learned from my father, and also from my uncle, he’s a guard, and sometimes I wrestle with my sister. She’s pretty scrappy… It’s good to know how to fight if you want to be a trader.”

Raze nodded then made a face, “won’t stop bullets though.”

“I know,” Bren glanced downward. 

“Or beasts… Don’t wrestle with deathclaws, they’ll win every time.”

“I know,” he laughed, “that’d be pretty dumb.”

They stood and stared at one another for a moment before Raze lowered his voice, “I’m still a good guard. Useful.”

“Oh… Yeah… Raze, you’re very useful. I can’t…” He motioned around, “I don’t know how to do shit out here. Thank you for coming with me.”

He picked up the rifle from the ground and slung it over his shoulder and they started walking again. “Tuss was good at wrestling, too. He was smaller, though, so I usually won.” 

Bren glanced at him, “were you two close?”

Raze shrugged, “he was okay. Real funny and clever.”

After a long moment, Brennen asked carefully, “was he… Um… Were you two… Together?”

“Yeah, he was my companion,” Raze furrowed his brow.

“I mean... “ How was he supposed to explain this to the raider? Did they have the same concepts? “Was he your boyfriend? Your lover?”

Raze stared at him for so long that Bren tried to work up some other way to explain, but then he shrugged, “he wasn’t my mate.”

“Oh,” Bren nodded then rubbed the back of his neck, “do you… Do you have one?”

He glanced down and stared at his boots for a moment and shook his head, “no… I did but he got taken away.”

“Taken away?”

“Yeah… Someone else wanted him more. Or he wanted someone else more cuz I wasn’t good enough. He’s still around, though,” Raze shrugged, “just not mine. I don’t get to sleep with him.” He frowned and kicked at a rock as they walked on.

Brennen almost said ‘sorry’ but managed to bite his tongue. Then he wondered if the raider meant actual sleep or if he meant sex. Probably both. He had to work to shake off the image of Raze naked and touching himself in the hotel bed that flashed in his mind.

“I get that… I had a couple girlfriends but they didn’t work out. The last one left me for someone else, too. She said I was gone too much. Didn’t like me being a trader, I guess.” He sighed, “I came back one time to find her with another man.”

Raze shrugged, “better that way. If someone wants to be with someone else, it’s good that they leave. Then you can find someone who likes that you’re a trader or whatever and won’t leave you cuz of it.”

He smiled at that, “true enough, I suppose.”  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	12. Learning To Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We could have fucking died!” Bren was very close to completely losing his shit. “I don’t want to explode!”
> 
> “Got your heart goin, though. And I am wide the fuck awake now!”
> 
> “Raze!” 
> 
> “Hazmat!” He laughed.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Raze cleared the building, with his trader kinda helping this time, then glanced around the space, “so… Metal bits and tape?”

“Well, yeah…” Brennen held up a long skirt and turned it around in his hands, checking out the material for whatever reason, “but this is a department store, so here’s where I usually look for good clothes and personal items like that. People really like jewelry, depending on where I’m headed to unload.”

Raze poked around for a moment then shrugged and spoke quietly, “I like jewelry… But it ain’t practical.”

“what kind do you like?” His trader smiled as he stuffed the skirt into his pack. “Just because it isn’t practical doesn’t mean you can’t have a couple things. Maybe a cool chain necklace or something…” 

“I like chains, but around the neck shows you’re a pet… I don’t want that. I ain’t a pet.”

Okay,” Brennen moved to a counter space full of different shiny junk, “how about a bracelet? It’s kind of feminine, but men wear them too sometimes.”

Raze looked through the junk and shrugged. They were all pretty and he liked the rings and shiny earrings, but they weren’t for him. 

“Or…” his trader pulled a thick chain necklace from around the neck of a fake person, “you could double wrap this around your wrist!”

He smiled at the chain. It was a gunmetal grey and looked like the belly of a snake or a scorpion. He liked that a lot. 

“Here,” Brennen held it out, “are you right-handed or left?”

“Yes…”

“Which hand do you use to shoot with?”

He looked at his hands and held one out, thought about it, then switched to the other.

His trader snorted, “okay, which hand do you wipe your ass with? It needs to go on the other one.”

Raze smirked then held his left out again. His trader wrapped the necklace around his wrist three times at the end of his bracer and it fit perfectly. He held it up and turned it around, loving the way the light hit the snake-scale links. 

“This is cool,” he grinned at Brennen while the man tried on rings. 

“Was that a thank you?”

He laughed and rolled his eyes then moved to some other display case. He’d never been taught ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ but he knew how they were supposed to work. After a moment he glanced up, thought about trying the words out, then clenched his teeth and went back to poking through the shiny junk. He found a short, thick, black leather cord that had some metal bit on it that was shaped like a bear’s head and held it out toward Brennen.

“Oh, that’s really cool.” The man took it and looked the thing over. 

Raze shrugged, “you look good in leather.” 

He smiled then fumbled trying to put it on himself. He couldn’t figure out the clasp and Raze moved behind him to help. He didn’t need to, but he used a hand to brush the short hairs at the nape of his neck away, then ended up running his fingers through the man’s hair one time. Good red. Soft. He wanted to keep touching his hair. Leave marks on his white skin… He leaned a little closer and took his time with the clasp so he could enjoy the way Brennen smelled -- It was like warm sun on clean water mixed with a good strong defined male smell that made his muscles tense. Raze clenched his teeth and stepped back, rubbing hot palms against his thighs as he moved away. 

Brennen turned around and touched the short necklace, “does it look alright?” He peered in a broken mirror, trying to see himself properly in the spiderwebbed glass.

“Looks… Good…” Raze clenched his fists nervously. It really did look great. Sexy. It made him want to grab the man around his neck and bite him.

“What’s wrong with it?” Brennen touched it again and frowned. “Should I keep it?”

“Keep it,” he nodded. When his trader continued to stare at him, he shrugged, “it’s like a collar. But not a pet collar…”

“Um… Okay? Is this bad or good?”

He didn’t know how to explain what it was to collar someone. Especially someone who didn’t even understand how it worked. Must not be a thing for them, so maybe it didn’t even matter. 

Raze shrugged again, “it’s good.” 

He smiled and turned to the busted mirror again for a moment before moving on to another part of the broken building. Raze trailed behind, poking at things as he went. Then something caught his eye. Face paints. 

Raze pulled some things from the little shelf, set some aside, then rifled through more. He held a black stick up and peeled away the packaging and smiled. 

“It’s eyeliner,” Brennen pointed.

He nodded, “I like these. It’s an easy way to paint eyes real good… I had one once, but everyone used it. I got it from some house… Never knew where to find more.”

“Department stores. Make-up aisle.”

“Yeah, I got that…” Raze snorted and uncapped the black stick. 

Brennen watched him looking it over then went through some powders in cases and held one out, “here’s a black eyeshadow…” 

Raze took the stuff and turned it over. “Eyeshadow,” he echoed. 

“Basically char, but not quite. It comes in many different colors.”

He flipped the case open and rubbed some on a finger, then looked it over in the light of the low sun shining through the broken side of the building. 

“It’s… Sparkly.”

“Shimmery.” Brennen turned and sorted through other powders, “these are for women to look pretty, so most of them have a shimmer to them…”

“I don’t want shimmer. The stick don’t got that,” he held the stick up and tossed the powder away. 

He moved to the broken mirror and lined his eyes as his trader rifled through more junk. This stick was even better than the one he had before. It wasn’t like a hard pencil -- More like a soft crayon, but sharp. He was able to smudge a lot of it out and ended up coloring his entire eyelids and smearing it around easily. This was a good paint stick. 

Brennen handed him something, “here, this one doesn’t have shimmer.”

Raze examined the powder. It was a nice char black. He licked his finger then smeared a good bit on and finished up his face paint. It was perfect. And, if he ran out, he could fill the little case with char and keep it in a pocket or pouch easily.

He turned to his trader and grinned, “am I pretty?” 

“Uh…” Brennen stammered, “you’re… Uh… Yes?” He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled some weird way, “you… You’re very… Yes.” 

Raze laughed and set a hand on his trader’s chest, “now lemme do you.”

“Uh…” His voice cracked, “okay…” Brennen cleared his throat, “alright.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Bren sat on a wobbly stool at the make-up counter and held tightly onto it, unsure of what to do with his hands. What did he do with his hands when the raider had attacked him with char? He couldn’t remember. Raze moved close, pressing himself between Brennen’s knees, as he leaned in to do the eyeliner.

“Stop squirming away,” Raze leaned closer.

“Don’t stab my eye out…”

“Ain’t gunna… Unless you keep fuckin squirming.” He pressed closer until his hips were nestled very firmly against Bren between his thighs. 

Raze ran his free hand up around the side of Brennen’s neck with his thumb along his jawline to hold him still and moved his face even closer to see better and Bren chewed his lip as he stared at the raider’s face. The man’s piercing blue eyes were transfixed on what he was doing, so Bren took the time to go over all his features once again as he was so close. Close enough to kiss. His eyes lingered on the light scar over Raze’s full bottom lip -- It was strangely alluring in that moment. 

“Look up,” he said quietly as he worked. 

Gladly… Bren tore his eyes off the raider’s lips and stared up at the ceiling. Raze licked his thumb and used it to smear the eyeliner around, then colored some more in with the eyeshadow. He wet his thumb once more and smudged, careful to avoid the little cut Bren still had above his brow. When Raze told Brennen to close his eyes, the feeling of the raider’s heated body pressed close to his became more apparent. He readjusted himself on the stool and moved back a bit… Then forward again. He rather liked the feel of the man’s warm body against his own. Then he moved back again when he realized it was starting to make him swell a bit. He didn’t want to give the wrong idea about the situation… Whatever the ‘wrong’ idea may be. 

What _was_ the wrong idea? Didn’t raiders… rape people? Raze had asked and when Bren declined, he didn’t push the issue. Maybe they didn’t all do that. Or, perhaps, it had just been a nasty rumor. When Raze asked if he wanted to fuck, how did the raider mean for it to go? Was Brennen even ready for that sort of thing? As he sat and thought more about it, his pants started to feel tighter. _Stop thinking about it._ He suddenly took great interest in the ceiling fixtures as soon as he was told to open his eyes again. 

“There,” Raze finally moved back. 

Bren sighed quietly to himself at the lost heat and contact. 

“How does it look?”

“Arousing,” the raider grinned brightly.

Oh… Perfect. Bren’s cheeks flushed lightly and he tried to shake it off. He stood and moved to the broken mirror to look -- And to keep Raze from noticing any sort of very apparent arousal. 

“That’s… Wow…” He turned his head and looked into the broken glass. All around his eyes was pitch black in a thick line, then the raider had smudged it up over his eyebrows and faded half down his cheeks in two diamond shapes like his own had been. It made his eyes really stand out. Weird to see, but kind of cool, he had to admit. 

Raze leaned his warm body over him from behind and pointed to the mirror, “you got real good eyes.”

“Um… Thanks,” Bren tried to keep staring at the mirror as though he didn’t notice what had been said. Then he stupidly blurted out, “you too. Very pretty… I mean, cool. You have very cool eyes.”

He snorted, “they ain’t that cool. Darker eyes are better. Yours got good green. I like it.” 

Bren turned to face him, “Raze… Your eyes are very unique… They’re really sexy-- I mean… They’re sought after. People would kill to have ice blue eyes like yours.” 

He shrugged, “they’re good for some animals, like people, but other animals respect dark better.”

Brennen moved a half-step closer to a point they were nearly touching and spoke quietly, “I really like your--”

A loud clatter echoed through the store as a mannequin fell over and knocked a magazine rack to the floor. The men both flinched and turned to the sound to see a feral ghoul clumsily crawling over the rubble on the broken side of the department store. It fell inward onto its face then flailed around to get back to its feet. 

Raze quickly moved to the thing and buried his pick in its head, then readied himself as a couple more ambled up to the half-broken wall to come in. 

Bren glanced around and found a piece of rebar to wield. He swung the bar of metal around a couple times to test it then stepped up to the wall and started batting ferals away, careful not to hit the raider beside him. He managed to outright kill one of them, but the rest were knocked stupid and reeled, giving Raze the time he needed to pick the things dead. 

A few more stragglers came up to the killing line then all was quiet for a while. 

“We should go,” Bren motioned to the street.

“Yep,” Raze quickly agreed and hopped over the broken wall.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

The sun was already starting to set once they found a good place to camp. Brennen had pointed out another store, but Raze had argued that smaller is better for one or two people. There was a good sound logic in that so they ended up in a little Red Rocket on the edge of the ruins. The raider told him that, depending on the territory, a place with one or two doors is best, so long as you can escape out the back if you need to. Made sense. Bren had always wondered how his Gunner guards chose places to camp, now he was learning.

He’d also told him that if they were going to stay for a couple of days at a place, the rooftops are great, weather permitting. But for short stays, hauling junk to a rooftop was a pain in the ass. 

Raze was more vocal this time as he built up a fire, telling Brennen how to do it properly and what burns best. He even withheld his flip-lighter and showed Bren how to start a fire using sticks, though Brennen tried and couldn’t manage to get a spark going. At least he knew how it was supposed to work now. 

“Do you know how to make traps?” Bren smiled hopefully. 

“Sure,” Raze shrugged, then paused, “for what?”

“I don’t know… Rabbits?”

He thought for a moment then shrugged again, “I know small animal traps, but it ain’t worth it. You can find bloatflies and roaches and kill them easier.”

“Okay, yes,” Bren countered, “but that’s disgusting.”

The raider rolled his eyes and stood to look for items. He picked up a couple pencils, eyed them, then motioned to a small tree outside, “I can show you a smash trap.”

“Oh,” Brennen made a face, “okay…”

Raze went to work in the last bits of remaining daylight, slowly to make sure Brennen could learn. He had gathered some specific branches from the tree, used a small strip of Bren’s cloth and one of the pencils, then carefully set the thing up outside in the scrub brush. It looked oddly like the number four and had a big rock balancing precariously against it and Raze told him some alternate way to do it without the cloth, so long as you had a knife and felt like cutting some notches. He definitely understood why he called it a ‘smash trap’ - if any parts of the intricately propped sticks were disturbed, the rock would fall and crush or cripple any small animal caught underneath. 

The raider helped Brennen build his own, then laughed about making it a competition. Everything was a competition. Bren worked to gather stuff a rabbit might want to eat and set it in the trap, hoping it would be more enticing than the crap Raze used. And why was he so competitive all the sudden? Whatever, he was excited and hopeful that he’d get a rabbit before the raider.

For some reason, Raze dropped one of the large gaudy rings that Brennen had taken from the department store under his own trap.

“How long?” Bren peeked out the window at the traps in the distance.

“Longer than that,” Raze snorted as he went through the firelit area of the shop. 

Brennen sighed and started rummaging with the raider, telling him things he likes to collect for trade as he went. He found quite a few spark plugs, a couple screwdrivers, and a good roll of duct tape. He held up a large wrench and thought about adding it to his pack, then set it back down when he figured it’d end up adding too much to the weight. 

They’d also found some cola and two cans of beans to eat - which was nice since Bren was starving at that point. He wished there was more food, or maybe some sweet treats, but he had apparently found the one Red Rocket in all the wasteland that had no snack cakes.

Making himself more comfortable near the fire, Brennen dug the long skirt out of his pack - it could make for an even better pack. Almost like a duffle bag. 

As he worked on turning the long skirt into a bag, Raze eventually settled down and started a project of his own. He took the long heavy wrench Brennen had set down earlier and started wrapping up one end in cloth and tape.

“Don’t use all the tape, it’s for selling.”

Raze clicked his tongue and tore more off the roll. 

Bren made a face at him in the firelight, “I’m serious.”

“You want stupid caps or a weapon? Throw a handful of caps at a bear and see how good that works out for you… Maybe the bear will choke on them.”

“Well…” He hesitated, “I guess… I could find more tape.”

“That’s what I thought,” the raider snorted and tore more away.

He probably could have just used the wrench like a club, but what Raze did to the thing made it much more wicked. He’d taped and tied a pointed saw blade to the end of it and gave it a good grip and now the thing looked like a strange short, jagged, scythe. Sort of like the raider’s pick, but different. He wondered exactly how to wield the weapon. One side could be a great club, then the saw could maybe rip flesh. It was very unsettling to think about, but the thing could probably rip a head right off a feral or disembowel most anything with a soft belly. Whatever this weapon was - it would be very deadly. 

He felt a childlike excitement to play with the new toy. Bren almost couldn’t wait to find something to try it out on. He swung it around a bit and smiled at the weightiness as Raze grinned at him the same way he had when he watched the children admiring the rifle.

“Thank you for the weapon.”

“Yup,” Raze nodded then moved a bench over close to the fire and plopped down on it. He stretched like a cat then curled up as best he could on the thing. 

“You watch first… I need dope or sleep and I ain’t got one of those things.”

“Um,” Bren glanced around then shrugged, “okay, sure.” 

He was also really tired and now understood some of the value in certain chems. Or really good coffee. He really wished he had some coffee.

And there he was, yet again, watching Raze sleep.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

They’d switched guard in the middle of the night and Raze had been difficult to wake up. He grumbled and tried to wave Bren off before rolling over on the bench to face away. Then he was annoyed and cranky when he eventually did get up and Brennen wondered if the man would even be able to guard. He trusted the raider to stay awake… Didn’t he?

Apparently, Bren was too tired to care at all. He fell right to sleep on the hard bench and woke hours later to the morning sun and Raze doing something around the shop. 

And food was cooking over the fire. 

Dammit!

Brennen sat up and rubbed his eyes, “did I catch a rabbit?”

Raze laughed and tossed something at him, “you caught that. I caught a bird.”

He looked at the white ball of fluff the raider had tossed. “What is this…?” Turning it over a couple times, he made a face as he realized what it was. Brennen had _‘almost’_ caught a rabbit. He caught the tail of a rabbit. Close. He sighed and threw the fluff aside. 

Then Raze handed him something else, “you can have that back.”

It was the ring he’d apparently used as bait -- Smashed flat with blood and bone bits squished onto it. Wonderful. He tossed that aside, as well. At least they’d be eating bird and not bugs. 

Raze was somehow wide awake and multitasking. He turned the bird over on the fire, then went back to whatever he was doing at the shop bench. Bren stood and did a few stretches then approached to see what the raider was up to. 

He’d found cups and a coffee pot, a burner, some glass from light bulbs, paint thinner, antifreeze, brake fluid… 

“Raze! What the hell?!”

He used his knife to scrape up some chunky powder off a bit of glass and grinned, “want some?”

“No!” Brennen tugged the raider away from his chemistry project, “no gas station chems!”

He frowned, “all chems are ‘gas station’ chems, really.” 

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“Yeah, it ain’t hard…”

Brennen tried to glare, but the look faltered. For the strangest damn reason, Raze’s chemistry prowess was very attractive. No. Shake that off. Now. Glare. 

The raider’s grin vanished and he stared. He stepped close to Bren and glared in return, making Brennen have to fight to keep staring into his intense blue eyes. Were they about to wrestle again? 

Bren stood his ground and straightened himself up. He was a few inches taller than Raze, and bigger in every way, but the raider was somehow very imposing. Just when Bren nearly shrunk back down away from the man, Raze glanced down and took a half-step back. 

“You want me asleep, or you want me guarding?” The kid still had a lot of defiance left. 

“I want you to not die from ingesting toxic chemicals! Have you ever thought of, oh, I don’t know, _coffee?”_

“Don’t like coffee,” he shrugged, “bitter.”

Bren sighed, “yeah, I’m sure that powder tastes much better.”

“You ain’t supposed to taste the shit,” Raze snorted and turned to go back to his very-not-kid-friendly science experiment.

Brennen grabbed his sleeve to stop him, “maybe we can find you another cola or… Something else…”

He turned and rolled his eyes, “won’t work.” Raze pointed, “you wanna know what to trade to my kin? Chems.”

“I don’t… I don’t really want to be a drug dealer. Is there something else?”

The raider shrugged, “alcohol. But chems are best… Just some. Mentats, Psycho, and Jet. Oh, and this shit called Day Tripper, a lot of them like that. It’s good for relaxing… Like what you need right now.”

“I don’t need to relax, I need my companion to not kill himself.”

“I ain’t gunna--”

“Raze, I’m serious… I really like you a lot and I worry that… Um…” Brennen’s eyes widened a bit at what he’d just said and his hand went to the back of his neck, “I worry.”

The raider fell silent and stared for a few long seconds then motioned, “bird’s done.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

The bird was cooked much better than the other stuff had been, though Raze hadn’t done the best job plucking it. It was a small meal. Too bad Bren hadn’t got that rabbit. Next time he’d get one. If the raider would let him have the rifle, he’d be able to shoot something, no problem, but Raze still kept the weapon from him.

As they were leaving the Red Rocket, Bren frowned in thought then looked back to the building in the distance, “Raze… Did you clean up your chemistry mess and turn that burner off?”

The raider paused, scratched his head, then looked back at the building.

And suddenly a fireball exploded from the shop followed by a loud muffled boom that shook the air and ground. Then another explosion, followed by a couple more, spewed thick black smoke and debris into the air. Bren stared wide-eyed at it then turned to the raider.

“You know what,” he pointed to the building engulfed in flame, “I think I might’ve forgot.”

Bren stared stupidly at the man as little bits of brick and metal rained down from the sky nearby and the huge red rocket on top of the building teetered then crashed to the ground. 

Raze cleared his throat, “so, yeah, lesson learned - drugs are bad.”

“We could have fucking died!” Bren was very close to completely losing his shit. “I don’t want to explode!”

“Got your heart goin, though. And I am wide the fuck awake now!”

“Raze!” 

“Hazmat!” He laughed.

Bren threw his hands up and stormed off. Then started laughing like a lunatic. He was apparently delirious. And, yes, his heart _was_ racing. Pounding. He could have died. And that explosion was really awesome. He would never admit that to the damn raider, though. Ever. Nor would he admit how alive, alert, and somehow aroused he was now feeling. Bren was not about to go skipping through the countryside blowing up buildings with the crazy raider, but the thought did enter his mind for a split second. Longer than a split second. More like about an hour.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

Around lunchtime, Bren’s stomach started growling again. He glanced around the barren landscape and motioned to the expanse of nothing, “can we trap something to eat out here?”

Raze shrugged, “could, but it ain’t quick.”

“Can we find something to kill?” He looked skyward and saw a couple of birds fly overhead, “give me the gun, I’ll shoot a bird.”

“I ain’t giving you the gun, you’ll probably end up shooting _me._ Again.”

“I didn’t mean to shoot you.”

Raze snorted, “yeah, I know, that’s why I ain’t givin you the gun.”

“I’m sorry…” Bren sighed, then shook it off, “no, wait… No I’m not. You were trying to kill me!”

“Sorry you missed?”

“No, that’s not what I meant… I’m glad I missed.” Bren put a hand over his growling stomach, “look, I’m just really hungry…” 

Raze stopped walking and looked over to the road in the distance, “we could hit a caravan.”

Brennen stared at him and the raider laughed, “I ain’t serious.”

“Part of me thinks you are. A really big part.”

Raze waved him off then motioned in a direction, “ain’t there some farms over there?”

“We’re not stealing from-- Oh… No, that’s a good idea.” Brennen moved closer to the road to try and figure out more of where he was. “I think there’s a farm that way, but we’d have to backtrack an hour or so…”

Raze turned in the direction they’d just come from without any argument and Bren trotted to catch up. 

“Maybe we can stay the night, too… It might get kind of late by the time we get there and there’s nothing around out here.”

“Stay at the farm?”

“Yeah. Is that a problem?”

“People live there?” Raze narrowed his eyes a bit. 

“Um… Yeah.”

“You know them?”

Brennen shrugged, “I don’t know them properly, but I know they live there. A family.”

“How bout we just take some food and not fuck with the people?”

“Well, yeah… I mean no. I don’t want to fuck with the people, but we’re going to have to talk to them and ask for food… Not steal it.”

“Bad idea,” Raze shook his head adamantly. 

“We have to do it properly. And I don’t know where else to sleep.”

The raider spread his arms wide, “outside!”

“No way,” Brennen pointed at him sternly, “there’s no way in hell I’m staying out in the middle of nowhere with no protection.”

“There’s big rocks and--”

“Nope,” Bren shook his head and walked on.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

When a farm came into view over the horizon, the raider stopped and turned around.

“It’ll be okay…” Bren wasn’t actually sure this time.

Raze motioned to himself then to Brennen, “look at us. Do you know what we look like?”

“Um…” He set a hand on the large crude weapon hanging from his belt and glanced down at himself. At least he had regular clothes on this time… Even though they were black and brown.

The raider pointed to the farm, “those flighty fuckers are even more jumpy than guards and their guns shoot a long damn way.”

“Well… Maybe we could sneak close and then I can talk?”

“Your mouth don’t move faster than a bullet.”

Bren eyed the farm, then looked to Raze again, “can we at least get closer?”

“We can get close enough to the edge to grab some food, yeah.”

“I don’t really want to steal…”

“Rather eat bullets? How hungry _are_ you?” When Bren continued to hesitate, Raze added, “you think we can take all their food? You think the handful we eat is gunna starve them out? Look at that big-ass field. They got enough to feed a whole camp for weeks.”

Bren clenched and unclenched his fists a few times then motioned, “okay… Let’s… Do that then. Just this one time. And only a couple things.”

Raze grinned and slunk off to the side. Bren took his lead a few steps and the raider turned to face him.

“What?” Brennen blinked dumbly and motioned again, “I’m doing your thing… Let’s go.”

“You cannot be serious.”

“I can be sneaky!”

“About as sneaky as a fuckin campfire on legs, yeah.”

Brennen glared for a moment then dug Raze’s nice brown shirt from his skirt-bag. He wrapped it around his head to hide his hair and Raze laughed. 

“What now?”

“You look like a dumbass. Stay here, shirt-head.”

Bren scowled, “no way, I can do this. I… Want to do this.”

Raze waved a hand at him, “no you don’t. Stay here.”

“I’m going to do it.”

“Stay,” Raze pointed sternly downward.

“No.”

The two of them stared at one another for a moment then the raider lowered his voice, “I don’t want you shot, okay?”

“Well, I don’t want you to get hurt either…” 

“I won’t get hurt,” he scoffed. 

Brennen glanced at the farm then down at the ground, “Raze… I _do_ want to do this. It’s terrifying and kinda naughty and some experience opportunity that I’ve never had before and likely never will again. You said it’s never too late to start living… So… I’m going to do this.” 

Raze stared silently and Bren felt the need to fill that quiet, “look, I haven’t even been a caravan trader very long. This trip was the furthest out I’ve ever been on my own. I’ve spent years back home with my family behind big safe walls doing what they wanted me to do - sell junk and be a doctor… But the first time I went out, I loved the thrill of it all. I went farther and farther out and wanted to do more, but everyone kept holding me back; Parents, caravan guards, friends, the law… I just want to go over there and steal some damn tatos, is that too much to ask?”

The raider continued to stare for so long that Bren nearly apologized for his little outburst and life-confession. Then he turned toward the farm again and motioned for Brennen to follow.  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	13. Farming 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The teenage girl from inside spoke again, “set the dog on ‘em.”
> 
> Bren closed his eyes tightly and mouthed, _“fucking fuck!”_ Why did he want to do this again? 
> 
> He heard the man and teenager and some other small voice riling a dog up and the door was opened. 
> 
> Raze crouched low and readied his pick, so Bren did the same.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Raze made some hand motions that Bren didn’t know, but kind of made sense, so he tried his best to follow the directions. He lagged back a bit so they weren’t both together in the same spot as they came close to the tato field. There were a few mutfruit trees growing closer to the house. A little corral with some brahmin and haystacks was near the fruit trees, so Bren decided to sneak up that way and hide there. He kept his eyes on the fruit, stomach growling loudly about the sweet treat, and inched closer.

Closer. 

The brahmin smelled and saw him immediately and started moving around and one came up to him by the fenceline. 

“Go away cow, I don’t have food,” Brennen whispered at the animal and tried to shoo it off. 

That just made the other two cows take interest and soon he had all three of them up against the fenceline with him. Maybe that would be okay, they blocked any view and hid him better… But they were starting to paw at the ground and make agitated sounds. Time to try and get the hell away from the fence and stupid brahmin pointing him out. 

Brennen edged around the corral and tried to find Raze. He couldn’t spot the kid in the tall grass and scrub brush -- He was damn good. Probably already had a handful of tatos. Bren looked to the fruit trees again and set his jaw - he could do this. It was easy. Just grab some fruit and run. His heart pounded as he moved closer, fixing his eyes on his goal.

Closer. 

Almost there. 

Brennen heard the front screen door slam shut and he froze. He peered around some barrels and saw a large man with a rifle standing on the front porch, a stone’s throw away. Shit. 

A young girl’s voice sounded from inside the house, “what is it, pa?”

“Dunno. Pests… Probably those damned molerats again.” The man stepped out a little more and glanced around, trying to figure out what was upsetting his cattle. 

Bren ducked himself down as small as he could behind the barrels and saw Raze off to the side hiding behind the haystacks where Brennen had come from. The raider was glaring at him. Oops. Bren shrugged emphatically at him and Raze made some hand motions in return that made no sense. 

Brennen made a running scissor motion with his fingers, pointed away, then shrugged again. Raze shook his head ‘no’. 

What did he want to do? Maybe just stay here until the man goes back inside. That would work. The cows would settle down eventually. 

The teenage girl from inside spoke again, “set the dog on ‘em.”

Bren closed his eyes tightly and mouthed, _“fucking fuck!”_ Why did he want to do this again? 

He heard the man and teenager and some other small voice riling a dog up and the door was opened. 

Raze crouched low and readied his pick, so Bren did the same. 

The dog must have ran around for a moment, sniffed, and had a hard time finding them… Sweat started beading up between Brennen’s shoulder blades and head and he felt like he was about to vomit when he caught sight of the big black beast of a dog in the distance. The animal perked up when it found some scent then locked eyes directly on Raze. 

The raider raised his pick and held his arms out in some crazy challenge, waiting for the beast to attack him. 

It barked and tore off across the field and Brennen just sat frozen, unable to help and unsure of what to do. The dog pounced on Raze and they wrestled on the ground. He didn’t pick the beast. The loud vicious growling from the dog on Raze was suddenly overshadowed by the man and other people yelling and coming closer.

The man rounded the space between Bren and his companion, followed by the teenage girl. What was he supposed to do?! 

Without thinking, Bren jumped out from behind the barrel and grabbed the top of the man’s rifle. He was so surprised that the weapon easily came out of his hands and Brennen pointed it at the teenage girl when she pulled out her own pistol.

“Drop it,” Brennen warned.

She did as told and put her hands up with the man. Bren moved closer to Raze to help him with the dog and he found the raider laughing. 

Fucking LAUGHING! 

Raze shoved the dog off himself and stood. He pointed at the beast excitedly, “look!”

Bren squinted at the dog… Was that...

A little girl had been standing on the porch and ran over. She immediately threw her arms around the raider’s waist and nearly screeched with excitement, “Raze!” 

The farmer immediately pulled her away, “what the hell is going on here?!”

Felicia pointed, “this is my friend Raze! I met him and his husband in town.” She pointed to Brennen and giggled at his shirt-hat and face paint get-up, “he’s the doctor.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - -**

The man of the house, Richard, sat at the dining table across from them. Bren sat sheepishly in a chair with Raze standing behind him nervously. Every so often, Felicia would try to go over closer to the raider and her father would make her get away, but Scribbles was enjoying Raze’s anxious petting and scratching behind her ears and the man couldn’t keep the dog away.

“Why were you sneaking around my farm?” He got right to the point.

Bren set his hands on the table to keep from nervously fidgeting and spoke quietly, “well, you see… Um… We needed some… We were--”

“Takin some food,” Raze blurted out. “The fuck you think we were doing? Hide and seek?”

“We were hungry,” Bren corrected for him. 

Richard narrowed his eyes a little, “why didn’t you just come up to the door and ask for help?”

Brennen sighed and glanced at Raze. 

The raider pantomimed, “knock-knock… Oh, hello nice Mr. Farmer-guy, could you spare some tatos for a couple hungry raiders? Promise we won’t eat your babies.”

Felicia and the teenage girl both laughed, but their father did not.

“I’m not a raider,” Brennen shook his head adamantly at the glaring man across the table. Then Bren sighed and leveled his gaze, “you would have shot us before we got close.”

The teenage girl nodded, “from two hundred paces away, right between the eyes.”

Bren motioned to the teen pointedly and the man waved a hand, “cuz you’re all painted up and skulkin about! Dress like a human and you won’t get mistaken for a varmint.” 

Felicia’s eyes widened and she clutched her father’s sleeve, “don’t shoot my friends!” 

“Look, Sir, I’m very sorry…” Bren dropped his hands on the table and sighed, “we’re just really hungry.”

“Sorry we got caught…” Raze mumbled.

Richard cocked his ear at the raider, “what was that?”

Bren put a hand out to shut Raze up and replied, “he’s sorry, too.” 

“You’re a doctor,” the teen pointed, “what are you doin out here all painted up like a raider and stealin’ our stuff?”

“I’m not a doctor, I’m a raider-- trader, I mean. I’m a trader.”

Behind him, Raze snickered. 

The man stared at them for a very long moment then cocked his chin, “you got any caps?”

“No… I had some trouble and lost my cow, my cart, my guards, and all my caps.” 

He wanted to tell the man that he’d spent a good portion of the caps on his wife, but that sounded like complaining so he bit his tongue. 

And Raze said it for him, “he used his dumb caps for her mother,” he pointed to Felicia. Then he crossed his arms, “and to trade me outta the cage.”

The man was with him up until the second confusing part. He looked to Bren, “you’re the ‘nice man’ who got Jan medicine?”

Felicia piped up, “uh-huh! I told you.” 

The farmer relaxed considerably. “I thank you for that. She’s resting and seems a bit better -- She’s stopped vomiting, at least.”

“Yeah,” Bren waved a hand, “a hubflower compound eases stomach trouble. She needs to keep well hydrated and rest. Make sure she takes two of the pills every day and…” He trailed off as they stared.

“You say you ain’t a doc?” The man snorted. 

“Well… I mean… My father is a doctor so I know some things. But I’m a trader.”

The teen pointed, “playin’ raider.”

He blinked stupidly at her and Raze chimed in, “his name’s Hazmat, I’m Raze.”

Brennen sighed audibly and dropped his head in his hands. 

The man snorted, “those are awfully strange names for upstanding citizens…”

“Your name is Dick Dickson,” Bren pointed, “I don’t want to hear anything about strange names.” Raze and the teenager both laughed loud and Brennen put a hand on his stomach, “sorry… I get cranky when I’m hungry…”  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - -**

Richard had given them a snack and set them to work. Seemed like a fair deal for the supper they’d receive and a place to stay for the night, so Bren happily obliged. Raze was not as happy about it. They’d put them both to work tending crops -- Picking the ripe ones, watering, getting rid of bugs, and pinching off dead leaves.

At one point, the raider had stripped off his leather shirt, but put all of his armor bits back on, then decided that was still too hot to be working in and eventually, reluctantly, took off the shoulder pads, bracers, and chest plate. The topless man was very distracting. 

And he was distracting to more than just Bren. More than once, the teen girl, Katherine, had come outside for various stupid excuses to gawk, only to be shooed back inside by her father. 

About the sixth time Kat had come outside, Richard angrily handed the raider his shirt. “Put your damn clothes on.”

“It’s fuckin hot out here,” Raze crossed his arms defiantly. 

The man stepped closer and spoke quietly through clenched teeth, “you’re givin’ my daughter impure thoughts and there will be no hanky-panky while you’re here. Do you understand me?”

The raider rolled his eyes, “ain’t my fault your kid’s aroused at inconvenient times. Ain’t like my dick’s out--”

Bren nudged Raze away from the man, “sorry, Sir… Don’t worry, there will be no hanky-panky, I promise.” He smiled and gently took the leather shirt from the man and handed it to Raze. And, of course, he did not put it on. 

The farmer and Raze continued to argue about it until Bren fished out the brown button-up shirt from his pack and made the raider wear it. Though he’d left it unbuttoned. A nice compromise. Still distracting. 

As they moved closer to the fenceline away from the house, Richard started grumbling at something or other. 

“What’s wrong?” Bren approached to see what the guy was muttering about.

“Goddamned molerats,” he spat and kicked at a fresh hole.

Raze figured since Bren stopped working, he could, too. He peered down the hole then cocked his chin, “you wanna get rid of them?”

Richard stared stupidly at the raider, “uh, _yeah._ They’re eatin’ my crops and sometimes mangle the cattle to get milk.” 

“Get some mongrel shit and throw it around out here,” Raze waved a hand to the crops. Then he thought for a moment and pointed, “tie a couple mongrels to the fences.”

The man looked a little horrified, “I ain’t catchin mongrel dogs and keepin’ them as pets on my fenceline!”

Raze rolled his eyes, “not live ones. Dead.”

“I don’t know if that’s any better!” Richard protested the very idea.

The raider shrugged, “whatever. Molerats stay away from mongrel dogs and dog smell. Stake some out or don’t, I don’t give a fuck what you do.”

Brennen glanced at the field then nodded to himself, “that’s a good idea… The dung, part, anyway. Mix it in with your fertilizer.”

“Yeah, brilliant, except where would I find that much mongrel dung?” The farmer shrugged emphatically. 

Raze mocked the farmer’s shrug, “a den… Where else? You don’t need much. The shit can even be kinda old, it don’t really matter. Moleys got good noses and they hate dogs.” He thought about it again and added, “you probably only gotta do it once every few years… They’ll teach their offspring to stay the fuck away from this place.”

Richard eyed the raider for a long moment as he contemplated the idea and Bren spoke up, “if I could somehow get you some mongrel dung, would you pay well for it?”

The man shrugged, “sure, if it works.”

“It works,” Raze pointed at him. “That’s how we keep molerats outta small camps. They got mongrels or shit.” He thought about that, “human shit works, too, but you need a lot more of it and it stinks. Mongrel shit ain’t so bad.”

“You guys have mongrels?” Brennen made a face, “like as pets?”

“Sure,” the raider shrugged, “they’re the best guards.”

“So…” Bren mused, “maybe that could be a thing we trade?”

Raze laughed, “sure, if you want dog droppings, you’re welcome to ‘em. Weirdo.”

The farmer snorted, “whoever knew raiders were shit experts.”

Brennen smiled brightly at Raze and waved a hand to the guy, “you’d be surprised at how raiders are.”  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - -**

When supper was ready, Brennen had to keep Raze from just helping himself at the stove, which the raider was very confused about.

“We gotta wash up first,” Felicia pointed to the bathroom. 

Raze made a face, “gotta take a bath to eat?”

The little girl giggled, “no, silly! Your dirty hands!” 

She took him by the hand and led him away and Bren followed close behind to make sure Raze didn’t make an absolute mess of their bathroom. 

Felicia climbed up on the sink counter and washed her own hands then gave the bar of soap over to the raider. He stared at it for a moment and Bren reached around him from behind to set the soap down and make him stick his hands under the running water. 

The little girl nodded and gave him direction, “you gotta get them wet first, then soap, then wet again.” 

He did as she directed, then took the soap and started chuckling to himself about how slippery it was. He squeezed the bar and it shot up from his hands and Brennen fumbled to catch it. Then he did it again. Bren was going to tell him to knock it the fuck off, but the little girl squealed and giggled in delight at his antics… He was doing it on purpose for her amusement. And his own. 

When it fell on the floor, Brennen picked it up, “okay, you’re done now. Wash your hands.”

Felicia pointed, “you gotta wash your wrists, too. And forearms.”

“You sure I don’t gotta take a whole bath?” Raze snorted and did as he was told. And then some. He made sure to make a show of washing all the way near his shoulders where the ends of his short sleeves were, then rubbed some soap on his chest just to be funny.

And, again, the girl giggled, “no, silly! You can take a shower after supper.” 

“I like showers, they’re fun,” Raze grinned.

Felicia shrugged, “showers _are_ fun. I like to pretend I’m in a rainstorm.”

“Yes!” The raider agreed enthusiastically. 

“Um…” Brennen hesitated, “a bath would be better… Unless you want your entire house flooded out.”

“Baths are more fun,” she pointed at him, “especially bubble baths!”

Raze perked up and looked completely interested, “what’s that?”

“I’ll show you after supper!”

Brennen held a finger up, “I can show him… You shouldn’t be doing that sort of thing.” Then he thought about it, “I mean… Um…” He blushed lightly as he realized her mind was in a much more innocent place than where his currently sat.

She shrugged and handed Raze a small towel to dry himself off and Brennen was stuck using the, very damp and soapy, cloth to dry his own hands after washing. 

Felicia led him by the hand to the round table and pointed to a chair, “you can sit by me.”

Richard visibly clenched his teeth at that idea and sat Raze down in a chair between himself and Brennen. The little girl got upset because that was apparently mom’s spot, but she needed rest so would be eating later. 

Kat served them all bowls of food then seated herself directly across from Raze, which allowed her to stare stupidly during the whole meal. Richard was not amused. 

“Thank you for the meal, it looks delicious,” Bren smiled.

Raze sniffed tentatively at everything. Especially the glass of milk. 

“It’s ratatouille,” Katherine pointed to his bowl, “vegetables you guys picked today.”

He tried a bite, pondered it, then shrugged and started shoveling food in his mouth. Brennen wanted to correct his table manners, but he had no idea where to even begin and decided it would be best to just allow him to be himself in this instance.

Between bites, for some random reason, Raze pointed his spoon at the dog, “she’d mind better if you fed her.”

Richard glared at him, “I feed my dog. Her bowl is always full.”

“Feed her _sometimes._ Make her work for it. She ain’t gunna mind too good if she don’t rely on you for food.” 

“Don’t tell me how to care for my animals,” the farmer pointed sternly.

Raze shrugged, “whatever. I was just sayin.” 

Felicia nodded, “you should listen to him, he talks to animals.” 

“People don’t speak animal,” Kat snorted softly and shook her head.

“We’re all animals, we talk the same language,” the raider cocked an eyebrow at her, “some of you just forget cuz you don’t hang out so much.” He thought for a moment, “didn’t see nuthin but cats and a couple pet dogs in the town… How do you remember bear language if you don’t fuck around with bears?” 

Richard rolled his eyes, “I don’t need to understand bears to know they’re dangerous.”

“We’re _all_ dangerous. If you’re gunna live in the world with animals, best learn to understand them cuz you sure as shit can’t get rid of them all,” Raze was adamant about the topic. 

Before the farmer could argue, Bren spoke up, “he’s correct. You can’t avoid animals, especially the animals that are other people, so it helps a lot to understand them so you can work with that. Raze has helped me a lot with understanding just a few animal behaviors that will definitely make my life easier.”

“And saved your ass,” the raider snorted.

“Um… Yes… And saved my ass. He saved me from walking blindly into hidden scorpions, and from a molerat, and probably a bear.”

Raze nodded, “and mongrel dogs.”

“Yes, and mongrels-- Wait… When was that?”

“When your dumb ass was trapped on the shack.”

Bren stared at the man beside him for a long moment. “You… _You_ did that?” Raze shrugged and took a drink so Brennen leaned closer, “you told me not to worry if an animal is busy with food! They came after me anyway!”

“I told you not to worry about bears when they got food, not dogs. Dogs are different… You never asked about those.” Then he held his glass up and pointed to it, “this shit’s good, but you got any booze?”

Kat grinned and made to stand up, “now you’re speakin my language!”

“Absolutely not!” Richard pointed for her to sit back down and glared at Raze.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	14. Dirty Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To change the subject as quickly as possible, Bren just blurted out the next question that was still on his mind, “do raiders kiss?” That was not any better of a thing to say. 
> 
> “Sure,” Raze shrugged, “I like that.”
> 
> Then the two of them stared silently at one another, Raze grinning and Brennen caught in the spotlight, once again.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

After supper, Richard took a quick shower, which reminded Raze that he wanted to try a bubble bath. Bren was hoping he’d forget. Maybe he was hoping for that, anyway, he couldn’t be sure. When the farmer came out of the bathroom, he told Brennen he could go next. A quick shower.

Bren hesitated. He couldn’t leave the raider alone with the farmer - they’d probably argue about something, most likely Katherine’s chastity, and one of them would end up dead. 

“Um…” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and motioned to Raze, “we should… Uh… Go at the same time. Saves water.”

The raider’s face lit up and Richard narrowed his eyes. 

Kat pointed to each of them in turn, “you two…”

“Are not showering together,” the farmer crossed his arms.

Felicia shrugged, “you and mom shower together all the time.”

“That’s different, we’re married.”

The little girl pointed, “so are they! I told you! Nobody ever listens to me.”

Brennen stammered, “no… Um… No we aren’t. I corrected you several times,” he turned to Felicia, “he’s my companion, but not _that_ type of companion.” Though… That was an interesting thought -- His parents would freak out. 

She scratched her head, “ain’t that what marriage is?”

Raze laughed, then paused, “wait… What _is_ ‘marriage’?”

“She thinks you're my… Mate…” Brennen said in a near whisper and his cheeks flushed lightly. 

The raider stared at him with a dumb grin on his face and Bren had no idea what was going through his head to be able to correct whatever the hell he was thinking. 

He took the raider by the arm and smiled as best he could at Richard, “honestly, he’s just not used to bathrooms and such, so it would be in everyone’s best interest for us to go together.”

The man stood stoically for a moment then dropped his arms and waved Bren off.

And Raze was already undressing before he hit the bathroom. 

Brennen trailed behind, picking up the man’s boots and shirt as they went, then pushed him into the room as quickly as possible before he could get his pants undone. In hindsight, it probably looked like he was eager to get naked in a room with his… _Husband_ … He blushed even more at that thought - though he couldn’t tell if it was because of what everyone must be thinking about the situation or what _he_ was suddenly thinking about the situation. 

By the time Bren got the door closed and locked, Raze was naked. 

He pointed, “you ain’t gunna take your clothes off? You shower like that?”

“Um… No. I mean… We’re going to take turns. I guess you go first.”

Raze gave a little pout then climbed into the tub. “I wanna do the bubble bath.”

Brennen chuckled, “I’m sure you’ll love it.” He found some liquid soap and added it to the running water, “you have to promise not to make a big mess in this man’s house, though, okay?”

Raze nodded then was immediately fixated on the forming bubbles. He examined some on his hand, licked them off, then made a face as he probably realized soap doesn’t taste anything like how it smells. But he did it two more times, anyway. 

Brennen sat on the toilet lid and watched the raider playing in the water as it filled up. It was adorable. He scooped up a double handful of suds and immediately discovered he could blow on them and they would fly everywhere. He blew a couple handfuls on Bren, laughing the whole time, which got Brennen laughing with him. He reached into the tub and gathered his own handful, blew it at Raze, then laughed louder when it stuck to his face and hair. 

And then Bren found himself kneeling next to the tub forming bubble beards and mohawks on the raider, which Raze delighted in. Apparently, many of his kin couldn’t grow facial hair, so he thought it was something really cool to have a beard - even if it was just a pile of suds. Looking at the man before him, in full bubble-beard and spiked suds-hair regalia, it was very difficult to think of him as a dangerous murderer.

After some playing around, Brennen used a cloth to wash the raider’s face off, as he did before, but this time it felt much more… Intimate somehow. And he didn’t stop himself when he started gently running the cloth over the man’s arms and chest. 

Raze leaned back comfortably as he was tended to. “I like this.” He opened one eye and grinned, “should let me do you.”

“Um… You mean _wash_ me?”

“Sure,” the raider shrugged then chuckled quietly. 

“I uh… Don’t really need help… With that…”

“Me either, but here you are anyway.”

Brennen had meant to drop the cloth and back away, but instead, he clutched it tighter and paused with it resting on the raider’s upper abdomen at the waterline, his hand obscured by a layer of bubbles. His words got stuck in his throat and he ended up stupified like a dumb animal staring into a spotlight.

Raze moved to get out of the tub and Bren let out a sigh. Was it relief? Who the hell knew. 

“Get in, I’ll do you.” He flashed a grin then rolled his eyes, “I’ll _wash_ you.” 

He glanced at the dirty water. “I was going to take a quick shower.”

“Can I wash you in the shower?” 

“Uh… That would require… Um... “ Bren felt a slight twitch in his pants at the imagery. “How about I just refill the tub…”

As it filled, Bren fidgeted with his clothes, undressing needlessly slow. He removed his boots and started unbuttoning his shirt, then turned to face away from the, still naked, raider. Raze didn’t seem to care at all what was going on, so Brennen tried to talk himself into the idea of undressing in front of him. Raiders seemed to have no shame. It was just a body and Bren was pretty sure Raze had seen them many times. 

He finally took his shirt off, then distracted himself by folding it neatly and setting it on the counter. Raze snickered at that. 

“You need help?” He reached out toward Brennen’s pants.

“No… I got it, thank you.” He smiled nervously. 

Raze hadn’t made any comments about his pale skin color, slight belly pudge, or shoulder freckles, so he took a breath and turned from him again to slide his pants down. Then underwear. Then he quickly climbed into the tub, partly obscured by residual bubbles and soap film. 

The man got a fresh cloth, wet it, then went over Bren’s face like he’d been shown. He was surprisingly gentle and Brennen started to relax a bit by degrees as the raider worked off all the black paint, dirt, and sweat. His hand went through Brennen’s hair for no other reason than to caress him as his other hand stroked the warm cloth gently over his skin. It really was quite nice to be tended to in such a way.

“Shut your eyes,” Raze spoke quietly as he worked very close. 

Then Brennen lay there wondering exactly where the raider’s eyes were roaming. He covered himself with both hands under the water just to be sure. Doubly a good idea since the man’s gentle touches and the warmth of the water were starting to make him swell. Then he felt the cloth move on down to his neck and shoulders, so he opened his eyes again. Raze was, indeed, looking down at him… Too far down, maybe? Perhaps it was imagined with the angle they both sat situated - after all, the man needed to look down that way in order to work. 

And then he moved further down Bren’s chest and made clear exactly where he was looking. Raze snickered quietly and nodded to Bren’s lap, “all your hair’s that color.”

He tried to cover himself better. “Of course it is, what’d you think?”

Raze shrugged, “I thought it was all that color, but couldn’t picture it. I tried.”

“You tried to picture my… Uh… Well, yeah okay, it’s all red.” He quickly moved his hands away then back to give the raider a fast little view. Then somewhat regretted it. 

“Do that again.”

“No. You saw.”

“Yeah,” he snorted, “saw somethin else I wasn’t picturing right, either. I thought it’d be… Not _that_ big.” 

Brennen’s cheeks flushed bright red. “It’s normal.”

Raze snorted a laugh and shook his head, “nu-uh.” 

“Pretty sure it’s average…”

“How many _you_ seen? Cuz I seen a lot.” He pointed down at Bren’s lap, “that cuz of the red hair?”

“Uh… I don’t think so… Can we stop talking about my dick, please?” 

Raze tilted his head, “why? It’s a good cock. I want it.”

“Oh my God!” Brennen snatched the cloth to cover himself better and slid down in the tub to hide under the water from the man.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Bren stepped out of the bathroom, still somewhat wet because he didn’t want to linger and dry off properly, and nearly bumped into Richard as he was walking down the hall.

The man gave him a look, “enjoy yourself in my bathroom?”

“No, Sir. I mean, yes. No,” Brennen stammered, blushed, and tried to force a smile, “we didn’t do anything, it was a good bath. Thank you.”

Raze peered over Bren’s shoulder and pointed down, “he got a big--”

Brennen shoved the raider back into the bathroom and closed the door to keep him quiet and Richard’s look turned into a heated glare of warning. 

He waited until the farmer walked away then opened the door and hissed, “you can’t be telling people about my… _Me._ My naked body.”

“But it’s a good body… I like it.”

Bren blinked at him. “You like my… _Whole_ body?”

Raze nodded and grinned, “you look good. I like your skin. And you’re soft.”

“I’m… Not fit is what you mean,” Brennen waved the words away.

“I don’t know what that is, but I like ‘not fit’ if that’s what you are.” 

“Really?”

Raze moved closer and nodded again, slowly, “you’re big and heavy. Solid but soft. I like the feel…”

He reached out and slid a warm strong hand over Bren’s hip and rubbed gently with his thumb for a moment.

“Um…” Bren swallowed and his eyes lingered on the man’s lips. He was so close. Did he want to kiss? Do raiders even do that?

“Hey!” Richard barked from down the hall and Brennen jumped back away from Raze.

“We were just talking,” Bren’s voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again, “we were just--”

The farmer threw a bedroll at him and he caught it, then the man tossed another and he fumbled and ended up dropping them both.

“You two animals can sleep in the barn.” 

Kathrine appeared behind him and protested, “that ain’t fair! We got a spare room.”

The man eyed her, “they’ll be fine in the barn.”

Brennen gathered up the bedrolls awkwardly and nodded, “that is more than fair, Sir.”

He looked to Raze and the raider shrugged. He’d probably be just fine sleeping in a barn.

“They didn’t actually steal anything,” Kat crossed her arms and stared her father down. 

“They were gunna. Just ‘cause they haven’t done something don’t mean they should be trusted.”

She narrowed her eyes and propped a foot out, “that’s bullcrap. They were hungry and have been pretty nice helpin with the crops. The doctor-raider-trader guy helped ma… You can’t put them out.”

“Katherine…” The man spoke a low warning.

Felicia popped her head around the corner, “what happened?”

Her sister cocked her chin at their father, “he’s tryna put your friends out.”

“No!” The little girl almost shrieked. 

Brennen adjusted the bedrolls in his arms and smiled, “it’s okay, we can sleep in the barn. It’s better than nothing.”

Richard eyed Bren, then his girls, then back to Brennen. “Why do you wanna sleep in the barn so bad?”

“Uh... “ Bren frowned, “I don’t… You told us to--”

“Fine!” The guy threw his hands up, “they can stay in the spare room.”

Bren stood blinking stupidly at the confusing man while the girls quietly cheered at their weird triumph.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

Before going to bed, Brennen checked on Janice. She was, indeed, doing better already. She was keeping her food down and her fever was breaking. She was happy to see him, which made Richard relax a little more. Good deal, since it seemed like he wouldn’t even trust the two of them to put him out if he were on fire.

Felicia and Katherine asked Raze more questions about animals and how to train Scribbles, which the raider loved to answer. He told them to make her do tricks for her food. He didn’t call them ‘tricks’, however, but that’s what the girls had to work with so they started teaching her things Raze thought was silly, but would work all the same. He also taught them how to behave around her; Tall and always in charge and stare her down until she looks away. It gave Bren a better understanding of, not only animals, but raiders and Raze, in particular. The man fell in line immediately whenever Brennen was stern with him, and now he knew why. 

And now they stood in the spare room, lit only by a large bedside lantern, with Bren apprehensively staring at the one bed. It looked much too small and the lighting made it far too intimate.

“I like the town beds, but this one’s good, too,” Raze smiled as he bounced up and down on the thing, making it squeak loudly. 

“Stop that,” Bren sat down on the bed to add weight so maybe it wouldn’t sound so… Rhythmically squeaky. And then he quickly stood back up and pretended to get himself ready for bed -- Which was stupid, since he was already pretty much ready for bed.

The man immediately pushed all the blankets down, screwing them up right away, and laid down on his back, sprawled out like he was making snow angels to test the feel of the bed. Before he could start building his weird blanket-nest, Brennen stopped him. 

“Here,” Bren readjusted the blankets, making them more nice and neat to his own liking, “if you get too hot, just fold the quilt down, alright?”

And then Brennen was standing over the bed staring nervously at Raze. At least the man decided to sleep in his clothes this time. Well, his pants anyway. He was covered to his thighs with the blankets, running a hand absently along his chest. Bren realized he’d been clenching his fists tightly and tried to relax, rubbing hot palms over his pants. Should he take his shirt off, too? _Raze liked his body._ That was a nice thought, but Brennen didn’t want him to get any ideas about this sleeping situation. Any more ideas than he already probably had. What ideas _did_ he have?

He pointed, “you gunna get in or just stand there all night? I never met anyone that can sleep standing, but you’re pretty weird so…”

Brennen took a breath then slowly climbed into the bed. Carefully, as if he would disturb the raider or bed if he moved too quickly. He laid down on his back stiffly, unsure of where to put his hands, and eventually settled on laying them across his abdomen. He scooted himself right up next to the edge of the bed so he wasn’t touching Raze inappropriately, but the bed was small and Raze laid more in the middle so their arms touched lightly. He was very aware of their arms touching like that and the heat radiating from the man’s body next to him. _Think of other things_ … Don’t think about his graceful defined body or about him touching himself or… _No, stop that._

Bren cleared his throat and tried to distract his thoughts by filling the silence, “back in the camp, when you said if someone wants the room they could just find a spot on the bed… And when you told me to come lay down…” He wasn’t sure how to word his question, “how do your sleeping arrangements work?”

“We sleep together most times. It gets cold.” He smiled, “in winter we heap.”

Bren chuckled quietly at the word. It made him think of just a big pile of raiders tangled together on a tiny mattress, but he probably wasn’t too far off. 

“You don’t heap?” Raze asked, which made Bren laugh louder.

“No, we don’t heap. We all sleep in our own beds and not together unless we’re married, dating, or sometimes young siblings may share a bed if they don’t have their own.”

“Everyone got their own fancy bed? You don’t get cold?”

Brennen shrugged, “we get cold. But if we’re cold we just use more blankets… Sometimes we’ll sleep with a dog if we have one.” He chuckled, “dogs are great bed warmers. When it’s really cold outside, we call it a ‘three dog night’ because you’d need to sleep with three dogs to stay warm.”

Raze smiled and nodded, “we got that, too.”

Then a silence filled the room for a while as Brennen thought about sleeping arrangements and how strange it would be to just sleep with anyone all in one bed to stay warm. Did they end up doing anything with each other, or was it just sleep? Perhaps blankets and pillows would be another thing to trade raiders.

“So…” Bren chewed his lip, “you said you can’t sleep with your mate anymore… Did you mean sex?”

He got quiet then shrugged, “no fucking. No sleeping in the same bed. He sleeps with someone else now.”

“Do your kin practice monogamy?” 

Raze furrowed his brow at the word, “is that sleeping in the same bed?”

“No. Well, kind of,” Bren tried to think of the way to explain it properly, “it’s when you only have one mate at a time and the two of you only have sex with each other and nobody else.”

He thought about it then tried _his_ best to explain, “some ain’t got a problem sharing. Some only share with friends or specific kin. Some don’t like sharing at all.”

Brennen nodded to himself, “so some are monogamous and some are not.” He hesitated. “Do _you_ share?”

Raze narrowed his eyes at the ceiling, “rather not.”

“Me either,” he smiled, then corrected a bit, “I mean, I’m monogamous, too. Most people from towns are. I’ve never met anyone who isn’t. I’m not sure how it works where they don’t get jealous.”

“Works real good if everyone’s together and friends.” 

“So your mate was taken by someone you didn’t want to be with and you don’t like to share on top of that?”

He didn’t reply. 

Bren fidgeted with the blankets. “Sorry… I’m just curious how your relationships and courting works.” 

After a long uncomfortable silence, Raze asked, “what’s courting?”

“Well,” Brennen smiled in relief that the man still wanted to talk and rolled over to face him, “when you’re interested in someone, you do some things to let them know you’d like to be with them. Then, usually, you get to know them better by going on dates and spending time together. If you two like one another after all that, you may decide to be in a relationship, get married, and start having sex with the purpose of having children and such.” He snorted, “it’s usually a very long process.”

Raze made a face, “why?”

“When you’re monogamous, it’s important to make sure you’re compatible with the person you’d like to start a family with. Some people, like myself, don’t like meaningless one night stands and need a good relationship of some sort first before being interested in sex. Or maybe I’m a little odd about that, I’m not sure. How do you do it?”

“People wanna fuck, they fuck. If someone belongs to another who don’t like sharing, probably don’t fuck around with that one.” When Bren stared at him, he added, “if you fuck around with someone like that, their mate can fight you for them. Unless they think it ain’t worth it -- Then you can have them. Most times it ain’t worth it unless the one being contested is a good breeder, but I don’t really got that problem.”

“Wow, okay…” Brennen took all that in and tried to sort through what was said, “that’s somehow not completely different than how we do things. For the most part.”

Raze shrugged, “it’s an animal thing.”

They both chuckled then got quiet again. Bren filled the silence, “how do you show that someone belongs to someone else? When we get married, we wear a wedding ring on our left hand to show we’re taken.”

“Marks.”

“Um… Like tattoos or something?” That was a little extreme.

“No. Marks.” Raze made some motion with his hands as he tried to think of how to explain it, “marks from teeth. Bruises. Sometimes under clothes, but when you don’t wanna share, you mark them where it can be seen, like on their neck. Same as saying ‘mine’, but on a person. A marked person belongs to someone.”

Bren stared for a very long moment. “Oh! You mean… Like a lovebite? A hickey?”

“I don’t know… What’s that?” He rolled over to face Brennen and listened intently.

“It’s when you… Uh... “ Now, how the hell was he supposed to explain THAT? “When you kiss someone’s neck and-- No… Um… When you bite someone and suck on the skin to leave a red surface bruise. Usually during sex or making out.”

“Yes,” Raze pointed, “that.”

“That’s kind of a neat way to do things.”

He gave a nod then added, “sometimes we put a certain type of collar on a person. Not a pet chain… A necklace. It’s a good way to show they still belong to someone even if they wander for a time long enough for marks to fade.”

Brennen’s hand went right for the leather cord around his neck and his cheeks flushed lightly. It felt as though his heart paused mid-beat and forgot how to start again. 

Raze laughed and pointed to the cord, “it ain’t what I meant… But if you wanna think so, I don’t mind.”

And then his heart started beating again - double time. 

To change the subject as quickly as possible, Bren just blurted out the next question that was still on his mind, “do raiders kiss?” That was not any better of a thing to say. 

“Sure,” Raze shrugged, “I like that.”

Then the two of them stared silently at one another, Raze grinning and Brennen caught in the spotlight, once again. 

Bren licked his lips, hesitated, then inched closer. He paused midway, trying to gauge any response, and the raider immediately filled the gap as though he’d been holding back for quite some time. Their lips met in a tentative way at first, closed and soft, then Raze moved his whole body right up against Brennen and he placed a warm hand alongside his jaw. He parted his lips and Bren followed along - it felt right. It felt good. Not too different than kissing girls, a fleeting thought told him. But then the fleeting thought circled back around and mentioned this was much more passionate than any girl he’d ever known. 

Raze pressed very close, the heat from his body filling Brennen from front to back as they rolled a little to the side and Raze ended up somewhat on top. His lips were so soft and warm. Bren had another stray thought about the scar on the raider’s lip - he couldn’t feel it. He tentatively slid his tongue out to lick the man’s bottom lip, curiously probing to find that scar. Why was it so alluring? He had no idea. Bren’s head spun as he pulled the man tighter to himself, both hands around Raze’s waist as they made quiet hungry noises against one another’s mouths. 

His hand slid around to the man’s smooth back where Bren pressed his fingers against the hard muscles and shoulder blade, delighting in the feeling of Raze’s every movement beneath his palm. Bren suddenly wished he’d chosen to take his shirt off; He wanted so badly to feel skin on skin contact.

Then Raze lifted a leg up over Brennen’s thighs and he felt the man’s hard bulge pressing against him as he rocked lightly against his hip. Bren continued to kiss him, trying to push that thought out of his mind, but it persisted and became overwhelming. 

Brennen pulled back, breathing heavily, and tried to stop Raze or at least slow him down a bit. The man’s face went right to his neck and that felt even more amazing. He used his teeth and tongue against flesh for a wild sensation of pain and pleasure combined. Brennen indulged for a while then nudged him back when the man’s roaming hand went for Brennen’s pants.

“What?” Raze frowned. 

“I um… I don’t know. I mean…” Bren tried to gather his scattered thoughts, “I’ve never… Done this. I just… Um…”

“Virgin?” He snorted, “that’s fine.”

“No. I mean, yes. Sort of. I’ve been with women, but not… A guy. I don’t know… How it works.”

Raze made a face, “works like how you think it works. Cock goes in hole. Sometimes holes. Sometimes hands. Sometimes you use fingers or your tongue to--”

“Okay, wow…” Bren reluctantly nudged the man off of himself, “I know that much… I’m just not sure… I don’t know… If I’m ready for that?” He pressed a finger against Raze’s chest, “also, Richard said no hanky-panky and I firmly believe that man will shoot us both if we… Do that.”

Raze laughed, “he ain’t here…” Then he furrowed his brow, “what _is_ ‘hanky-panky’?”

“Sex,” Brennen blurted out. “Sexual acts. All of them, probably. Holes, hands, fingers, and toes.”

“That’s stupid.”

“I know, but this is his house and we need to abide by his rules.”

Raze narrowed his eyes a little, “if you don’t wanna, you can just say. It don’t bother me any.”

He worked to bite off an apology, “I um… I just… I don’t know. Maybe I’m scared, I guess.”

“Scared of fucking?”

“Well... I don’t know. It seems like maybe… It might hurt?”

“I hope so,” he laughed. 

Brennen blinked stupidly at him. 

Raze shrugged, “I like some pain.” He pointed downward on Bren’s body and grinned, “I like _that_ kind of pain.”

There was a long awkward pause, then Brennen’s eyes went wide, “Oh! You want _me_ to… Uh…”

“Told you,” Raze chuckled and went right back in for more kissing. 

Brennen allowed it for a while. It felt so good. But this nagging thought in the back of his mind persisted - _Richard will literally kill you._ He almost didn’t care. Almost. It was like being a teenager again and trying to secretly make out with a girl in her home while her family was in another room. Thrilling and naughty. But also terrifying, which sometimes took away from the experience. 

He wished he would have taken Raze up on his offer when they were in the private hotel room. _Stupid, Bren…_

“Raze…” Brennen nudged him back a little, “I really like this, but I don’t want you to think it’s going to go… All the way.”

The raider stared dumbly. 

“I mean,” Bren added, “not right here and right now…”

He smiled a little at that and pointed, “later then?”

“Yes,” Bren replied before thinking. Didn’t matter - he meant it.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *as a note - this thing raiders do with marking people with hickeys is one of my personal favorite headcanons. i don't mind most of my ideas being used by other people (especially if credited), but i would appreciate it if this one remained solely my own. (i mean, i have never seen it done elsewhere before, that isn't to say it might have been done somewhere at some point)


	15. Scorpion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His trader gave the man a level look, “we didn’t actually take anything from you and have more than made up for what we didn’t even do.”
> 
> “Just cuz a thief ain’t taking something at the moment don’t mean he ain’t a thief,” Dick argued. 
> 
> Raze nodded, “just like I’m still a killer even if I ain’t fuckin killing you right now.” He pointed, “maybe later though if you don’t shut the fuck up.”  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

_Stupid, Bren…_

All he could think about was touching the man beside him and he knew all he had to do was say the word and Raze would happily oblige. All that was holding him back right now was himself and fears he couldn’t put a finger on. That, and everything he’d been very strictly taught in his life: _‘You can’t have one night stands.’ ‘You can’t have sex without love.’ ‘You need to be committed first before getting a girl pregnant.’ ‘You can’t just give into base animalistic desires like a heathen.’ ‘You can’t… You need to… Don’t ever… It’s wrong to...’_

Every time either of them moved on the bed it squeaked, adding more vivid imagery to the heap of ‘impure thoughts’ already flooding Bren’s head. Not helpful for making the swelling go away and it was starting to become a little uncomfortable. 

Raze apparently had the same annoying problem. He pressed a finger against the bed, “this is a bedroom, right?”

“Yes…”

“Private?”

Brennen clenched his teeth then nodded. 

Raze thought about it for a moment. “Is it still hanky-panky if you do it to yourself?”

That was one of the many questions Bren had been dreading. “Um… Kind of, yeah. Masturbation is kind of a sex act. Especially if someone else is in the room with you.”

A silence followed as the raider mulled it over and Brennen suddenly blushed at what he suspected Raze was probably thinking. 

But apparently, Brennen was a little off in his guess… Raze grinned, “what if we go outside the house?”

“Um… That’s definitely not private…” Bren vividly remembered the two raiders he saw in the camp having sex right out in the open with zero shame.

“Barn is where animals sleep, yeah?” His grin turned mischievous, “that make it a bedroom? Private?”

How the hell was he supposed to argue with that? The raider’s questionable logic made Bren want to simultaneously kiss him and laugh at the ridiculousness. 

“No… It’s not a bedroom or private… I mean, not really…” Brennen started laughing, “you’re very clever.”

“I know,” he shrugged. “So we can’t go fuck around in the barn?”

His laughter stopped. “Um…” _Say yes, Bren…_ “I don’t think…” _Say yes!_ No words would come. He almost wished the girls hadn’t won the ‘sleeping in the barn’ argument with their father.

Raze snorted, “you’re a shitty raider.”

“What?” The sudden topic change threw Bren for a loop.

“We don’t do what stupid farmers tell us. We do what we want.” He moved closer and slid a hand over Brennen’s hip, “thought you were all excited and ready to start livin, but you ain’t.”

Was he trying to goad him? Either way - the man had a point. More than one point. One of which was plainly obvious in his pants.

Brennen raised an eyebrow at him, “maybe I’m a decent raider… Maybe what I want is what I’m doing. And I never said I want to be one.” Actually, it was more like he just didn’t know what he wanted -- It’s very difficult to do what you want when you have no damn idea what it is you even want.

He snorted a chuckle at the raider, “you’d make a pretty good farmer.”

“Fuck that,” he rolled his eyes hard enough to nearly be heard.

Brennen laughed and Raze grunted then curled up close, resting his head on Bren’s outstretched arm. 

It seemed as though he was done with the topic of sex for the night and Bren wondered if he’d upset him. He didn’t seem too upset… He actually seemed… Surprisingly cuddly. 

After a couple of minutes, the raider mumbled, “can’t sleep…”

Bren snorted quietly, “I can’t really either right now…” Before Raze could suggest something sexual or drug related, Bren motioned to a small bookshelf containing three books, “I could read us something?”

He lifted his head a little and grinned, “I like stories.”

“Do you guys tell a lot of stories and stuff like that?” Brennen hesitated in getting up to find a book; He didn’t want to move away from Raze and his closeness. 

But the raider ended up rolling onto his back as he explained excitedly, “oh yeah… We got lots of stories. Sometimes we even got group stories where some of us pretend to be the people in it with clothes and voices and everything.”

“You guys have plays? That’s really neat. I’d love to see one.” Bren stood to go look at the not-so-vast reading selection, “what are the stories about? What do you like?”

“Lotta shit about our history, but most things are just fun. We tell stories about our scars, encounters with animals or places or whatever, or things about made-up people that got lessons… I like the ones about scars and fights. Some are better than others at tellin stories, though… I like the ones that are long and got a lot to them. Shit about bravery, smarts, and danger.”

Brennen eyed the three books, “well, unfortunately, we have a Farmer’s Almanac, a Bible, and Little Red Riding Hood…”

“I like Red Hood,” Raze sat up and grinned, “the wolf is clever. Best when he kills her and the woodman by being trickier than them. She’s a dickhole and slaughters wolves for no good reason, she deserves it.”

“That’s… Not how the story goes…” Brennen made a face at the book. 

“It’s what I heard. The wolf is like my kin and the others are like asshole Gunners and people. The wolf wins and saves his pack by being better. It’s a good story and my favorite as a kid.”

Bren stared at the book in his hand then chuckled, “okay, that actually makes sense that you guys might change old tales to be relevant to yourselves… But I don’t think you’d like this version very much in that case.”

He looked around to see if any other books might be lying around, then motioned to his bag. “I could read your comic?”

Raze nodded happily so Bren dug the wrinkled comic book out and got comfortable on the bed once more. To his delight, Raze slid his head under one arm and lay comfortably on Brennen’s chest to be able to see the pictures as the story was read to him. And he fell asleep just like that. 

Bren looked down at the man, ran a hand through his hair one time, then carefully nestled himself down more into the bed to fall soundly asleep.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - 

****

Raze was having the best dreams, so he was pissed off when a knock at the door woke him. He grumbled and nestled in tighter to his trader to ignore the intrusion -- He just wanted to get back to the dream.

But Brennen replied to the farmer and moved to get up. Fucking farmer. Raze tightened his grip around Brennen’s waist and tried to pull the man closer to himself so he wouldn’t leave. 

“There’s breakfast…” His trader said quietly. Raze ignored the words so he added more, “we can’t stay here forever… Pretty sure Richard wants us gone as soon as possible.” He hesitated. “Or maybe to go help him with chores.”

Raze let out a sound that was half growl and half annoyed grumble. His trader chuckled lightly then relaxed again, so Raze worked on trying to find where he’d left off in the good dream. It was gone. He remembered it being about fucking… Nope, it was gone. He grumbled louder then rolled over onto his back and let out an irritated sigh. 

“You’re a pain in the ass to wake up.” 

“I feel like shit, lemme sleep or gimme dope.” 

After a moment of silence, his trader gently ran a hand along the side of his face then touched his wrist against Raze’s forehead, “you have a slight fever… Are you sick?”

“Sick of getting woke up and no dope, yeah.” He cracked one eye open and the early morning light in the room made him immediately regret it. 

Brennen stared at him for a while then gasped quietly, “oh… I don’t know why I never realized… You’re going through withdrawals, aren’t you?” 

“I’m goin through getting woke up before I’m done sleeping.” 

His trader sat up in the bed and stared at him for quite some time so Raze eventually blinked himself fully awake. 

“I’m not sure how to immediately help you,” Brennen fidgeted a little, “but the sooner we leave, the sooner we can maybe find something for your… Problem.”

“You think farmer Killjoy got anything good?”

“Um… Probably not. But that’s most likely something we’d have to search for and steal and--”

“Cool… Let’s do that,” Raze slowly pushed himself up to sit. 

Brennen’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly, “no, we can’t do that. He’s been nice to us, mostly, and it’d probably turn violent.”

“You wanna know another great story?” Raze flashed a toothy grin, “you hear the one about the old man and the scorpion?”

“Um…”

“This nice old guy finds a young scorpion injured in the wasteland and takes it into his home to help it get better. He gives the thing food and water and tends its wounds…” Raze pressed a finger against the scar on his thigh, “and the scorpion gets better and strong… Then stings the old man and kills him cuz the scorpion is a fuckin scorpion.” He leaned back a little and ran his finger along the scorpion tail tattoo on his hip and the scar it covered. “I’m a fucking raider and I’m gunna do what raiders do.” 

“You’d hurt me?” Brennen asked quietly.

“No…” He frowned, “I’m honorbound to you… And I like you as kin. You’re mine.”

His trader motioned to the door, “what makes the farmer different? He gave you food, shelter, and drink. He’s Felicia’s father.”

“He’s fuckin ignorant. He don’t wanna understand me or my kin. Soon as we leave here, he’s gunna keep bein a dickstain and trying to push his shitty beliefs onto his kids. I like the girls, they wanna understand… But he won’t let them. Fuck that guy, he’s bad for us.”

“You’re not really thinking clearly right now, Raze…” 

“I’m thinkin just fine.” He took a few breaths to calm himself then nodded to the door, “but I like you, so I’m gunna do your thing. Whatever the fuck your thing is.” He pointed a finger, “but don’t you forget for one second what I am.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - -**

It was too early to be awake. And already too hot outside. And it was never the right time for doing the bullshit they were now doing. Raze needed something to kick him in the ass and wake him up. Everyone else had some coffee, which is disgusting, but they all seemed to love the shit. After he was told to try it with cream and sugar, Raze made a cup that was just heavily sweetened cream and a dash of the brown rat piss they called coffee. It tasted much better that way, but his trader told him it defeats the whole purpose of coffee. Whatever.

Now they stood out in the cow pen watching Dick milk a cow. Brennen took right to it and made the work look simple, so Raze figured it’d be no problem. 

There was a problem.

When he was directed to a tied up cow, the animal sidestepped herself as far away as she could, then started kicking at him before he even sat down to touch her. Stupid cow. 

Well, actually, smart cow -- She recognized him for the predator he was. Raze couldn’t help that, so he tried to bully the animal into behaving. Apparently, that’s not how to work a cow for milk. She kicked his stool, then kicked the milk bucket over… More than once. 

“Look here, brisket…” Raze pointed sternly at the animal and glared, “I ain’t gunna eat you unless you keep actin like a fuckhead. You kick my shit one more time and you’re dinner.” 

Brennen chuckled, “how about… _Not_ glaring at her. Pet her… Call her by her name sweetly. Try smiling.”

“That your secret?” Raze scoffed.

“Worked on you,” he shrugged. 

Raze opened his mouth to argue, then thought about it and snorted a chuckle. He grinned, “you haven’t petted me yet…”

“That your secret?” Brennen laughed his words back at him. 

“Yes.” Raze stepped closer and put a hand on his trader’s warm chest, “try it… I’ll purr.” 

“Um… I’m sure… You would,” he stammered, glanced around at the others out in the field, then blushed.

Raze pressed close, bare chest against Brennen’s, and set his arms on the man’s big strong shoulders. Annoying that the guy kept his clothes on all the time -- He wanted to feel the weight of his trader’s naked body against his. Brennen’s eyes flit nervously over to the farmer again and Raze sighed then kissed him roughly. Brennen pushed against his chest half-heartedly for a moment, then gave in for another few seconds. 

“We can’t--” His trader started his bullshit and was cut off by Raze’s mouth. 

And, again, he allowed it and went along for a short time, then effectively nudged Raze away. Brennen’s face was flushed and his breath was visibly quickened. He worked to pull himself together and Raze laughed. 

“Raze,” he said quietly, “milk the cow…”

He laughed even harder at that and Brennen blushed deeply. It was cute. Raze had never met a person who blushed like Brennen, so it was something intriguing and fun that was quickly starting to become a game.

“You know what I meant,” he tried to correct himself.

Raze nodded, “I know what you meant… And _you_ know what you meant… And we both know it ain’t got nothin to do with that animal.”

His trader blushed so hard that he had to turn away. Raze counted it as a victory.

He came back around and pointed to the stool, this time without saying anything fun. 

“I don’t wanna do this shit,” Raze crossed his arms.

“Not fun, is it?” 

“Fuckin sucks,” he agreed.

Brennen nudged him to sit on the stool, “this is farm life. It’s hard work. They wake early, have to work in all weather, and it really does suck…” He leaned closer, “and you guys take the literal fruits of their hard labor… So you’re going to sit here and milk this cow and think about that.”

Raze glared, “yanno… If you were anyone else, I’d beat your ass for talkin to me like that…”

“Sorry…” Brennen lost a little of the fire. 

He shrugged, “I like it when it’s you.”

Then he turned to the stupid fucking cow and tried again. She kicked at him and he decided he had enough and wasn’t going to play her game anymore. He found some plastic twine used to tie haystacks together and came at the animal again. He cornered her until she was pressed up against the fence and couldn’t side-step anymore… Then he tied her back leg up and out against the other fence in the corner. 

Much better. 

Then was the whole strange task of getting milk from the cow. 

“Here,” Brennen knelt down beside him after a few not-so-great attempts to get a good stream into the bucket. “Hold it like this, press upward, then tighten your grip and tug down…”

Raze snickered and his trader blushed again. 

“Well…” Brennen cleared his throat, “if you want to be that way about it… Yes, it’s kind of the same motion as… That.” 

He grinned mischievously at his trader, making eye contact playfully as he finally got a nice good rhythm going with the milking. 

Dick came over and leaned against the fence near the two of them, “how long does it take to milk one damn cow?”

Brennen jerked away from Raze and stood up, running a hand nervously over the back of his head, “I was just helping him with the--”

“Didn’t _‘help’_ him enough last night? Gotta fornicate in my field, too?” 

“What?” Brennen wrinkled his nose, “we didn’t do anything… We slept.” 

The farmer narrowed his eyes skeptically at a light mark left on Brennen’s neck and Raze chuckled quietly. 

His trader’s hand went right to it in surprise, “I didn’t… We… We slept. Honestly.”

The man grunted then pushed himself off the fence and walked away.

“Raze!” Brennen hissed quietly, “did you leave a mark on me?” His hand rubbed over the spot as if he could feel the light red mark. It wasn’t much.

He shrugged, still grinning brightly. 

“Did you…” He paused, “did you do that on purpose?” 

Raze stood up and placed his hand gently over the little mark, “mine.” He didn’t actually mean to do it, but if his trader wanted to think so, that was okay by him.

Brennen smiled and glanced down at the ground for a second, then moved closer. 

“You know,” Raze cocked his head to the side, “if people are just gunna think you did a thing that you didn’t do… You should just do the thing as you please.”

“It’s… Rude…” Brennen said quietly.

“He already thinks you’re rude or whateverthefuck…” Raze pointed to him, “and that’s a stupid word, by the way.”

His trader snorted, “I did notice you guys don’t seem to know the meaning of it.”

“It’s like some word made to have us feelin bad for bein… Normal. I don’t like it.” 

“Well… I think it started out as a moral choice people made, but society makes a big deal out of teaching kids what’s ‘right and wrong’ so they don’t be assholes to each other. Then we teach our kids those same old general morals and so on and so forth.”

Raze frowned, “you need people to tell you how to feel? What if their ideas of what’s right or wrong are different than yours?”

“Um... “ Brennen made a face at the ground as he thought about it. “Usually it’s what is best for the majority.”

“The majority? What if that ain’t right for you? You ain’t the majority.” Raze motioned to the cow, “what if you got a town fulla cows and a bear wants to live there, too? Cows gunna tell him he can’t eat meat and make him feel bad and wrong for wanting it?”

His trader stared for a long time then chewed his lip and dropped his gaze silently. 

Raze set a hand on his shoulder, “are you a bear livin’ in a world fulla cows?”

“I think… I might be.” He shrugged, “my parents want me to be a doctor. They want me to get married and have kids and they think that’ll make me happy. Sometimes I feel like it’d be nice, but lately I’ve felt that wouldn’t make me happy. I don’t know what would really make me truly happy, so I guess I’m still searching.” Brennen smiled at him, “but being with you has been pretty… Exciting. For lack of a better word.” 

Raze laughed, “hey, I’m just a juicy piece of meat bein dangled in front of a bear… It’s okay to take a bite.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - -**

Eventually, Raze managed to get a good amount of milk in the bucket. He counted any amount as a victory, but then he saw the other two buckets. Oh well. Next time. No, scratch that - there will be no ‘next time’. Fuck all this farm work bullshit. The milk and cream and butter were all pretty good, but nothing anyone needed to live.

Then there was more work to be done. When Raze made a point of rolling his eyes at it, Dick told him it’s never ending. Didn’t they believe in relaxing and fucking off? What a stupid way to live - work nonstop forever then die. Woulda been a favor to kill the guy. 

As they worked to repair fences in the hot sun, Raze was starting to feel really fucking cranky. 

“Your fences are fucking stupid,” he kicked a post, “what the fuck you even keeping out with this shit? Build a wall. Get a turret or two. Add traps and spikes.” He stepped back and eyed the farm. “Stake some bodies out.”

The farmer stared at him.

Raze shrugged, “or don’t. I don’t fuckin care.”

Brennen made a face, then pointed, “maybe not extremes like that… But as a good point -- How could Richard go about keeping people and animals from taking his food? I mean… Don’t take this wrong, but from your kin, in particular?”

“Leave some out to take.”

Dick snorted, “that defeats the purpose of keeping you from stealing it.”

“Leave some out to take,” he repeated, “they’ll take that and probably only that. They might even leave you shit in return and keep the place safe from other animals. Stop being a fuckin asshole.”

“You’re the asshole,” the farmer raised his voice, “thieving, murdering, bastards.”

Raze glared and stalked a few steps closer to the man and Brennen set a hand on his chest to stop him. 

His trader gave the man a level look, “we didn’t actually take anything from you and have more than made up for what we didn’t even do.”

“Just cuz a thief ain’t taking something at the moment don’t mean he ain’t a thief,” Dick argued. 

Raze nodded, “just like I’m still a killer even if I ain’t fuckin killing you right now.” He pointed, “maybe later though if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

The man’s resolve faded and he took a small step back. “I think the two of you have worn out your welcome.”

“We need to be on our way, anyhow,” Brennen shrugged, “but I thank you for the food and place to sleep.”

Dick nodded and relaxed a little, “thank you for helping out in my wife’s stead. And thank you, again, for helping her.”

The two men clasped each other’s hands and they went inside to collect their shit.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	16. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You like that?” He grinned. 
> 
> “Yes,” Brennen blurted out immediately. 
> 
> “You want more?”
> 
> “Yes.” He couldn’t even pretend not to.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Raze eyed the large city buildings coming up on the horizon in the very far distance to the south. He’d only ventured into the city ruins a few times with his older kin, but now he was on his own and feeling a little nervous about it. He preferred the open land where he could see things all around him; The city ruins were crowded, dark, and dangerous and very easy to get lost in.

“You live there?” Raze motioned to the distant building tops. 

“Yeah. Kind of in the center.” When Raze hesitated, Brennen frowned, “is that a problem?”

“No, it’s fine.”

His trader snorted, “I don’t think that word means what you think it means. What’s wrong?”

“It’ll be fine. Just don’t like goin in there.” 

“I know my way around okay. Of course, my routes take me way around any raider camps… I’m sure with you it’ll be much easier.” 

Raze shrugged, “city kin can be real trigger happy sometimes.” 

“Makes sense… There’s a lot of threats all piled together.”

“Exactly.” He motioned to the side at some busted up buildings, “you wanna find more shit?”

“Sure. Maybe I can get some small items.” Brennen readjusted the stuffed pack over his shoulder, which the farmer had added some water and a small thin blanket to. 

Raze nodded and started work clearing the first little building. 

“Are you doing okay?” His trader asked quietly.

He shrugged. Brennen still looked concerned so he added, “feel like shit.” Raze pointed into the dim rooms ahead, “speakin of which…” Then he nudged past to rummage for something he’d find useful. Not desk fans or typewriters or coffee cups. 

His trader stuck close for a time, then wandered off into some other room and Raze was forced to follow to make sure nothing happened to him. 

The first place Brennen checked was always first aid kits and this time there was something useful in it. 

“Here’s this…” He held a canister of jet.

Raze smiled and reached for it and the man hesitated, pulling it back to his chest. 

“It’s not ‘field-dope’, as you put it.”

“It’s still good,” Raze snatched it from him. 

“If you’re going to do that, then give me the rifle,” Brennen pointed. 

Raze shook the canister, “I’m your guard.” 

“Okay, how about… You’re my _companion_ and we’re a team.”

He took a hit and held his breath as long as he could manage as he eyed his trader. 

“You’re a great guard. The best. But I’m not inept and I think we’d make a decent team. Let’s help each other.” 

Raze exhaled and a dumbshit lopsided grin spread across his lips as the world slowed down. He reluctantly handed the rifle over to his trader and took another hit. This was a great find. 

As Brennen worked out how to carry the rifle and his overfull skirt-pack, Raze hopped up on a countertop to sit and relax. 

“Are we taking a break?” 

Raze nodded a little stupidly in reply so Brennen set all his crap down on the floor and hopped up on the counter beside him. 

A silence followed that Raze was enjoying with his high, but his trader was talking. Whatever he said didn’t click the first time, so he repeated himself.

“Maybe we can find a safer spot to rest?” 

“Here’s fine.” Here was _not_ fine, but Raze just didn’t want to get up and go elsewhere right now. Maybe in a few minutes. Of course, finding a nice spot to lay and nap could be nice. Nap with his trader. Naked. He started chuckling at his own thoughts. 

“What?” Brennen smiled awkwardly. 

He shrugged, “we ain’t in the house no more.”

It took his trader a good full minute to realize what he was getting at. Or maybe that was because of the jet.

“Oh!” He chuckled, “I guess we aren’t.” 

Raze stared at him stupidly. Or, rather, stared _through_ him. He was trying to make some face that said what was on his mind, but he wasn’t very good at those types of games. Being blunt didn’t seem to be working with his trader, but being any other way was difficult and dumb to Raze. He’d thought about just taking what he wanted from the man, but what he wanted was for Brennen to be in charge and be confident about it. Big difference between forcing yourself on someone, and a man who took you because he cared and wanted you in a more loving way. There was nothing more attractive than a confident man who could take him and actually wanted him. He knew his trader had it in him to be that way - he saw his backbone a few times now. 

Maybe Brennen just didn’t want him like how Raze wanted Brennen. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for his trader. Maybe Brennen just didn’t like him very much because he wasn’t a chick. He could still give the man good pleasure, even without tits. 

He sighed quietly and went back to staring out into the room at nothing in particular.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Brennen continued to glance at Raze out of the corner of his eye. Maybe he’d said the wrong thing to the raider. It was nice to know exactly what the man wanted - his blunt honesty was refreshing… But it also put everything on Bren’s shoulders. Well, everything regarding… Sex. Maybe that was nice, too. He didn’t feel pressured, which he appreciated since it was a thing he’d always been taught - never force yourself on girls or badger them into things they don’t want to do. He was a little apprehensive about being with Raze, or any man, really, because a lot of men he knew weren’t so nice when it came to sexual things they wanted. He learned that one once his sister got older -- Men were not always kind to her.

So it was nice to know exactly what Raze wanted since girls were usually very difficult to read. Raze was an open book with all the words printed in big bold letters. And accompanied by illustrations. Vivid illustrations. Raze was a comic book. 

Bren chuckled to himself at the analogy in his mind and Raze cocked his head in question. Which was always ridiculously adorable. 

_What the fuck are you afraid of, Bren?! Take a bite! Live a little!_

He leaned closer to Raze, looked into his bright blue eyes for a moment, then fixed on his mouth and kissed him. He didn’t even wait for the man to fill the gap - Bren just went for it. 

Raze made a deep quiet sound against his mouth and raised a strong hand to Brennen’s neck and jaw. The man was great at kissing - it seemed he put his whole heart into it. How amazing would he be at sex? No, Bren, don’t get ahead of yourself...

He grabbed hold of the top of Raze’s chest armor and pulled him closer, which ended in the man leaning all the way up against him and forcing him to lay down on the countertop. He set his legs on either side of Brennen’s hips and straddled him, setting himself pointedly over Bren’s crotch, then reached back and pulled his pick from his belt, tossing it aside somewhere out of the way. The man’s warmth over Bren’s swelling became the center of his thoughts. 

Would Raze mind? No, he probably wouldn’t. He’d probably love it. Did he like that? Girls usually liked it… Don’t be embarrassed, Bren - he likes it. He wants it. He likes your body… And cock. He said so -- Raze doesn’t lie...

Brennen slid his hands over the man’s lower back, pushing his shirt up as much as he could manage with the armor plate in the way. Unfortunately, it wasn’t much… So he pushed his fingertips under Raze’s pants to make up for it. When the man made an appreciative sound against his mouth, Bren moved his hands down further, hindered by his belt, and pulled his hips down against himself. He ground against Brennen a bit then sat himself up.

Raze smiled down at him and worked Bren’s pants undone. “This is gunna have to be quick… We don’t normally fuck around in the field like this. It ain’t smart.”

Brennen glanced at the doorless entryway and nodded dumbly as he felt the raider’s hand grip him firmly. 

_Oh God_ … So this was happening… Right here on a countertop. 

The man stroked him only for about a minute then stopped and slid off the counter. A sound escaped Brennen’s lips. Frustration. He’d liked what Raze was doing and where he had been sitting and he wanted more of that. He didn’t want this to be quick, he wanted to take his time and--

Raze already had his pants down to his thighs and was leaning against the counter. 

“Come on... “ He grinned. 

Bren hesitated for a moment then carefully slid off the counter. The raider didn’t say anything, but his position spoke volumes. He leaned further until his head was nearly laying on the counter and he arched his back. Admittedly, the sight was… More than arousing. Brennen set a hand on his hip, then slid it slowly over his smooth ass. He took a moment to tenderly caress the man’s exposed flesh then leaned against him. Bren rutted a little over his skin, rubbing slowly on the soft parts of his backside. 

He took hold of the back of the raider’s chest plate and pulled him more upright so he could kiss his neck. He seemed to like it, but got impatient and pressed back against him.

“I said quick…” Raze grunted as he tried in vain to get Bren to do what he wanted. 

“I don’t want to hurt you…”

He made a little sound that was nearly a whine, “it’s fine. Just…” Raze reached back and took hold of Bren to try and position him since he wasn’t doing it himself. 

“Raze… This feels--”

“Real fuckin good... “

“Kind of wrong.” Brennen moved the man’s hand away and put his own hand around himself to keep Raze from just taking the whole thing all at once. 

It didn’t feel right to do it like this. It felt like he was just using the man and he was going to hurt him. Why didn’t Raze care? Bren had never done anything like this before and he didn’t want it to be… Meaningless. He wanted to kiss and cuddle and look Raze in the eye. He wanted to feel like they were together in this and not just… Like animals carelessly fucking. 

But on the other hand… Bren glanced down at his dick. He moved his hand a bit, gave it a squeeze, and sighed… It _did_ feel really fucking good and he wanted Raze. Just… Not like this. 

He did enjoy the other things the man had done, however. Bren pulled Raze fully upright and turned him around. 

“Thought you wanted--”

Brennen cut his words off with a deep kiss. Raze melted into it and his arms moved up to Bren’s shoulders, one hand on the back of his head to run his fingers through his hair as he stretched his lithe body to press his chest against Bren’s. He placed his free hand over the man’s hip, his thumb resting perfectly against the crease along his hip bone. 

Raze pushed against him, his cock poking at Bren’s hip, just near his hand on his own… So he moved his hand and touched the man gently at first, wondering what he likes. He wrapped his fingers around, moved a bit, then opened his hand to press himself against Raze in such a way that he had both - rutting gently against the man’s dick. This was a wild experience. A little awkward at first, but then they both found a rhythm and it felt amazing. Not only the physical feeling, but the thought of what he was doing made Brennen a little crazy and he felt like he never wanted to stop doing this thing. 

“Don’t you wanna fuck me?” Raze spoke quietly against Bren’s ear. 

“I do…” Brennen couldn’t find all the words he wanted, “not right here…” 

Raze made another quiet sound of frustration and tried to turn around again. Brennen held him tight and pushed him back against the counter so he was pinned and couldn’t turn. 

“Slow down,” Bren spoke softly against his mouth.

The raider glanced over to the doorless entry then went back to kissing Brennen’s lips, jaw, then neck. 

He nibbled just under Bren’s ear then spilled warm breath against flesh, “do you want me?” 

Brennen leaned his head to give Raze better access. “I want you…”

“All yours?” 

“Yes,” Brennen exhaled quietly and put both hands on the man’s hips, pulling him closer until no space was left between, “mine.”

Raze bit him hard and Brennen gasped quietly, clutching his hips tightly as the man’s teeth scraped against flesh into a suckling bite. He ran his tongue over the pain to lick it away, then sucked again and Brennen’s entire body lit up from the top of his head right through his groin. 

Then he came back up for another deep kiss. Was Bren supposed to mark him? He was pretty sure what Raze just did left quite a mark… 

He did as Raze had done, kissing along the man’s jawline to his neck where he kissed and nibbled. He smelled good, Bren realized. He found that he loved the wild smell of the man in his arms. Like leather and travel, a slight hint of animal, and the jet. And… something else. Something distinctly male. It was delicious. Brennen bit his neck, sucked gently at first, then harder. Raze made a soft whimpering sound against him and his hands clutched Bren’s shoulders tightly. He pushed his neck more against Bren’s mouth, so he bit again - harder this time. 

When he pulled back, Bren looked over what he’d done -- A big bright red mark right along the man’s pulse line. Brennen smiled… It felt good. He’d marked Raze. _His raider._

Raze took a moment to lay his head on Brennen’s chest, head tucked under his jaw, then he came back up and took Brennen by the back of the neck and gently pressed their foreheads together. 

“Wanna find a better spot?” He asked quietly while eyeing the open doorway. 

Bren held him tight. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to move. But he did want to find a better spot. But--

“In a while…” 

He rubbed against his raider a little more and slid a hand up his side as far as he could reach with the armor in the way. God, he wanted so badly to just feel the man against him. His whole naked body. 

Between kisses, Raze mumbled, “can’t… Fuck around here… Hazzy.”

Brennen chuckled against his mouth, “you know that’s not my name…”

“Is now.” Raze rubbed against him a little more then nudged him away. “Can’t fuck around here,” he repeated. 

“I’m watching.”

“You ain’t watchin shit.” Raze glanced at the door again and clenched his fists tightly. Nervously. 

Bren’s smile faded a little. He wasn’t nervous - Raze was upset. 

“Sorry…” Bren adjusted his pants, “you’re right.”

“I know.” His breath was shallow and quick, but not from the fooling around. He tucked his hard dick away as best he could, adjusted his clothing, then turned away to find where he’d tossed his pick. 

“Raze…” Brennen didn’t know what to say. The man was trying to do the right thing and overcome his hedonistic nature and Bren wasn’t helping. He briefly wondered if this was what his raider had been doing when he got caught by Gunners and hurt. 

He found his pick, looked it over, then tucked it back in his belt. Then, to Bren’s surprise, he handed the rifle over without question. 

Raze grinned, “so, Hazzy, we’re mates now,” he motioned to Bren’s neck, “it’s like your ‘married’. You gotta get me a shack, a cow, and there’s a combat trial you gotta win.”

Brennen stared at him. “Are you serious?”

He laughed loudly and walked away, leaving Brennen stunned and grabbing his stuff, fumbling with the rifle, his large handmade pick weapon, and pack, as he trotted after his raider.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

They came to a good big house to rummage. Well, half a house anyway. Houses were always a good place to find food. Bren didn’t find much in the kitchen in the way of edibles, but he did come across a cola, another good flip lighter, a can-opener, and a small bottle of cooking oil, still sealed and full. And Raze... Well, Raze found a can of dog food…

“That’s not for people to eat,” Brennen made a face at the man.

He shrugged, “it tastes okay and it’s meat.”

“It’s hardly meat,” Bren argued as they made their way upstairs.

Brennen checked the bathroom first and found a stimpack. Great find! Then he went to the smallest bedroom. The house looked like a teenager maybe lived in it, judging by the poster remains on the walls and smaller clothes left lying around. Perfect. One thing Bren had learned about finding food was that people, especially teens, liked to stash snacks away. He understood why; He had done it himself as a teen. So did his parents -- They had to hide snacks away from him and his sister when they were young, but he’d always find their stash. Some things never change.

The first place he checked was under the mattress. Sure enough, he found a box of snack cakes. Another great find! There were also three Mentats in a little box and some cigarettes. Raze was delighted about the chems and ate one immediately then held another out to Bren. 

“Um…” He hesitated for a moment then shrugged and took the little pill. Why the hell not. 

They finished rummaging and were leaving the house through the kitchen when Raze decided to take another little ‘break’ and hopped up on the island counter to eat the dog food. Gross. 

“How about some snack cakes instead?” Bren climbed up on the counter and they sat cross-legged facing each other. 

“How about snack cakes _also?”_ Raze grinned as he took the can-opener to get into his disgusting meal. 

“Instead sounds better…” 

Raze immediately stuck three fingers in the can and scooped out some packed minced meat and ate it without a second thought and Bren made a face at him.

“Mmm, tasty,” Raze laughed around the mouthful then licked his fingers off in an exaggerated motion.

Bren pointed the cola at him before opening it, “first of all, ew. Second, your fingers are dirty.”

Raze looked at his fingers then shrugged, “I eat more dirt whenever the wind blows. If it was gunna kill me, it woulda by now.”

“That’s not…” Bren wrinkled his nose - there was no way to argue with that.

He scooped up some more dogfood onto one finger then held it out to Brennen.

“No, that’s gross.” 

Raze didn’t move his hand away.

“Seriously…” Bren held his snack cakes up, “I’ll just eat these.”

“Try new shit.”

“Shit is about right…” Raze still sat unmoving, so Bren sighed and contemplated the meat. It actually smelled pretty good and made his mouth water painfully. 

He inched his finger closer and Brennen finally leaned forward and stuck his tongue out for a tentative taste, lest the man smear it on his face. It wasn’t so bad at all… Raze didn’t move, so Bren took hold of the man’s wrist in one hand and licked his finger off. 

Raze bit his bottom lip and made a deep quiet sound then flashed a wolfish grin.

“Shut up,” Bren blushed and looked away. He couldn’t believe he actually just did that. Any of that. 

The man’s face lit up, “what if I put some on my--”

“No.” 

“So you want it without?”

“Yes. No… Wait… Uh…” Brennen turned probably the brightest shade of red he’d ever been and Raze nearly fell off the counter laughing. 

To distract himself, Bren dug into the cake box, fumbling a bit as he ripped it open. He unwrapped one of the little cakes and tore it in half, offering some to his, still laughing, raider. 

“Here’s something better.”

Instead of taking the half-cake with his hand, Raze leaned forward and took it with his mouth. At this point, Bren was sure his face was permanently red and he just couldn’t blush any longer. Honestly, he shouldn’t even be surprised by the man’s bold unabashed behavior anymore. 

“It’s good,” Raze spoke around the bite.

Bren shook himself out the dumb-animal stare and nodded as he ate the other half, “I really like these.”

The man scooted up a little closer until their knees were touching and pointed to Bren’s lap, “more.”

“Uh…” He glanced down to the box he was holding there and chuckled to himself. He’d meant the cakes. Or did he? Bren laughed out loud and unwrapped another cake. 

He tore it in half and gently fed it to Raze, transfixed as he watched the man take it into his mouth while looking up into his eyes. The look was just about as sinful as it could have ever been and it was definitely working as Raze intended. And the man just had to take it further by licking Bren’s thumb and forefinger off. He lingered there on his finger, sucking on it firmly, then licking it with his tongue before slowly pulling back. 

Bren sat there for a moment with his finger still in the air, staring at Raze. 

“You like that?” He grinned. 

“Yes,” Brennen blurted out immediately. 

“You want more?”

“Yes.” He couldn’t even pretend not to.

Raze gave a deep quiet chuckle and went back to eating his dog food, so Bren went back to his cakes almost disappointedly. Not even almost. Thoroughly. 

As they ate and shared the cola, Brennen’s mind had been slowly winding up from the pill and was currently going over options regarding… Very naughty things. They could probably find a private moment upstairs in the bedroom -- It still had a mattress. Mostly. Or maybe the bathroom. Not many things out in the wasteland could open doors. Too bad the house had no front wall… Maybe they could just fool around a bit more. No, that was starting to get frustrating without a release. His mind raced quietly in the background for a moment as he watched Raze drinking from the glass bottle. The shape of his jaw and neck as he tilted his head back. The way he licked his lips. The big bright red mark he’d left along the man’s pulse line. Then Bren’s mind piped back up loudly again as Raze passed the drink back to him. 

Movement outside the window behind Raze caught Brennen’s eye as he was guzzling down the remainder of cola. Birds flew up from the grass and made angry noises at something unseen. Bren cocked his ear and Raze took notice, looking back over his shoulder to see what was up.

Bren spoke quietly, “I think our picnic is over…”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

There were a few ambling ferals outside, which was great because it gave Bren the opportunity to try out the cool weapon Raze had made for him. The thing hit hard and did, indeed, nearly rip a couple heads off. It was a disgusting bloody mess, but Brennen found himself laughing right alongside Raze after the last of the ferals were killed.

“I got more,” Bren pointed his large weapon at one of the bodies. There was no reason to say it, but he was feeling competitive and proud of himself in the moment. 

“This time,” Raze waved him off. “You shoulda bet, slacker. Your loss.”

Brennen did as Raze had and used some tattered clothing from one of the ferals to wipe his weapon off as well as he could before putting it back in the belt holster he’d made.

“You guys bet, but you don’t have caps… What do you bet with?” He asked as they started walking again.

He shrugged, “favors, smokes, or ammo, mostly. You ask me, it makes a lot more sense to bet with that than bullshit caps.”

“Don’t you share ammo and stuff?”

“Yeah, mostly. But it’s the spirit that counts.” 

After a moment Bren cocked his head, “favors?”

“Yeah, you know… Like trading shithole duty, guard duty, backrubs, blow jobs and shit like that.”

Brennen stared.

“Like I said, your loss, slacker,” Raze laughed.

“Next time,” Bren pointed at him.

He shrugged, “alright. But just so you know, I’ll win next time.”

Brennen wasn’t sure what to say to that -- It seemed like a bet where there weren’t really any losers. And he was almost proud of himself for not blushing this time as he thought about the idea of blow jobs. He was… Curious. Not opposed to the idea at all. They really needed to find a good safe spot to stay in for a long while.

As they walked past a young sapling, Raze pulled a couple little green sticks from it and handed one to Bren. He turned it over in his hands in question for a moment, then watched his raider put the other in his mouth to chew. Oh. Of course. Brennen eyed the little stick then gave a mental shrug and put it in his mouth to chew, too. It actually did help with the mouth dryness. The Mentat he ate wasn’t nearly as potent as the stuff Hopper had given him, but it still had the same effects. 

Everything was so vivid. Whenever a breeze blew, every moving tree caught his attention and Bren kind of wished it’d be more things to kill. He almost wanted to go hunt down more ferals, but that’d probably be foolish. He felt so exhilarated. Aroused mentally as well as physically. Excited.

Alive.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	17. Sure Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raze sat down and winced as he unstrapped his bracer and let it fall. It didn’t hurt too bad, but once the bracer was off, dull pain flooded his entire forearm. It wasn’t bleeding a lot. Just one spot… He poked at the spot to brush something away and realized it was a little piece of bone sticking out of his skin.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

This close to the city proper, there were more roads converging into the main highway, but Raze still tried to avoid them all. He stopped in a tree copse and crouched down in some bushes to hide as he watched something in the far distance. When Bren approached, he tugged on the bottom of his shirt to get him to squat beside.

“What are we--” Brennen scanned the area Raze pointed to. 

There was a caravan! Bren’s heart raced as he saw it and he squinted to try and figure out who it was. He ended up using the scope on the rifle to peer at the person. He was pretty sure he knew her. 

“See how she walks out front like that?” Raze said quietly.

Bren lowered the rifle and shrugged, “yeah… To lead the way."

“It’s fuckin stupid. Don’t do that.” 

“Um--”

“Walk next to the cow and put a Gunner ass on the other side of you. Don’t be a fuckin target.”

Bren stared at the caravan. She was walking right out front. He could easily shoot her from even farther away than where he sat now. It was interesting to see things from this point of view -- The hunter rather than the hunted.

Raze continued, “you know what happens when we shoot a trader first? Your guards got nothing to guard if you die and they don’t fight so hard. A lot of the time they’ll just give up and leave if they can’t find us.” He motioned, “but they’ll take your cow and your shit so the best thing to do is kill the trader and the cow, let the assholes take all they can carry, then go in for whatever’s left.”

“Why didn’t you kill me first?” Brennen felt sick asking that question, but it was a fascinating strategy he’d like to know more about. 

He shrugged, “didn’t think you’d be a problem.” They both laughed quietly then Raze picked at some grass and lowered his voice, “told you I fuck up.” 

Bren put a hand on the man’s shoulder, “it wasn’t a fuck up. If you shot me first, we wouldn’t have met.”

Raze smiled and nodded, “luck’s a pendulum.”

They watched the caravan for a minute then Bren motioned, “should I go see if she’ll give us any food and more water?”

He shrugged.

“If I do, can you stay back away from her guards so we don’t have a problem?”

“Should just shoot them.”

“Raze…”

He chuckled, “what? It’d teach her a good lesson.”

Bren stared at the man. He had a point, but that’d be a rough lesson. Maybe he should just… Not. He watched the caravan walking farther into the distance, then looked to Raze. They still had a bit of water and could find food easily enough... And Brennen was trying to learn how to survive. 

_Choose one._

“Alright,” Bren motioned away, “let’s just go.”

“Sure you don’t wanna kill the Gunners?”

Bren snorted, “yeah. Pretty sure… Unless you’d like another knife stuck in your other leg?”

Raze laughed a little too loud, covering his mouth to try and stifle it, then slunk off to the side to leave.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

Bren chewed his lip for a moment then eyed Raze, “something that’s been on my mind for a while…”

“Me?” He grinned.

“Well, yeah, constantly… But how do you not know how old you are?”

Raze shrugged, “don’t really matter after we do our rite.” He sighed and stared down at the ground, “some are better at knowing their age than others… I’d rather not know mine.”

Bren nodded in understanding. It was most likely because the man was upset about doing his own rite later than other kids. Perhaps a touchy subject.

“So…” Brennen cocked his head to the side, “you don’t have birthdays or anything?”

“What’s birthdays?”

He chuckled, “well, that answers that. A birthday is when you celebrate the day you were born and another year being alive. Usually with cake and a gathering of family and friends.”

“That’s bad,” Raze pointed.

“What’s bad?” He frowned, “cake?”

“No… That other thing. Celebrate.”

“Celebrating is bad?”

“Yeah. Bad luck. We don’t celebrate shit.” When Bren stared stupidly, Raze added, “when people celebrate shit, they die right after. I seen it happen. So we don’t fuckin celebrate shit.”

“Nothing at all?”

“It’s stupid. Kinda like gettin cocky about somethin then it bites you in the ass cuz you drop your guard.”

Bren thought about that. The correlation raiders made actually seemed to make sense, even though it wasn’t factual. 

“So… You don’t even celebrate the births of new babies?”

“No. They don’t even get names till later on when it looks like they’ll probably live. Otherwise they’re just called baby or child or whatever. My youngest sister don’t got a name yet.”

What a strange concept… Bren couldn’t imagine just popping babies out without some excitement and celebration then not even giving them a name.

“When do you get names?” 

“Depends,” He shrugged, “usually between three and six. I got mine at six.” He started chuckling to himself. 

Brennen smiled, “I take it there’s a story behind your name?”

“There’s a story behind every name. I got a temper problem sometimes,” his chuckle turned into laughter, “I got it after I got pissed off at another kid and tried to burn the whole camp down.”

“Wow…” Brennen stared, “that’s… Just… Wow.” He thought for a moment. “Wait… So, when we first met and I was in the cabin… Would you really have burned it down?”

Raze grinned in reply.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

Around late afternoon, they came to a farm that was in relatively good shape. Well, the barn was in good shape, anyway. The two of them cleared the broken house without much of a problem and Bren found himself having a lot of fun with it. They took turns clearing rooms rather than Raze just doing it all himself with Brennen trailing behind. He felt useful. It felt good to be doing the things for himself now and not just relying on others.

And his raider helped him rummage for trade goods without much need to ask what to look for. They really did seem to make a good team. They even found some clean water and Raze found more Mentats, which he immediately shared with Bren. In a dirty way, because of course.

He grinned and set the pill on the tip of his tongue, then grabbed Bren by the back of the neck and kissed him, pushing the chem into his mouth. Brennen chuckled quietly against his lips for a moment then worked the little pill down his throat.

Bren wiped his mouth and snorted at his raider, “I’m out here with you doing things I never thought I was even capable of or that I ever thought I would do in a million years… What did you do to me?”

“Didn’t do shit,” he tapped a finger against Bren’s chest, “this is who you are.” 

“Huh…” Brennen made a face at the realization. 

It wasn’t so much what Raze did as it was what he _didn’t_ do. The man didn’t hold him back or tell him he can’t do things. In fact, Raze had been the only person in Bren’s life who never told him what he can or can’t do or that he wasn’t allowed to do a thing. The man never even used the word ‘can’t’ in relation to life in general. He suddenly felt bad for all the times in the beginning when he told Raze he can’t do something. 

“There’s a woodpile…” His raider motioned to a large open woodshed next to the house. 

Bren shook himself out of his thoughts then smiled at the stacks of chopped firewood. That’d make building a fire much easier and he wanted to be the one to do it this time. 

“Let’s clear the barn first then we can set up in there… Right?” He eyed Raze to gauge a response to know if he was doing things correctly or not. 

The man immediately headed to the barn so it must have been the right thing. 

It was a great place to stay. There were no creatures inside and the second door was already chained shut. Raze climbed up top to the loft area while Bren checked the chain on the door and rummaged the cabinets.

“Someone was livin here,” his raider called down from the loft.

Bren made his way up the ladder to peer at the set-up. Raze was standing over a make-shift bed on some straw. There was a lantern and some empty bottles around the little sleeping pallet. Well, mostly empty bottles - Raze had found one with some alcohol left in it and he was finishing it off. 

“Do you think they’re still around?” Brennen asked quietly.

“Naw,” he shrugged, “looks like they been gone a few months. Maybe set up here then went out to get food or whatever and got killed.”

Bren frowned at the bed. That was somewhat of a sad thought, but another person’s misfortune was a great find for the two of them. 

“Can we make a fire up here or is that a bad idea?”

Raze glanced around at the loose straw and the few bales stacked in the corner. “Could put it in a pot…” He thought about it then shook his head, “best to make it down there.”

“Won’t it get cold at night…” Bren trailed off when Raze grinned at him. Of course it wouldn’t be cold. He chuckled at his own stupidity then it turned into laughter as the word ‘heap’ ran through his mind. 

Raze climbed back down to start gathering wood from the shed and Brennen decided to make the bed better before he went out to get his own armful of firewood. He took out the blanket the farmer had given them and added it to the blanket already on the straw pile after shaking that one out a bit. Then he checked the lantern for oil and smiled when he saw it was mostly full. 

This was a nice little spot. Bren couldn’t help but think how it would be to just stay living on a farm with Raze. It’d be nice. Maybe have his family and his raider’s immediate family all living together to make their own camp… Or maybe not. What was the man’s family even like? Were they like Raze? Bren would probably like to meet his family. He chuckled to himself at the thought of introducing Raze to his own family. They’d lose their minds, most likely. His sister would definitely like him, though. 

Brennen was suddenly pulled out of his reverie by a string of expletives from outside. 

He reflexively picked up the rifle and looked out a window in the loft facing the woodpile and saw Raze get knocked down by a huge scorpion that must have come out from under the woodpile. 

Bren used the butt of the rifle to bust one of the panes of glass and rested the barrel on the wood.

“Turn it around!” He yelled down at his raider. 

Raze tried to position the animal and one of its large claws grabbed hold of the man’s arm, making reaching for his pick more difficult. The thing’s tail whipped forward a few times, trying to stab Raze, but the man was still quick enough to dodge the stinger or deflect it once he got his pick out, even while being held by an arm. 

Without much thought, Brennen said a quick prayer to anyone listening and fired a shot as soon as the tail pulled back to strike again. The beast let out an ear-piercing shriek and let go of Raze, then tried to grab at him again in a blind rage and Bren fired two more shots. The scorpion jerked, then curled up tightly and Brennen put one more bullet into the beast’s head just to be sure. It didn’t move. 

He quickly climbed down the ladder to go help his raider, nearly tripping up over himself as he ran outside. 

Before he even got out the door, Bren held a hand out, “Raze! Are you okay?”

Then he dropped his arm as he saw the man kicking the dead scorpion angrily.

“I fuckin hate scorpions!”

“Are you alright?” Bren asked again.

“I’m fine.” Raze kicked the thing a few more times then turned to face Brennen. He stared at him for a moment, then glanced to the rifle, then to the dead beast.

Bren moved closer and reached out again, “your arm…”

Raze looked at his arm, then the rest of his body. “Got my bracer…” He cradled his arm gingerly then squinted at Brennen, “you shoot its tail on purpose or was that a happy fuckin accident?”

He motioned to the mangled stinger, “if I didn’t, it could have got you in its death throes.”

“Yeah… I know.” Raze narrowed his eyes skeptically. 

“Um... “ Bren glanced at the weapon, “yeah I did it on purpose. How else could I have gotten it to let you go for a better shot?” He laughed, probably as a release of some of the painful adrenaline, “I’m not bad with a rifle, you just never gave me the chance.”

“Not bad?” He snorted, “you nearly shot its fuckin tail clean off. While it was moving. From all the way up there at a stupid angle.” Raze pointed, “can you do that every time?”

Brennen shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve never shot a scorpion before -- I used to practice with birds… But probably nine times out of ten.”

“Glad I wasn’t the tenth time.” 

“Me too.”

They stared at one another for a moment then Raze threw his arms around Brennen’s shoulders, knocking him back a step as they kissed.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Raze sat down and winced as he unstrapped his bracer and let it fall. It didn’t hurt too bad, but once the bracer was off, dull pain flooded his entire forearm. It wasn’t bleeding a lot. Just one spot… He poked at the spot to brush something away and realized it was a little piece of bone sticking out of his skin.

“Shit…” His trader knelt beside him and carefully turned his arm over to look at the injury.

Raze shrugged, “it’s fine…” 

Brennen stared at him, “are you fucking serious?! Your bone is sticking out!” 

“Push it back in.” 

“That’s not how things work, Raze!” 

He blinked at the man then shrugged again, “I seen broken bones before. They ain’t a problem. Not like it’s my leg or anything and I got a whole other arm for now.”

Brennen snorted loudly, “I guess it’s a good thing you’re ambidextrous.” 

“What’s that?”

“You can use both hands equally-- Nevermind. I have that stimpack.” His trader turned to rummage the bag.

Raze poked at the bone a little, then tried to push it back together and that hurt a bit. Or a _lot._ His arm felt kind of numb, mostly. Maybe he could deal with the pain. He pushed harder on the bone and let out a loud yell as it moved a bit and ground together.

“Stop that!” Brennen swatted his good hand away. 

“Don’t it need to go back together to work?” Raze asked quietly and tried to poke at it again.

His trader moved his hand again and nodded, “yeah, but not like that…” He held the injured arm lightly by the wrist and hesitated. “I’m going to pull on it a little, okay?”

Raze nodded. The more he sat with the arm unwrapped and being messed with, the more it started to hurt pretty bad. His hand felt numb and he couldn’t really wiggle his fingers much, so maybe this part wouldn’t hurt so bad. 

He was wrong. _It hurt a lot._

“Fucking fuck!” Raze yelled and punched Brennen reflexively in the thigh with his good hand.

“OW!” His trader clenched the injured arm a little tighter and sucked air between his teeth. 

“Fuckin hurts!” He tried to pull his arm back to cradle it, but Brennen didn’t let go. 

He wrapped the arm tightly in cloth strips as quickly as he could, then jabbed Raze with the stimpack and sat back to rub his sore thigh.

Blood turned cold all through Raze’s body and most of the pain immediately washed away. Much better. Wiggling his fingers hurt his arm a little, but at least he could move his hand now. He grinned and held it up to look over the wrapping. Not bad. Having a doctor around was quite handy. He chuckled at the pun.

“It still needs some time to completely heal, but that should kickstart it really fast. Don’t do anything stupid in the meantime.” 

Raze snorted, “I never do anything stupid.”

“Of course not…” Brennen scoffed. “How do you feel?”

He thought about it, poked at his arm, then glanced around, “hot. And starving.”

“I bet you are,” his trader nodded. “Stimpacks raise your metabolism significantly to repair damage. A compound break is a lot of damage so I’m sure you could eat an entire cow right about now.”

Raze stared at his trader for a moment at all the dumbass doc-talk then got up to go back outside.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Raze immediately took his shirt off and went to work cutting away the scorpion’s plating to get at the heart. That fucker would be his. Brennen didn’t seem too keen on eating scorpion, but what did he know? Scorpion was actually pretty tasty and the claws, back, and tail had a lot of good meat. His trader went to work cutting the tail off with his pick weapon as Raze cut and pulled at back plating. A pry bar would have made it a lot easier.

He pointed his knife at Bren while the man worked, “fuck that last piece by the stinger… That’s the asshole.”

Brennen eyed the tail, “a scorpion’s anus is at the tip of its tail? Weird.”

“Scorpions are fuckin strange,” Raze shrugged, “but I guess it makes sense to them if they wanna fling their shit around. If those two poison sacs are good, keep them.”

“Scorpions have venom, not poison.”

“It don’t fuckin matter what you call it, it’s still bad shit!” Raze snorted, “but makes good hallucinogenic drinks.”

His trader stared at him for a moment then sighed and went back to work on the tail. Hopefully the _-venom-_ sacs were still good.

“Why do you have that scorpion tattoo?” His trader asked between hacking the tail into smaller pieces.

Raze paused and glanced down at himself as if he could see it under his pants. “Cuz I like the old man and the scorpion story. It’s a good lesson to always remember.” He pulled the long heart out of the animal and grinned at it, then set it aside to continue digging inside the beast.

“Is that the only reason? It's kind of in a strange spot...”

He shrugged, “I got stung once. Not by a real one, but some asshole with a shank. I got the tat over the scar for a reminder.” He hooked a bloody thumb in the top of his pants and tugged on them to be able to see his tattoo. He figured his trader wanted to hear the story, so he told it.

“When I was real young, maybe thirteen, my kin got some new pets. One looked my age. I wanted to play with him, but he wasn’t mine to play with, so I did it sneaky. I let the kid out of his kennel one night and the fucker stabbed me. I was real nice to him, too. I been sneakin him food and shit cuz… I don’t know… Maybe I felt bad or liked the way he looked or somethin. But what’d I get for it? Fuckin stabbed.” 

Brennen stared for the longest time. 

“I know, it was stupid. I got my ass beat pretty bad for killin that pet. But live and learn, right?”

“You…” His trader continued to stare dumbly, “I don’t know where to begin with that. Not the stabbing, but the whole deal with keeping people as pets.”

Raze shrugged and went back to work cutting apart back meat. “What’s wrong with pets?”

“They’re not pets… They’re people.”

“People can make great pets, but they’re the most dangerous kind of pets to have. Kids are best cuz usually they don’t try to kill you and if they do, they suck at it.”

Brennen frowned, “so the rumors about your kin kidnapping people, children in particular…?”

“There ain’t a lot of us that go outta their way to kidnap people to keep as pets. It’s more trouble than it’s worth. But if we come across someone alone or if we kill most of a family, sometimes we take the kids or a person left behind from that shit.”

“Don’t they resent you? That seems like a dangerous thing to do - killing a family then taking survivors…”

Raze moved over to one of the scorpion claws to cut it free and his trader followed to get at the other claw. 

“Sometimes…” Raze tried to think how to explain, “it ain’t what it seems. Sometimes they don’t mind so much. There’s a lot to it.”

“They don’t mind being a pet for the rest of their lives?”

“It ain’t always for the rest of their life. Lots of times they become kin.” Raze smiled and waved his knife North in the direction of his home, “my mother was a pet but ain’t no more.” 

Brennen blinked at him, “really?”

“Yep. Her name is Shiv.” He paused in cutting off the scorpion claw and stood up straight with pride, “she got taken as an older teenager, stabbed and killed the guy who took her, why she got her name, then the shithead who’s probably my father took her over. She popped me and my brother out, then became kin cuz of her mettle and stayed cuz she likes it.” His smile grew, “she’s real smart. She taught me some outsider shit and things like that. It’s why I know a few things and talk so good.”

His trader snorted a loud laugh, “you do seem to… _Talk gooder_ than others, I suppose.” 

Raze wrinkled his nose, “I don’t need your fancy-ass words to be able to talk. You get me.”

“I do get you,” Brennen smiled, “more than you realize.”  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	18. Consummation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In all the world, with all the stars aligned or whatever, Bren had found a white hart. If any one thing in their lives had gone differently at all, the two of them wouldn’t be sitting here now in a hayloft together sharing this statistically improbable moment. This was special in every way.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **this chapter is super explicit!**   
>    
> 

  
  
  
  
  


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### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Bren made the fire all by himself. He was proud that he did it, though he couldn’t get it started very well without a lighter. They roasted one large scorpion claw right over the flame and the meat didn’t taste too bad. Bren imagined that, with butter and spices, it could be very good. The problem being that it was difficult to kill scorpions, usually. The one that had surprised Raze from the woodpile had been old and displaced - it should never have been there at all. Raze never found signs of the thing because it was burrowed under wood and brush, waiting out its old age to die.

His raider had eaten the scorpion heart. He took a huge bite of the thing raw and then Brennen made him cook the rest. Apparently, it was some sort of honor thing to take a bite of the heart of a beast that tried to kill you and failed. That was pretty cool. The shit still needed to be cooked, however, and Bren tried some of it that way. 

Raze went on to tell him about how some animals behave oddly from what they normally would, like the old dying scorpions and sick animals, or how they behave when injured. It was all great learning for Bren. He learned that an injured radstag will circle down to low ground and that an injured dog or bear will try and go home to sleep it off. He learned that an injured human is the most dangerous of all, but he kind of already knew as much. Take away a human’s reason for living and they become more dangerous than anything, his raider told him. A person with nothing left to lose is terrifying.

Then they went onto other topics.

“That’s not how ‘heart’ is spelled...” Bren pointed at his raider’s chest. 

Raze glanced down at himself then furrowed his brow, “it’s spelled that way.”

“No, it isn’t.” Maybe he shouldn’t have pointed it out, but it had been bothering him.

“How else is it spelled?” 

“H-E-A-R-T…”

“That’s dumb,” Raze snorted, “but this is spelled right. I was told so.”

Bren chewed his lip. Who would have told him it was spelled that way besides other illiterate raiders? 

The man seemed adamant about it, however, so Brennen asked, “okay, what’s the story behind that tattoo?”

Raze shrugged, “I dunno how to explain it. Has to do with luck and fortune and shit. When you see a white hart out in the wild and it comes to you, it means you’re gunna go through some life-changing shit. Something lucky or fortunate or just mind-blowing. I like the idea of it so I thought it’d be cool to _be_ the white hart and get the tattoo on myself. Kinda like being your own luck and fortune, right? The chick who did it didn’t know how to draw a young white stag though, so I just got the word. She said this is how it’s spelled.”

“Oh!” Brennen chuckled, _“hart,_ not heart. That’s really neat.”

“I know,” he snorted, “I just got it put in this spot cuz it’s over my heart, too. Kinda one of those… double meaning things I guess.”

“Very clever.” Bren smiled at the man then pointed, “so… If you’re a white hart… And I found you and you came to me…”

“Lucky you.” 

There was something completely crazy about all of that. In all the world, with all the stars aligned or whatever, Bren had found a white hart. If any one thing in their lives had gone differently at all, the two of them wouldn’t be sitting here now in a hayloft together sharing this statistically improbable moment. This was special in every way.

Then Raze interrupted the magic of the moment. “Take your clothes off.”

“Um…” Bren blinked dumbly, “okay, but--”

“But, nothin.” The man climbed up on Bren, swung a leg around, and straddled him. 

He worked the buttons on Brennen’s shirt rather well. He undid about half of them then impatiently slid his hands over Bren’s chest, pushing the top of his shirt down over his shoulders to nip and kiss at his collarbone hungrily, leaving more marks. 

“Raze… Slow down.” 

The man continued his same movements, but did them a little more slowly. 

“That’s not what I mean,” Bren snorted and took hold of both his raider’s wrists, careful of the injured arm, as hands went for his pants. 

The man smiled and tilted his head a bit, “I dunno what you mean, but I like where this is headed…” He tugged his arms a little against Bren’s grip. 

“Tell me what you like.”

Raze shrugged, “I dunno… Whatever you wanna do to me.”

Brennen thought about that for a moment. “What, exactly, is sex like for you?” He shook his head and tried to rephrase better, “I want you to tell me what you like. I don’t want to just use you for my own gratification. Don’t you know what you like?” He knew most of the things he, himself, liked, but he was also still inexperienced. He was pretty sure his raider had a lot more experience with sex.

“I like the normal shit people like.” He thought about it. “Just throw me down and take me. If you want somethin and you can make me do it, I’ll do it. I won’t bite your cock, I promise,” he grinned.

“Raze,” Bren spoke carefully, “has most or all sex you’ve ever had been forced?”

He shrugged again, “mostly. Either by me or someone else… But not always. Sometimes it’s just fast and hard cuz someone wants to get off. That’s just what it’s like with men, but that’s fine by me.”

“No… That’s not ‘just what it’s like’.” Brennen pulled the man closer to himself to hold him in a tight embrace. Raze didn’t seem to be upset, but Bren was. His raider believed that all sex should be rape or hurried quickies. That wasn’t right or good. What a sad thought. 

Raze hugged him for a moment then pulled back and tilted his head, “what else is it like, then?” 

“Well…” Bren thought about it, “it can be quick… But it can also be longer and maybe more… Loving? Caring, I mean. It can even be rough, so long as the intention isn’t to do harm and just take what you want with no regard to your partner.” 

He grinned, “I like rough.”

“I know,” Bren snorted, “but can we start slow, maybe? Do you know what foreplay is?”

“Yeah, I know what that is.” Raze nudged him down to lay on the blankets and finished unbuttoning his shirt.

Brennen smiled in relief that he didn’t have to explain foreplay to his raider - that would have required trying not to stammer and blush while the man said blunt things about holes and cocks.

As he finished with the buttons, his hands continued to move down to Bren’s pants. He unfastened them slowly then immediately grabbed hold. He wanted to tell the man to tease a little first, but he also had no argument about what Raze was currently doing with his hand. 

His raider grinned down at him, “you like your cock sucked?”

“Um…” Bren smiled in reply.

“Course you do, all men like it.”

Brennen was about to argue that probably not _all_ men like it, but Raze slid down his body and cut off any frivolous words that might have been said. 

The man adjusted himself for comfort, tugged Bren’s pants down a little, then licked his lips and took the head into his mouth without any hesitation. 

“Raze,” his breath hitched, “that’s not... Slow…”

His raider hummed deeply against him in reply and continued what he was doing. Bren’s hands clutched at the blanket under him to keep from grabbing the man’s head, but a hand eventually ended up there, anyway. He stroked his fingers through his raider’s soft hair for a minute, then his hand went still as Raze took him deeper.

“You… Have to slow down…” Bren’s thighs tightened and he clenched hold of Raze’s hair. 

And, in reply, the man hummed laughter against his cock and tried to stuff the whole thing down his throat, which took a bit of readjustment in the position. And it felt amazing. Raze used his tongue to press firmly against him every time he moved his head up, sucking and twisting his hand along the shaft to follow his wet lips. 

Brennen glanced down at his raider and Raze looked right back up at him with those intense blue eyes shining in the light of the oil lamp. 

“Oh… Shit-- Stop…” Bren closed his eyes, leaned his head back, and nudged the man. “If you don’t stop… I’m gunna--”

Raze popped his cock out of his mouth and chuckled, “only been a couple minutes, damn.” 

“I know. I know… Fuck-- Stop.” 

His raider finally released him and sat back. He started unlacing Bren’s boots and snorted, “thought you don’t want quick shit. You last that long when you fuck and you’re gunna have to go like fifty times.”

“I just...” Brennen calmed himself down a little and pushed his pants down further to remove them, “I’ve only had a couple quick blows before. And not that good - usually just a way to get it hard.”

“It been hard already,” Raze grinned as he helped him take his pants off the rest of the way. 

“Feels like it’s been hard ever since we stayed at Richard’s place…”

He laughed as he kicked his own boots off, “that ain’t my fault.” 

Raze stood to slide his pants down and Bren got to his knees in front of the man. He put his hands over his raider’s to move them out of the way so he could undress him. Slowly. He finished unbuckling his belt, then ran his hand over the bulge in the leather. He was a little timid at first, looking up to gauge the man’s responses to what he was doing. Raze smiled and ran a hand through Brennen’s hair, so he continued rubbing him through the material for a moment before unfastening and tugging his raider’s pants down a bit. 

When Raze moved to help him shed the clothing completely, Bren grabbed his wrist and held it to keep him from acting too impatiently. Yeah, he wanted the man naked and pressed against his own body, but he could wait a few minutes. 

At some point in their travels when Bren hadn’t noticed, Raze had lost his underwear. He was no longer wearing any. What did he do with them and when? Bren snorted quietly and shook the thought off as his free hand ran up over the man’s hip and abdomen, then back down again. He released his raider’s wrist then used both of his own hands to explore the tight, hard body in front of him. He tried to calm himself down about what he was going to do, but with a hard cock inches from his face, it was difficult. 

He felt like a teenager all over again, getting with someone for the first time. Excited and nervous. He gently wrapped his fingers around the man, stroking slowly as his other hand continued to caress his lithe body. Brennen inched himself closer and placed a few firm kisses and nips along Raze’s hip bone, over the scorpion tattoo, along his lower abdomen -- Closer to the hot hard cock in his grip.

Licking his lips, Bren leaned in and pressed against the man. Precum slickened the head, adding to the wetness on his lips, and Brennen slowly took in just the tip. Just a little. He liked the way it felt - soft and warm against his lips… Then tongue… Then filling his mouth and fitting perfectly inside. And, more than any of that, he loved the sound Raze made as Bren slowly sank down on him; A long, quiet, drawn-out moan. 

Bren worried that the hand on his head would become forceful, but it never did. Raze continued to caress his hair, sliding his fingers through it gently and gripping tightly every now and then. Brennen found that he loved this. He wondered if he was doing it right… Or okay. Was it good? How did it compare with other people the man had been with? What could he do better? Raze seemed to love pretty much every movement he made. Every tentative lick, the stroking, the exploration of his lower body his free hand made… Even when Bren attempted to deepthroat his raider and couldn’t quite manage - he seemed to like it all. 

And the response from his own cock started to become a little paramount. When Brennen slid his wet mouth over the man, he couldn’t help but recall the time just moments before that Raze had done it to him and his cock jumped with anticipation to be touched the same way. His free hand eventually made its way down to touch himself to relieve some of that need. 

After some time, Raze must have figured out the frustration and he knew how to handle it. 

“Lay down on your side…” His raider nudged him away and pointed to the blankets. 

Bren hesitated for a moment then gave a mental shrug and lay as told. Then he started getting excited all over again as Raze kicked his pants all the way off and took a position laying next to him facing opposite… A position Bren had only heard of and teenagers generally giggle about. This was a real thing. 

A real good thing. 

Raze didn’t hesitate, as before, to take hold of Bren in one hand and adjust himself for comfort, then Brennen’s eyes closed as he felt the man’s mouth on him once more. He worked to match what his raider was doing to him. The hand movements, how he used his tongue, the firm sucking… 

The size and angle they were in must have been a bit much for his raider -- He paused several times to just use a hand, so Bren did the same on him. 

“You ain’t gunna blow your load in five seconds are you?” Raze chuckled during a mouth-break. 

“I don’t know… Stop talking and find out,” Brennen surprised himself with the bite-back comment. 

Actually, it was much easier to maintain himself in this position. He could focus more on pleasing Raze and trying to do well with his hand and mouth rather than just laying there with no distractions to keep his release at bay. Though it was still really hard. Difficult. It was difficult. And hard. And-- Fuck. 

Raze moved into an awkward position Bren couldn’t figure out and his free hand slid up over Bren’s inner thigh, stroked his balls for a moment, then continued on toward his ass. He parted his legs better without hesitation as if his body just had a mind of its own. 

He mumbled his raider’s name, stifled by the cock in his mouth, then tried to just go with what was happening and relax. No protesting. He was curious. His eyes closed and his movements slowed to a stop as a wandering finger slid over the sensitive opening. Raze paused only very briefly to lick his finger and get it wet before continuing. 

His finger pressed inside a little, then back out… Then deeper. A low quiet sound escaped Bren’s mouth and he worked to adjust himself better to let Raze do whatever he felt like doing. It was amazing. He couldn’t even focus on the cock in his hand any longer - he just lay there on his side, letting out deep quiet moans, with his hand paused and clenching the man tightly. 

“Raze…” Brennen finally found some words, “come here…” Though he liked what was going on, Bren wanted to be more face to face with his raider. 

The man chuckled, pushed Bren onto his back, and climbed up on top. “You ready now?”

Brennen grinned. 

“Good cuz I’m about to lose my fucking mind.” Raze spit in his hand, rubbed it over Bren’s cock, then positioned himself.

“Wait…” 

“No.” 

Bren nudged the man and rolled to the side to pull his bag closer, “no, I mean… Wait a second, I have something better than spit…” 

There was no way, with Brennen’s size, spit would keep his raider from getting hurt. Bren remembered seeing a bottle of oil in the cabin in the drawer full of sex things, so maybe the cooking oil he had in his bag was something to be used for… This.

He took it out and pondered the ingredients for a moment, then Raze snatched it away to open the bottle eagerly. 

“Nice,” he grinned as he poured a good amount into his hand, making a complete mess all over Brennen’s abdomen in the process. 

Bren fussed about the mess for only a few seconds before his hands went still and Raze had him in a tight, slick, fist. 

“I like this…” Raze said quietly as he ran his hand over the glistening slippery skin, playing in the oil along Brennen’s body and cock. 

“Yeah… Me too…” He said quietly and melted under the firm touches and caressing. 

Bren wiped up some of the excess off his abdomen into a hand, then touched Raze in the same manner, a tight slick grip over his cock, slowly sliding along the hardness, transfixed at the sight. His raider scooted himself up a bit so Bren could grip them both again as he’d done before, but this time the oil made it much better. 

Raze rocked his hips slowly against him, sliding in Brennen’s fist and along his dick. 

“I like this, too...” His raider’s voice came out breathy and deep.

“Mm-hm…” Was all Bren could manage. 

Brennen knew what the man wanted and was waiting for, though... And he couldn’t hold out for it any longer, himself. There would be time later for some more fooling around… 

He took his raider by the hips and pulled him forward and the man moved without any hesitation. Again, he positioned himself, took Bren in one hand, then sank down a little. 

“Oh… Fu--” Brennen clenched his teeth and tightened his grip on the man’s hips. 

Then Raze adjusted himself better and sank nearly all the way down on him with one deep drawn-out moan. The man rocked his hips a little, pulled himself up slowly, then seated himself completely. And, as if that wasn’t nearly overwhelming enough, Raze started moving in a languid way that rolled his entire body from shoulders to hips, pressing down and grinding against Bren. He couldn’t tell if the sight of what the man was doing was more arousing than the amazing way it felt - tight and hot around him. 

The way his raider moved was mesmerizing. His muscles flexed as his hands clutched Bren’s chest, head leaned back to show off the hard angle of his jaw, body slowly writhing in a fluid motion.

With nails biting into his skin every now and then, Brennen started moving his hips to meet Raze’s movements until the man paused and held himself up on shaky legs as he was fucked from underneath. It was a little difficult to keep up, and Bren wanted more. Deeper. He pulled the man’s arms away so he fell down, chest to chest, and Bren wrapped a strong arm around the smaller man to roll them both over. They ended up off the little bed pallet and onto the wood and straw, which he’d probably care about later - but not right in this moment. 

Raze chuckled quietly as he was rolled onto his back and he latched on tightly with his thighs and calves, working to pull Bren into himself hungrily. Now that Brennen was more in charge of the pace, he slowed down. Hard and deep, but with a slow withdrawal. Every hard thrust moved the man up a couple of inches until he was close enough to the haystacks to stretch his arms above his head to stop the movement -- And the sight of it was breathtaking. 

He had to stop and pull out a few times to move down lower on the man’s body to bite at his chest, licking and sucking at salty sweat-slickened skin to leave light red marks. And that’s about the time Raze started to get loud. 

Brennen moved back up on the man, kissed him deeply, then set a hand over his mouth to get him to quiet down, but it only served to make his raider moan louder, muffled by the hand firmly pressed to his mouth. 

As Bren tried to focus on other things to prolong his release, the pain from the wood against his knees started to make itself known… So he backed off and nudged the man over to the bed again. 

Raze rolled over, then got up on his hands and knees. Bren made deep quiet sounds as he positioned himself once more, rubbing himself against soft flesh, then along the cleft of his ass, then pressing the head of his cock slowly inside again. Then he let it pop out and then slid back inside very slowly to fill the man inch by inch.

He ran his free hand down his raider’s glistening muscled back, caressing slick skin. The curve of his shoulder blades, the dip of his spine along his lower back, then up again to his shoulders to hold the man in place as he leaned over him and moved at a quick hungry pace. 

Bren’s hand ended up gripping his raider by the back of his sweaty neck, then slid upward to grab hold of the man’s hair to get him to arch his back more. That made Raze really loud. Brennen leaned further down, pressed against his back, grunting in his ear from behind, and he put a hand over the man’s mouth again. He tried to reach around to touch his raider, but his hand ended up going still after a minute and Raze replaced it with his own, so Bren leaned back on his knees and grabbed his hips to finish. He didn’t care anymore that his raider was making so much noise - it only spurred him on to ride harder. 

His movements grew sporadic and his thighs tightened. Brennen made to pull out and Raze pressed back against him, rolling his hips into it.

“Raze… I’m-- Fuck...” He grunted and pulled his raider into himself hard, holding him in place as he spilled inside. 

Then he had to hold the man still as he tried to writhe more against his oversensitive cock. 

His raider fell forward onto the bed, then kicked a leg over Bren to roll over onto his back. He grinned and touched himself, working to finish himself off. 

Brennen crawled over him, then leaned to the side on one elbow, taking the man’s hand away to do it for him. He was slippery and rock hard… And very close. Bren thought about finishing him off with his mouth, but by the time he made the decision, Raze was done. And it was an exquisite sight.

Raze tensed up, then threw his head back and made some animalistic sound of desperation as he spilled across his own abdomen and in Bren’s hand. He trailed a finger along the mess of spend, rubbing it against his raider’s skin, then tentatively licked his finger off. Not bad. He’d have to finish him off with his mouth next time. Bren idly ran his fingers and hand over the man’s chest as he watched him relaxing with a sleepy contented smile on his face. What a beautiful creature. 

After a couple of minutes, Raze squirmed a bit and chuckled, “ow…”

“Did I hurt you?” Bren frowned.

“Yeah you fuckin hurt me…” He grinned, “in the best way.”

Brennen smiled and got more comfortable beside the man. And then his raider rolled to the side and curled up next to him with his head on Bren’s outstretched arm, rubbing a hand over his chest and stomach... Then touched his cock.

“Raze…”

“More,” he said quietly.

“Later… I need some time--”

“Later’s fine…” Raze mumbled tiredly and his hand went still.  
  


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	19. Addiction To A Hazardous Material

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tossed everything he’d taken out of his bag back in, then started to shove the blanket in on top of that.
> 
> “The fuck you doing? We gotta go! That fucker can chew through twenty mongrels in five fuckin minutes. Go!”
> 
> “I just need to get my--”
> 
> “No!” Raze yanked the blanket out of the bag and Bren’s hands and shoved him toward the ladder.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Raze blinked himself awake, glanced up at the window, saw it was still dark outside, then tried to nestle in to sleep some more. But he was cold. And he had to piss. He grumbled at his stupid body for waking him up for something dumb - his good dream this time was a memory from hours ago.

His trader was snoring very quietly and Raze chuckled to himself about it. _Like a pack of bloodbugs…_ But not really. It was cute. He lifted himself a little to look the man over. Raze wondered if he could love someone. Never had before that he knew of. Maybe this was what it was like. Or maybe he was just having strange feelings because he’d never met anyone like Brennen before. He suddenly didn’t want to take his trader home. What if they just stayed at the farm? What if he took the man back to his own camp? No… He’d be taken away. Raze frowned at that then sighed and pushed himself up to go piss. 

He took his clothes and some of the clean water with, then tried to wash himself up as best he could before putting his clothes back on. Then he just stood there on the bottom floor of the barn near the campfire lit corner he’d pissed in. Maybe he should just leave. 

“Raze?” Brennen called from the loft. 

He clenched his teeth and thought about not answering. “...Down here.”

After a couple minutes, his trader came down. He was dressed again and still buttoning his shirt up.

“You okay?”

Raze shrugged and poked at the fire with a stick to get it going brighter.

“What’s wrong?” Brennen moved close and put a hand on his shoulder.

He shrugged again, “nothin.”

“Bullshit,” his trader snorted.

After a very long moment, Raze glanced down at the ground, “don’t want you to go home.”

Then a heavy silence filled the barn.

“You could come with me?” Brennen said quietly.

“In your town?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “you could meet my family.”

“Then what?” Raze sighed, “don’t think I’m cut out for your town life.”

The silence came back and lingered for an uncomfortable time.

“Whatever,” Raze forced a smile, “worry about it later. I said I’d get you home and I will.”

Brennen glanced around then frowned at the corner wall of the barn, “did you piss inside?”

He shrugged, “we ain’t stayin here for long so it don’t matter.” 

His trader snorted a chuckle, “fuckin animal.” 

They both laughed and Brennen went to the door to piss outside, then hesitated. He opened it a crack and peered out into the darkness, then closed it quietly and came back to the corner. Raze laughed louder at that. 

“Just this one time,” his trader said over his shoulder as he relieved himself.

Raze grabbed some more cooked meat and headed back up to the loft. He smiled faintly at the little sleeping pallet. It was cozy here. 

“We made a mess of oil…” Brennen said from behind. “I mean… _You_ made a mess.”

“Everything fun is messy,” he grinned and sat back down on the little bed.

“Let me at least fix it a little.”

“Later.”

His trader sighed and sat down next to him. Much better. Warm. Brennen gave off good body heat. Raze pulled off a chunk of meat and offered it up to the man’s mouth.

“It’s too big…”

Raze laughed, “I seen you put somethin bigger in your mouth… Open.”

Brennen blushed and turned away for a moment then opened his mouth so Raze could stick the meat in and they both chuckled quietly at that. 

The man motioned and spoke around his mouthful, “how’s your arm?”

“Fine.” 

It actually still hurt in a deep dull way. Not too bad. Raze could deal with this kind of pain. He was still really hungry, though. 

“What’s your family and home like?” Brennen asked quietly. 

“I dunno,” he shrugged, “like normal.”

His trader snorted, “I doubt it.”

“What’s yours like?”

Brennen paused and blinked a few times. “Um…” He laughed, “like normal.”

Raze chuckled and offered the last bite of meat to his trader as he thought about how to explain his family. “Told you about my mother…” 

“What about your dad?” Brennen spoke around the bite.

He frowned and looked away, busying himself with pulling bits of straw from the blankets. 

“Sorry…”

Raze shrugged, “he’s… Real tough.” He paused to think of wording. “He’s an alpha. Got a mean streak big as the ocean. He knows a lotta shit about a lotta shit, though, so he got a big pack of followers… Kin who live up North in the rock hole where I do.” 

“Oh… Rock hole?”

“Don’t go there,” Raze stared hard at his trader to make it clear, “he’ll like you and take you away from me like he did with…” He trailed off and shook his head, “don’t go there.” 

“Raze… I wouldn’t let someone take me away from you…”

“No… You’d like him better. Whatever you think you like about me, he got that but better.”

Brennen stared for a long time then spoke carefully, “he took your mate away… Didn’t he?” 

Raze clenched his teeth hard enough to hurt. 

“I’m not going to be taken away, Raze.” Brennen moved up close and put warm strong arms around him. “I like _you,_ not someone else. There’s nobody like you.”

He cuddled up as close as he could to his trader, head on the man’s shoulder and chest. “I look exactly like him but smaller,” he mumbled.

“I don’t care what he looks like. Your looks don’t make you who you are and isn’t what I like about you.”

“His cock’s bigger, too.”

Brennen snorted, “that is also not what I like about you.”

Raze lifted his head to look up at the man, “you don’t like my cock?”

“Well… Um… Okay, that’s not the only thing I like… I mean…”

He laughed and pushed his trader down on the bed then pressed his body close to kiss the man. Brennen was something else. A good find. Maybe a white hart, himself. Sure had the skin color for it…  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - -**

The two of them had made out in a slow lazy way, touching a bit, then fell asleep together once more. Bren ended up spooning Raze, holding him close and tight for comfort. It saddened Brennen that his raider was upset, but Raze seemed to get over it pretty quickly. And that was one of the things Bren liked about him -- The man was great at living in the moment.

Brennen glanced up at the window as the sun broke through into the barn. Almost noon. Should probably get going…

No. 

He hugged Raze tighter to himself and nuzzled his face against the back of the man’s neck to just lay and enjoy the time. It might be nice to try out the whole ‘living in the moment’ deal. 

But Bren’s mind protested and started thinking about the future. Why’d Raze have to bring it up? Now he almost didn’t want to go home. Almost. He needed to get back to his family and friends. He’d come back out, of course -- Bren couldn’t stay cooped up behind the walls and remain sane. 

He thought about what Raze said about pets becoming kin. Thought about the raiders he’d met and the camp he’d stayed in. Thought about his family and friends, about trading with raiders, and about what Raze had said about his own home and family. And he thought about how the hell Raze was going to get back home all alone…

Raze stirred, stretched his legs a little in the position they were in, then relaxed once more.

Bren smiled and pressed his lips against the back of the man’s neck.

“Mornin, fire-dick…” Raze mumbled, still half-asleep. 

“Afternoon,” Bren chuckled quietly against him. 

Eventually, Raze pulled away to roll off the bed and slowly stand himself up, so Brennen followed suit. And then he immediately started doing his morning stretches. 

As Bren lifted both arms above his head to stretch his ribs and back, Raze cocked his head to the side for a moment then mimicked the actions. 

Brennen smiled and stretched one arm up and over for a side-bend, then did the other side while his raider followed along. Then they did hamstrings, neck and shoulders, and arms. 

As Bren shook his body loose, hopping up and down on the balls of his feet a little, he grinned, “see? Feels good, right?”

Raze thought about it for a moment then shrugged and tried to pass it off as nothing special, but Bren caught the smile and light in the man’s eyes about it. 

“I did your dumb stretchy thing,” his raider said as he dug in a belt pouch, “now for my thing. Which is better.”

Bren chuckled and took the mentat from him, “I agree, your thing is better.” He motioned down the man’s body pointedly and gave a wink.

 _“Yours_ is better,” his raider hooked a finger in the top of Bren’s pants and pulled him closer.

“Yeah, I know. Morning stretches are great!” He took a page from Raze’s playbook and grinned smugly.

Raze laughed loud and pushed Bren away.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - -**

As the two of them finished eating, Bren pointed to Raze’s hands where he had been turning the eyeshadow case over and over for the past ten minutes or so.

Raze shrugged, “not sure if paint’s good or not for this…”

“For the city?” Bren thought for a moment, “I’ve seen the raiders in the city paint their faces…”

“Hierarchy,” Raze put a hand out high, “you got your Greenskins,” then he set a hand under it, “and then you got Gunners,” he continued the hand motions, “then there’s you people, then raiders, then at the bottom somewhere are drifters and scavvers and shit… I’d paint my face… But I dunno what to do bein with you.”

Brennen fell silent as he tried to work it out in his head.

“If we both paint up, the others think we’re one thing, but if we don’t, then they think we’re one of the other things,” Raze tried to explain his line of thought. 

“Well… Your kin kill more of the other people than anyone… So I think it’s best to go that route. I know I personally try to avoid raiders as much as possible, not hunt them down. And there aren’t too many Gunners around the city…”

Raze grinned for a moment then looked down at the eyeshadow in his hands and fidgeted again. “I don’t know where they are… I don’t know the city good enough.”

“That’s okay,” Bren moved closer to the side of the man to put an arm around him, “I know where most groups are and I told you we’re a team.”

“Can’t go near Gunners or the places they patrol.”

Brennen nodded, “I know. I got it.”

“Not even anywhere close to them.” Raze seemed very worried. 

“Trust me, okay?”

After a little hesitation, Raze gave a nod and opened the eyeshadow case. 

Brennen painted his raider first. As he worked, Raze explained some things to him, “bein kin is how you carry yourself. We can smell fear if you got it. It can be seen from a mile away, so always stand tall and look up like you know what the fuck you’re doing. When you get close, put your hands out to the sides, palms forward, to show submission and say you don’t want trouble. Don’t move too fast. Smile, but don’t show your teeth at anyone or stare at their eyes unless you wanna fight them.”

“That all makes sense.” Bren nodded and forced a little smile, though inside he was suddenly afraid he was going to fuck it all up somehow and get a skull full of bullets. 

“You can always tell kin from other people, even if you don’t know them or they ain’t dressed like it.”

Brennen thought about that. Back when he had told Raze to clean his face off before going into town, his raider said it wouldn’t matter. There really was a difference in the way raiders behaved from anyone else. Just like Gunners were all very distinct, too. Brennen was pretty sure he could suss out Gunners in a crowd of people even if they weren’t wearing their military gear. _You can put a fancy hat on a bear, but you won’t fool anyone._

Raze grinned, “I dunno why I need to tell you… You almost got it down naturally.”

“Acting like kin?” Bren shook his head, “I don’t think so. You guys have an overabundance of confidence. Sometimes misplaced, but you have it in spades and I have none.”

“You got it. I seen it. Be the animal inside, stop tryin to hide it. You scared I’m gunna call you rude or some shit?” Raze snorted, “oh no! You’re so rude! You don’t roll over! How will I ever take advantage of you now?”

Bren chuckled, “okay, fine. I get it. But I’m pretty sure you don’t understand the definition of that word.”

“That was rude. You hurt my feelings.”

His chuckle turned into a laugh, “okay, I stand corrected!”

As Bren closed the eyeshadow and leaned back to look over his handiwork, Raze grinned, “am I pretty?”

“You’re fucking gorgeous.” 

He really was. There was something about the paint that made Brennen even crazier for the man. He couldn’t even remember the time when it had made Raze more intimidating to him -- Now it just made him about a hundred times more attractive. Strange how the dirtier Raze was, the more aroused Bren got. Surely it wouldn’t look good on anyone else.

“Lemme do you,” his raider grinned and took the eyeshadow. 

“Maybe after you paint my face,” Brennen grinned right back in the same mischievous way.

That gave his raider pause for about a heartbeat. Then he laughed and straddled Bren comfortably. Raze scoot himself right up against Bren, making it more difficult for himself to work on the paint, but making the position more fun to be in. This time, Brennen knew what to do with his hands… They ran up the man’s thighs, rubbing up and down gently, until they finally moved further to rest on his ass. 

Bren was vaguely aware of Raze doing some different design than he did before. It felt like maybe a huge black band across both eyes from temple to temple, with the parts on his upper and lower lids being heavily lined with the pencil. 

“Are there reasons to paint your face in different ways?” 

Raze gave a small shrug, “whatever looks cool.”

“Do I look cool? Um… I mean, does it look alright?”

“Confidence,” Raze cocked an eyebrow at him.

Bren snorted and tried again, “I look cool, right?” 

“I ain’t a fuckin miracle worker.”

Brennen wrinkled his nose at the man and pulled his ass forward on himself and Raze laughed as he ground against him. 

And Raze continued to rock his hips lightly as he worked until his hand slowed down to an eventual distracted stop. He dropped the eyeliner pencil and cupped Bren’s face, pressing his mouth against him hungrily. 

Brennen chuckled against the man’s lips and tried to pull him closer. Though, at this point, they were pretty much as close as possible -- Chest to chest in a tight embrace. Bren moved his hands up the man’s back to rest on his shoulder blades for a moment, then back down to his hips where he gripped tightly and slowed Raze’s hip grinding down a bit. 

“Let’s just stay here for a week or two,” Brennen mumbled as the man’s teeth scraped against his neck. Did he just say that out loud? He didn’t mean to. It was impractical. Wasn’t it? 

“Stay here forever…” Raze said absently in between bites and neck kisses.

Okay, now _that_ was impractical. His family was probably worried sick. Didn’t his raider’s family worry about him? Happy said she thought he’d died. Don’t they worry? Maybe check in with his family then come back to the farmhouse for a vacation. Maybe make it a summer home. Maybe fuck it all and, yeah, stay forever. 

Raze started working the buttons on Brennen’s shirt undone, got impatient at the bottom, then popped the last one off. 

“Hey…” Brennen glanced down at the missing button, “don’t ruin my clothes…”

“Then you shoulda done it yourself,” Raze shrugged and continued what he’d been doing without a hitch. 

His hands ran up Bren’s chest, back down, then up again to push his shirt off. He nudged Brennen back to lay and placed firm kisses, licks, and nips along his chest, trailing lower to his hands which were unfastening Bren’s pants already. 

Brennen really had no argument about the pace this time. 

Just before Raze took hold, Bren paused with a hand on the man’s head and cocked his ear toward the window. His fingers clutched hair to get Raze to stop for a second so he could listen. Dogs? He heard some faint growls and then a couple deep vicious barks, then a sudden cacophony of wild feral fighting. 

“Raze,” he whispered, “there’s mongrels out there…”

“Mm…” He moved down on Bren and mumbled against him, “they’re outside.”

“Yeah, but…” _But what?_ They were outside. Dogs couldn’t open doors and climb ladders. Brennen tried to relax back into the moment. 

What were the mongrels fighting? How many were there? How were they going to leave the barn with the dogs outside? Brennen’s mind and dick betrayed him. 

“You don’t like this?” Raze looked up at him, still working to get Bren fully hard once more. 

“I uh… No. I mean yes. I like it… But… The dogs…”

The man rolled his eyes, sighed, then released Bren and plopped back onto his ass in some defeated manner. 

“Sorry…” Bren sat up then reached out to pull his raider closer. 

He thumbed over his shoulder, “want me to go kill them? Then you’ll fuck around?”

Bren glanced down toward the door below, “what are they fighting?”

“Each other,” his raider shrugged. “Excited about the scorpion we left.”

“Oh… We shouldn’t have done that… I guess?”

Raze shrugged again, “dogs outside can be cool. They make good guards.” He snorted a little laugh, “back in the house with the bear… When you asked how I can sleep… That’s how. There was a fuckin bear outside the door, what’s gunna happen to me?”

Brennen laughed, “that makes sense... No wonder…” 

“I know… So?”

“So what?”

Raze gave him a level look, then cracked a grin.

“Oh!”

His raider laughed as they settled back into the previous position they’d been in prior to the rude interruption. After a couple of minutes, the mongrels settled down and got quiet, so Bren also settled down and got… Not as quiet. He made soft deep sounds as his fingers played through the man’s hair. 

He was getting close. “Raze…”

“Hm?” He mumbled against him.

“I want… Um… Fuck--” He nudged the man to stop as he took a second to gather his thoughts. “Can I... Suck your cock?”

Raze wiped the corner of his mouth with a thumb and grinned up at him, “dunno… Can you?”

Bren wrinkled his nose and shot a hand out to grab hold of his raider’s wrist to pull him closer, but Raze was quick. He jerked his hands away and sat back on his heels in a crouching position.

“You want me to finish first?”

“I want…” Being this direct about things was somewhat difficult. Brennen was shocked he could even ask about the sucking thing. At least he didn’t blush.

“You want…?”

“I want to fuck you…” It didn’t sound as confident as he’d like. It was nearly a question. 

Raze spread his arms in a challenge or something and didn’t move. Brennen snorted a laugh, pushed himself up, then lunged at the man to pin him down.

They wrestled very briefly before Bren had his raider under him, kissing hungrily. 

Maybe Brennen was procrastinating a little. But this was fun, too. It was all good stuff. His hand moved down Raze’s body between them, rubbed along the hard bulge under the leather, then worked his pants undone. 

Then Bren moved down the man’s body, not even half as gracefully as Raze did it, but it didn’t matter. He took hold with one hand, slowly moving along the length of hot hard flesh, and placed kisses along the man’s abdomen and hips once more. Then he had an urge to leave a mark right over Raze’s hip bone, opposite side from the scorpion tail. 

Raze sucked air between his teeth, moaned loud and deep, then used a hand on the back of Bren’s head to pull him into the bite harder and hold him there for a moment. Okay, so this was something his raider apparently really liked. Noted. What else did he really like? Bren started experimenting more. He kissed around, nibbled a little, then took the head of his cock into his mouth. He moved a bit, then went back to kissing and touching the rest of the man’s body that he could reach. 

And this was fun. Brennen wondered how long he could make this last and how loud and crazy his raider would get. How fun and amazing would it be to see his reactions as Bren worked him up close to the edge, backed off a bit, then returned him to the edge several times before fucking and letting him release? It felt great to be in charge. 

He focused more on what he was doing, forgetting all about everything else other than the beautiful writhing man before him. 

Until he was reminded that the world existed outside of what they were doing. 

Raze suddenly shoved Bren back and scrambled to his feet to look out the window, leaving Brennen sitting on his ass blinking stupidly. 

The dogs were making noise again. Bren cocked an ear toward the window as he got to his feet and adjusted his pants. The mongrels sounded like they were fighting over food again, but the noises were different this time -- There was some very serious pained yelping and crying going on out there. 

Then a loud high-pitched roar shook the entire barn. 

“We gotta get the fuck out,” Raze adjusted his pants and scrambled to collect his armor bits, pick weapon, and the rifle, handing the latter over to Bren. 

Brennen took the weapon then peered out the window. 

Out between the barn and house where the scorpion carcass lay, stood a huge deathclaw laying several circling mongrels low in a bloody mess. 

“Shouldn’t we stay in here and hide?” Bren asked very quietly as he watched the scene unfolding below. 

“No,” Raze pulled him away from the window, “it’ll fuck the barn up and get in and we’ll be stuck here forever. You thought the bear stayed a long time and was a problem… Deathclaws will camp out until the end of fucking time and completely destroy whatever you’re tryin to hide in.”

Bren nodded understanding then tried to gather his things as quickly as possible. He tossed everything he’d taken out of his bag back in, then started to shove the blanket in on top of that.

“The fuck you doing? We gotta go! That fucker can chew through twenty mongrels in five fuckin minutes. Go!”

“I just need to get my--”

“No!” Raze yanked the blanket out of the bag and Bren’s hands and shoved him toward the ladder. 

Brennen took up his large pick-club weapon along the way and fumbled with the rifle and skirt-pack over one shoulder as he climbed down the ladder. 

They moved to the chained door where Raze started freaking out a little. He tugged on the lock, kicked the door a few times for no real reason than to relieve the anxiety, then paced back and forth in front of it while thinking.

Bren set his pack down and started digging through it, “I can bypass that lock with a bit of tin… I just need to find--”

“Seriously?! Go faster!” His raider’s voice cracked and he started desperately yanking on the chain again.

“Here, stand back…” Bren hefted his pick-club and started bashing the chain and lock, which made a lot of noise. So long as the dogs outside made more noise than him and kept the deathclaw busy, they’d maybe be okay.

But the mongrels stopped making noise.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	20. Bridge Bane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bren trotted up beside him then hesitated as the telltale signs of a raider camp came into view at the bottom of a broken apartment. Scaffolding ran up around the thing on one side, make-shift bridges spanned broken parts and rooftops, and there were the obligatory heads and bodies on spikes. 
> 
> And small cages hanging from chains.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


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### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Raze tugged on the chain some more when the lock bent, but it didn’t break, so Brennen hit it some more. He got desperate and opened the door to see if they could squeeze out in the gap. Nope. Then he went to a ground floor window and chucked a toolbox through it to bust the thing and hopefully just crawl out.

As the glass shattered in front of him, the door across the barn buckled as the deathclaw started clawing and pounding against it. It knew they were in there. Raze cleared out the glass from the window and hefted himself up.

“Fuck the chain. C’mon!” He called to his trader. 

Brennen hurried over… And then the door across the barn ripped free from the top and the deathclaw wedged itself in as the rotted wood doorframe shattered easily under the beast’s weight. 

His trader would never make it through the window in time. 

Raze dropped back into the barn and grabbed Brennen by the arm to hurry back up the ladder to the loft as the deathclaw scrambled into the space. 

He went first. Maybe he shouldn’t have, but he was scared. Deathclaws were no fuckin joke. He turned around and reached a hand out toward Brennen to help him hurry his ass up the ladder as the beast got itself situated and locked on to where the people were. 

It let out a roar, then hunkered down on all fours and loped right toward Brennen as he made his way half up the ladder. 

Raze caught his trader’s wrist just as the deathclaw got close and swiped a clawed hand at the man. It stuck in something and yanked to pull Brennen off the ladder and his trader yelled loud as he was jerked to the side. 

“No!” Raze panicked and yanked his wrist to pull him up faster. 

Something caught, then tore. The deathclaw stumbled backward and Brennen lurched forward up into the loft. The man immediately rolled over and got to his feet, checked himself, then watched the beast below as it ripped apart the skirt-bag and scattered its contents all across the barn floor. 

The two men hefted the ladder up into the loft then stood staring at the pissed off beast below. 

“You good?” Raze tried to turn the man around to check him over for blood. 

“I’m okay. I’m good.” Brennen resisted being turned and, instead, latched onto Raze in a relieved desperate embrace for a moment. 

The large beast paced below, then backed up and leapt up to the loft, grabbing hold of the floorboards to scramble up. Giant sharp claws raked and tore at the wood as it tried to get a hind leg up onto the platform and Raze boldly lunged at the thing to pick it in the hand. Brennen copied and picked the other hand and the thing let out an ear piercing shrieking roar as it slid back and fell to the ground below in a shower of dust and splintered wood. 

“This way,” Raze motioned to the loft window that Brennen had already mostly broken the day before. 

Raze let his trader go first this time and the man climbed carefully out onto the overhanging roof part of the barn. When Raze made it out, he found Brennen with his back pressed up against the wall staring down below wide-eyed.

“Now what?” His trader asked as he slowly inched along the side of the roof to find a spot down. 

He crouched and carefully made his way quickly around the whole roof to find something to hop down onto. The best thing he could find was some old machine near enough to jump to. Raze didn’t think too much about it as he got a good running start and hopped over to the machine, landing a little hard. Better cut and bruised than dead. 

“I can’t…” Brennen hesitated, staring down at the gap between the machine and barn.

“Yes you fucking can! I did it, you can do it.” Raze backed down the machine a ways to give his trader space to land. It was an easy jump. 

The man backed up, took a few quick hesitant steps forward, stopped himself, then tried again. 

“Fuckin go!” Raze yelled in a panic.

And the man jumped. He flailed in the air a bit then hit the machine awkwardly and latched on. 

“Now run!” Raze called back to him as he took off for the trees… Then slowed down to let his trader catch up so he could pull him along faster by the hand.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Bren leaned his ass against a tree, set his hands on his thighs, and panted heavily as he tried to catch his breath. He was pretty sure he’d never run that fast and that far in all his life.

Meanwhile, Raze tried to catch his breath by putting his hands behind his head and pacing slowly back and forth. 

Then Raze started laughing hysterically. 

Bren snorted, then chuckled… Then it turned to full-blown laughter right alongside his crazy raider. 

“Well…” Bren gathered his wits about him, “that was… Something.”

“Good thing we did our stupid fuckin stretches or whatever,” Raze snorted more laughter. 

And then Brennen laughed even harder until he felt a sharp stabbing in both sides. He’d never before ran so hard, laughed so hard, or trembled so hard. 

Bren eventually pushed himself away from the tree and moved to hug Raze again. He squeezed his raider tightly to his chest, pressing his lips to the man’s forehead, and didn’t let go for a good amount of time. 

“I’m…” Raze hesitated then mumbled the next words somewhat awkwardly as though he’d never uttered them before, “sorry I left you.”

Brennen pressed his forehead to his raider’s, then stepped back to look him in the eyes, “Raze… Don’t be sorry for that. If anything like this ever happens again, God willing it never does, I want you to get away. No sense in getting hurt or both of us getting hurt or… Killed.”

He nodded, “I know… That’s what I was taught… But it don’t make me feel good to do it.”

“You have good morals,” Bren smiled. 

Raze shrugged in reply then slowly pulled away to start walking toward the city looming ahead. 

As Bren fell into step beside his raider, he motioned up ahead and forced a smile, “at least there’s not deathclaws in the city… Pretty sure, anyway.”

“Always assume there is.”

“Good advice,” Brennen nodded. 

They walked in silence for a time, but it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. As they went on, Raze moved closer to Bren until their arms were touching and he tentatively brushed his knuckles against the back of Brennen’s hand, nudging him very lightly until Bren took hold. Then the two of them went on with faint little smiles on their lips as they walked hand in hand for a while.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Raze stopped at the river’s edge, staring over at the bridge off to the side several paces away from where they stood in the bank’s overgrowth.

“We’re going to need to go on the road,” Bren motioned to it. “At least for this part.”

He went back to looking at the river and the bank on the other side.

“We’re not going to swim across the river, Raze.” Brennen crossed his arms and gave him a look about it. 

“You don’t know how?” His raider smirked.

Bren shifted his weight, “I can swim… Sort of… But that’s not the point. I’m not going to try and traverse a river when there’s a perfectly good bridge right there.”

“Rivers don’t got traps and mines.”

Brennen stared silently for a few seconds then dropped his arms, “fair point… But the bridge has far less undercurrents and radiation.”

“Rads don’t hurt much.”

“Yes, radiation hurts.”

Raze shrugged, “don’t hurt me… Hurts you?”

Brennen stared at him for a long time.

“Not that I’d ever want to, but I can’t go in the Glowing Sea very long,” Raze explained, “but I can stay out in a storm or go in the water just fine.”

“That’s… Not normal.”

He shrugged again, “seems to be. I ain’t the only one.”

“Okay… Well… Rads hurt me. I’m going on the bridge.”

Raze crossed his arms and stared at him and Bren stared right back. Then Brennen turned and headed off toward the bridge and Raze let out a loud sigh before trotting after him. 

Then they stood at the foot of the bridge hesitating. 

“I go on this bridge sometimes,” Brennen whispered for no real reason, “I’ve never seen mines on it…”

“Always assume there is.”

He chuckled nervously, “duly noted.”

The bridge wasn’t as well used as others and there were old rusted cars and debris scattered all along it. It was somewhat narrow and quite long, but the surface was in decent shape. Mostly. Sort of. Bren had never before worried so much about crossing a damn bridge. He’d done it many times. 

“How about if we walk along the cement railing?” Bren motioned.

“How bout we get shot in the face from one of those big buildings over there?”

“Okay, fine… What if we just stay near the side?”

Raze ignored him as he silently contemplated scenarios. 

“Is that a mine?” Bren pointed down the road a ways. Everything was starting to look like mines. The one in question was nestled to the side between three haphazard vehicles - right in the way.

His raider squinted, “where?”

“There… Way out there…”

Raze looked to Bren, “you got real damn good eyes. I can’t see it. You think it’s there?”

“Yeah,” Brennen squinted, “I’m pretty sure it’s a mine. I think I see the light. Wonder if there’s more?”

“Throw a rock at it.”

Bren stared dumbly, “I can’t throw that far that accurately. And what if it sets off more?”

“Good. It’ll clear the way.”

“Raze, I don’t think--”

The man picked up a rock and chucked it in the direction Bren had indicated it to be in. He was way off. It hit a car and thunked off the side and nothing happened. So he picked up two more rocks, stepped closer, and tried again.

“Stop that!” Brennen grabbed his arm. “You’re just making a lot of noise and aren’t even close.”

“You do it then,” he stepped back and motioned pointedly to the bridge. Then he paused, “better yet, shoot it.”

“There’s only one bullet left.”

Raze shrugged, “what do you need a big long-range gun for in the crowded city? Specially a long-range gun with only one bullet.”

Bren turned the weapon over in his hands, “but…”

“No but. Shoot it.”

“What if I miss?”

“Don’t.”

Bren snorted and shook his head, “Raze…”

“It ain’t even moving. You can hit it. Go.”

He hesitated for a few long seconds then shrugged, “fine, but let’s move back a bit, okay?”

“It’s way over there…”

Brennen tugged his raider back, then found a little hill to stand on to see the mine better. It was so far away. As he peered through the scope and found it again, he started to get excited. It was, indeed, a live mine. Bren’s heart started racing and his hands trembled lightly. 

“Raze… I don’t know if I can hit it…”

“That’s fine. If you miss we’ll figure somethin else out. Go.”

Okay, no big deal. His raider was right. Just shoot at it and hope for the best. He stood for a moment to relax his breathing, but not too long where the gun would start to become too heavy to hold up accurately. He could do this. 

Bren steeled himself for an explosion and pulled the trigger. 

The explosion from the mine shoved through the air in a loud boom, the three cars near it were tossed to the sides and one caught fire... Then exploded with more force and debris than the mine had. It moved another car, which must have triggered another hidden mine. Another fiery explosion and two more vehicles caught flame. Then a crazy chain reaction of exploding vehicles and more hidden mines followed. It shook the whole bridge and threw metal and asphalt chunks into the air, bits flying sideways in all directions.

Brennen stared stupidly for a second then grabbed Raze and pulled him behind some trees to shelter from the sharp metal shrapnel zipping past as the chain ran closer to their end of the bridge. 

He ducked down, tightly covering his head, as the sounds of explosions and chunks of car pieces and road raining down slowed to a stop. And then he stayed just like that for a good while after just to be sure.

“I think it’s done,” Raze spoke a little loudly.

“Always assume it isn’t,” Bren replied even louder through the muffled ringing in his ears. 

His raider laughed then peered around the trees. “Not sure, but I think you got it.”

“No shit.” Bren slowly took his hands from his head and carefully looked around the cover to see the damage.

He definitely got it… And the entire bridge. A large chunk from the center was still collapsing into the water below. Cars slid off the road slowly in a loud scraping cacophony as rebar bent and bits of asphalt fell periodically. A huge dust cloud hovered over the whole mess, blown around by a cool breeze into a large swirling dust devil. 

They approached the foot of the bridge and Bren stared at the spot they had been standing in before. The roof part of a car was stuck into the dirt, jutting out at an angle. Raze planted a boot on it to try and knock it down and it held fast, buried a good way in.

“Shit,” Raze laughed, “that woulda cut us in half!”

All Bren could manage was a quiet, “yeah…”

His raider moved onto the bridge to stand at the new edge and Brennen pulled him back onto the road.

“Don’t stand on it! It’s unstable.”

Raze glanced around then motioned to the water, “so… Wanna go swimming, Bridge Bane?”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Stubborn-ass Brennen didn’t want to swim, so they went all the way around to find another dumb bridge to cross. Or blow up. Raze snickered to himself again about it as they walked.

“It’s not funny,” his trader grumbled quietly.

“Yeah it is.”

“No it isn’t… I ruined a good bridge.”

Raze laughed a little louder, “yeah ya did!”

“Now traders and people who need to cross are going to have a more difficult time. It wasn’t at all helpful to anyone to blow up a bridge.”

“Sure it is,” Raze shrugged, “now more people gotta use less bridges. Funnel the traffic to one spot for easy picking. It was probably someone’s whole plan from the start.”

Brennen stared at him. “That’s not… No… That’s bad!”

“Not for us,” he shrugged again. “If it makes you feel better, there’ll probably be less mines if more people gotta use one road and we wanna pick ‘em off carefully. Don’t wanna fuck up _all_ the bridges. Gotta leave some real nice ones that people will wanna cross.”

His trader huffed quietly. 

“What’s good and bad for some people ain’t good and bad for others. It’s all… I don’t know the word…”

“Relative.”

“Sure. That sounds right. It’s all your perspective. You ain’t gunna ever make everyone happy so just do whatever for yourself. Some people will cheer, some people will get pissed off. Life, right?”

“Yeah… I suppose… But I don’t want to help anyone pick people off.”

Raze snorted, “how do you know that the shit you took this morning don’t got a chain reaction all the way to the city and kills a family?”

“I… Um… _What?”_ Brennen wrinkled his nose.

He laughed in response and cuffed his trader on the shoulder, “don’t fuckin worry about the shit you do. It’ll turn out fine.” He pointed a finger and gave a wink, “thanks for the easy cattle.”

Brennen pointed right back, “you think it’s good for you, but Gunners will probably set up a roadblock on the good bridge.”

Raze stopped laughing.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

When they got to another bridge, a much nicer more clear one, the two of them crossed without too much hesitation. Then again, the sun was setting and they needed to hurry to a safe place.

Raze stopped several times to get his bearings and even climbed up into half broken buildings and atop rubble to try and figure out where he was. 

Bren motioned in a direction, “there’s Gunners in the road down that way a few blocks, it’s the way I usually go, so maybe just go around this way and--”

The man immediately turned in the opposite direction and started walking again.

“We need to go somewhat that way, though,” Bren tugged him to a stop.

“Gotta find a spot to bed down. I don’t like being out here in the dark…” He motioned, “pretty sure there’s a camp in that tall building there...”

Raze didn’t sound too sure. Brennen followed him one way, then the man turned and went another way. His raider really wasn’t the best in the city - he was having a difficult time trying to figure out how to walk directly to the destination he could see from where they stood and many other buildings and roadblocks were in the way. They zigzagged a bit then his raider perked up.

“There,” he pointed and gave a triumphant grin as he picked up his pace.

Bren trotted up beside him then hesitated as the telltale signs of a raider camp came into view at the bottom of a broken apartment. Scaffolding ran up around the thing on one side, make-shift bridges spanned broken parts and rooftops, and there were the obligatory heads and bodies on spikes. 

And small cages hanging from chains. 

Raze put his hands out to the sides as they drew closer, so Bren copied the submissive gesture. He found himself ducking his head, as if that’d stop a bullet, and tried to keep walking as confidently as he could manage. 

Then he saw one. She was off to the side in shadows, crouched down, only a few paces away. She startled Brennen, but he tried really hard not to flinch and let it show. He smiled a little at her and she just eyed him wearily in return. 

And there were more in the shadows. And in the building peeking out windows. More and more came into view that Bren never noticed before. He saw a few of them resting the barrels of rifles on sills and broken walls as they watched the two men approaching.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	21. When In Rome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Great. What a wonderful first impression to make on these people.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - -

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

It wasn’t like Happy’s camp had been. Several raiders had their weapons out and seemed much more tense as Bren followed Raze to a large open front room. They were all silently watching and quiet filled the space like a strange thick fog without even a whisper. His raider poked around for some water, took a drink, then handed it to Brennen. This time he wasn’t as hesitant to drink from it, but still felt a bit wrong and weird as he did.

Then he followed his raider to a sofa, sat beside him, and set his weapons on the floor just as Raze had done. And as soon as they got to that point, the others around relaxed quite a bit more. A few of them even went back to talking and doing whatever they had been doing before the two strange men had interrupted. 

But the others came over and started crowding their personal space as they sniffed and looked Bren and Raze over. Well, mostly crowding Bren and sniffing _him_ rather than Raze. They could probably tell he wasn’t quite right somehow. He fought with his own body to relax and allow them to look him over. Smile a little. Don’t look at anyone’s face. Act like this is your own home. It was difficult. 

He saw a couple of children in the shadows. They weren’t as quick to come investigate as the ones had been in the other camp. These ones just hid somewhat behind doorways and stared. Bren smiled at them and one little boy smiled back. When the children took a step to come check out the newcomers, a man nudged them away and they retreated back into some other room once more. 

Apparently, the kids here weren’t as free to boldly explore. That made sense, Bren supposed. He couldn’t recall ever seeing little raider kids in the city, and now he knew more of why.

When people got bored of sniffing the two of them and left them more alone, Raze leaned close and spoke quietly, “they probably won’t bring food, but we don’t go get it ourselves. City kin don’t usually got much food to share, so we try not to take any. If they got a lot, they’ll give it.”

“I’m really hungry,” Brennen whispered. 

He had been so worried about his stuff being taken by people and, in the end, it was a deathclaw that got it all. It was a weird feeling, being without his things. He had no pack to huddle and worry about now. Maybe it was liberating, in a way. All he had to worry about now was his weapons, and the gun was empty. But he also worried that he wasn’t going to get any food. 

A young woman and large man casually strolled up to the two of them, stood in front of the sofa, and looked down at Raze. 

She put a hand on one hip and motioned to him with a knife, “you look familiar.” 

Raze put his hands to the sides again as he remained seated comfortably, “I ain’t been here in a long time. You know Butcher.” 

“I do,” her eyes narrowed.

“I ain’t him,” Raze looked up at her face for a moment then down more at the top of her chest. 

There was a heavy tension for a while as she thought it all over, then she shifted her weight and pointed the knife at Bren, “I seen you. You ain’t kin. What the fuck are you doin?”

“You… You’ve seen me?” Brennen looked right at her face to speak politely, then lowered his eyes a bit when she glared at him for it. He lingered on her chest for a moment then down further, unsure of where it would be polite to put his gaze if not on her face. It was very unsettling to know that he never could see most raiders and they were watching him. For every two that he saw, there were probably about seven more in hiding that he could never find. 

Raze waved a hand flippantly at him, “he’s kin. He’s mine.”

Brennen smiled dumbly at that and sat up a little straighter. 

The woman gave a loud snort, “we’ll see.”

“I’m Hazmat,” Brennen nearly stuck a hand out to shake then pulled it back and motioned to his raider, “he’s Raze.”

She almost smiled as she tapped the knife against her own chest, “Rain.”

The large brute of a man at her side cocked his chin, “Tanner.”

Now there was a nearly normal name. Bren wondered briefly if it was more the noun type of ‘tanner’ or if it had been a last name and perhaps he wasn’t born kin but joined them. After thinking about it, the noun type of tanner was more likely. Maybe stay away from that guy. It was kind of neat knowing that people’s names had stories behind them. He could get a little sense of what someone was like just from a name. Not like city names like Bob or Mary that said absolutely nothing about how a person might be. He wondered what they thought of the name Hazmat. 

The two of them wandered away and Bren and Raze sat on the sofa quietly for a while. It looked as though nobody was going to bring food. 

Raze eventually stood, put his pick back in his belt, and wandered off, so Bren did the same. He trotted to catch up and walk by the man’s side as casually as he could. His raider poked around a few empty lamplit rooms that had open doors, looked in boxes and drawers, rummaged a few shelves, then stood in a hallway looking around.

Nobody really seemed to care that they were looking through their things, but Brennen felt the need to stand back and be some sort of weird lookout as Raze rummaged. As if he could even do anything about it if someone had a problem. 

“Are you looking for food?” Bren whispered.

Raze shrugged, “yeah… Not much food.” He motioned to the stairwell door at the end of the hall, “let’s go get some.”

“Um…” Brennen eyed the door. Did he mean leave the camp and go out in the dark to hunt bugs? More than likely. 

Gross… But… He was so hungry.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

When the two of them headed down to the basement floor of the apartment building, Rain had caught up and decided to come with. Great. Now she could witness how much ‘not’ kin Brennen really was. She had brought a flashlight with her, though, which would be very handy. It was taped to a work hardhat like some clunky miner’s helmet and she made Brennen wear it. She said it was because he was the tallest, but he was pretty sure it was because he looked to be the most inept.

Bren had a strong desire to prove her wrong - even if that’s not what she was thinking. 

Then Rain reached for the rifle on Bren’s back and tried to pull it from him. He turned away from her for a moment then reluctantly relaxed his arm to let her take it and Raze gave him a stern look about it.

“Mine,” Bren tightened his grip on the strap and turned his back from her once more, holding on to the rifle. It felt strange to say the word and protest having her take the weapon in her own home.

She narrowed her eyes at him and he immediately looked away. Raze was still staring at him expectantly, so Brennen turned to square up to the woman and stand tall. Look her right in the face. Right into her dark eyes. His stomach turned as she squared herself up in return. Was she going to fight him for the stupid empty rifle? He couldn’t fight a girl… And she’d probably kill him because of the hangup. 

Rain was small, but her presence filled the entire space for a moment as they stared at one another. Felt like forever. Probably only been a handful of seconds. She eventually waved a hand at him and turned away. 

He won! Bren nearly puked. 

Raze pat him on the shoulder as he walked past into the dark hallway of the basement. 

He watched the two raiders sniffing the air tentatively, so Brennen did the same. He had no idea what they were smelling around for, exactly, but he could at least pretend. It smelled musty and wet. Pretty much like how he would expect the basement of an old building to smell. Dirt, mildew, old wood… The light sweet scent of something familiar struck him. Faint. Rain must have caught it too. She pushed ahead to follow the smell, but Raze stuck close, not liking the dark confined space one single bit. Bren pressed his arm to his raider’s for reassurance - the man must be pretty nervous to be in a dark basement. Brennen knew he, himself, was. 

They came to a room and Rain motioned for Bren to shine the light inside. The smell was stronger now and he knew exactly what it was - death and decay. But not the smell of a dead person, more like the scent of a feral. They _did_ smell different. Like the stink of a horrendously dirty person mixed with rotten meat. Mostly rotten meat. 

As soon as the light shone inside, something in the back of the room moved. Then slowly and clumsily got to its feet. 

Raze readied his pick and stepped into the doorway then hesitated to go into the dark space. He’d rather wait for the thing to come to him. That was probably smart. Maybe. But Rain didn’t do things like that. She shoved Raze into the room from behind and he stumbled into the space between her and the feral. 

“Bitch!” Raze growled and turned to shove her back and the two of them fought for a very brief moment before turning to the feral.

Brennen ran into the room to try and get between the threat and his raider, but as he did, he brought the light source with him and made it into a small dot on the feral as it attacked. 

A shot was fired from a pistol as Bren clubbed the thing awkwardly, then Raze picked it a few more times until it fell into a heap. 

“Stand back!” Rain yelled at Bren through the ringing in his ears. “You’re s’posed to be a fuckin lamp!”

He stuck a finger in one ear to try and clear the ringing out, as if it would actually help. But he did take a step back. And he pulled Raze along with. 

“We aren’t your fucking meat shields,” he pointed his pick-club at her, “you do that again and you can… Just… Leave…” Brennen lost a little of his confidence toward the end when she glared at him. 

She glanced around the room then holstered her pistol and turned to the door. As she walked past Raze, he pushed her to the side angrily and she smacked his arm down before moving out into the hallway once more. Brennen wondered if they would get into an actual fight, but the tension dissipated once they were wandering again. 

When they came to a much larger boiler room, Raze relaxed a slight bit. Maybe he was claustrophobic on top of being afraid of the dark. Yet he still had come willingly into the basement. Brave. Bren wished that he could face fears like that and be so brave, but then he realized… He was right here with them in the basement facing ferals in the dark. Maybe he _was_ brave, after all. Just a little. Or maybe just foolish. 

The boiler room was faintly lit by several clumps of glowing fungus and it gave everything a strange eerie green glow as it reflected softly off metal pipes and ductwork. A couple shadows moved along the walls and things and Bren tensed as the two raiders sniffed the air. He sniffed along with them for show, but he caught the smell, too. It was like… old animal dung. Sort of. More musty than the normal musty scent. And there was a hint of some odd paper smell like if someone were to urinate on a stack of newspapers then leave it out in the sun to dry. Roaches? He’d never taken the time to actually smell the bugs or the places they lived, but this must be it. Gross. 

Raze pointed for Brennen to shine his head-light in a direction, then another. Rain tried to get him to move to another part of the room, but Bren decided ‘fuck her’ and only paid attention to what Raze was directing. He couldn’t do everything, after all. 

A medium-sized roach suddenly fled from the light and the two raiders went after it, catching it pretty quickly. Bren stood with his pick-club and wished he could be more useful than being a stupid lamp. He could kill a roach, too. 

They got only two more small ones before all movement in the room ceased. No more, apparently. Brennen wasn’t sure if he was glad for it or kind of disappointed. He wanted to be useful. Kill something. But he also wasn’t looking forward to eating bugs...

The three of them poked around a little more so Brennen also started moving around. The glowing fungus offered enough light to see a few things, so Bren took his stupid light source and set it on a metal shelf facing outward to fill the room a bit more. He poked around with the raiders, but he was searching more for useful trade items rather than more disgusting roaches. After all, he had to replenish his stock. 

There was a nice large tool pegboard hanging on a wall and he went for that. The good tools were already gone from it, but a monkey wrench was still up top. Tall as he was, he could barely reach it. Bren stretched up to grab the thing before he was even close enough to the board and he tripped over some rubble on the ground as his eyes were fixed on his prize. He really needed to stop doing that. 

Brennen stumbled forward and caught himself on the pegboard, hand right in the center, and the thing busted through. He tried to catch himself on the edges and the rotted cork crumbled around him until he was draped over a huge hole in the wall blinking stupidly. 

Rain trotted over, “what’d you fuckin do?!”

Bren righted himself and dusted his shirt off. He nearly apologized to her then glanced at Raze and remembered - _‘stop apologizing for everything’._

Raze pointed his pick at the unearthed tunnel and looked to the woman, “where does this go?”

She glanced around then gave a shrug, “fuck if I know. Next building over, I guess. It ain’t in ours.” She grinned merrily, “let’s check it out.”

Brennen and Raze both hesitated as she snatched up the headlamp and handed it over to Bren once more. 

“C’mon, sexy lamp,” she patted him hard on the shoulder then crawled into the dark hole without a second thought.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Okay, apparently, city kin were perfectly fine crawling around dark holes and through busted up buildings. Raze was not, Bren noticed. But, again, he did the thing. Brennen could tell he was uncomfortable and maybe even afraid, but he still went into the hole after Rain. Well, he went in as soon as Bren lit the way better then stuck really close by his side. But there were a lot of glowing fungus all over the place, which helped a lot.

Parts of the tunnel were pretty narrow, but most seemed to be quite large. It wasn’t nice and neat like a person might have done for some reason, but more haphazard and full of scrapes and scratches along the walls like from some animal or something. Some little tunnels branched off and led nowhere, but the main one led down into the sewer. 

Perfect. 

There were some lights in the sewer, though. That was nice. And it was the _only_ nice thing. The raiders were sniffing the air again, so Brennen did the same. He couldn’t really smell anything other than dirt and the stink of sewer. 

He leaned close to Raze and whispered, “what do you think dug the tunnels?”

His raider shrugged and said nothing as he continued to sniff the air and make faces in thought. That wasn’t comforting. The tunnels were too big for molerats. Do deathclaws tunnel? Probably not. Always assume, though. 

What lived in sewers? There were signs of people. They had come across a dead-end that had two sleeping bags on pallets, but nobody was there. The two raiders rummaged the site for anything useful and Rain found a bottle of alcohol. She and Raze had a little physical tiff about it, but in the end, she kept it. Then handed it to Bren to carry. What the hell? He wasn’t a damn pack cow! Was he just giving off some signal that said he wasn’t competent or something? Bren looked to the bottle in his hand. It was probably because he took it without question. Dammit.

The three of them rounded a corner and the two raiders stopped dead. They both stared wide-eyed at a large clutch of eggs up against the wall surrounded by mud and gunk and Bren suddenly knew exactly what lived in sewers and dug the tunnels - mirelurks. 

The water here wasn’t too deep, so Brennen figured a mirelurk couldn’t possibly be hiding in it… But what did he know? Maybe it dug the ground out or something. Raze crouched low and lifted his pick. He and Rain crept up very slowly to the eggs so Brennen tried to copy the actions. 

Before they got to the nest, Bren tapped Raze on the shoulder and whispered, “we could eat these…”

His raider gave him a look like Bren had completely lost his mind. “They’re fulla face-raping water-spider bullshit!” He hissed. 

“Not all of them,” Brennen moved in front of the two raiders to see if he could get one before they destroyed them all. Big huge eggs would be a lot more tasty than roaches.

He knelt down on one knee and carefully took one of the loose eggs sitting on top. It felt liquid inside like it was maybe unfertilized, so Brennen removed his headlamp helmet thing, pointed it up at the ceiling, and set the egg on top to look through the shell. Yolk. He grinned at the two raiders as they carefully peered over his shoulders. It was kind of funny to see the two stone-cold killers afraid of eggs, but he kind of understood the fear. 

“This one’s just an egg,” Bren held it up, “there’s nothing inside but food.” 

He handed it to Raze and his raider moved away, refusing to touch it. Okay, maybe he would just carry the good eggs. Fine. 

Brennen carefully picked up a couple more and examined them over the flashlight. Good. Good. Bad…

He very carefully set the bad one down to reach for another and both raiders immediately attacked the egg. Raze picked it several times and Rain stabbed it with her knife as though she were murdering a large terrifying creature. Bits splattered off both their weapons and Bren fell back onto his ass to get out of their way and shielded his face from the egg splatter. Gross. Also, that was definitely overkill. 

“Guys… Stop…” Bren touched Raze on the shoulder to get him to stop smashing the egg, but he did not. He just moved on to the rest right alongside Rain. 

The two raiders smashed the rest of the eggs into tiny gooey bits… But not before hitting a nice ripe one that let out a loud shrieking squeal before they killed it. The sound echoed through the stone tunnels and off the water and everyone froze in place; Raiders mid-swing, Brennen with his hands out toward them still trying to get them to stop their egg-scrambling murder-spree. 

The sound of splashing water filled the tunnel from somewhere down in the darkness and the three of them wasted no time scrambling to their feet to run. Bren collected up his three good eggs and the stupid bottle of alcohol and followed. No way was he going to go through all that just to return empty-handed. 

Just before they got back to the place with the sleeping bags, an ear-piercing shriek shook the tunnels behind them. Brennen carefully, yet quickly, put the eggs and bottle in a sleeping bag to carry them that way and Rain tried, again, to get his rifle. 

“It’s empty,” Bren said as he let her just take the damn thing. 

She frowned at it then glared at him again as if it were his fault. Well, it kind of _was_ his fault. But Raze had been correct - what good would one bullet be? Enough to piss something off and not much else. 

Raze pointed to the sleeping bag as Bren was zipping it up, “gimme that bottle.”

“Um…” Bren eyed the tunnel behind them and tried to urge Raze to keep moving forward, “not the time for drinking--”

“Not gunna fuckin drink it… Gunna set the bitch on fire.”

Rain’s face lit up, “yes!” She held a hand out toward Brennen, “give it over.”

Bren shook his head, “no, guys… There’s methane and--”

The two completely ignored his warning and tried to get at the alcohol. Brennen huddled the bag and just kept moving toward the exit as best he could while they tried to get the bottle for a few seconds. Then the beast shrieked again, from much closer this time, and the three of them forgot all about the damn alcohol and ran.

Raze was fast, but Rain was faster and she took off ahead of them both. Brennen wasn’t as quick by even half and his raider stayed back to pull Bren along by the hand. He was pretty sure he’d told Raze to just run if anything like this happened again, but he was thankful nonetheless. 

When they reached the part of the sewer that turned into tunnel, Rain was long gone. 

Raze hesitated and turned back to the sewers. He readied his pick and spoke quietly, “she’s gunna catch us… Best to fight her where there’s space to move around.” 

Brennen gave a dumb nod and set the sleeping bag down then tried to figure out the best place to put his headlight. He didn’t want to fight the beast, he just wanted to get the hell away from it. 

“What if… We just cripple it somehow and keep running?” Bren whispered. 

“What if you let me set her on fire like I said?” Raze glared. 

“Because what if it blows us all up?!”

“It don’t smell like explosion right here. Gimme the--”

Another monstrous shriek made the tunnel tremble. Little bits of dirt trickled down around them and Bren ducked his head reflexively as the beast came into view down one end of the sewer. She was huge. The mirelurk could stand well enough in the sewer tunnel, filling nearly the whole space, but she’d have trouble in some of the more narrow parts of the tunnel. 

The stink of fish and swampy muck filled the space as she skittered closer. Her pointed, armored, feet clacking on stone echoing around sounded like an army of the things as she moved. 

Maybe they would be okay if they just made it to some narrow tunnel. Certainly she couldn’t bust through the hole in the wall back in the building… Could she? 

Bren made up his mind to keep running to some smaller tunnel and he reached out to grab Raze… But the man had apparently set his mind to attack the thing. He pulled out his flip lighter and struck the wheel against his thigh to light it.

“No!” Bren ducked and covered his head tightly. 

Nothing happened. No explosion. He peeked at his raider…

Raze had tossed the lit flip lighter into the sleeping bag with the alcohol, and eggs, to make the world’s strangest Molotov. It started to burn the bed from the inside and, as soon as Raze was happy with it being lit, the man chucked the entire thing at the Mirelurk’s face as soon as she came close enough. 

And then something happened. 

The bottle inside the bag must have broken because the fire burned brighter as soon as it hit the beast. Then the flames turned blue as they ran up her body. The stinking muck on the mirelurk was, apparently, sewage. It didn’t even seem to matter that she was wet -- faint blue flames clung to her in spots and grew brighter and bigger as the nylon from the sleeping bag melted to her face in spots. 

She flailed and screamed as her claws frantically waved around to try and clean the painful fire from her face. Bren felt almost bad for the thing. He stared at her in awe for a moment before Raze shoved him to run down the tunnel. 

Brennen could hear her shrieking in pain, then there were different screams that sounded more like the first ones had… Anger? And… Was there more than one? 

They made their way up and around tunnels back to the building. The light from the pegboard hole was right up front. They’d be okay. The mirelurk would burn and couldn’t get through some of the tunnels… Probably. Did she put the fire out? Were there more, smaller, ones?

Brennen found out the answer to his last question, at least.

He turned to look over his shoulder just before reaching the exit and saw at least two of the things behind, crowding the tunnel and fighting among themselves to be the first to get at the two fleeing men… And probably the whole raider camp above. 

Great. What a wonderful first impression to make on these people.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	22. Kindred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanner practically jumped out of his seat and took a step forward, but held whatever was on his tongue. Raze literally sprang from the couch onto the coffee table between Bren and Rain and Brennen stood slowly. Cautiously. He tugged Raze by the arm to get him off the furniture. 
> 
> “No.” Brennen had never said that word with such confidence before. Not on his own behalf, anyway. He looked her right in the eyes and clenched his teeth to keep from rambling some sort of apology or words to calm her down when she frowned in confusion at being told no. Stick to the conviction.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Bren let Raze crawl out of the hole first, then his raider helped pull him through. It was somewhat clumsy and he fell inward to the boiler room. Hands were on him. Several. More than just Raze. Brennen glanced up and was helped to his feet and pulled back by Rain and Tanner. There were several raiders in the boiler room, all with weapons ready.

Brennen smiled in relief for a second then pointed, “there’s a bunch…”

He readied his pick club right alongside the rest of the pack of raiders and waited. 

One of the smaller ones appeared in the pegboard hole and started ripping apart the cement and dirt around to make the hole bigger to fit through. A couple of raiders moved forward and beat the animal in the legs and claws to cripple it, but not kill the thing. Maybe they wanted it to come out and not die in the hole to clog it. That made sense, Brennen supposed. So he lunged forward to bash the mirelurk in the leg, then moved away to let someone else have a turn. 

It fell over, then tried to pick itself up and come out of the tunnel. The thing got stuck halfway in the hole and didn’t seem to want to move much after that. Several raiders cussed. 

Tanner and two other big guys moved close to somehow maybe pull the thing out into the boiler room. This was not something Bren was inclined to help do. But he did move closer as he debated helping…

Then the ground shook a bit and a loud rumbling whoosh sounded through the tunnels behind. Then once more. 

Brennen pushed the closest raider away from the hole, nearly tackling the man to the ground, as one more very loud whoosh threw the mirelurk from the hole with a big blue jet of flame. Several shrieks from inside the tunnel rang out in a chorus of pain and three flaming beasts fled the tunnel into the boiler room. 

The animals ran around flailing at their flaming stinking bodies and the pack of raiders attacked them with all the fervor of a group of starving wild dogs on a lame calf. 

Some of the people stabbed and clubbed the beasts well past the point of death while others peered into the hole to wait for more. Then all was quiet. They stood motionless, listening and sniffing the air, for quite a while. Then Rain threw her arms up and let out a cheer and the tension in the room lifted and filled with excitement as raiders hopped around and laughed, kicking and hitting the dead animals to release the prior anxiety. 

Bren found himself right along with them, laughing like a lunatic and hitting one of the beasts a couple times before finding Raze to hold him tightly.  
  


**\- - - - - - - -**

They’d gone into the tunnels and sewer, this time with more light, to make sure all the beasts were dead. The big queen mirelurk had still been on fire and made it halfway into the smaller tunnels then got stuck, but not before the flames on her body apparently hit a pocket of methane and caused a chain up the tunnel. The raiders easily killed the trapped half-dead queen then several of them cut her body up smaller and hefted her out of the way.

The wet muck in the sewers was alight with small blue flames in many areas and a couple parts of the sewer had collapsed in on itself. One part had fallen on another mirelurk, crushing the thing dead. Convenient. 

Brennen had found the remnants of the sleeping bag where it had initially been thrown and he toed around the burned mess… There was still one good egg left somehow. A little cracked and chipped at the top, but still good inside! And cooked! 

Raze reached a hand out to smack the egg away and Bren cradled it to his chest, “mine!” 

His raider blinked at him in shock for a second then laughed and waved a dismissive hand. 

All of this trouble and Brennen was definitely keeping his prize this time. He kept a firm grip on the egg as he helped the raiders make sure everything was dead then haul up portions of the animals to eat. 

The excitement remained as the group of them cleared tunnels together and triumphantly held up significant portions of food or spiked carapace to claim for themselves. Brennen had a thought about the mongrels that had been fighting over the scorpion carcass - now he understood. _Really_ understood. He watched a few of the raiders fight a bit over one of the queen’s claws that hadn’t been completely damaged. They shoved one another, bared their teeth, and stared one another down, but in the end it had been resolved without any fists flying or blood being spilled. Was it always like that?

When they finished up, the raiders blocked off the tunnel somewhat half-assedly and said they’d fix it later, which Bren doubted they actually would. They brought their haul up into the large foyer of the apartment and more cheering and excitement started up all over again. They immediately went to work butchering the parts of animals to cook and Bren understood why they were so bad at this part. For one, the tools they used were just whatever weapons they had on hand like pipes and knives. They smashed more of it apart than they actually cut. For another, they were far too excited to eat to take the time to do a proper job with it… So Brennen found himself helping. At least some of it would be done properly. He was mostly interested in picking out as much carapace as possible before it was all dumped into a large cookpot. 

Some raiders simply tossed their meat chunks, leg portions, and claw bits directly on top of some fires and defended it from one another as it cooked. Children seemed to be immune from the squabbling, however. Young kids came out and took bits of the cooked portions from anyone they wanted and nobody stopped them. The kids could just take food as they pleased. That was nice.

Brennen watched as Raze fought with some other man for something to eat and he wondered if it was something they were supposed to work out on their own or if he could help his raider out in winning food to eat. He glanced down to the egg in his hand. He’d gladly share with Raze, but he doubted his raider would touch it with a ten-foot pole. Nobody seemed to want to take the egg from Bren, which was good -- He had no idea how he would defend it if someone challenged him for the food. If they couldn’t get any, would they go hungry? There was more than enough, but what if they’d only brought up the three roaches? Happy’s camp didn’t seem to be like this, but hunger and times of scarcity often led people to act pretty desperately. 

He saw nobody fighting with Rain for food. She took what she wanted and nobody challenged her for it. Was she their leader? She was so small… How did she have so much clout? Bren felt a little queasy all over again at the thought that he had defied their apparent leader about the rifle and told her off about pushing Raze.

He approached her carefully and smiled, “thank you for not leaving us.” Seemed like the thing to say. 

She shrugged as she pulled some cooked portion of meat from a half-claw roasting over a fire. 

Bren didn’t know what else to say to strike up a friendly conversation and maybe smooth things over between them, so he ended up just standing there stupidly, holding his egg like a lost little boy. 

Rain must have been confused by his behavior or just uncomfortable in the awkward silence. She shrugged again, “not gunna just leave kin to die like that.” Then she flashed a grin, “and we had to kill the fuckin things anyway. You made good bait.”

“Um… Thanks?” Bren motioned to Raze, “he’s the one who fought the big one and set her on fire.” He smiled proudly at his raider. He wanted everyone to know how brave the man had been. Maybe a little foolish, but mostly brave. 

She eyed Raze for a moment as the man crouched on a tabletop glaring down at another raider who had tried to take his little won stockpile of food away and apparently failed. He looked to be having fun with it like this was all a very strange game. _Everything was competition._

Rain glanced up at Bren, “you and your mate can eat with me.”

His smile grew and he tried to wipe it away to appear more nonchalant and cool about it. “Thank you.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - -**

Brennen had been thinking about all the excitement from working together in a wild pack to hunt dangerous beasts. He felt some pride at figuring out how they did things and there was always a little stab of adrenaline whenever he was involved in any of their customs. A constant up and down spinning of fear, animalistic urges, triumph, and things unnamed every time he forgot that he wasn’t supposed to look at their eyes or whenever he said the word ‘mine’. Every time he claimed a thing as his, even if it was just with Raze, Brennen’s entire body tensed up and prepared for a fight, then he felt like pissing himself every time he won and was waved away dismissively. The constant adrenaline-laced feelings were starting to become nearly painful at times and he was quite sure that, if he had to stay in this place for a few days, he would have a heart attack.

So he was relieved to learn that when Rain said they could eat with her, she had meant that they can take some food to another, smaller, room somewhere with her and Tanner. 

And Bren was nearly convinced that he could maybe handle this lifestyle, was even kind of craving it in a strange addicted sort of way, until he entered the large penthouse room at the top of the apartment. 

There were cages in the room. Two large ones had a couple naked women in them and one small cage had busted off the ceiling mounted chain and was lying sideways on the floor with a half-dressed young man inside. The remainder of his clothes were leather pants. Was he a raider? 

Brennen stood in the doorway staring at the man. He averted his gaze from the nude women immediately, but the man had stupefied him completely. The guy had been sleeping in his sideways cage and woke when they entered the room. Everyone else ignored him completely as if he were merely a piece of furniture. Bren could not ignore the human man inside the cramped little cage. 

Raze nudged him with an elbow as he moved past and Brennen tried to tear his eyes off the caged person, but just ended up staring out the corner of his eye as he walked around to find some spot to sit. And, as if it couldn’t get any better, the spot they’d left him was at the end of a loveseat sofa right next to the little cage. 

The three raiders were laughing as they passed around chems and regaled fighting the mirelurks and Brennen forced out a few fake laughs of his own as he made a valiant attempt to relax in a room full of caged people. It smelled horrible in the room, but the others didn’t even seem to notice. The women in the big cages had little pots to use as a toilet, but the man in the sideways cage had nothing. Where had he been relieving himself? 

Rain got a little fed up with Bren staring at the man and spoke very sternly as she passed him some jet, “stop fuckin lookin at him.” 

“Um…” Brennen shook off his stupor and took the canister, “his cage is broken?” Now that had been about the dumbest thing he could have ever said. He shook the jet and took a small hit of it to keep from saying anything else stupid. He was proud that he didn’t cough it all out this time - that would have also been embarrassing. 

She laughed, “yeah… Told him if he can roll it off the side of the building and bust it, he can be free. He’s tryin. Real fighter, that one. I’m rootin for him.” 

Tanner laughed with her and threw a piece of meat on the floor near the cage and the man rolled it to the food to greedily eat what was offered to him without hesitation. Then all three raiders, Raze included, laughed louder at that.

Bren frowned, “what’d he do? Why’s he in the cage?”

They stopped laughing and Rain stared for a long moment. Before Brennen could apologize for asking, she shrugged, “kinkiller.” 

“Oh…” Brennen couldn’t stop the pitiful reply. 

“Yeah… _Oh,”_ Tanner snorted in return. 

Raze set a hand on Bren’s thigh and waved his other, “he ain’t used to cages.”

Tanner wrinkled his nose, “what do _you_ do with a kinkiller piece of shit?” 

“Um…” Bren glanced around at their expectant faces and gave a little shrug, “we… Put them in a cage, I guess. Usually we make sure they did the actual murder and find out why… Then…” He shrugged again and lowered his voice, “execute them.”

Rain made an errant hand gesture as she mused, “don’t that make you just as bad as them? Why do you get to kill kin but they get fucked for doin the same?”

“Well… Retribution, I guess. Eye for an eye, as it’s said. If someone murders someone else, the fitting punishment for it is death.”

She cocked her head, “don’t that make a lot less kin? What’s learned if you kill ‘em?”

“Um…” Brennen glanced at the man in the little cage. “Isn’t that what you guys are doing? Putting a murderer in a cage to die?”

Rain shrugged, “he’s learnin something important. If he dies, oh well, I ain’t the one that killed him. But if he don’t… Pretty fuckin sure he ain’t gunna fuck up again.” She picked up a bottle from an end table and chucked it at the cage to shatter. She watched the man roll away from the broken glass then motioned toward him, “he ain’t all bad. Not busted in the brain or anything. He’s all there.”

Brennen sat and thought about that as he peeled away some of the eggshell and tore little bits of the salty fishy meal out of it to eat. He had a lot of new questions about crime and punishment - raider edition, but he tried to keep them to himself. He didn’t want to let everyone know how ridiculously clueless he was suddenly feeling and he definitely didn’t want to start up an ethics debate with these people. This was not his place to argue. He wanted to go back to Happy’s camp. Bren wondered if he just didn’t see any of this behavior at the time because he had been so overwhelmed by everything else he didn’t know, or if they just truly were very different. 

After a while, Brennen asked Raze quietly, “how do kin with no cages handle punishment like this? How do the ones from Happy’s camp deal with kinkillers or whatever else?”

He shrugged, “banishment mostly. Sometimes if they’re caught doin the thing, they get killed right away for it cuz of rage. But usually banishment. Sometimes branded and banished for real bad shit.”

Tanner pointed at Raze, “see, that’s just stupid. They don’t pay for what they done or learn anything if you just kill ‘em quick. Gotta kill ‘em and do it slow.”

Rain cocked an eyebrow, “no, Tanny, we don’t kill each other. At all.”

The two of them held a silent debate spoken through intense looks for a few heartbeats until Tanner looked away. Rain really was in charge. Again, _how?_

Raider politics were complex and yet very rudimentary at the same time. 

“Well,” Bren tried to be a part of the ‘intellectual’ debate, “branding them and sending them away doesn’t really seem like a very fitting punishment, either.”

Raze snickered and the other two stared dumbly at Bren. 

“What?” Brennen glanced at them all in turn.

“You’re a dumb fuck,” Tanner rolled his eyes.

“He ain’t dumb,” Raze pointed and glared hard at the man, “he just don’t know so shut the fuck up.”

Bren set a hand on his raider’s shoulder to calm him, but inside he felt almost giddy that Raze had defended his honor. 

“Bein branded and banished,” Raze settled back into the sofa, “is the same as puttin someone in a cage. Maybe worse. Kin don’t live too good all alone and won’t be welcome in other groups if they got a brand. Specially if it’s a kinkiller brand. Bein turned away from everyone is worse than anything. I’ll take a cage any day over that shit.” 

He nestled in closer to Brennen for comfort as if the mere thought terrified him.

Brennen smiled his best at Rain and put his hands out to the sides in a supplicating manner, “I apologize. I’m still learning some things. This makes sense. All of it. I really like how you all do things and it’s not my intention to make any of it sound stupid or anything… I’m just… Still learning. Thank you for explaining it.”

And just like that, everyone relaxed once more. 

A little smile spread on Rain’s lips as she tilted her head and contemplated Brennen and the words he’d said. She pointed, “I think I like you, smart boy.”

Raze narrowed his eyes at her and Tanner visibly tensed up in his chair. 

Brennen smiled politely, “thank you. You’re... Pretty cool, too.” That seemed friendly enough.

Tanner’s hands clenched the arms of his seat and he glared holes right through Bren’s head. 

“He’s mine,” Raze pointed angrily at Rain and his entire body tensed up like the coiling of a spring. 

She completely ignored the claim and the threat while she chewed her lip in thought and her smile turned a little more lewd. 

Shit. Somehow Brennen had managed to fuck up just by being polite. 

“Um…” He glanced briefly at Tanner, who was still trying to set Bren on fire with a look, then stopped smiling at Rain. “I’m… Not interested… In whatever... “ He trailed off. What the hell was he supposed to say now?

“Didn’t ask if you was interested,” she chuckled. 

Raze growled. Actually growled. Like a dog. Deep and low, very quietly. Bren felt it more than he heard the sound. Brennen put an arm around his raider and pulled him tight to his side. Partly to keep him from jumping off the sofa to attack someone, and partly to maybe show these guys that he was spoken for and not at all interested in whatever they might be insinuating. What _was_ she insinuating? Was he allowed to refuse… Whatever it was? 

Rain continued to contemplate Brennen for a short while then pointed a finger, “you’d make good offspring. You’re big. Smart. Strong and bold…” She made a little hand motion toward his head, “the red hair is a nice touch, but it’d be nice a little darker. Mixed with black, maybe. I got some good breeders you can have.” She cocked her chin to the naked women in cages. 

Be rude… Be… Rude. Don’t roll over and be taken advantage of. 

But maybe also be a little polite. There must be a happy medium somewhere. 

“No thank you,” Bren said as sternly as he could manage. 

She frowned, “they ain’t good enough? Look at them…” She motioned with her hand to the women, “stand up, bitches.” 

The women stood and moved to the front of their cages. Brennen tried not to look at them in any sort of inappropriate way, but… They were naked. And not bad looking in the slightest. They were smiling and relaxed as though they didn’t mind this treatment or the entire idea of being used. 

He tore his gaze away and tried to put it anywhere else. Somewhere that wouldn’t dig him into a deeper hole. He looked at Raze. 

His raider stared at him for a moment with an unreadable expression then shrugged, “you’d make good offspring. I’d do it with you myself but you probably noticed I ain’t got the right parts.” 

“Raze…” He lowered his voice to a near whisper, “I don’t want to… Um… I can’t…” He smiled at Rain again, then remembered to stop fucking smiling at her. “No, Rain. No thanks,” he said again. “I don’t want your… Bitches-- Ladies. I’m sure they’re lovely and I’m flattered, but--” 

“You’re a real picky fucker, huh?” She stood up and shrugged, “fine. You can have me, then.”

Tanner practically jumped out of his seat and took a step forward, but held whatever was on his tongue. Raze literally sprang from the couch onto the coffee table between Bren and Rain and Brennen stood slowly. Cautiously. He tugged Raze by the arm to get him off the furniture. 

“No.” Brennen had never said that word with such confidence before. Not on his own behalf, anyway. He looked her right in the eyes and clenched his teeth to keep from rambling some sort of apology or words to calm her down when she frowned in confusion at being told no. Stick to the conviction. 

Tanner seemed to relax a bit and chuckled quietly, which made Rain turn her heated glare toward him for a moment to cut off the amusement. 

Once her eyes were off him, Bren let out a breath and motioned to the door, “we’re going to go now. Thank you for inviting us to eat with you and I’m sorry if I upset you, that was not my intention. I’m just not interested in having sex with anyone. At all.” 

“Cept me,” Raze grinned smugly at her as they backed away toward the door.

“Yes… Well... Um…” His cheeks flushed lightly. 

Shit - he’d been doing so well.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	23. Live. Laugh. Love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This had been the most important raider lesson Brennen could ever hope to learn.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Raze moved up to the window next to his mate as the man puked up his fucking egg to the street below. He glanced around for a moment to be sure there wasn’t any threatening places people could be hiding out there, but he liked this side of the building. There was a few busted up small places and mostly beach on this side. Satisfied there wasn’t anything out there going to shoot at them, he undid his pants and pissed, chuckling to himself at the sound of it splashing on the ground several stories down.

“Told ya eggs are bad,” Raze adjusted his pants then pat Brennen on the shoulder. 

His mate turned back to the room and wiped his mouth then sank down the wall to sit with a container of water. 

“Wasn’t the egg…” He mumbled.

Raze squatted down in front of the man and lowered his voice, “was it the thought of fucking chicks? I tried it a couple times… Made me sick, too. I just turned them around and tried to pretend--”

“No…” His mate sighed quietly, “how do you live like this every day? Is this what your own camp is like?”

He frowned and moved to sit next to Brennen. “I dunno… It’s just how life is. You did good, though.” He snorted a laugh, “the look on her face was great when you told her no. Bet she don’t ever hear that shit.”

“There’s a lot I like about Happy’s camp and your kin, in general… But this constant state of adrenaline and being on the brink of fighting all the time is… I don’t know.”

Raze thought for a while then shrugged, “that other camp was different cuz you were a different person - all scared and confused and shit. People act different when you look at them different. If you’re scared, they’ll treat you like a puppy, but if you stand tall, they feel more threatened and try to find some order to the hierarchy you show. Nobody’s gunna challenge you much for anything if they think you ain’t got a backbone. If they wanted something from you, they probably woulda just took it. But you’re mine, so I did the defending. I don’t think you saw it but it was still there.”

Brennen nodded, “like with the guy that was touching my hair… Or when Happy touched my leg…”

“Yeah. It’s always there. It don’t usually end bad, though. Not if you can stand up against it. You did good. You act like an alpha and they felt threatened by it. We’re new here and don’t fit in their pecking order so they wanna put us somewhere on it and you didn’t let her put you on the bottom.” Raze smiled proudly at his mate. It was arousing to watch Brennen act the way he did. Raze didn’t know that the man actually had no idea what the fuck he was doing at the time, but he was a natural. Mostly. An accidental natural. 

“If I were to live in a camp like this and asserted a spot in the pecking order,” Brennen furrowed his brow, “would I have to constantly defend the position forever?”

Raze shrugged, “depends on how high up you go. The higher, the more you gotta defend it. There’s always other people who wanna be in charge and up top. But a nice spot in the middle is okay. If you make friends and ain’t an asshole about it there’s lots of room in the middle for everyone who don’t mind being there. I like being in the middle - the top is too much work and the bottom is real bad.”

“That… That’s actually very similar to how we do things. For the most part, anyway.”

“Yeah… So it makes sense? It’s an animal thing.”

His mate smiled a little, “yeah, it does make sense.” He snorted, “I definitely don’t want to be up top.”

Raze shrugged, “I dunno… I like it when you’re on top…” 

“Yeah, well being a leader seems really-- OH!” 

Brennen blushed and hid his face in his hands and Raze laughed loud. His mate was the absolute best.

“So about that not wantin to fuck anoyone but me and bein on top thing…?” Raze grinned.

“I’m not going to spit in Rain’s face by telling her no then… Doing… That.”

“Why not? It’s funny. I’ll be real loud…” Raze moved Brennen’s legs down out of the way to crawl up on him, straddling him comfortably. He liked the way he fit perfectly on the man. Like a nice notch that was created just for him to fit. 

His mate eyed the door of the room, “isn’t that… I don’t know… Some show of dominance or something? Seems… Very flagrant.”

“I dunno what flagrant is… But I know what dominance is and I like that. Do that.” 

“Raze...” 

Brennen tried to do his stupid _‘i’m not sure’_ thing, but he chuckled and pulled Raze closer, so he kissed along the man’s strong jawline to his neck, then nuzzled under his ear for a moment before nipping a little. Getting his mate to do things was sometimes difficult and frustrating… But in a weird good way. When Brennen actually got around to doing the things Raze wanted, the victory was even sweeter. The man wasn’t easy like others. Not really. He was a fun challenge. Probably why that bitch Rain wanted him… Well, she couldn’t have him. Brennen was his and he wanted nothing more than to prove it.

His mate kept glancing over at the door and Raze pulled back a little, “want me to open it?”

“Uh… No… Please don’t.”

Raze blinked at him. Did Brennen not want to show off? He couldn’t think of why not - his mate had a nice body and a big cock and he was real good at fucking… Raze definitely wanted to show him off. 

“Can we…” Brennen nodded to the door, “maybe lock it?” 

He looked to the door again then back to his mate and made a face.

“I’m worried Rain’s going to come in here and kick my ass…” 

Raze laughed, “she ain’t gunna.” 

“How are you certain?”

“That ain’t how shit works.”

Brennen hesitated again then nudged Raze off his lap and stood. Dammit. He sat on the floor and removed his removable armor bits as his mate went to go lock the stupid door and found that it don’t even lock. He fiddled with the knob for a moment then moved a little metal chair up under the knob. Raze watched as he adjusted it, repositioned the thing, then kicked the two legs up under it tight and secure. He tested the door to make sure it couldn’t be opened then turned around with a triumphant smile. 

Raze pointed to the busted wall in the next room over and his mate moved to see around the inside room wall then sighed loud. 

He laughed and stood up, “good work -- You locked the dumb door. Now can we play?”

“Is there a bed?” He asked as he went to go poke around the other little room. 

Raze followed behind and peered around his shoulder as he stood in the busted doorway to the bedroom. There was a broken frame where a mattress should go, but no mattress. Coulda told him that… Everyone takes mattresses out of rooms immediately and puts them in better rooms. This room wasn’t as good as others - it was too far away from the rest of the central living area. 

“This is the worst apartment…” Brennen grumbled quietly.

“It ain’t like your big house in the town… Best to sleep together in one spot in case something happens. Dumb to have everyone spread out all alone in different places.”

His mate sighed again and turned to face him, “so there’s never any privacy at all? What if you just need some time away from everyone?”

Raze shrugged, “when I wanna be alone I go for a walk outside camp. Not far or for long, but it’s kinda nice. Don’t really like bein alone. Not _real_ alone.”

He took his mate by the hand and pulled him back out to the bigger room, “there’s a sofa...” 

The man didn’t resist being moved toward it, so Raze nudged him over to sit and straddled his lap once again. This was better than the floor anyway - it was a nice big fat sofa with lots of room. 

He quickly stripped his shirt off and they kissed for a few minutes then Raze went for the man’s pants. Brennen called him impatient or whatever, but he was just excited. He really liked the slow stuff that his mate showed him, but there wasn’t anything wrong with getting right to it sometimes. 

It took some doing to get him hard, and Raze had a thought that maybe it was him… But that can’t be right - they did it before and his mate got off just fine. 

“Am I not doing it right?” Raze asked quietly against the man’s ear.

“No… Yes, I mean. You’re… Doing really well… I really like it...” 

Raze pulled his hand from the man’s cock and leaned back to look at him. He frowned, “do you want someone else?” 

“No! Raze…” Brennen took both his hands up in his own and held them to his chest, “I want _you.”_

“I want you, too…” He glanced pointedly to his own hard cock restrained uncomfortably in his pants.

Brennen hesitated for a moment then tilted his head slightly, “are you… Worried that I want Rain? I told you I’m not going to be taken away from you.”

He clenched his teeth and shrugged. 

“I’m just… Not comfortable right here right now.”

Raze glanced down at himself straddling the man and made to dismount.

Brennen held him in place and laughed, “that’s not what I meant. I was raised to be more… Modest. It’s weird for me to just… Openly have sex where people might see.”

“What happens if people see?” 

“I don’t know… They stop you from doing it, I guess. It’s against our laws to do it in public and in people’s homes it’s sometimes considered rude if it isn’t your own private house. And even then… I’ve felt kinda weird about doing it in my own bedroom while people were home.”

Raze rolled his eyes, “that’s stupid.” 

“Well…” Brennen gave a slight nod, “now that you mention it… Yeah, it’s kind of stupid. I never questioned it before. I didn’t even know there was any other way to it.”

“I won’t have you forever…” Raze looked away and spoke quietly, “you’re gunna go home and I won’t have you anymore. I want you as much as I can while I got the chance. And...” His voice got even quieter as he picked at one of the buttons on his mate’s shirt, “I don’t want you to forget me.” 

“Raze, I will never, ever, forget you. Ever. Even if I tried I wouldn’t be able to.” Brennen wrapped his big strong arms around and held him tight, “you’ve changed my life and freed me and I think I love you for that.”

“I think…” Raze pulled back and hesitated, “I dunno if it’s love… But…” He shrugged. Then smiled brightly. He couldn’t help it. 

Maybe it was love.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Bren continued to hold Raze tightly for quite some time, then they eventually both lay down on the couch. That didn’t mean they stopped what had been going on before. They faced each other and tangled their legs together, which made everything else even more difficult. But Brennen didn’t want to actually stand up to get undressed or anything. It really was pretty strange to think someone could just walk in on them at any moment… But… What his raider said really hit him hard.

They wouldn’t have forever together. Bren had spent a lot of time thinking he could just do more things later on, but the reality was… You never know. Either one of them could die at any moment and then he’d be left with all the regret of not doing things while he had the chance. He was pretty sure he would see Raze again, even if he did choose to go home tomorrow. But, again, that was never certain. 

This was how Raze lived his life - the constant uncertainty of losing friends, family, and lovers at any moment. He was clinging tightly, but it was understandable. Live and love while you have the chance. Laugh at life. Do what makes you happy. Enjoy the time we have. Life’s too short and uncertain for ‘later’. This had been the most important raider lesson Brennen could ever hope to learn.

Raze unbuttoned Bren’s shirt in the awkward close angle, then Brennen helped him unfasten his pants and push them down. They both chuckled quietly between kisses at the difficulty of undressing, but it was a strange fun thing. They tried to position again with their pants around their thighs so they could touch one another and rut together. Bren eventually ended up pushing his own pants down past his knees to make the position work better. He’d mostly forgotten about being so vulnerable and exposed in this place with these people. Mostly. But he trusted his raider - if he said this was okay, then it was okay. 

Raze eventually rolled over to press his backside against him and Bren pulled him close. He rubbed against soft flesh for a moment, then reached down to position himself. Then he hesitated.

“We don’t have any oil…” He whispered.

“It’s fine… Just go slow,” Raze smirked over his shoulder then laughed. 

Bren glanced down at himself in the small space between them then gave a mental shrug and spit in his hand. He tried to go slow, but Raze made it difficult. Every time Bren pressed inside a little, his raider would push back against him for more. He had to put a hand firmly around himself to keep the man from _-not-_ going slow. 

He went a little deeper with every stroke, then stopped moving for a moment as Raze adjusted and relaxed around him. He was already mostly relaxed, so it wasn’t too long before his raider was fully seated and impatiently moving himself against Brennen. Maybe it didn’t hurt as much as Bren thought it did. Or maybe Raze was just really used to it. He seemed to love every minute, even when it seemed painful, so Brennen eventually matched the man’s movements. It’s what he seemed to want. Bren really had no argument there - it felt great. 

Grabbing hold of his raider’s hips, Bren drove into the man hard and deep until Raze ended up nearly falling off the couch. They both chuckled about it and resituated… This time with Raze on his knees with his forehead pressed to the arm of the couch and Bren behind. This was even better. 

Brennen leaned over the man for a while, pressed close, then sat up on his knees more to get at him harder. And, true to his word, Raze was loud. Bren pulled the man more upright and covered his mouth tightly with a hand as he moved.

“Shhh…” Bren whispered raggedly against his ear then bit and nibbled his neck and shoulder. 

Raze mumbled something incoherent against Bren’s hand then let out a few desperate sounds that drove Brennen wild. He didn’t want to finish fast… But…

He removed his hand from his raider’s mouth and grabbed his hips again. He couldn’t hold back any longer. Raze pushed back against him, rolled his hips into it, and Bren released with a loud desperate sound of his own that he couldn’t stop. 

Brennen leaned heavily over the man for a moment then pulled out and rolled Raze over onto his back. This was ‘next time’ and Bren had it in his mind to do what he wanted to do before. There is no later. There is only here and now. The fear of getting caught by someone tried to resurface again as Bren scoot down on the couch and Raze moved upward to give him room, but Brennen waved the fear away. So what if he gets caught? These guys don’t even seem to care. Nobody was going to kill him for it or shame him. 

His raider ran a hand through Bren’s hair and let out a deep quiet moan. A hum. A purr. He said Brennen’s name. Arched his back and moved his hips. 

It was beautiful. 

Up until Bren ruined the moment. He was taken a little by surprise when Raze released down the back of his throat and he ended up having a coughing fit. Raze laughed and milked the last drops from himself as Bren sat up and tried to look at least a little sexy while choking on semen. 

“Sorry…” He said sheepishly as he got his fit under control.

Raze just laughed louder and motioned for him to lay down. 

He lay beside the man, curling up tightly and pulling him close, and Raze completely relaxed into the embrace. He wanted to adjust his pants, at least, but also didn’t want to move from the cuddling… So he just lay there next to his raider with his pants still around his ankles. Fix it later.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made a valiant attempt to write sex from Raze's POV... but it's really hard. i mean, difficult... really difficult...


	24. Choose One...

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Bren snorted himself awake then blinked his surroundings into place. Raze was sleeping soundly in his arms and the sun was just starting to rise, turning the sky a soft pink and blue. He smiled and kissed the back of the man’s head then very carefully moved his arm to fix his pants. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep before doing so… Here he was, dead-ass asleep with his dick hanging out in a strange place full of people he didn’t know and a busted wall anyone could traipse through. Did anyone come in while he was asleep? Did anyone see them having sex? He was pretty sure the entire camp and half the Commonwealth had heard Raze.

He moved a bit to get his pants and awkwardly tried to tug them up and ended up having to move even more. Raze stirred and blindly reached his hand back searching for Bren’s arm to hold him again. 

“I need to…” Bren whispered, “get my pants…”

His raider grumbled.

“I’m cold.” That was only a half-lie. 

Brennen finally adjusted his pants, mostly, and settled back in for more cuddling. Weird to think, that back in the beginning, he’d always been in such a hurry to get going. Bren wished he could go back to the start, knowing what he did now, so he could have enjoyed the time more. It would be great to do this journey all over again. 

“Raze…” Brennen spoke quietly after some time, “how are you going to get back home?”

“See if someone here wants to go to Happy’s,” he mumbled tiredly, “then maybe Happy will wanna come back to my home for a while. Or someone else. We’re always wandering and moving around the land.”

“Oh…” Brennen frowned. Why was he saddened by this? “You’d make a really great caravan guard… I mean… You _are_ a really great guard.”

Raze chuckled quietly in reply. 

“I’m serious.” Brennen tugged on his raider a bit to get him to roll and look at him. “Maybe… That can be a thing?”

“Be your guard forever?”

“Well… Kind of? But first, I need to see my family and work for a while to get another cow and cart and supplies and—”

“Work doin what?”

Bren blinked at him, “um… Working with my sister at a trade stall and... I guess helping my dad with the clinic. It’s how I make money in a town. Or it would be if I’d ever lost all my things… I’ve never lost my stuff before.”

Raze rolled all the way over onto his back and smiled a beautiful sleepy grin, “why are you a trader?”

He snorted a chuckle, “I said… It makes good money.”

“Why do you need money?”

“To get food and clothes and—” Bren’s laughter stopped. Why _was_ he a trader? “Because I can travel, explore, and meet new people. Why are you a raider?” Stupid, Bren - you already know the answer now. 

Raze grinned and gave a shrug in reply. 

It was amazing how much a simple smile and shrug could say. Brennen smiled in return and pressed his forehead to his raider’s. 

Tanner strolled into the room and Brennen scrambled to fasten his pants. Raze, on the other hand, made no motion whatsoever to pull his own pants up from around his thighs or cover himself or anything. 

“Here’s some food and ammo,” the man held out a large bowl in one hand and a few bullets in the other. 

“Um…” Bren glanced at the rifle on the floor then sat up to take the food offered. He smiled and motioned to the weapon, “you can... Have the gun. Thank you for letting us stay here, sorry for any trouble.” 

Tanner snorted, “what trouble?”

Raze grinned fondly at Bren, his blue eyes twinkling with some sort of admiration. Or lust. Or something. 

“What?” Bren glanced at the two men in turn, “did I do it wrong?”

“You can keep your gun,” Tanner waved a hand, “you ain’t got another and we got a lot. We’d give you one if you didn’t have that.” He dumped the bullets into Raze’s eager hands then sat on the end of the couch casually.

Brennen had been sure that man wanted to skin him alive just the night before… Was he just going to hang out with them as if Raze didn’t have his dick out? 

He ate a bit of the braised mirelurk while Raze eventually adjusted his pants and loaded the magazine of the rifle. Bren was glad he helped butcher the animals - there were only a _few_ bits of carapace in the meal. He handed the remainder to his raider, hoping he’d left enough to sate the man. 

Then he nervously sat on the couch wondering if he was expected to have some sort of friendly conversation, or if Tanner was there for any other reason. Some hidden motive. Or maybe just being polite with guests? He didn’t seem to be there for any reason whatsoever - the man just pulled out some jet and sat quietly with his high. 

Raze held up a chunk of mirelurk and grinned at Bren, “I like this. Would it go with noodles?”

“Um…” Bren chuckled, “probably. Have you never had it before last night?”

“I had it before. Not in a long time, though. The rock hole had some lurkies in it when we moved there and some people thought it’d be a good idea to try and farm ‘em but then I guess they remembered raiders ain’t farmers. It’s why I know how to kill the fuckers.” 

Brennen laughed, “I guess farming runs in the family. No wonder you’re good at—”

“No.” Raze glared, then cracked a smile and finished off the food. 

Tanner snorted, “yer a farmer?”

“I ain’t a fuckin farmer.” 

“But you could be,” Brennen pointed, “just like I could be a doctor.”

Raze blinked stupidly for a moment then rolled his eyes as he held a hand out to Tanner for the jet. 

He took a hit then grinned as he exhaled and passed the canister to Brennen, “I know what I am. I like what I am.”

Bren immediately passed the jet along back to Tanner. It was much too early in the day to be doing jet. Or chems of any kind, for that matter. Well, any chems other than coffee, anyway. Did raiders not drink coffee? He couldn’t recall seeing any pots or anything in either camp. Bren supposed if you have things like mentats you didn’t really need coffee… 

Tanner cocked his head to the side and looked Brennen up and down. “You’re a doc? I seen you with a caravan before... You a traveling doc?”

“Um… No…”

Raze snorted, “he thinks he’s a trader but I ain’t seen him trade shit - only seen him doctor people. And travel.”

“So… Yeah?” Tanner furrowed his brow.

“No. Well… I mean… I guess technically? I don’t want to be a doctor, though. I want to be a trader… I think.” Bren shocked himself with his own reply. What _did_ he want to be?

The raider took another hit of jet then tucked it away in his pocket as he thought about that. “Maybe you’re both those things. You can be more than one thing. Or nothin at all. You don’t gotta call yourself anything, just be good at different shit. I’m good at fixin machines but I don’t call myself a mechanic or whatever. I’m just a person.”

Brennen stared stupidly for several seconds as the epiphany hit him upside the head and sank in.

“So… You wanna run with us tonight?” Tanner broke him out of his thoughts. “Could probably use someone who knows doc shit.”

“Run with you?” Bren furrowed his brow then looked to Raze, “does that mean what I think it means?”

His raider grinned, “make new friends then all hold hands and sing songs in the moonlight. It’s real nice. We play games and do hanky-panky and—”

“You are not serious…” 

The two raiders laughed and Bren tried to scowl, but ended up laughing right alongside them at his slight ignorance. Why did he even ask? 

“I would probably like to… Go run with you… But I need to get back home today.” 

Actually, the very idea of doing whatever it was they were going to do, more than likely go on a raid and hurt people, was a little stomach-turning. He wished he could talk them out of it, but a raider is a raider and they’re going to do what they do. Bren thought about asking for the details of where they were going and what they plan to do, but he figured it would be best if he didn’t give himself the moral quandary of warning anyone about a raider attack or not. The less he knew - the better. Maybe. 

Tanner shrugged and stood, “if ya change yer mind, we’d have you.” He smiled, cocked his chin as some sort of acknowledgment, then left the room.

Maybe Brennen couldn’t talk a group of them out of doing dangerous things, but perhaps Raze could be persuaded. 

“Are you… Going to go with them?” He asked quietly.

His raider shrugged, “if I ain’t doin anything else it’d be fun. Runnin with the pack is always a good time.”

“Um… Maybe… You could stay with me for a while?”

The smile on the man’s face slowly melted away as he thought it over. He fidgeted with the rifle resting against the sofa, then glanced around the room to avoid talking about whatever was on his mind.

“Raze… I don’t want you to get hurt.” Bren set a hand on the man’s thigh. 

He snorted quietly, “ain’t gunna get hurt…”

“You’re not invincible.”

“I ain’t scared,” Raze looked him in the eyes then mumbled, “not of gettin hurt, anyway.”

Brennen searched his raider’s face, over the scars and smudged faded paint, his trembling lip… Then stopped on his wet eyes. 

“Please come with me,” Bren whispered. 

“I don’t wanna be trapped like you were. I don’t wanna get lazy and stupid cuz of bein behind a wall forever. I don’t wanna be told how to live and what to do all the time by people who think I ain’t as good as them. And I don’t wanna like it and… Scared I might get too used to bein that way then want to stay in your stupid town with you forever and—”

Bren pulled him into a tight embrace to calm the man down and he buried his head up under Brennen’s chin for quite a while. 

Eventually, Raze pulled back, looked away for a moment, then composed himself and forced a smile, “wild animals don’t do too good in a cage.”

“I know…” Bren ran a hand softly along the side of his raider’s face and jaw, then kissed his forehead.

Everything Brennen loved about the wild man would change if he were to be domesticated. Just like bringing a feral dog into town to make it a pet - it wouldn’t be the same. It would cease to be either thing — Not wild and not completely domesticated, just a depressed, bored, shell of what it once was. And Raze was no pet. It seemed a little selfish to even consider such a thing.

“You wanna go see what everyone’s up to?” Raze changed the tone and subject. 

“Um… What do your kin do?”

He shrugged and grinned, “we got a lotta games and shit. I ain’t too familiar with how city kin do fun, but it’s probably like we do. Cards, play fighting, drinking and other games. Maybe they got cool city games.”

Bren wrinkled his nose, “what do you think city games would be? I mean… What are your own games like?”

“We got a lot of games that are about living and survival where we roam. Fighting with knives or fists and wrestling. Lotta shit that involves animals.”

Bren stood to follow his raider, “you play with wild animals?” Why was he even surprised? 

“Sure,” he waved a hand as he casually strolled through the broken wall, “we got one game I like where we paint our hands and try to mark a bear. I got three of them!”

It seemed as though that was some sort of outstanding number, so Bren smiled… Then frowned, “you slap your hands on a wild bear?” 

His raider nodded enthusiastically, “yeah! It’s a great test of lots of things like hunting, stealth, and reflexes. Maybe city kin got something the same as that. It could be fun.”

“I don’t think… I want to do something like that. Ever. But maybe cards would be fun.”

He rolled his eyes and waved a dismissive hand, “that’s fine, too… But tests of skill are more better.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

There were games. Normal ones. Brennen was relieved to sit down with two other raiders, Smokey and Steel, who had been playing dominoes, but Raze seemed almost disappointed at first. Dominoes was a game Bren knew, at least. Raze… Not so much. So he sat beside his raider and helped him learn the game. Though dominoes was a pretty easy game to learn, Bren still felt good that he knew something that Raze didn’t for a change and he got to teach him something new.

There was also alcohol. And more chems. It was still early in the day… How was this okay? And, again, did these people ever sleep? Brennen was pretty sure he was too old to keep up with these guys. His age of twenty-four was still too ‘old man’ to even keep up with people who looked to be twice his age. How did they do this every day?

He refused the alcohol… But he did take a mentat. Just one. And one for later that he pocketed. After all, they had no coffee… But was that just an excuse? Was he now an addict? Would he go through withdrawals and be cranky and sick and--

Steel poked him hard in the arm, “you gunna play or keep starin at the table like it just did a magic trick that blew your fuckin mind?”

Bren blinked and looked to Raze on the other side of him, “I don’t want to like this.”

“Dominoes?” 

“No… _This!”_ Brennen pat a hand over the mentat in his pocket then motioned around at nothing in particular. “Like what you said about not wanting to like a town. I get it.”

Raze stared stupidly at him.

“I like working… Even on days when I think I don’t like it I still like it.”

Steel snorted, “that’s fuckin stupid.”

“No it isn’t,” Brennen played his turn, “it’s not stupid for everyone. It makes me feel good. Accomplished. I like being useful and productive in such a way. But that’s okay if you guys don’t do it - that’s what works for you guys. Not me.”

The man sitting across from Bren rubbed his chin thoughtfully and gave a nod, “me too. I like fixin stuff up for people. Broken shit. I like doin it so I do it. I don’t call it work, though, cuz it’s fun.”

“Yes!” Brennen pointed to the raider, “it’s fun!”

Raze stared at him then snorted, “no more dope for you, it’s fucked up your head.”

“Possibly,” Bren nodded, “but still… Work makes me feel good. Doing things and helping other people makes me feel good.”

Smokey pointed a domino tile at him before laying it down, “so do that shit. Don’t call it work though. It ain’t work if you like it.” 

They played a couple turns in silence after that, then Rain came over to the table. She pulled up a chair right between Brennen and Steel then offered a hand-rolled cigarette.

“No thank you, I don’t smoke,” Bren put a hand up politely.

She stared at him for a moment and he cringed inside. This was apparently going to be their entire relationship - her offering things he doesn’t want and him constantly telling her no. Wonderful. 

Rain handed the cigarette to Steel then smiled at Bren, “you’re gunna come run with us?” 

“I uh… No, I don’t think so. I need to get back home.”

She shrugged, “go home after.”

“Um…” He glanced at Raze and his raider smiled excitedly. 

It ended up being Smokey who voiced the question on their minds, “why do you wanna get home so quick? Ya just got here.”

Brennen stared at him, looked to Raze again, then back over to Rain, “I’ve been gone a lot longer than I was supposed to. My family is probably worried and I need to--”

She waved a hand at him, “what’s another day?”

He didn’t want to argue that he could get hurt or killed then it wouldn’t be ‘just one more day’. 

Rain patted him on the thigh and smiled, “you’ll come run with us tonight.”

“No I won’t… I need… To…” Bren grasped at some reason to not do the thing he didn’t really want to do in the first place. 

Raze reached over and pushed her hand off Bren, “he don’t wanna play. It’s fine.”

The two of them stared at one another then she shrugged again, “whatever. Lemme in the next game.” She pointed to the table and relaxed as though nothing had happened. 

Brennen stared at her for a moment then tried to shake it off. Did she really just get over things so quickly, or was she upset and going to do something about it later? He really needed to leave this camp. Rain confused him in a terrifying way and he didn’t want to be talked into doing things he didn’t want to do. He felt more confidence since meeting Raze, but not _that_ much.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

When everyone started a fresh game, Brennen wanted to go somewhere else. Raze got excited about that for a second, until he realized it was just to get away from everyone and not to fuck around. But spending time with just his mate in any way possible was good, too.

He got his weapons and made like he was going to leave the camp, so Raze put his armor back on and followed him around. He timidly poked around a little, looking confused. He didn’t know where to go, so Raze took him to a spot he thought the man would like. Just outside in the next building over. Not so many kin, but enough to still be safe. Right up on a rooftop. 

Raze liked being up high where he could see everything and he hoped his mate would like it too. He seemed to. They sat against a wall facing the ocean. It was so big. Raze liked the sound of it and how the water sparkled under the early afternoon sun. And the air smelled different and had a taste to it. When he licked his lips, he tasted salt and some bitter acid like what the water must taste like. It wasn’t bad. Strange, though, that the air from the water stuck to his skin like that. 

“I can taste the air,” Raze chuckled to himself.

Brennen blinked stupidly, “what?”

“I can taste the air,” he repeated louder.

“Um… Yeah,” his mate chuckled and shook off the stupid look, “it’s because of evaporation, seaspray, and gasses and things.”

Raze wrinkled his nose at the man, “you a science guy, too?” 

He grinned, “I’m not anything… I’m just a person.” 

Raze smiled and nodded agreement. 

“I always thought I had to be defined somehow,” Brennen shrugged, “but I guess it’s not always a bad thing. It lends direction and makes for good goal setting.”

“Goal setting? Like planning somethin out?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “kinda like that. But more life-oriented and not like planning how to go about hunting something or setting up a camp or those sorts of things. Goal setting like… Where do I want to be in a month from now? Or a year? How can I get there and what are the necessary steps to make my life how I want it to be later on?”

Raze stared at the man for a while about that. “Why would someone need to plan their life out? It’s gunna go how it goes. If you fall in the river, you’re just wasting energy fighting against it to go upstream… You’re still gunna end up at the end of the river with everything else that fell in. Best to just let it carry you places.”

“Is that your way of saying we all end up dead in the end?”

Raze laughed and gave a shrug, “it’s what I was taught.”

“I was taught that everyone needs to be productive and actively shape their life so they don’t end up miserable… Everyone needs goals and has to work to achieve them. But I don’t know if that’s so great… Maybe there’s a happy medium between what I learned and what you learned.”

“What happens if you can’t get the goal you want?”

“Um…” Brennen scratched his head, “I don’t know. I guess you end up feeling like a failure and get depressed for a while then make new goals.”

Raze tilted his head, “what’s yours?”

His mate laughed, “I have no idea anymore! I thought my current little goal was to get home… Well, I’m basically home… But I don’t feel like I achieved anything. I just feel confused.”

“Cuz you don’t wanna go home? That’s fine, you can stay with me, I don’t mind.”

“I do want to go home… I think. But I also want to stay with you. I know you wouldn’t do well in town, and I also know I can’t stay in this camp here and remain sane. And you told me not to ever go to your own home. I just don’t know what to do. I thought I knew, but then things changed as I went along the path.”

Raze thought about it for a little while. “Maybe you’re tryin too hard. Fighting the river. Thinkin too much. When you’re faced with shit like this, do what feels good to you at the time and not what you think you want in the future. It all works out in the end.”

Brennen stared for a moment then a smile spread across his face, “that makes sense. I mean… I already knew that… But hearing it said to me… I don’t know… Maybe we all need to be reminded of that sometimes. Not to focus so hard on the future that we forget about now. It all works out in the end…”

He nodded, “right. So you do whatever feels good. Shit will work out. And if you wanna come to a camp, any camp, you’re welcome. You finished your rite.”

“What?”

“A little late, but better late than never. At least that’s what everyone always tells me about it…” 

His mate stared dumbly, “what do you mean I finished my rite?”

“You left home, survived the wild, and you went back home. That’s it. You went out and learned new shit, found yourself, fought some beasts, and you made it all the way back home with new stories to tell…” Raze pointed to the cut over Brennen’s eyebrow, “and you got a cool new scar. Guess you lived.”

His hand went to the cut and he shook his head to disagree, then paused and laughed. 

“You can’t even argue,” Raze laughed with him.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - -**

After spending quite a while together on the rooftop, the two of them eventually made the last bit of the journey to the gates of the city. Well, as close to them as Raze was willing to go, anyway.

“You sure you wanna go home?” His raider asked quietly.

Bren shrugged, “I miss my family and friends. Maybe I could just see them for a bit then come back out. I’m not sure… But I need to resupply and get a new cart and all that.”

“If you go see them, you might wanna stay for longer… And you already got all you need - your feet and your head.”

Brennen chuckled at that. “Yeah, okay, I do have my feet and my head…” He shrugged, “but I do miss my friends and family. I know I won’t want to stay cooped up in there too long, though. Don’t you miss your family and friends? Don’t they worry about you?”

Raze gave a very small shrug, “I miss ‘em, but really only after a few weeks and if it’s longer, I don’t miss them much anymore. They probably worry a little, I dunno. We wander for a long time or a short time so they’re used to me bein gone… But I always come back.”

Brennen bit his tongue on the argument that threatened to escape - if you die, then you don’t come back and nobody would ever know what happened. However, his raider did have a point about being gone long enough to stop missing people so much. The more you see them and visit, the more you have to go through goodbyes and missing them all over again. 

“Will you… Be around out here when I come back? How do I find you?”

Raze shrugged, “I’ll be around. Better for me to find you - it’s easy cuz anyone can see your fire-head from a million paces away.”

Bren laughed, “it’s not that bright.”

“Not as bright as your skin. It’s like a big white lamp. Could use you like a beacon.”

“It’s not that bright!” He laughed louder and playfully punched Raze on the shoulder. 

Then a silence fell over them as Raze moved close and wrapped his arms around Bren. 

“I could… Go in your town for maybe a day…” Raze mumbled against Brennen’s neck.

He didn’t sound too sure. 

“You don’t have to do that if you aren’t comfortable.”

He pulled back and eyed the gates in the distance, “I’d wanna stay longer. Eat more noodles. Sleep in the nice fancy beds with you forever.” He hesitated then stepped away from Bren, “probably best to do this like when you pulled my broken arm. It fuckin hurt, but it was quick and now it’s better and I don’t wanna ever do that again…” 

“Um…” There was nothing to say. He was probably right. Do it quick like ripping off a bandaid. 

The two of them stood staring at one another for a moment, then Raze turned and walked away. 

Brennen put his hand out toward the man and opened his mouth to call to him, but nothing came out. Better this way. He wiped his eyes and turned halfway facing the gates, and halfway facing the direction Raze headed.

_Choose one._

Go home, or go with Raze. Pull it off like a bandaid. He had everything he needed - his feet and his head. He glanced over to the gates, then to the place he saw Raze disappear around the corner of a building. Then he looked down to his feet.

Brennen turned in a direction and stepped forward. 

Then trotted to catch up.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


End file.
